Project Runway, 8/25/11

Team challenge! Oh, get over it, complainers. Designers are not islands unto themselves. And good riddance, Cecilia. I get so mad when designers up and quit. They shouldn’t have applied in the first damn place, taking that slot from some other struggling, up-and-coming designer who desperately wanted the opportunity and wouldn’t have wasted it. Losers.






Tee hee, let it never be said that all gay guys run like girls. Olivier (LOVE) does, bless his skinny little heart, but did Josh fly or did Josh fly? Dude flew. Winners: Josh, Bryce, Anthony Ryan, and Viktor. Ha! You just got served, you slow, wheezing, out-of-shape heterosexuals! Not that I’ve got room to talk, lol, cuz I would have come in last after Bert—OH MY GOD, NO! OLIVIER (LOVE) DOWN! OLIVIER (LOVE) DOWN! DON’T JUST STAND THERE, HEIDI; GIVE HIM MOUTH-TO-MOUTH! DON’T JUST STAND THERE, TIM GUNN; START CPR! SAVE HIM! SAVE—oh. Whew! He’s not dying. I knew he was ok when he was feeling good enough to be mad at himself: “I would have loved to be the captain. Unfortunately, I had to fall like a bitch.” Ha ha ha! Chin up, Olivier (LOVE). Everybody falls.

The casual wear challenge. Meh. Always fun to see what the designers come up with when they are specifically ordered to relax and not do high fashion, but I usually don't like clothes created for this look. Plus, some simply cannot do it and send the model down the runway in a cocktail dress and sneakers. Oh, and speaking of ordered, it’s genius—genius, I tell you—that every season Heidi uses the designers to make a look (or three) for her NB line. The designer gets the satisfaction of winning; she and NB get mad profit off sales. Win-win!

I’m closely analyzing this Bert-is-hard to work with belief. I don’t see it. Yes, he and Viktor butted heads, but that’s cuz Viktor’s impossible. In this challenge, however, he just seems to have teammates, Anthony and Laura Kathleen, who don’t want to give him a chance. Which I don’t get, cuz he won the first challenge, so he’s obviously skilled. This is just age-ism, if you ask me. Joshua’s severely condescending attitude toward Becky is SUPER annoying me. Reminds me of Bryce’s pretentious she-didn’t-know-how-to-cut-on-grain horror with Fallene. I do not want Josh or Bryce to win. Oh GOD. Becky’s a crier. *eye roll* I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that. If Josh had told me my clothes looked “dowdy,” he would have felt my wrath, not seen my tears. But points to Josh for apologizing. That was big of him.


A big hearty laugh at how Anthony and Laura Kathleen just had to stand there and look stupid while the judges said their clothes sucked and Bert’s looked the best (and Bert got in some catty remarks, lol). Arrrrrrgggggghhhh, will Olivier (LOVE) EVER make something I like? I HAAAAATED that dress, and I DOUBLE HAAAAAAATED it with sneakers. “Farm dress,” Michael Kors called it. Oh well. I’m going to give him a(nother) pass, because he was on a winning team, yay!, and because I pretty much hated EVERYTHING on the runway this episode. And it's not just my casual-challenge dislike; the judges had trouble deciding who was worst, and Heidi couldn’t pick one collection that she liked the best. She had to pick and choose between two. Wise move, girlfriend.


Bottom two: Anthony Ryan’s gray god-awful bad-crotch disaster, or Danielle’s 853rd bad green chiffon blouse. I agree with Heidi’s hatred of AR’s disaster, but yeah, Nina had a point: AR has potential. But Danielle just keeps doing the same (bad) thing. Buh bye, Danielle!

Project Runway, 8/11/11

11-ft-tall Heidi asks, “How’s everything going down there?” and I make a mental note to work that into the conversation next time somebody makes a dumb comment about my height. Wonder how long it took her to master stilt-walking? She was pretty damn good. Ooooooooh, the first team challenge! Some partners will love each other and produce pretty clothes, some will hate each other and produce ugly clothes, and some will love each other and yet still manage to make ugly clothes, lol.


Quote time!!! Fallene: I’m not settling for all black. We’re not creating a fricking gothic stilt-walker.” Good call. I can hear Michael Kors now: “She looks like a witch on growth hormone! She looks like she’s going to Gulliver’s funeral!” Plus, we all remember how overreliance on black got April sent home last season. Olivier (LOVE): “I think when it comes to a group challenge, it’s not about how brilliant, or how amazing you can do it by yourself; it’s much more about the collaboration and communication between the two people.” Dear Project Runway: please print that, laminate it, and pass it out every season from now on to all designers for the first team challenge. Dear Olivier (LOVE): we’re three episodes in, so PLEASE finally make something I actually like. Bryce: (horrified tone) “She didn’t know how to cut it on grain.” (smug tone) “It’s just the difference of being self taught and going to school.” Wow. It was Fallene, may I remind you, you backstabbing condescending pompous ass, who had the sense not to make a gothic stilt-walker, not you.


Oh my weeping god. Kim Kardashian? Really? The vapid useless brainless famewhore star of homemade porn? Really, Project Runway? REALLY? Wait—maybe this was by design. Why waste a qualified guest on judging stilt-walker outfits? This episode isn’t really about actual fashion; it, like that episode in season four when everyone had to design an outfit for a female wrestler, is about stretching the designers to their creative limits. Anybody can simply pick the prettiest/ugliest outfit, even vapid useless brainless famewhore stars of homemade porn. Clever, Project Runway. Clever! Hold the phone, stop the presses, and alert the media—I actually like Olivier (LOVE)’s look! But I don’t know how much of that was due to Anya’s influence, so I shall have to wait until next week—which will make it a solid month!!—to see if he’ll make something I like.


Michael Kors (I can’t ever just call him “Michael.” It doesn’t feel right.) totally said what I was thinking the entire episode: “If you scaled it down and she wasn’t on stilts, would it still be fabulous?” Exactly. Just because the models are exaggeratedly tall doesn’t mean you can dress them crappily and get away with it. As Josh pointed out, costumes (black swan, matador, mismatched curtains) were in the bottom; ready-to-wear looks (chiffon blouse-pant, red gown, jacket-pant) were in the top. My fave look was the jacket and pant on the tattooed model. The two pieces matched perfectly, that one shoulder jacket was tres chic, and nice tattoos make me happy. Heh. Alas, here comes Laura Kathleen and her red gown to steal my joy. Well, congrats on the win, LK. See? Magic happens when you don’t say anything stupid/brag about your family’s wealth.


I admit it: I liked the matador outfit! Yes, it was totally a costume, but I liked that cape jacket, those pants were snazzy, and, as MK pointed out, the clothes were very well made. Ok, it’s down to Bryce/Fallene’s black swan or Bert/Viktor’s mismatched curtains. I need to point out that my Heidi has an excellent Bullshit Detector. All last season, she called out the designers (led by Wretched Gretchen) for throwing Chris under the bus; this go-round, she totally saw through Viktor’s lies. But, when it came down to Viktor or Fallene, Fallene had to go. This was the second episode in a row that her look was in the bottom and she didn’t defend it.

Project Runway, 7/28/11

Casting Special
Contestants like Laura Kathleen are why you watch the casting specials, people. They help you determine early on who is Team I Hope You Win and who is Team I Hope You Die. Laura Kathleen is firmly on the latter. She feels she should be on Project Runway because she’s a “glammy,” “pretty, privileged girl,” she totally dissed the design school she attended, and she greeted the cameras wearing a sparkly little-girl dress and—of course—carrying a tiny dog like an accessory. *EYE ROLL*

(Yes, Danielle was carrying a tiny dog, too, but since she’s not an arrogant blonde bimbo, I can forgive that. And Amanda wasn’t carrying her dog; she was just sitting there cuddling it.)

I like Ms. Trinidad, Anya, with her partially shaved head. Formerly homeless Rafael and his Bieber haircut—from Atlanta! And awwwww, Bert, the old guy, who started designing THE YEAR I WAS BORN, what a moving story. Weirdly-named Fallene, from the city where I want to live: Denver! Olivier: a fabulously gay, British, Asian redhead? LOVE.

Let the fashion begin!!!!!!!!!!

Episode One
Michael and Nina. Ugh. The two blockheads who pushed for Gretchen to win last season. Ok, ok, I need to let that go.

Heh, both a selection judge last episode and Heidi this episode commented on Olivier’s accent … which is code for “fabulously gay, British, Asian redhead? LOVE.” Heh. And please note that Laura Kathleen totally rubbed Nina the wrong way. Woot! Oh good, all of my early faves made it through. Dear Kimberly: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don’t fulfill the done-to-death reality tv "mean black bitch” stereotype. Thanks.

Getting yanked out of bed at 5 a.m. Did they get to eat breakfast? go to the bathroom? brush their teeth? Such things cross my mind. “I have a clutch ideeeeeeeea!” “Your model’s gonna have nut juice.” LOL. Nothing like a little immature humor to break the workroom tension. And let us all revel in the levity, love, and affection of episode one while we can. For ere long, there will be catfights, cliques, and crying. LOTS AND LOTS OF CRYING.

All eyes on Anya, who bullshitted her non-sewing self onto the show. If anybody better “make it work,” she’s the one. And ROFL at Rafael refusing to take his head scarf off because his “hair looked a hot mess.” Damn right. You can’t yank a black man with a Bieber out of bed at 5 a.m. and expect that hair to be ready to go. Homeboy needs at least ten minutes, a flat iron, and some Paul Mitchell Styling Wax. And he did take Tim’s advice … the next day. :)

Models! I always wanna see who got the prettiest one. Looks like that honor went to … Bryce. Hannah is gorgeous. Wise move, Rafael, checking on your model’s sign. (I’m a Sagittarius who has serious problems with Scorpios.) Hey, no way! Olivier speaks Italian! So make that “a fabulously gay, multilingual, British, Asian redhead. LOVE.” What the — Oh. My. God. Did that empty-headed dunce Laura Kathleen actually say “Are you speaking foreign?” Yes. She. Did. Grrrrr. May she not last more than two episodes. I detest people who think stupidity is cute.

Hi, Christina Ricci! My bro thinks your tiny little self is quite sexy.

My fave looks were Bryce’s, Anya’s (color me surprised), and Bert’s. Sadly, I hated Olivier’s and Rafael’s. :( Maybe they’ll impress me in forthcoming episodes … if they don’t get eliminated, that is. Ok, I agree with Christina: I like Rafael’s shirt. Maybe that’ll be enough to save him, since Josh’s and Julie’s total looks were disastrous. Ugh, really? The judges liked Anthony’s black-and-gray tee paired with the green miniskirt? I didn’t. He better not beat Anya or Bert. YAY BERT! You totally deserved that win, dude.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not Rafael Bieber!!!! Aw man! :( This hurts. Fare thee well, dude. Stay fabulous.