The Walking Dead, 10/30/11

This episode opens with a flashforward: Shane standing naked (I approve.) in a bathroom shaving his head. Well, since I doubt he’s worried about lice, I’m assuming something pretty intense happened to cause that.

Back to now. Shane and Otis are running through the high school, zombs hot on their trail. Underscoring the importance of staying physically fit in the zombie apocalypse, Shane is way ahead of Otis. Eventually, they are trapped atop some bleachers, then split up. In the RV, Daryl can’t sleep cuz Carol won’t stop crying and Andrea is noisily reloading a gun. He leaves to go look for Sophia some more; Andrea goes with him. (FAIL. You do not go traipsing through a pitch black zomb-filled forest at night.) At the farmhouse, Glenn and Theodore arrive. Lori and Rick argue. She’s wondering if Carl wouldn’t be better off dead than having to grow up amongst walking corpses. The answer is OF COURSE NOT, though I kind of understand why a parent would ask that.

Carl wakes. He starts to tell Lori about how beautiful the deer was, but has a seizure. Doc takes more blood from Rick, who by this point should be unconscious. In the forest, Andrea and Daryl come across a zomb hanging in a tree, the end result of an attempted suicide. She wants him to shoot it; he says that’d be a waste of an arrow. He asks if she’s suicidal; she says she’ll answer if he’ll put the zomb out of its misery. (*eye roll* Yes, let’s suddenly start caring about the poor, suffering zombs.) She says she doesn’t know; Daryl says what I was thinking, “Not much of an answer,” and kills the zomb. At the RV, Carol joins Dale on the roof; he decides to go for a walk and hands her his rifle, she says she doesn’t know how to use it.

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME??!??!??? It’s the mother effing zombie apocalypse, AND you have a child to protect, but you don’t know how to use a gun? That’s the first order of business! Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carol with so much as a baseball bat. *annoyed* There will be no Carols in my group of survivors.


At the farmhouse, Theodore is getting his arm stitched up and his told he got the antibiotics just in time. Ok, we can all officially stop worrying about Theodore. They are so not going to kill the last black man on earth. Glenn and Doc’s daughter have some interaction which could be labeled pre-flirting. *jealous* Almost-bloodless Rick, who is white as a sheet and has bags under his eyes, points out to Lori that when Carl woke, all the kid wanted to talk about was the pretty deer in the woods, not how terrible life is, which proves that he’s happy and not better off dead. Doc tells them they shouldn’t wait any longer; he needs to attempt the surgery or Carl’s going to die. They give him the ok. At that exact moment, Shane arrives with the medical supplies Doc needs — but without Otis. Poor guy didn’t make it. :(

Daryl and Andrea return to the RV. Dale gives her back her gun, asks if she forgives him. I was expecting another dumb rant, or perhaps a theatrical “I can’t!” but she says, “I’m trying.” Good.


Doc’s daughter is crying over Otis; Glenn chats with her to take her mind off. *jealous* Carl pulls through surgery ok. THANK GOD. Now get some rest and drink some fluids, Rick. Crying with relief at Carl’s side, Lori asks Shane to stay. He nods. Then he goes upstairs to take a shower. In the bathroom mirror, he notices a patch of hair missing … which, we learn, Otis ripped out during the struggle as Shane shot him and left him for zomb food so that Shane could escape. WHOA! Shane shaves his head to hide the bald spot. Episode ends.

And now, I’m going to shock you: Shane’s actions were understandable.
1. If Shane hadn’t done that, they both would have died, which means Carl would have died.
2. You could argue that Otis had to sacrifice his life in order to save the boy he almost killed.
3. Shane is in love with Lori. He couldn’t let her son die.
Having said all that, I don’t doubt for a second that Shane was just as motivated by his own will to live as much as his desire to save Carl. Mind you, I didn’t say “right,” just “understandable.” Plus, THIS IS ALL CAROL’S FAULT. If she knew how to shoot a damn gun, she could have killed the zombs chasing Sophia, and Carl never would have been shot.

Project Runway, 10/27/11

Josh, OF COURSE, is angry that Anya is still in it. Which speaks volumes about how confident he is in his ability to beat her.

Tim announces that everyone’s getting an unexpected $500 to spend at Mood however they please. Kimberly is changing the color of her ugly bubble skirt, but keeping the bubble shape, cuz she likes it. :( Anya’s making three whole new pieces. Viktor’s making a couple new pieces. JOSHUA HAS LOST HIS COTTON PICKING MARBLES. He has a fugly lime green fabric and he’s making shorts. He has orange-and-pink fabric and he’s making a tank top.
Oh, and he wants to also make a matching jacket in the fug lime green. I am loving it, because surely this messedy mess is going to get him sent home faster than you can say “Good riddance.” Arrrrgh, and then he cries. *annoyed* Tim visits! Kimberly is lost. Anya gives a farewell speech. Viktor has edited. Joshua’s green shorts look “really peculiar.”


Kimberly’s collection was just ok. Joshua’s was so mind bogglingly ugly it gave me throbbing brain ache. I didn’t like Viktor’s. –gasp– Oooooooooooh, love, love, superlove Anya’s. Every last piece. It looks so comfortable and effortless and vacationy! (And Jennifer Love Hewitt and Stephanie Winston Wolkoff agree with me.)

Well, if this is anything like last year, Anya will be eliminated first, and Joshua will win. :(

The judges praise Kimberly for taking their advice to heart while staying true to her “urban girl” theme. Michael Kors even calls one look “killer diller.” (OMG I AM STEALING THAT!) Her bubble skirt was again called out, though. Unsurprisingly, the judges liked Joshua’s clothes. *screams a scream of pure fury* No. I just can’t. Moving the hell on. The judges all love Viktor’s prints, but with the other pieces have the same problem I had: too much transparency/visible underclothes. Seriously, it was like the models forgot to put on their shirt/pants. Anya’s collection gets mostly praise and non-criticism like “the necklines are very similar,” “I can’t wear that in this city” and “you didn’t have as much to do construction-wise.” In other words, the judges are having to search very hard to find stuff to hate on.


I fast forward past the judges’ deliberation. I need to know right away if I’m about to be Gretchened two years in a row. Kimberly is sent home first. Well, the “first black person to win Project Runway” title is still yours to claim, future black winner! Then Viktor is sent off. So it’s down to Joshua and Anya. I’m not even going to get my hopes up. I’m not. In fact, let me just go ahead and start congratulating Joshu —

ANYA WINS! Yaaaaay omg yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay zomg YAY *skipping around* yay woot! This is killer diller!

Top Chef Just Desserts, 10/26/11

For the challenge to determine who will win it all, the final three must make a display table featuring:
- showpiece
- bread element
- entremet cake (I love the yummy vocabulary this show has taught me.)
- bon bon
- and …

Johnny gets choked up remembering how he got to make his mother’s last birthday cake — Awwwww. How precious. I hug him through the tv screen. — then explains that they must also make a dessert for someone special in their lives. Hot Matthew and Chris have wives; I guess single Sally’s gonna go the mom route.
Then Jacques Torres, Sébastien Canonne, and Stephane Treand (automatic cool points for having a rhyming name!), giants in the pastry industry, enter. (YAY I GET TO HEAR FRENCH ACCENTS. Although my fave is still British.) They will be judging later, but for now providing input and being all mentor-like.


I’m so professionally jealous. What I wouldn’t give for, say, Stephen King to stop by and give me writing advice on my novel. Lucky damn dawgs. Wait—then I’m less jealous, because the three don’t just advise and leave; they stand around and watch Hot Matthew, Chris, and Sally cook. Nervewracking!!! But then they start helping. Stephane even washes dishes. Oh, you endearingly endearing Frenchies. The next day, all the eliminated contestants have returned to help. Hot Matthew gets Megan and Carlos, Chris gets Amanda and Rebecca (whose arm is STILL in a cast?!????), and Sally gets Van and Orlando. This latter selection makes her quite happy cuz he’s strong where she’s weak: showpieces.

Ok, I’m calling not-rightness. In every challenge when a showpiece had to be built, Chris and Orlando went head to head, cuz they’re the most skilled showpiecers. So it’s entirely unfair that Orlando is making Sally’s showpiece. Yes it’s her design; he’s just putting it together, but the challenge isn’t draw the best showpiece; it’s build the best showpiece. And Sally ain’t building nada. Hot Matthew and Chris are making theirs; Sally should have to make hers. This is cheating. Hot Matthew: “Chris’s showpiece is like, holy shit! As well as Orlando’s-I-mean-Sally’s.” Carlos: “I give Matt a lot of credit because he made his own showpiece … unlike some others.” Yeah, reason #42 I don’t want Sally to win.


Hot Matthew:
- entremet cake: hazelnut dacquois, raspberry and passion fruit gelee, milk jam, dark chocolate cremeux, milk chocolate whipped cream
- bread: focaccia bread with fresh thyme, olive oil, salt, and pepper
- bon bon: key lime BBs sitting on speculoos. Gail had never heard of speculoos, so she learned as new word.
- dessert: dark chocolate cake, raspberry mousse, cookies, pecan streusel, milk ice cream


Because the judges by now know Orlando’s work when they see it, Johnny asks Sally how much help she had on the showpiece. She readily admits Orlando built the whole thing, but says it was her design.
- entremet cake: chocolate caramel mouse, mango Bavarian, caramel cremeux, almond sponge cake
- bread: parker house roll w bacon, onion, gruyere
- bon bon: salted caramel milk chocolate BBs
- dessert: white chocolate espresso mousse and cashew nougatine inside a chocolate dome, chocolate cremeux, white chocolate espresso


Johnny points out that one of the brioches has fallen off Chris’s showpiece. Chris counters with “I made this myself. There was no help.” Exactly. Who cares if Sally’s piece was perfect? SHE DIDN’T MAKE IT.
- entremet cake: salty sugar dough, chocolate mousse, chocolate cake, vanilla cremeux, raspberry jam
- bread: brioche w maple bacon butter
- bon bon: coffee infused ganache and caramel BBs
- dessert: banana caramel inside butter almond cake topped with banana tuile and banana ice cream, with deglazed mango sauce

I do not envy the judges this decision at all.

Hot Matthew gets points for originality with speculoos. Johnny doesn’t get why he made a sugar showpiece if he’s better with chocolate, but Danielle says it looked like a love letter to his wife. His dessert gets knocked cuz it was confusing. Sally’s flow of color is praised.
She’s asked why she let Orlando do all the work. She says again that it was her idea and technique; he just put it together. Her dessert gets knocked cuz the mousse was seeping out of the dome. Chris’s showpiece gets knocked for the one falling brioche. (GET OVER IT.) His dessert gets high praise. They leave. Judges deliberate. They come back. Once again, all the eliminated contestants are there. (Ha ha haaa! Ok, this is just mean. It’s one thing to have to help the final three cook; it’s quite another to have to stand there and watch somebody else win.) And the winner is …

… Chris! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Yaaaaaaay! Good for him! YAY!

The Walking Dead, 10/23/11

Past! We learn that on the day Rick got shot, he and Lori had had a big fight, but she still loved him.

Present! Rick is running through a field, a bleeding and unconscious Carl in his arms. :( Otis, the rather rotund fellow who shot Carl, is too slow; Rick leaves him and Shane, follows Otis’s yelled directions to a large farmhouse. A doctor, his two daughters, and a young man are there. Rick rushes up. “Was he bit?” Doc asks straightaway. Wise query. Surgery begins immediately. Shane and Otis arrive; Shane wipes Carl’s smeared blood off Rick’s face, calms him down. It’s kind of touching. I really hope Rick never finds out about Shane and Lori. (Although, even if he does, shouldn’t he cut them some slack? They thought he was dead.)



Out in the woods, Andrea assures Carol that Sophia’s probably ok — and Carol, in a moment of incredible insensitivity, says she hopes Sophia doesn’t end up like Amy (Andrea’s recently deceased sister). WTF? Carol hastily apologizes; Andrea initially bristles but handles it well. I, however, would have roundhouse kicked Carol in the face. Andrea tells Carol they’re all hoping and praying with her. Daryl says screw the praying. Sophia’s going to be fine, dammit. Lol. At the farmhouse, Rick is beating himself up about having let Carl accompany him and Shane to search for Sophia. (I hate to agree with him, but …) Shane tells him not to blame himself. Carl, poor little guy, wakes up screaming and struggling during surgery, then, thankfully passes back out again. The doctor digs out one bullet fragment … of six bullet fragments. :( When she’s found, I want somebody to roundhouse kick Sophia in the face.

Back on the highway, T-Dog is in bad shape. His arm wound is infected, leading to some pretty crazy musings. Oh, and we learn his real name: Theodore Douglas. Good. I’m not calling him T-Dog anymore. Sounds like he should have gold teeth and a platinum rap album. Dale suggests they search the cars for antibiotics; they find none. THEODORE says being the only black guy in the group makes his situation pretty precarious (heh) cuz of the “two good ol’ boy cowboy sheriffs and a redneck.” Level-headed Dale reminds him that the redneck saved his life and that the cowboys have been doing a damn good job keeping the group safe. Theodore suggests they hit the road and leave everybody. Dale, realizing something’s wrong, feels Theodore’s head. Dude’s burning up.

Rick’s weak after giving Carl a blood transfusion; despite that, he wants to go get Lori. Shane talks sense into him. Shane is trying really hard to make us all forgive him for the attempted rape. Doc needs to put Carl under to remove the bullet fragments and stop the internal bleeding; he’ll need medical supplies, which Otis says they can find at a high school five miles away, where a FEMA shelter was set up … though it was overrun with zombs last time he saw it. Rick’s too weak, so Shane says he’ll go; Otis, God love him, says he’ll go, too. One of Doc’s daughters asks Rick where to find Lori.


Out in the woods, ZOMB ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Ok, look. I know that in high-pressure situations, it’s very easy to lose one’s head, but still. Andrea gets a big fat FAIL. First, she stabs the zomb in the chest instead of the head; then she trips and falls. *sigh* Fortunately, at that moment, Doc’s daughter comes galloping up on a horse and clocks the zomb in the head with a baseball bat. Nicely done, daughter!!! (I also want to point out that for somebody pretending to be oh-so suicidal and ready to die, Andrea sure was fighting pretty damn hard to get away.) Daughter tells them Carl got shot, tells the others how to find the farmhouse; then she and Lori ride away. Daryl finishes the zomb off with an arrow to the head. And a “Shut up.” Lol.


At the farmhouse, Doc gives his take on the zombie apocalypse: “Mankind’s been fighting plagues from the start. We get our behinds kicked for a while; then we bounce back.” That’s refreshingly optimistic. I hope there’s a Doc type in my group of survivors, to balance out the doom-and-gloom I-fake-want-to-die Andrea type. Daughter and Lori ride up, Lori and Rick cry over Carl, Rick gives Carl a second transfusion. Rick is now so weak he needs help walking. Let us not forget that 1. Rick’s pretty damn skinny and 2. he just woke up not all that long ago from a pretty lengthy coma. I hope somebody else has Carl’s blood type, cuz one more transfusion and Rick’s going to pass the hell out. After calling Otis “the idiot who shot my son” — Hey, knock it off, Lori. It was a mistake. — Lori’s nonplussed to find out that Doc is a veterinarian. Rick reminds her, before almost passing the hell out, they don’t have the luxury of shopping for surgeons. Well put, Rick. Now please go lie down.

Out on the highway, the group decides to stay put one more night in case Sophia finds her way back. Except Glenn, whom Dale orders to take Theodore to the farmhouse to see if they have any antibiotics — but then Daryl’s all, why didn’t you just say so, and pulls out a Ziploc bag containing “my brother’s stash”: crystal meth, ecstasy, pain killers … and antibiotics, because “Merle got the clap on occasion.” LOL. Thank you, Merle's STD. This is the third time tonight Daryl has LOLed me, and the second time he's saved Theodore's life. Daryl is officially not racist.


At the high school, Otis and Shane find zombs all frigging over the place. Eff! They throw some flares to distract them, and then dart into the FEMA trailer.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!! Only one should have gone, then when ready signaled the other, who would then either a. throw more flares to re-distract the zombs or b. drive around in the truck honking the horn all noisy-like and lead the zombs away, allowing the one in the trailer to sneak out, then circle back around and pick him up. (Yes, I totally thought that scenario out. You are supposed to be learning from this show, not just watching it, people.) Not only do Otis and Shane both go, they also don’t have an escape plan. Other than: run. Needless to say, they are bumrushed by zombs. (Otis, I’m glad to see, moves way faster than he did earlier when running after Rick and Carl.) They (barely) manage to lock themselves in a storefront. With a horde of hungry zombs struggling to get in. The episode ends.

How in the HAIL are they going to get out of this?

Project Runway, 10/20/11

Part one of the finale, in which Tim Gunn gets all up in the designers’ biz, yo. This shall be short and sweet, cuz 1. next week’s will be pretty long-winded and 2. there’s never much to say about part one of the finale. It always feels so in-betweeny. Someone will have his or her dreams crushed, and then Fashion Week for the final three! Let’s get to it.

They never show you enough of the clothes during the Tim Visits to get a good idea of what the collection ultimately will look like. I like the Tim Visits just cuz we get to get all up in the designers’ biz. Like, see their homes and families and pix of them when they were kids. I’m nosy — I mean, curious, so I enjoy that.

Kim lost her mom, bro, and stepdad, you’ll recall, so I’m glad to see her surrounded by friends and a sister and an adorable little niece. She says she hopes to win to honor her mom and cuz she’d be proud to be the first African American to win Project Runway. MAKE HISTORY, GIRLFRIEND!!!!! Anya talks about how her brother Pilar who died at 18 inspires her. She hasn’t actually made any clothes yet, which worries Tim greatly, but we all know Anya’s a good last-minuter. Her fabrics are quite pretty. Speaking of pretty, oh my god. What I saw of Trinidad & Tobago was goooooorgeous. I’m not at all big on traveling, but I MUST VISIT THERE.

Viktor is calling his collection “Urban Coast.” Serving as his inspiration are pictures he took while in Guadalajara for the anniversary of his brother’s death. (Jesus! :( THREE dead brothers.) Joshua has 507 garish fabrics. Tim says it’s gimmicky, says one dress in particular makes him want to weep, asks where’s the sex, says there’s too much happening. After what Joshua’s been putting out all season, that’s pretty much exactly how I was expecting his Tim Visit to go.

Everyone arrives in NY. Tim tells them to select three pieces to show. I liked Viktor’s and Anya’s, and I hated Josh’s and (this hurts!!!) Kimberly’s. :( :( :( :( And the person going home is … Anya. Dammit, that means Josh and Viktor are in the finale — but also that history could potentially be made. Go Kimberly! Oh -- and go Anya, too! She wasn't sent home. All four are showing at Fashion Week. YAY! This ups the chances that Viktor or Josh will lose. Please let them lose.

Top Chef Just Desserts, 10/19/11

Hot Matthew and Chris are eating breakfast. Hot Matthew says he’s going to have some Cap’n Crunch in honor of Carlos, eliminated last episode, who loved using it as an ingredient. I’m 1. suddenly craving breakfast cereal and 2. wondering why they have to blur the boxes if we already know what’s being eaten. Then Chris makes Hot Matthew and me LMAO and says he’s going to pour out a little Cap’n Crunch for Carlos. (For those of you unschooled in ghetto culture: when one of your homies dies, you pour out a little of your 40-ounce malt liquor in his memory.) Ha ha hahahaha ha! Oh please, oh please let Chris or Hot Matthew win.


Nope, no Quickfire. There are only four contestants left, so this ish just got real. For their last elimination before the finale, Gail informs the chefs, they must make a dessert inspired by international cuisine. Chris chooses France; Orlando, Spain; Hot Matthew, Italy; and Sally, Cuba. (Funny how they all pick countries that it kinda sorta looks like they come from. Well — except Orlando, lol. But his name sounds Spanish.)


Suzanne Goin is the guest judge, which confuses Sally, cuz Susan’s a savory chef.
We learn why she’s here when Gail tells them that the dessert has to look just like a famous savory dish from the country they chose. Oh? Coooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!!! We’re shown two examples: a “pork chop” made of cake and “buffalo wings” made of fondant. My head explodes. Holy crap, it looks so authentic! This is going to be fun.

How ironic that Carlos did this very same thing in the last challenge. I pour out a little Mountain Dew for Carlos.

Orlando makes me dislike him a little less when he discusses how his family rejected him when he came out of the closet. :( Let me just say right now to my future children: Mommy will always, always love you, no matter what. Sorry you had to go through that, Orlando. Now please don’t make me re-dislike you fully by not following directions on yet ANOTHER dessert.

What time is it? Johnny time! Chris, who has France, tells Johnny he’s making fake Beef Wellington, which gives Johnny pause. “Isn’t that English?” he asks. Uh oh. Is it? I hit up Wikipedia … and am left hella confused.
- “There are theories that suggest that beef Wellington is named after Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington.” Ok, so then it’s British?
- “Other accounts simply credit the name to a patriotic chef wanting to give an English name to a variation on the French filet de bœuf en croûte during the Napoleonic Wars.” Ok, so then it’s French-inspired?
- “It was invented for a civic reception in Wellington, New Zealand.” Ok, so then it’s Kiwi?
Oh, screw this. If the historians can’t agree, I’m giving the pastry chef a pass. One of the three countries laying claim is France, so go for it, Chris.


Hot Matthew made fake manicotti:
- pasta tube: carved crème fraiche cake
- filling: mascarpone mousse
- tomato sauce: strawberry-lemon compote
- parmesan cheese: white chocolate
- garnish: basil gelee
The judges love the look but say it’s very one textural and lacks complexity. I DON’T CARE GIVE IT TO ME NOW I WANT IT IN MY MOOOOOOOOOUTH.



Chris’s French/English/Kiwi fake Beef Wellington is up next:
- puff pastry: storebought puff pastry
- beef: entremet of dark chocolate mousse, vanilla cremeux, and raspberry jam
- gravy: salted caramel sauce
Gail says she thought Beef Wellington was British; Johnny explains the French tie-in. Yay! Thanks, Johnny. I would have been pissed if Chris had been knocked for that. The judges love it.


Orlando made fake paella:
- rice: coconut and saffron rice
- mussel: tuile
- sausage: roasted beets
- fish: compressed plums
Wow, he actually followed directions! And it looks great. (But to me, it sounds the least desserty of the four. Yuck. Me not want at all.) Most of the judges like it, though Suzanne says the beets don’t go with the rest of it.




Sally made a fake Cuban sandwich with plantain chips and fake potato salad:
- bread: brioche
- pickles: dyed pineapple
- pork: cream cheese mousse
- ham: strawberry caramel
- potatoes: banana and pineapple
- celery: Asian pear
“Cuuuuute,” Gail sings when she sees it. One of the judges says that this is the first dish that visually nailed it for him (Were his eyes closed during Hot Matthew’s service????) and that it tastes good. Suzanne says the mousse doesn’t look like pork; Johnny says it’s messy. (Since the challenge was not “Make neat-to-eat food,” that doesn’t seem like a fair criticism.)

Chris’s looked the most real, but not making his own puff pastry was a bad move. Hot Matthew’s looked great but was safe and simple. (BOO!) Orlando’s was imaginative, but the rice wasn’t cooked right. The mousse was a downer, but Sally’s sandwich and salad were “pretty close to perfect.” And the winner is … Sally. EFF. Hot Matthew got robbed. Chris is safe. Oh no, it’s between Hot Matthew and Orlando. *panicked, worried, nervous* YES!!!!!

Hot Matthew, Chris, and Sally in the finale. That rhymes.

Terra Nova, 10/17/11

The soldiers spot someone wandering in the forest, give chase, and find … a little girl. They’re quite surprised. Probably because she looks just like — JUST LIKE — Newt from the Aliens movie. I mean, it’s uncanny. Did Ridley Scott direct this episode? Will there be a Sigourney Weaver cameo?

The little girl is taken to the hospital. A nurse tries to give her a shot; she hides under a table. Wise. Everyone knows you can’t trust any medical professional who says “This won’t hurt a bit.” Elizabeth comes in, uses her Mommy Skills, gets the girl to come out, examines her, finds out her name: Lea. (Which is almost Leia, as in Princess Leia. We’re really laying it on thick with the sci fi references in this episode.) Taylor brings a tray of food; Lea starts shoveling it down. She’s starving because she usually gets only scraps, which is why she ran away from the Sixers. She’s trying to find the portal so she can go back to present-day earth and live with Grandma. Jim and Elizabeth break the news to her that the portal doesn’t go both ways; Lea’s devastated. Taylor, ever the strategist, wants to gain Lea’s trust and then find out everything she knows about the Sixers. He asks Jim and Elizabeth to take her in for the present.


Out in the forest the next morning, hunting for a bag Lea dropped, Wash and a soldier are attacked by Sixers. Wash kicks some impressive ass but at last is knocked unconscious by Mira after refusing to say where Lea is. Later, the Sixers bumrush TN. Mira displays their two hostages and demands an exchange.
Taylor says Lea’s not going anywhere if she doesn’t want to and first Wash and the soldier must be let go. Mira capitulates. Lea is brought out, and Mira is rather harsh for someone trying to convince a child to come home: “Lea. LOOK AT ME. Tell them you want to come home. SPEAK!” Understandably, lol, Lea chooses to stay in TN. Mira and the Sixers retreat, but not before Taylor tells her that they best not show up at the gates threatening TN again. Ok, Mira gave up waaaaaaaaay too easily. Does Lea know nothing, or is Mira going to tell Tom the Mole to take her out?


Taylor wants to know and wants to know yesterday who the eff is feeding the Sixers intel. He tells Jim to compile a list of everyone who left the gate from the time Lea was brought to TN until now. They interrogate Rob, a scientist who was out during the Mole Window “collecting wax moss samples.” A LIKELY STORY! Adding to the cloud of suspicion is the fact that Rob arrived on the Sixth Pilgrimage, even thought he didn’t become a Sixer. Lol — I wonder if there’s Sixth Pilgrimage racism. “No you will not date Tommy, young lady! His dad came on the Sixth Pilgrimage!” Malcolm arrives in his Chief Science Officer rover, which I’m truly surprised doesn’t have “Property of CSO” painted on it, and takes major umbrage with the fact that Taylor’s accusing Malcolm’s staff of being dirty moles. Taylor tells him to get off his high horse (Omg, HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!! I totally said that exact same thing to Malcolm in last week’s recap! Taylor rules.), but he and Jim leave Mossy Rob alone. For now. I wonder if there’s a Sixth Pilgrimage support group.

- Hot Mark: “Well, as you know, I’ve begun the initial stages of courting Maddy, and I was wondering ...”
Lol. And awwww. Hot Mark is so dorkily adorable. AND JIM IS SEXIST. He threatens Hot Mark for trying to ask Maddy out, but he’s cool with his son spending hours unsupervised with Skye. Later, Hot Mark finds Maddy in the market and says he wants to “declare his intentions for her.” Ok, look. I don’t know why he feels the need to talk like a character in a 17th century novel, and I DON’T CARE. It’s awkwardly endearing. And HE’S EFFING HOT.


Maddy and Elilzabeth drop Lea off at school … and she sneaks away. Suddenly, it clicks. That’s why Mira gave up so easily. She sent Lea to TN to carry out some nefarious, dastardly deed! When Wash and Jim find the house where Mira once lived burgled, they put two and two together, and grab Lea just as she’s about to sneak off into the woods. Everyone’s mad, realizing they’ve been had, but Jim starts to feel sorry for Lea when she says Mira’s holding her brother Sam captive and will hurt him if Lea doesn’t bring her the box stolen from the house. He wants to send someone to check Lea’s story (Huh? How?); Taylor puts the kibosh on that. But when Josh finds an “I’m sorry; I had to” note Lea left at the Shannon house, Jim believes her (I personally would need more evidence.), goes wandering in the forest at night, and gets captured by Sixers. Who are nice enough to save him from a hungry dinosaur first.


He and Mira chat. She’s cryptic; she’ll say only that Taylor has pissed off some very powerful people back in 2149, soon Jim will see what TN’s real purpose is, and that once she does her job, “they” will let her see her daughter again. Well, I don’t know about you guys, but that all made perfect sense to me! (But something that has been bothering me, which is how do Sixers escape constant dino attacks, was resolved: they live above the dinos in treehouses. Cool!) Mira has Jim blindfolded and beaten up, but then lets him go, along with Lea’s little brother Sam. Back at TN, Taylor asks if Mira said anything he should know about; Jim says no — reminding me of when Taylor asked Skye if the kids had gone anywhere near the falls, and she said no. Taylor must have a history of killing the messenger.

Taylor gives the box Lea tried to get for Mira to Malcolm, who locks it in a medical cabinet. That thing is so stolen.

The Walking Dead, 10/16/11

When last we left our not-so-merry band of travelers, they were leaving Atlanta, having narrowly escaped an exploding CDC. And that’s right where we pick up with the premiere of season two. Putting their faith in science got them nowhere, so our intrepid peeps are trying their luck with the military and are now on the road on their way to Fort Benning. Quick inventory:


1. Rick – sheriff
2. Shane – Lori’s spurned lover, Rick’s cop buddy
3. Lori – Rick’s wife
4. Carl – the boy, Rick’s son
5. Sophia – the girl, Carol’s daughter
6. Carol – chick with buzzcut, Sophia’s mom
7. Andrea – suicidal blonde
8. Glenn – Asian dude
9. T-Dog – black guy (duh)
10. Dale – old man
11. Daryl – country dude w bow and arrow


The group is riding along, passing time cleaning guns and telling vacation stories (except Daryl, who’s stylishly riding solo on a pretty sweet ass motorcycle), when the RV blows a hose just as the group reaches a buncha cars blocking the highway. Company halt! Everyone hops out/off of their vehicles to siphon gas, move the cars, look for food/water, find a replacement hose, etc — but not before Andrea irritates me with her disapproving “This place is a graveyard.” Lady, please stfu. It’s the zombie a-frigging-pocalypse. Societal etiquette and decorum are the LAST things on my mind.

I guess Carl getting way too close to a dead body to get at that (admittedly cool) set of weapons was supposed to show us that he's adventurous and not the little boy his mother thinks he is. Which it did, but it also made me want to punch him in the face.



ZOMBIES. First one, then two, then, like, a hundred. That’s way too many to waste limited ammo on, so everyone hides under vehicles. T-Dog cuts his arm pretty badly, the blood attracts a zomb, Daryl saves him. Andrea hides in the RV bathroom, a zomb finds her, Dale saves her. Other than those snafus, the tactic seems to have worked … until Sophia starts to crawl out from her hiding place just as two zombs are passing. Chase! She runs into the forest, the zombs hot on her trail, Rick hot on their trail. He hides her, tells her to wait, leads the zombs away, crushes their skulls with a big rock.


*happy sigh* First zomb kills of the season! Me like, and me want more.

OF COURSE, Sophie’s gone when he comes back. Rick and Daryl (who calls Glenn “Short Round” — HA HA HA HA ROFL bwah ha ha ha HA HA HA HA LOL) search for her. They find nothing other than a zomb, which they kill and cut open to make sure it hasn’t eaten Sophie. Groooooooooss, heh heh. (It hasn't.) Back on the highway, Shane tells Lori he’s planning to leave, and inexplicably, she’s not happy to hear this. Though he tried to rape her and though it would seriously un-complicate her life, what with her not wanting Rick to find out that they were getting it on the whole time they thought he was dead.


It’s getting dark. Rick and Daryl return Sophie-less, Carol understandably freaks. It was annoying, but I’m going to forgive her that “How could you just leave her” rant at Rick since she’s distraught. The next morning, since Dale still hasn't fixed the RV, everybody but Dale and wounded T-Dog heads off to look for Sophie — but not before Andrea irritates me AGAIN, this time by chewing Dale out. Why? Because he had the AUDACITY to force her not to kill herself last season. It is the lamest reason to be mad I think I’ve ever heard. “I wanted to die my way.” “You took that away from me.” HUH? Lady, if you want to die, then kill yourself! Options:

- Jump out of the RV as it speeds along. Death: instant.
- Attract a zomb’s attention and let it eat you. Death: within minutes.
- Drink a lot of antifreeze out of one of those cars. Death: within a day.
- Sneak off into the woods and hang yourself from a tree branch. Death: instant.
- Slice a vein. (Hell, T-Dog managed to do that without even trying.) Death: within minutes.
Somebody please tell me how the EFF is Dale stopping Andrea from doing any of that????????? I get that she’s upset about her sister’s death, but still. I heart Dale, and she better step off.

In the woods, the search party is finding nothing other than an empty tent and an empty church. Well, empty except for three zombies, which Daryl, Shane, and Rick enthusiastically dispatch. Afterward, Andrea overhears Shane telling Lori again than he’s leaving, begs him to let her go with him. PLEASE AGREE TO THIS, SHANE. Out on the highway, Dale shows again how awesome he is and reveals to T-Dog that he had the RV fixed yesterday; he’s just pretending it’s still out of commission to buy time for the Sophie Search, lest people start saying they should just leave her.
High five, Dale. Eat poo, Andrea.

At the church, Carol prays that Sophie will be found alive. Shane, Carl, and Rick announce they’re going to search for a couple more hours; everybody else heads back to the highway. (Along the way, Lori chews Carol out — yes! — for blaming Rick about Sophie. After all, nobody else selflessly ran to save her from those two zombs.) At the church, Rick prays. (All this prayer better mean that Sophie will be found alive. YOU CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN. Punch them in the face, yes. Kill them, no.) Then Shane, Carl, and Rick head out. In the woods, they run into a beautiful, antlered buck. Shane, who’s thinking exactly what I would be thinking in that situation (which is “Yay venison!” — there’s no vegetarianism in the zombie apocalypse) raises his rifle; Rick stops him so that a fascinated Carl can get a better look. Carl inches closer and closer to the magnificent animal … and then a shot rings out. A bullet rips through the buck and strikes Carl in the upper abdomen. I think I actually yell, horrified, because NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN!