Casting Special
Contestants like Laura Kathleen are why you watch the casting specials, people. They help you determine early on who is Team I Hope You Win and who is Team I Hope You Die. Laura Kathleen is firmly on the latter. She feels she should be on Project Runway because she’s a “glammy,” “pretty, privileged girl,” she totally dissed the design school she attended, and she greeted the cameras wearing a sparkly little-girl dress and—of course—carrying a tiny dog like an accessory. *EYE ROLL*
(Yes, Danielle was carrying a tiny dog, too, but since she’s not an arrogant blonde bimbo, I can forgive that. And Amanda wasn’t carrying her dog; she was just sitting there cuddling it.)
I like Ms. Trinidad, Anya, with her partially shaved head. Formerly homeless Rafael and his Bieber haircut—from Atlanta! And awwwww, Bert, the old guy, who started designing THE YEAR I WAS BORN, what a moving story. Weirdly-named Fallene, from the city where I want to live: Denver! Olivier: a fabulously gay, British, Asian redhead? LOVE.
Let the fashion begin!!!!!!!!!!
Episode One
Michael and Nina. Ugh. The two blockheads who pushed for Gretchen to win last season. Ok, ok, I need to let that go.
Heh, both a selection judge last episode and Heidi this episode commented on Olivier’s accent … which is code for “fabulously gay, British, Asian redhead? LOVE.” Heh. And please note that Laura Kathleen totally rubbed Nina the wrong way. Woot! Oh good, all of my early faves made it through. Dear Kimberly: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don’t fulfill the done-to-death reality tv "mean black bitch” stereotype. Thanks.
Getting yanked out of bed at 5 a.m. Did they get to eat breakfast? go to the bathroom? brush their teeth? Such things cross my mind. “I have a clutch ideeeeeeeea!” “Your model’s gonna have nut juice.” LOL. Nothing like a little immature humor to break the workroom tension. And let us all revel in the levity, love, and affection of episode one while we can. For ere long, there will be catfights, cliques, and crying. LOTS AND LOTS OF CRYING.
All eyes on Anya, who bullshitted her non-sewing self onto the show. If anybody better “make it work,” she’s the one. And ROFL at Rafael refusing to take his head scarf off because his “hair looked a hot mess.” Damn right. You can’t yank a black man with a Bieber out of bed at 5 a.m. and expect that hair to be ready to go. Homeboy needs at least ten minutes, a flat iron, and some Paul Mitchell Styling Wax. And he did take Tim’s advice … the next day. :)
Models! I always wanna see who got the prettiest one. Looks like that honor went to … Bryce. Hannah is gorgeous. Wise move, Rafael, checking on your model’s sign. (I’m a Sagittarius who has serious problems with Scorpios.) Hey, no way! Olivier speaks Italian! So make that “a fabulously gay, multilingual, British, Asian redhead. LOVE.” What the — Oh. My. God. Did that empty-headed dunce Laura Kathleen actually say “Are you speaking foreign?” Yes. She. Did. Grrrrr. May she not last more than two episodes. I detest people who think stupidity is cute.
Hi, Christina Ricci! My bro thinks your tiny little self is quite sexy.
My fave looks were Bryce’s, Anya’s (color me surprised), and Bert’s. Sadly, I hated Olivier’s and Rafael’s. :( Maybe they’ll impress me in forthcoming episodes … if they don’t get eliminated, that is. Ok, I agree with Christina: I like Rafael’s shirt. Maybe that’ll be enough to save him, since Josh’s and Julie’s total looks were disastrous. Ugh, really? The judges liked Anthony’s black-and-gray tee paired with the green miniskirt? I didn’t. He better not beat Anya or Bert. YAY BERT! You totally deserved that win, dude.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not Rafael Bieber!!!! Aw man! :( This hurts. Fare thee well, dude. Stay fabulous.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Food Network Star, 7/24/11
Ina Garten. Ugh. Not a fan. I mean, her food is good, but she herself comes across as pretty stuck-up. “Make sure you use GOOD olive oil.” “Make sure you use GOOD cheese.” Ina, honestly. I don’t need you to constantly remind me that your food requires the pretentious brand. Can Ina Garten’s polar opposite, the non-pretentious, entirely approachable Sandra Lee, guest host an episode please?
Congrats to Jyll and Mary Beth for making a yummy cupcake. Enjoy it, girls, cuz I’m still getting not-going-to-win-it vibes from both of you. And points to Suzie and Jeff for trying a savory cupcake, even if Suzie’s was ruined by the sprinkles added “for elegancy” and Jeff’s wasn’t that great. I maintain that Jeff has the best concept.
The insatiably greedy 572-lb man who lives inside me almost wept with joy at hearing Vic say “lasagna inside of a tortilla, deep fried with more cheese on it.” Lasagna + a chimichanga? *drool* Those high falutin, snobby dishes on Top Chef can bow the hell down before … The LaChanga!!! So SCREW YOU, BOBBY FLAY, and your “I don’t wanna eat a tortilla-wrapped lasagna.” BECAUSE I DO.
Yay Jeff and Whitney. Top two, these two? Toldja Jeff had the best concept! Rachel Ray agreed. Dunno why everyone said Vic did so badly; other than forgetting to describe the lasagna, I thought he did ok. And if Bobby knocks The LaChanga one more time, I’m going to put my foot up his suit-clad ass. But I guess Vic did forget to take his question from the audience. And Suzie knocked Mexican food AND forgot to take her question (after Vic warned everybody not to forget). But those offenses paled in comparison to Jyll’s, who made the mistake of still not having a solid show concept in week 8. Buh-bye, Jyll.
Congrats to Jyll and Mary Beth for making a yummy cupcake. Enjoy it, girls, cuz I’m still getting not-going-to-win-it vibes from both of you. And points to Suzie and Jeff for trying a savory cupcake, even if Suzie’s was ruined by the sprinkles added “for elegancy” and Jeff’s wasn’t that great. I maintain that Jeff has the best concept.
The insatiably greedy 572-lb man who lives inside me almost wept with joy at hearing Vic say “lasagna inside of a tortilla, deep fried with more cheese on it.” Lasagna + a chimichanga? *drool* Those high falutin, snobby dishes on Top Chef can bow the hell down before … The LaChanga!!! So SCREW YOU, BOBBY FLAY, and your “I don’t wanna eat a tortilla-wrapped lasagna.” BECAUSE I DO.
Yay Jeff and Whitney. Top two, these two? Toldja Jeff had the best concept! Rachel Ray agreed. Dunno why everyone said Vic did so badly; other than forgetting to describe the lasagna, I thought he did ok. And if Bobby knocks The LaChanga one more time, I’m going to put my foot up his suit-clad ass. But I guess Vic did forget to take his question from the audience. And Suzie knocked Mexican food AND forgot to take her question (after Vic warned everybody not to forget). But those offenses paled in comparison to Jyll’s, who made the mistake of still not having a solid show concept in week 8. Buh-bye, Jyll.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Food Network Star, 7/17/11
The on-camera presentations have come a long way from when Juba and Sexy Justin were freezing and stuttering and all deer-in-headlights. But still, some people need work. Bobby Flay: “This is becoming classic Penny: Not good on camera, good food. Is it going to be enough to save her another week?” NO, PLEASE?
Yay! Cooking for Wolfgang Puck! I heart him. Ok, as everybody was saying what they were going to cook, I knew that Jyll and her risotto (risotto has brought down too many chefs on Top Chef) and Chris and his chocolate cake (he already tried and FAILED, TWICE, to make this cake in a previous episode!!!!) were going to be the bottom two.
Sigh. Penny’s food was good. Again. Dammit. I will never be rid of her.
Well, I was right. Jyll’s risotto was so not a risotto that Wolfgang had to go show her how to make it, and Chris’s cake sucked -- then he added to the douchery by 1. taking a cheap shot at Jyll’s risotto and 2. offering apology after apology after apology. And then he DARED mouth off to Bobby Flay? So long, idiot. And now to say goodbye to Jy —
OHMYGOD, no! To Penny???? Ha hahaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha! Finally! I have hated her since her creepy (and revolting) "Stilettos in the Kitchen" concept. And do NOT get me startes on how she, not Sexy Justin, should have gone home that episode she murdered that mac n cheese. I guess the judges have been reading the thousands of anti-Penny comments on Facebook and knew that no one would ever watch her show. YAY! As my favorite blogger Michael K of D Listed says, "bitch boom bye!"
Yay! Cooking for Wolfgang Puck! I heart him. Ok, as everybody was saying what they were going to cook, I knew that Jyll and her risotto (risotto has brought down too many chefs on Top Chef) and Chris and his chocolate cake (he already tried and FAILED, TWICE, to make this cake in a previous episode!!!!) were going to be the bottom two.
Sigh. Penny’s food was good. Again. Dammit. I will never be rid of her.
Well, I was right. Jyll’s risotto was so not a risotto that Wolfgang had to go show her how to make it, and Chris’s cake sucked -- then he added to the douchery by 1. taking a cheap shot at Jyll’s risotto and 2. offering apology after apology after apology. And then he DARED mouth off to Bobby Flay? So long, idiot. And now to say goodbye to Jy —
OHMYGOD, no! To Penny???? Ha hahaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha! Finally! I have hated her since her creepy (and revolting) "Stilettos in the Kitchen" concept. And do NOT get me startes on how she, not Sexy Justin, should have gone home that episode she murdered that mac n cheese. I guess the judges have been reading the thousands of anti-Penny comments on Facebook and knew that no one would ever watch her show. YAY! As my favorite blogger Michael K of D Listed says, "bitch boom bye!"
Food Network Star, 7/10/11
The Fierce Food Fusion Truck -- The “Philly-rito” and the shrimp avocado taco were yum, so since Orchid had been struggling *and* her pork taco was too vinegary and sour, I knew she was in trouble.
The Balls on the Road truck – Jeff’s lucky his meatballs were a hit, because come on. Balls? *eye roll* Off the top of my head, I came up with “Do you like to play with your food? Well, come eat some Curvy Cuisine! It’s curvy, round fun! It’s yummy in your tummy!” That wouldn’t have offended anyone, and it would’ve been great for kids. Anything other than effing TESTICLES. Jesus. Can’t believe the girls went along with that stupidity. And why the hell would Whitney make falafel with canned chickpeas? If you don’t have the time to do it right, make something else.
The Wrap It Up Truck -- Chris’s Angels? Laaaaaaaame. Chris just won’t stop being Chris, ugh; plus, using eight times as much cream cheese as crab was a pretty rookie mistake. Mary Beth’s ginger lime chicken wrap impressed no one, proving my theory that she’s not gonna win. Dammit, the filet mignon that Penny and her breasts made tasted good so she’s safe again. Despite, again, fighting with her fellow contestants. But at least Bobby called her out for being “most hated.” Ha! Damn right.
Well, buh-bye Orchid. Yet another example of the fact that the early favorite (except for last year’s horrifically unjust season of Project Runway) never wins!
P. S. How the hell does one get to be a Food Network eater? Those lucky dogs! They just show up and chow down!
The Balls on the Road truck – Jeff’s lucky his meatballs were a hit, because come on. Balls? *eye roll* Off the top of my head, I came up with “Do you like to play with your food? Well, come eat some Curvy Cuisine! It’s curvy, round fun! It’s yummy in your tummy!” That wouldn’t have offended anyone, and it would’ve been great for kids. Anything other than effing TESTICLES. Jesus. Can’t believe the girls went along with that stupidity. And why the hell would Whitney make falafel with canned chickpeas? If you don’t have the time to do it right, make something else.
The Wrap It Up Truck -- Chris’s Angels? Laaaaaaaame. Chris just won’t stop being Chris, ugh; plus, using eight times as much cream cheese as crab was a pretty rookie mistake. Mary Beth’s ginger lime chicken wrap impressed no one, proving my theory that she’s not gonna win. Dammit, the filet mignon that Penny and her breasts made tasted good so she’s safe again. Despite, again, fighting with her fellow contestants. But at least Bobby called her out for being “most hated.” Ha! Damn right.
Well, buh-bye Orchid. Yet another example of the fact that the early favorite (except for last year’s horrifically unjust season of Project Runway) never wins!
P. S. How the hell does one get to be a Food Network eater? Those lucky dogs! They just show up and chow down!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Hell's Kitchen, 7/26/11
Team Krupa! I HATE ELISE. Of all the friggin' thousands of applicants for Hell's Kitchen, there wasn't a non-bitch black female the selection committee could have chosen? I am so tired perpetuation of the "black bitch" stereotype. Thankfully, she isn't going to win. Gordon clearly doesn't like her (see prior shouting matches), and when she claimed the recipe for that delicious roast chicken was all her idea, it was obvious he knew she was lying -- and we know Gordon does not like liars (see Douche Brendan's fate).
At last! Legitimate reasons to be mad at Ditzy Carrie. She a. couldn't fry ONE PIECE of chicken, and b. then kept insisting it wasn't raw. *eye roll*
Random: Wow. Look how short Elise and Elizabeth were standing next to Gordon. He's my height exactly, 6'2, so they all must be shorties. You know who you need to come stand next to, Gordon? Me. BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DAMMIT. But I digress.
Ha! Bitchy Elise has picked a fight with THE WRONG ONE. This isn't whiny Ditzy Carrie; this is Sous Chef Andi, bitch! "I'm up here, and you're down here!" Andi snapped, all up in Elise's face. "HELLO?" Andi yelled expectantly. "I heard you," pouted a cowed Elise. God, that was sooooooooo satisfying. You had to smile at that shot of Ditzy Carrie and Krupa wholeheartedly enjoying that.
Dinner Service:
That volleyball player Jen Kessy is 6 ft tall!!!! *happy inside* Surely the ladies will not let my fellow giantess down! Oh -- wait. Here comes Bitchy Elise to screw up the scallops. Remind me why she has such a big ego?
Monterray's showdown with Sous Chef Scott wasn't as fun as Elise vs Andi. I guess cuz I don't hate Monterray. So though he was clearly in the wrong, I just wanted it to be over. And then I got worried that he was going home ... until Chino started screwing up, that is. Wow. Dude made mistake after mistake after mistake, then got the blue team sent off. He's so going home. Meanwhile, Elise screwed up AGAIN (Remind me why she has such a big ego?), and Gina got the red team sent off. And I gotta say, after Gina was so mean to Ditzy Carrie (Yes, Carrie screwed up the chicken, but Gina was mean to her even before that), it was nice to watch her eat some crow.
Natalie irritated me with her stupid girly tears, and LOL at Chino saying "exasperate" instead of "exacerbate."
Elimination:
HA HA HA HA HA *choke* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LOL ROFL! I almost bloody died laughing when Elise thought her team wanted Carrie gone -- then they (almost) all voted for her. That even topped Elise getting Andi-fied! *still laughing* I actually raised my arms in triumph when Gordon called her name, but I shoulda known better. After all, it was only her first time on the carpet, but Chino's third. Buh-bye, Chino. *still laughing*
At last! Legitimate reasons to be mad at Ditzy Carrie. She a. couldn't fry ONE PIECE of chicken, and b. then kept insisting it wasn't raw. *eye roll*
Random: Wow. Look how short Elise and Elizabeth were standing next to Gordon. He's my height exactly, 6'2, so they all must be shorties. You know who you need to come stand next to, Gordon? Me. BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DAMMIT. But I digress.
Ha! Bitchy Elise has picked a fight with THE WRONG ONE. This isn't whiny Ditzy Carrie; this is Sous Chef Andi, bitch! "I'm up here, and you're down here!" Andi snapped, all up in Elise's face. "HELLO?" Andi yelled expectantly. "I heard you," pouted a cowed Elise. God, that was sooooooooo satisfying. You had to smile at that shot of Ditzy Carrie and Krupa wholeheartedly enjoying that.
Dinner Service:
That volleyball player Jen Kessy is 6 ft tall!!!! *happy inside* Surely the ladies will not let my fellow giantess down! Oh -- wait. Here comes Bitchy Elise to screw up the scallops. Remind me why she has such a big ego?
Monterray's showdown with Sous Chef Scott wasn't as fun as Elise vs Andi. I guess cuz I don't hate Monterray. So though he was clearly in the wrong, I just wanted it to be over. And then I got worried that he was going home ... until Chino started screwing up, that is. Wow. Dude made mistake after mistake after mistake, then got the blue team sent off. He's so going home. Meanwhile, Elise screwed up AGAIN (Remind me why she has such a big ego?), and Gina got the red team sent off. And I gotta say, after Gina was so mean to Ditzy Carrie (Yes, Carrie screwed up the chicken, but Gina was mean to her even before that), it was nice to watch her eat some crow.
Natalie irritated me with her stupid girly tears, and LOL at Chino saying "exasperate" instead of "exacerbate."
Elimination:
HA HA HA HA HA *choke* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LOL ROFL! I almost bloody died laughing when Elise thought her team wanted Carrie gone -- then they (almost) all voted for her. That even topped Elise getting Andi-fied! *still laughing* I actually raised my arms in triumph when Gordon called her name, but I shoulda known better. After all, it was only her first time on the carpet, but Chino's third. Buh-bye, Chino. *still laughing*
Hell's Kitchen, 7/25/11
New respect for Meatball Paul. All the other guys were mad that a -- gasp -- woman was coming, but he was ready to be a team and actually win something. Tattooed Tommy totally LOLed me with "Apparently we're all a bunch of clowns. A stunning metaphor. My mind has been blown." Heh. I like him.
Smart. Gordon didn't let Ditzy Carrie go to the boys' team #1 because the whole point is that boys need someone GOOD, and #2 because keeping her on the team with Bitchy Elise means more drama, which is the fuel that the realityv show tv car runs on. Apparently, the boys needed a girl on the team to realize they needed to communicate with each other. Congrats on the win, guys. And ROFL at Jonathan's "I would've put Tommy in a dress" jab. That one even cracked Gordon up.
"What's this?" you ask. "Why is Jamie suddenly jumping on Ditzy Carrie?" I mean, yes, Carrie running around to everybody's station was annoying, but twas Jamie who burned a quesadilla. Answer: Jamie jumped on the We Hate Carrie Bandwagon to make everyone forget about said burned quesadilla ... and it worked like a charm. New respect for Krupa for pointing out that everyone is kinda being unfair to Carrie, eye roll at Bitchy Elise insisting her 3-yr-old son is perfect and much cleaner than everybody else's children, and annoyance at the boys acting like going to Medieval Times was THE BEST REWARD EVER.
Dinner Service:
Tommy burned the chicken. No! Don't get sent home, goofy cute Tommy! I like you. Ok, Jennifer blaming Carrie for the order mix-up -- the hell was that? Jennifer was just as much at fault. Gosh, it's really getting crowded on that bandwagon.
Amazing. Amanda undercooked the bass, then she forgot the cod, then she just completely shut down and gave up. And yet, who are all the girls trying to get sent home? Carrie. Hello, high school clique. Yes, Carrie's lamb was raw, but Amanda CLEARLY was the worse offender tonight.
I fast-forwarded past the girls having to apologize to the diners cuz #1 that's just embarrassing, and #2 the boys didn't have to do that the night they didn't get out even ONE dish. Let's be fair with our punishments, Gordon.
Elimination:
(Almost all of) The girls may not be able to see the truth, but you can't fool Gordon. Buh-bye, Amanda. And now that the cattiness and claws have come out, I revoke my prediction that a girl is gonna win this season.
Smart. Gordon didn't let Ditzy Carrie go to the boys' team #1 because the whole point is that boys need someone GOOD, and #2 because keeping her on the team with Bitchy Elise means more drama, which is the fuel that the realityv show tv car runs on. Apparently, the boys needed a girl on the team to realize they needed to communicate with each other. Congrats on the win, guys. And ROFL at Jonathan's "I would've put Tommy in a dress" jab. That one even cracked Gordon up.
"What's this?" you ask. "Why is Jamie suddenly jumping on Ditzy Carrie?" I mean, yes, Carrie running around to everybody's station was annoying, but twas Jamie who burned a quesadilla. Answer: Jamie jumped on the We Hate Carrie Bandwagon to make everyone forget about said burned quesadilla ... and it worked like a charm. New respect for Krupa for pointing out that everyone is kinda being unfair to Carrie, eye roll at Bitchy Elise insisting her 3-yr-old son is perfect and much cleaner than everybody else's children, and annoyance at the boys acting like going to Medieval Times was THE BEST REWARD EVER.
Dinner Service:
Tommy burned the chicken. No! Don't get sent home, goofy cute Tommy! I like you. Ok, Jennifer blaming Carrie for the order mix-up -- the hell was that? Jennifer was just as much at fault. Gosh, it's really getting crowded on that bandwagon.
Amazing. Amanda undercooked the bass, then she forgot the cod, then she just completely shut down and gave up. And yet, who are all the girls trying to get sent home? Carrie. Hello, high school clique. Yes, Carrie's lamb was raw, but Amanda CLEARLY was the worse offender tonight.
I fast-forwarded past the girls having to apologize to the diners cuz #1 that's just embarrassing, and #2 the boys didn't have to do that the night they didn't get out even ONE dish. Let's be fair with our punishments, Gordon.
Elimination:
(Almost all of) The girls may not be able to see the truth, but you can't fool Gordon. Buh-bye, Amanda. And now that the cattiness and claws have come out, I revoke my prediction that a girl is gonna win this season.
Hell's Kitchen, 7/19/11
After fighting all throughout last episode, Ditzy Carrie and Bitchy Elise end up paired together for the meat cook-off challenge? Yeah, I’m sure that was completely uncontrived. *eye roll*
As I knew would happen, turning it into a men vs women competition means at least some sexist comments are going to fly. And Brendan did not disappoint: “Men absolutely have the advantage over women over a grill.” Oh shut the hell up, you little fat ugly backward sexist non-potato-cooking tool. The first women judged got a perfect 4 points; Brendan and Jonathan got 2 points and a “piss off.” SUCK ON THAT.
Thanks, Ditzy Girl Carrie and Bitchy Elise. The women lost because of you. Second prize the guys have won in a row … but they’re probably going to do the same thing they did yesterday: get cocky and lose dinner. For the record, there is NO WAY I would’ve drunk that DISGUSTING meat milkshake. Even if I weren't a vegetarian. Just watching that made my gorge rise.
LOL at Brendan pissing all the guys off bragging about himself over breakfast. What an all-around douche. And watching him and Ditzy Carrie flirting later (I predicted that!) made me sad for humanity. It was some of the most pathetic, juvenile male-female interaction I’ve ever seen.
Dinner Service:
Ditzy Carrie can’t even handle salad. Bitchy Elise thinks she’s team captain. LOVED it when Gordon gave her a verbal reaming. Uh oh. Chino burned two risottos. He’s so going home — wait, no he isn’t, because Douche Brendan lied about having cooked a new serving of fish. Fool. Why lie? All Gordon does is scream and curse; it's not as if you get flogged for making mistakes. Brendan = a pussy. Unless one of the other contestants throws a pot of boiling water onto Gordon, he's gone. Ok, Will’s and Paul’s post-loss hysterics were so infantile. Grow up. Jesus.
Elimination:
Chino? The boys want Chino gone? Yes, he burned risotto, so what? I'll take inexperience over deceit and pussiness. And Gordon agrees with me. Bye-bye, Brendan.
And then, the boys actually balked at being told a girl was joining their team. IDIOTS. Natalie: “They can’t even put their dicks away for five seconds and realize that they need some help?” Well said, girlfriend. I’m predicting right now: a girl wins this season.
As I knew would happen, turning it into a men vs women competition means at least some sexist comments are going to fly. And Brendan did not disappoint: “Men absolutely have the advantage over women over a grill.” Oh shut the hell up, you little fat ugly backward sexist non-potato-cooking tool. The first women judged got a perfect 4 points; Brendan and Jonathan got 2 points and a “piss off.” SUCK ON THAT.
Thanks, Ditzy Girl Carrie and Bitchy Elise. The women lost because of you. Second prize the guys have won in a row … but they’re probably going to do the same thing they did yesterday: get cocky and lose dinner. For the record, there is NO WAY I would’ve drunk that DISGUSTING meat milkshake. Even if I weren't a vegetarian. Just watching that made my gorge rise.
LOL at Brendan pissing all the guys off bragging about himself over breakfast. What an all-around douche. And watching him and Ditzy Carrie flirting later (I predicted that!) made me sad for humanity. It was some of the most pathetic, juvenile male-female interaction I’ve ever seen.
Dinner Service:
Ditzy Carrie can’t even handle salad. Bitchy Elise thinks she’s team captain. LOVED it when Gordon gave her a verbal reaming. Uh oh. Chino burned two risottos. He’s so going home — wait, no he isn’t, because Douche Brendan lied about having cooked a new serving of fish. Fool. Why lie? All Gordon does is scream and curse; it's not as if you get flogged for making mistakes. Brendan = a pussy. Unless one of the other contestants throws a pot of boiling water onto Gordon, he's gone. Ok, Will’s and Paul’s post-loss hysterics were so infantile. Grow up. Jesus.
Elimination:
Chino? The boys want Chino gone? Yes, he burned risotto, so what? I'll take inexperience over deceit and pussiness. And Gordon agrees with me. Bye-bye, Brendan.
And then, the boys actually balked at being told a girl was joining their team. IDIOTS. Natalie: “They can’t even put their dicks away for five seconds and realize that they need some help?” Well said, girlfriend. I’m predicting right now: a girl wins this season.
Hell's Kitchen, 7/18/11
A hearty LOL at the look on everyone’s face when the curtain went up and there was no one in the audience. That was mean, Gordon Ramsay. But hilarious.
Way to stick to the script, producers:
-- Carrie putting sugar in the potatoes – dumb blonde stereotype
-- Will being loud, cocky, and from New Jersey – Jersey Shore male stereotype
-- Jonathan using canned pineapple – dumb redneck stereotype
-- Elise being an abrasive loud-mouth – fulfilling the sassy black bitch stereotype (*heavy sigh* I should be used to this by now. On 95% of reality tv, The Black Girl = The Bitch. But I'm not, so it's still really damn annoying.)
Dinner Service:
And heeeeeeeeere we go. Elise tried to out-scream Gordon, couldn’t cook a risotto, then left her station and got benched for it. *another heavy sigh*
Oh look, Ditzy Carrie can’t cook scallops. She should hook up with Brendan, since he can’t cook potatoes. And Brendan calling Paul a dumpling and a meatball made me LOL, but they’re both douches.
Elimination!
Steven's going home? Monterray and Chino, IMO, screwed up worse. That smacked of ageism.
Way to stick to the script, producers:
-- Carrie putting sugar in the potatoes – dumb blonde stereotype
-- Will being loud, cocky, and from New Jersey – Jersey Shore male stereotype
-- Jonathan using canned pineapple – dumb redneck stereotype
-- Elise being an abrasive loud-mouth – fulfilling the sassy black bitch stereotype (*heavy sigh* I should be used to this by now. On 95% of reality tv, The Black Girl = The Bitch. But I'm not, so it's still really damn annoying.)
Dinner Service:
And heeeeeeeeere we go. Elise tried to out-scream Gordon, couldn’t cook a risotto, then left her station and got benched for it. *another heavy sigh*
Oh look, Ditzy Carrie can’t cook scallops. She should hook up with Brendan, since he can’t cook potatoes. And Brendan calling Paul a dumpling and a meatball made me LOL, but they’re both douches.
Elimination!
Steven's going home? Monterray and Chino, IMO, screwed up worse. That smacked of ageism.
Falling Skies, 7/24/11
Wow. Am I psychic or what? Cuz I totally called Pope coming to the kids’ rescue. Granted, he did it because he was more furious that those people were colluding with skitters than he was concerned about the kids’ welfare, lol, but still. It’s the thought that counts. Plus, I dig his sarcasm. And his hair. Lol.
Ok, any points that General Sergeant Major Lieutenant Corporal Commander Colonel Captain Weaver lost for being a little slow to realize that RAD the Pied Piper had lied to them, he gained back by helping to deliver a breech baby. Impressive! Kudos, Weaver. I figured it would be Maggie who helped out, since she and Pregnant Chick are totally all BFF now. (Random: “Charlotte”? Boooooooring! There’s a dang alien invasion taking place! I woulda named my daughter “Revolution” or “Fighter” or “Dta,” pronounced “deeta,” short for “death to aliens.”)
And now to go completely ballistic, cuz some stuff in this episode made me yell at the tv.
1. Hal.
Are you kidding me??? You’re on the run from a group of people who want to GIVE YOU TO THE ALIENS, and you a. choose a house with massive windows to hide in, b. let people sit in front of /play board games in front of said massive windows, and 3. let Lourdes play the piano in an otherwise completely silent neighborhood?? COME ON! I know Hal’s only a high school senior, but my elementary school niece has better survival skills than that! And Lourdes is in medical school. Old enough to know better. Idiots!
2. Hal’s sex appeal.
The kid is cute. No argument there. But just how the hell many love interests is he going to rack up? First his blonde girlfriend (does he even remember her name?), then Lourdes and her crush (If he’s only 17, somebody needs to explain “statutory rape” to her.), then Monotone Maggie, then Tessa at the ranch. It’s getting old. Newsflash, writers: we wanna see Anne and Tom get a little closer. ANNE AND TOM. Not Hal and his weekly female. Thank you.
3. Rick.
HELLOOOOOOO???? Can nobody see that Mike’s son (Rest in peace, Mike. *sad*) is not quite right? For the love of sanity, the kid is practically screaming “I’m no longer human, you fools!” I get that once-harnessed children may be a bit weird (Ben is super strong and seems “like an adult”), but Rick is waaaay beyond that. And he keeps repeatedly blatantly telling people that he’s Team Skitter! I get why Mike (Rest in peace, Mike. *still sad*) may have overlooked Rick’s weirdness, but everybody else needs to WAKE UP!
Ok, any points that General Sergeant Major Lieutenant Corporal Commander Colonel Captain Weaver lost for being a little slow to realize that RAD the Pied Piper had lied to them, he gained back by helping to deliver a breech baby. Impressive! Kudos, Weaver. I figured it would be Maggie who helped out, since she and Pregnant Chick are totally all BFF now. (Random: “Charlotte”? Boooooooring! There’s a dang alien invasion taking place! I woulda named my daughter “Revolution” or “Fighter” or “Dta,” pronounced “deeta,” short for “death to aliens.”)
And now to go completely ballistic, cuz some stuff in this episode made me yell at the tv.
1. Hal.
Are you kidding me??? You’re on the run from a group of people who want to GIVE YOU TO THE ALIENS, and you a. choose a house with massive windows to hide in, b. let people sit in front of /play board games in front of said massive windows, and 3. let Lourdes play the piano in an otherwise completely silent neighborhood?? COME ON! I know Hal’s only a high school senior, but my elementary school niece has better survival skills than that! And Lourdes is in medical school. Old enough to know better. Idiots!
2. Hal’s sex appeal.
The kid is cute. No argument there. But just how the hell many love interests is he going to rack up? First his blonde girlfriend (does he even remember her name?), then Lourdes and her crush (If he’s only 17, somebody needs to explain “statutory rape” to her.), then Monotone Maggie, then Tessa at the ranch. It’s getting old. Newsflash, writers: we wanna see Anne and Tom get a little closer. ANNE AND TOM. Not Hal and his weekly female. Thank you.
3. Rick.
HELLOOOOOOO???? Can nobody see that Mike’s son (Rest in peace, Mike. *sad*) is not quite right? For the love of sanity, the kid is practically screaming “I’m no longer human, you fools!” I get that once-harnessed children may be a bit weird (Ben is super strong and seems “like an adult”), but Rick is waaaay beyond that. And he keeps repeatedly blatantly telling people that he’s Team Skitter! I get why Mike (Rest in peace, Mike. *still sad*) may have overlooked Rick’s weirdness, but everybody else needs to WAKE UP!
Falling Skies, 7/17/11
Ok, yes, Eli’s parents were douches for trying to steal the medicine, but I kinda understand where they were coming from with wanting to leave. I agree that it was extremely dumb to keep a skitter alive at home base. Having said that, however, I would NOT go on the run by myself in a lawless, alien-inhabited world, esp with a wife and small child! I would stay with the people who have food, guns, and ammo. Duh!
I called it I called it I totally called it! The second that Mr. Random Army Dude (RAD) asked to be sent ahead with the children, I knew he was not to be trusted. Skitters are harnessing kids to use as slave labor and also – I’m still grossed out by this – sleeping with them, so children are clearly a hot alien commodity. Knowing this, I would never ever ever let my kid outta my sight. And anybody who showed up requesting all kids be sent off with him would immediately be elbowed and then kicked in the face and locked up under suspicion of working with the enemy. This group is waaaaaay too trusting. And I know! You’re mad at Pope, right? Cuz he told RAD where more children could be found. Me too — but as with Eli’s parents, I kinda understand where he’s coming from. Locked up and at the mercy of a lunatic, I too would’ve said whatever I could to make myself useful so said lunatic would not kill me. And I predict that Pope becomes instrumental in helping get the kids away from RAD.
Anne continues her foray into Tuff Girl Town. Last week it was knocking skitters unconscious; this week it’s getting handy with a gun. You go girl! (Although, may I just say that the second an alien invasion starts, learning to shoot a gun is the FIRST thing I’m gonna do.) And Anne and Tom held hands! Yay! Could they actually smooch next week? One hopes. Most touching subplot of the night: little Jimmy and General Sergeant Major Lieutenant Corporal Commander Colonel Captain Weaver. Awwwwww. GSMLCCCC Weaver’s not such a hard-ass. Well—wait. Blowing that skitter to kingdom come was some severe hard-assery. I meant, Weaver’s not *just* a hard-ass. When he and Jimmy hugged, I almost got teary...
I called it I called it I totally called it! The second that Mr. Random Army Dude (RAD) asked to be sent ahead with the children, I knew he was not to be trusted. Skitters are harnessing kids to use as slave labor and also – I’m still grossed out by this – sleeping with them, so children are clearly a hot alien commodity. Knowing this, I would never ever ever let my kid outta my sight. And anybody who showed up requesting all kids be sent off with him would immediately be elbowed and then kicked in the face and locked up under suspicion of working with the enemy. This group is waaaaaay too trusting. And I know! You’re mad at Pope, right? Cuz he told RAD where more children could be found. Me too — but as with Eli’s parents, I kinda understand where he’s coming from. Locked up and at the mercy of a lunatic, I too would’ve said whatever I could to make myself useful so said lunatic would not kill me. And I predict that Pope becomes instrumental in helping get the kids away from RAD.
Anne continues her foray into Tuff Girl Town. Last week it was knocking skitters unconscious; this week it’s getting handy with a gun. You go girl! (Although, may I just say that the second an alien invasion starts, learning to shoot a gun is the FIRST thing I’m gonna do.) And Anne and Tom held hands! Yay! Could they actually smooch next week? One hopes. Most touching subplot of the night: little Jimmy and General Sergeant Major Lieutenant Corporal Commander Colonel Captain Weaver. Awwwwww. GSMLCCCC Weaver’s not such a hard-ass. Well—wait. Blowing that skitter to kingdom come was some severe hard-assery. I meant, Weaver’s not *just* a hard-ass. When he and Jimmy hugged, I almost got teary...
Falling Skies, 7/10/11
Wow. That Maggie is pretty useful, ain’t she? Killed the rapist racist rednecks, is a great soldier, knows where vast stores of medical drugs are to be found, knows the layout of the hospital, joined the group just in time to be Hal’s replacement love interest. Now, if they can only get her to talk in something other than a monotone.
Whoa! They killed Dr. Douchebag just like that? From the sec we found out he let Tom’s wife die, I knew he was a gonner, but still. That was unexpected.
Oh no. Is General Sergeant Major Lieutenant Corporal Commander Colonel Captain Weaver is a secret pill-popper? Cuz once the supply runs out, bad things could happen. Trust. YAY ANNE: not only is she now the head doctor in charge, but she totally went all girl power and knocked that alien* unconscious. Color me impressed! Ok … just … ewwwwwwwwww. I don’t know why, but I was hella grossed out when the skitter curled itself protectively over the harnessed kids and stroked their heads protectively as they slept. And so relieved when it was killed. Killed Anne style. YAY ANNE.
I know the baby shower scene was supposed to remind us that even in the most dire of circumstances people strive for normalcy blah blah blah, but it just made me sad that that chick has to have a baby during an alien invasion. :( But I was cheered right back up when Ben awoke. “Dad?” YAY BEN. :)
*Really? Nobody (except the pregnant chick) saw a problem with keeping a skitter alive and imprisoned at home base? And even after it killed Dr. Douchebag, GSMLCCCC Weaver still gave it a few hours!..
Whoa! They killed Dr. Douchebag just like that? From the sec we found out he let Tom’s wife die, I knew he was a gonner, but still. That was unexpected.
Oh no. Is General Sergeant Major Lieutenant Corporal Commander Colonel Captain Weaver is a secret pill-popper? Cuz once the supply runs out, bad things could happen. Trust. YAY ANNE: not only is she now the head doctor in charge, but she totally went all girl power and knocked that alien* unconscious. Color me impressed! Ok … just … ewwwwwwwwww. I don’t know why, but I was hella grossed out when the skitter curled itself protectively over the harnessed kids and stroked their heads protectively as they slept. And so relieved when it was killed. Killed Anne style. YAY ANNE.
I know the baby shower scene was supposed to remind us that even in the most dire of circumstances people strive for normalcy blah blah blah, but it just made me sad that that chick has to have a baby during an alien invasion. :( But I was cheered right back up when Ben awoke. “Dad?” YAY BEN. :)
*Really? Nobody (except the pregnant chick) saw a problem with keeping a skitter alive and imprisoned at home base? And even after it killed Dr. Douchebag, GSMLCCCC Weaver still gave it a few hours!..
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