When last we left our not-so-merry band of travelers, they were leaving Atlanta, having narrowly escaped an exploding CDC. And that’s right where we pick up with the premiere of season two. Putting their faith in science got them nowhere, so our intrepid peeps are trying their luck with the military and are now on the road on their way to Fort Benning. Quick inventory:
1. Rick – sheriff
2. Shane – Lori’s spurned lover, Rick’s cop buddy
3. Lori – Rick’s wife
4. Carl – the boy, Rick’s son
5. Sophia – the girl, Carol’s daughter
6. Carol – chick with buzzcut, Sophia’s mom
7. Andrea – suicidal blonde
8. Glenn – Asian dude
9. T-Dog – black guy (duh)
10. Dale – old man
11. Daryl – country dude w bow and arrow
The group is riding along, passing time cleaning guns and telling vacation stories (except Daryl, who’s stylishly riding solo on a pretty sweet ass motorcycle), when the RV blows a hose just as the group reaches a buncha cars blocking the highway. Company halt! Everyone hops out/off of their vehicles to siphon gas, move the cars, look for food/water, find a replacement hose, etc — but not before Andrea irritates me with her disapproving “This place is a graveyard.” Lady, please stfu. It’s the zombie a-frigging-pocalypse. Societal etiquette and decorum are the LAST things on my mind.
I guess Carl getting way too close to a dead body to get at that (admittedly cool) set of weapons was supposed to show us that he's adventurous and not the little boy his mother thinks he is. Which it did, but it also made me want to punch him in the face.
ZOMBIES. First one, then two, then, like, a hundred.
That’s way too many to waste limited ammo on, so everyone hides under vehicles. T-Dog cuts his arm pretty badly, the blood attracts a zomb, Daryl saves him. Andrea hides in the RV bathroom, a zomb finds her, Dale saves her. Other than those snafus, the tactic seems to have worked … until Sophia starts to crawl out from her hiding place just as two zombs are passing. Chase! She runs into the forest, the zombs hot on her trail, Rick hot on their trail. He hides her, tells her to wait, leads the zombs away, crushes their skulls with a big rock. *happy sigh* First zomb kills of the season! Me like, and me want more.
OF COURSE, Sophie’s gone when he comes back. Rick and Daryl (who calls Glenn “Short Round” — HA HA HA HA ROFL bwah ha ha ha HA HA HA HA LOL) search for her. They find nothing other than a zomb, which they kill and cut open to make sure it hasn’t eaten Sophie. Groooooooooss, heh heh. (It hasn't.) Back on the highway, Shane tells Lori he’s planning to leave, and inexplicably, she’s not happy to hear this. Though he tried to rape her and though it would seriously un-complicate her life, what with her not wanting Rick to find out that they were getting it on the whole time they thought he was dead.
It’s getting dark. Rick and Daryl return Sophie-less, Carol understandably freaks. It was annoying, but I’m going to forgive her that “How could you just leave her” rant at Rick since she’s distraught. The next morning, since Dale still hasn't fixed the RV, everybody but Dale and wounded T-Dog heads off to look for Sophie — but not before Andrea irritates me AGAIN, this time by chewing Dale out. Why? Because he had the AUDACITY to force her not to kill herself last season. It is the lamest reason to be mad I think I’ve ever heard. “I wanted to die my way.” “You took that away from me.” HUH? Lady, if you want to die, then kill yourself! Options:
- Jump out of the RV as it speeds along. Death: instant.
- Attract a zomb’s attention and let it eat you. Death: within minutes.
- Drink a lot of antifreeze out of one of those cars. Death: within a day.
- Sneak off into the woods and hang yourself from a tree branch. Death: instant.
- Slice a vein. (Hell, T-Dog managed to do that without even trying.) Death: within minutes.
Somebody please tell me how the EFF is Dale stopping Andrea from doing any of that????????? I get that she’s upset about her sister’s death, but still. I heart Dale, and she better step off.
In the woods, the search party is finding nothing other than an empty tent and an empty church. Well, empty except for three zombies, which Daryl, Shane, and Rick enthusiastically dispatch. Afterward, Andrea overhears Shane telling Lori again than he’s leaving, begs him to let her go with him. PLEASE AGREE TO THIS, SHANE. Out on the highway, Dale shows again how awesome he is and reveals to T-Dog that he had the RV fixed yesterday; he’s just pretending it’s still out of commission to buy time for the Sophie Search, lest people start saying they should just leave her.
High five, Dale. Eat poo, Andrea.
At the church, Carol prays that Sophie will be found alive. Shane, Carl, and Rick announce they’re going to search for a couple more hours; everybody else heads back to the highway. (Along the way, Lori chews Carol out — yes! — for blaming Rick about Sophie. After all, nobody else selflessly ran to save her from those two zombs.) At the church, Rick prays. (All this prayer better mean that Sophie will be found alive. YOU CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN. Punch them in the face, yes. Kill them, no.) Then Shane, Carl, and Rick head out. In the woods, they run into a beautiful, antlered buck. Shane, who’s thinking exactly what I would be thinking in that situation (which is “Yay venison!” — there’s no vegetarianism in the zombie apocalypse) raises his rifle; Rick stops him so that a fascinated Carl can get a better look. Carl inches closer and closer to the magnificent animal … and then a shot rings out. A bullet rips through the buck and strikes Carl in the upper abdomen. I think I actually yell, horrified, because NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN!
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