The Walking Dead: Nebraska, 2/12/12

We pick up right where we left off, mere seconds after Rick shot Zombie Sophia. Sobbing Carol runs away crying. Sobbing Beth takes the far less wise approach and goes over to her dead Zombie Mom. Who isn’t dead!!! Zomb Mom grabs Beth and tries to bite her. (Clearly, Beth has never seen Zombieland. Rule #2: Double Tap.) The others rush over to help; Andrea grabs a garden tool and spears Zomb Mom through the brain. Nicely done, Andrea. Shane accuses Doc of knowing all along that Zomb Sophia was in the barn, an accusation which MAKES NO EFFING SENSE. Doc very badly wanted Rick et al. to leave. Telling them Sophia was in the barn would have removed their reason to stay, so if Doc had known, he would’ve shouted it from the farmhouse rooftop. Duh. But Shane, ever the hothead, is convinced that there’s been a cover-up and tries to get at Doc. Maggie slaps him. Nicely done, Maggie. Doc orders Rick to get Shane off his land. Rick and Shane argue. Shane is mad because Rick had everyone off searching for Sophia when all along she was in the barn.

I guess in Shane’s world, it’s Supremely Idiotic Reasons to Be Mad About Stuff Day.

Glenn suggests that maybe finally knowing that Sophia’s dead is for the best. They can just bury her and try to move on. “And then?” Maggie presses. Glenn kisses her forehead, says he doesn’t know. Out in the yard, Lori and Carl sit talking. He tells her Rick was totally right to kill Zomb Sophia; he (Carl) would’ve done the same thing. Lori looks disturbed by this. I don’t know why. I’d be quite proud that my kid wouldn’t hesitate to kill a friend who’d been zombed. I guess Shane’s words got to Rick, who tells Lori he’s upset that he had everyone off chasing a ghost in the forest. Ok, I’m really not understanding this. The fact that that she was in the barn all along doesn’t mean that refusing to give up hope that she was alive was the wrong thing to do, dammit.

Shane goes to get the truck to move the zomb carcasses. Dale gives him what is probably the most convincing I-hate-you-so-much glare in the history of modern television. Shane yells at him that he (Dale) doesn’t do anything to keep the camp safe, but he (Shane) killed the barn zombs and protected everybody, so there. Dale says nothing, just glowers. There’s a funeral service for the zombed loved ones; despite Daryl’s requests, Carol refuses to participate. She runs into the woods, tears some flowers from the ground, and cries. Back at the barn, as zomb carcass clean-up progresses, Rick and Dale say Shane shouldn’t have massacred Doc’s barn zombs; Andrea and Theodore say he darn well should have. (Team Andrea and Theodore.)

Maggie asks Glenn what we’ve all been wondering: if Rick et al. hit the road, is Glenn going with them or staying with her? Glenn's stumbling his way through a non-response (Typical male.) when Beth collapses. She needs Doc but nobody knows where he is; he’s been MIA since the funeral. Shane finds an empty flask. Uh oh. The stress of the day has made Doc fall off the wagon; he’s gone to his favorite bar in town for some liquid comfort. Lori and Shane don’t want Rick to go after Doc. Shane I understand; but Lori surprises me. After all, one of the reasons she wants to stay on the farm so badly is that there’s medical care there, right? Well, Doc is the one providing that care. So hush, Lori. Glenn and Maggie share a long goodbye kiss (during which I cheer), then Rick and Glenn head out.


Shane makes up for some of his assholishness when he find a dirty and out-of-it Carol stumbling back to camp, sits her down, washes the mud off her hands, and says how sorry he is about Sophia. But then, lest we forget the kind of man he really is, Dale confides to Lori that he thinks Shane is dangerous, and that he thinks Shane killed Otis and left him for zomb bait, and sooner or later he’ll kill again. On the drive into town, Glenn tells Rick that Maggie told him she loves him, but he doesn’t know how to respond, and anyway how could she love him when they barely know each other? Rick says it’s the frigging zombie apocalypse, and beautiful things like love are a rarity, and Glenn better tell Maggie he loves her right back; they can fill out lengthy describe-yourself questionnaires later. I totally paraphrased, but well said, Rick. In the bar, Rick and Glenn find Doc drinking himself into oblivion, racked with guilt and shame over having been stupid enough to think that the barn zombs could have been cured. (I’ll save my “I told you so!” for when Doc is sober so it will have maximum effect.)

At the farmhouse, Beth is slipping deeper into shock. A worried Lori asks Daryl if he’ll go get Rick and Doc. He says no; she asks him how can he be so selfish. “Listen to me, Olive Oil!” Daryl begins his rant—I heartily LOL!, because yeah, Lori sure is skinny.—and yells at her that he’s done looking for people; if she wants them, go get them herself! Lori decides to do just that. She hops in a car and is headed for town when a zomb wanders into the road. She swerves to avoid it, overcorrects, and wrecks the car. Wrecks it spectacularly: it lands in a smoking ruin on its side. (Time out. LORI, WHAT THE CRAP WAS THAT? When one is driving along and sees a zomb in the road, one’s choices are 1. hit it at a safe but still deadly speed so as not to damage the car too badly or 2. just say eff it, stomp on the gas, and hit it at top speed to see how many pieces it will break into. Either way, you definitely do NOT swerve to avoid it! Fail! FAIL! Time back in.)

As Rick tries to reason with Doc and get him to go back to the farm, the bar door opens and in walk two armed men, a fat guy and Rene from True Blood. (I don’t care what role he’s playing, Michael Raymond James will always be Rene from True Blood to me.) Dave and Tony, they introduce themselves. At first, the five drink and chat amicably. Rene informs them that they should give up going to Fort Benning; it’s overrun by “lamebrains.” (HAAAAAA! Take that, everybody who’s ever complained that they’re called “walkers” instead of “zombies” on this show. “Lamebrains” is about a billion times dumber.) However, when Rene starts pressing Doc, Glenn, and Rick about where they’re staying, the friendliness evaporates. Although maybe it wouldn’t have if Fatty hadn’t pissed in the corner while asking about getting a “piece of ass,” and if everything about Rene didn’t scream “Do not trust me.” Rick tells them they can’t stay on the farm; they’ll have to keep moving. Fatty threatens to just kill them and take the farm. Way to win them over, lard ass. Rene diffuses the situation, even putting his guns on the bar to show how totally calm he is—then a few seconds later, he makes a move for it. BAM! Rick shoots him dead. BAM! And Fatty too.

As this now makes two episodes in a row that Rick has meted out swift, decisive, deadly punishment, we can officially lay the theory that he’s too soft to survive in this world to rest.

The Walking Dead, 12/4/11

If you, like me, are going through The Walking Dead withdrawal today, here are some thoughts to ponder as we suffer through the mid-season hiatus. We’ll get through this together, people.

- Question: Is Merle dead?
- Discussion: Pre-Zomb Sophia, I would’ve said no. I was holding out hope for the racist old s.o.b.; I really was. But Sophia didn’t make it, and she was a-ok physically. Merle, on the other hand (pun intended), had just sawn off his own hand. That kind of injury, that kind of blood loss, with no medical attention? Dude didn’t make it 20 feet before he was zomb food. Now he’s appearing to Darryl in dreams as a guardian angel. He’s dead as dead can be.
- Answer: Yes.

- Question: Would you stay on Hershel’s farm? (Glenn, stop screaming “Yes! Yes!” I’m not talking to you. Lol.)
- Discussion: Why would you want to? Dude was keeping a frigging barn full of zombs! I don’t care what his justification was; you do not join forces with zomb-lovers! What if they got out? Also, notice the lengths he was willing to go to: both Jimmy and Rick nearly got bitten trying to corral that zomb dude in the river. And I don’t care if Lori’s pregnant! Women have been popping out babies without any medical care for thousands of years. Also, even if Hershel grudgingly agreed to let you stay; he still wouldn’t really want you there. He might up and change his mind and decide to kill you in your sleep.
- Answer: HELL NO!

- Question: Is Shane a bad guy?
- Discussion: Yes! Proof: he killed Otis! But in doing so, he saved Carl. Shane loves Lori; he couldn’t let her son die. Further proof: he wanted to stop looking for Sophia! Callous and unkind, but also right. Darryl and Carl had both almost gotten themselves killed looking for her. Plus, after so much time had passed, it was pretty obvious she was never going to be found. PLUS, she was dead and zombed all along. :( More proof: Dale thinks Shane’s a bad guy, and Dale is never wrong! But Shane doesn’t kill Rick so he can have Lori to himself, or take his anger out on Carl. And, what made Shane snap and go get the guns so he could kill the barn zombs? Finding out that Lori’s knocked up with a baby that’s probably his. He wanted to protect them.
- Answer: Remains to be seen.

- Question: How much more do we like Andrea now?
- Discussion: Because omg seriously. Whiny Suicidal Andrea was making me want to kill her. I get that she was a little out of her head after her sister Amy got zombed, but still. Ugh. “I hate you Dale cuz you made me not get blown up.” “Why won’t anybody let me have a gun; all I did was try to kill myself!” “Darryl, please kill that poor zomb in the tree; I don’t want it to suffer.” “I’m just going to walk around all emo and pouting all the time.” Arrrrrgh. In my recap of the season premiere, I was literally listing ways she should off herself. But no longer. Now she’s all Bad Ass Andrea. Hey zombs, die! Hey Shane, give me sex! And those of you still mad cuz she shot Darryl, cut her some slack, lol. Darryl forgave her. And he did look JUST LIKE a zomb right then. Plus, all Lori and Carol want to do is cook the food, wash the clothes, and get knocked up. Andrea, in contrast, wants to do more than be a 1950s housewife, thank god.
- Answer: OODLES.

The Walking Dead, 11/27/11

Maggie shakes her head no. Dale nods his head yes. Whoever goes last wins, duh, so Glenn lets the cat out of the bag about the barn zombs. The group has a fight. Shane wants to go in there guns a-blazing and kill them all (Um … YES.); Rick says no cuz that’d make Doc make them leave. Shane says good, cuz The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS) needs to stop anyway (Um … YES); he and Daryl almost fight. Rick says he’ll talk to Doc about the barn zombs. Pissed off that Glenn told, Maggie smashes a rotten egg on his head.

Carl tells Lori he doesn’t want to leave before they find Sophia. Or even after that. Lori assures him they’re not leaving. (Really, guys? Cuz finding out that Doc et al. have a horde of zombs locked in the barn would completely rob me of the desire to be neighbors.) Daryl’s still really weak, but he tries to saddle up a horse to go TESFSing. Carol stops him; he gets mad, calls her a bitch, and storms off. Dale tries to get Andrea to see the light about Shane; as always when he gives her good advice, she shrugs it off. Dale decides that to protect everyone from Secretly a Bad Guy Shane, it’s best if he (Dale) hides the guns.


Rick tries to reason with Doc, but Doc is having none of it. He wants Rick and his people gone by the end of the week. Rick even plays the my-wife-is-pregnant card; it doesn’t change Doc’s mind. Rick later tells Shane he (Rick) wants to stay so badly cuz Lori’s pregnant, and you can totally see the it’s-MY-baby wheels turning in Shane’s mind, even as he congratulates Rick. Maggie, who overheard her Dad arguing with Rick, tells Doc he’s wrong for making them leave. She quotes from The Good Book and also tells him that “the Asian boy” — “his name is Glenn!” — saved her from a zomb yesterday. Jimmy rushes in just then to tell Doc “it happened again.”

Shane tells Lori that Rick isn’t going to last very long in the Zombie Apocalypse. He’s not built for this world, Shane tells her. Ricks too soft, incapable of making hard decisions. Then he tells her that he knows the baby’s his. Lori says, “Even if it’s yours, it’s never gonna be yours, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.” “I don’t need to,” Shane says (He thinks Rick’s gonna get himself killed soon, you see.), and strolls off. Time out. So, regardless of who the father is, Lori is bound and determined to raise the child as though it’s Rick’s? Disapprove. First of all, that’s not fair to Shane. Second, Rick forgave her for sleeping with Shane when they thought he was dead; I think Rick would understand if a pregnancy resulted. This is dumb, Lori. You can’t make Rick be the father just by your say-so. Then again … Shane killed Otis and threatened to kill Dale, so who cares what’s fair to him. Ok, time back in.

Carl, who’s matured a lot since getting shot, tells Shane that it’s bullshit that Shane wants to leave before Sophia’s found. Shane says ok, then tells Carl to watch his mouth, lol. Shane heads for the RV, where he’s pissed off to find that that Dale has taken the guns. Meanwhile, Daryl apologizes to Carol, tells her that he really believes Sophia’s still out there. Doc goes to get Rick, and we find out that the it that Jimmy was saying happened again is zombs getting stuck in the mud in the swampland out back. As they corral the two snapping, struggling zombs, Doc says this was something that Otis used to do; now he and Jimmy have to do it. And Rick best help if he wants to stay. Elsewhere, Maggie and Glenn have it out. He says he had to tell everybody Doc’s secret because zombs are dangerous (Um … YES), so she can be mad at him all she wants; he was just trying to protect her. Awwwww. And then they totally make out. High five, Glenn! Shane finds Dale hiding the guns in the swamp. Dale threatens to shoot Shane, but since he’s not an asshole like Shane, Dale can’t just shoot a man in cold blood. He gives Shane the firearms — but keeps a rifle for himself. Good call. — and then the day takes an intense turn.

Shane heads to the farmhouse and gives Andrea, Theodore, Daryl, and Glenn guns, starts pep talking the troops to head out and kill the barn zombs. Just then, Doc, Jimmy, and Rick return with the two prisoner zombs. Shane effing loses it. He shoots the one Doc is guarding, then takes the locks off the barn door. Rick yells at Doc to get his zomb so he can stop Shane, but Doc just falls to his knees and doesn’t move. You wonder if Doc knew all along that this should be done. As the barn zombs come out, Shane, Andrea, Theodore, Daryl, and Glenn (with Maggie’s tearful ok) shoot them all. Well … almost all. There's one last zomb. It’s Sophia. OH MY JESUS GOD, NO. But yes. It is. She’s a rotting, snarling zomb. :( Daryl grabs Carol, who tries to run to her. The firing squad stops shooting. Nobody can do it. Nobody can kill Zomb Sophia. So Rick does it. He strides purposefully forward, that same pain we saw when he had to kill a little-girl zomb in the premiere of season one back on his face. He pauses only to steady his shot. Boom. TESFS is officially over.

Why didn’t anybody tell them Sophia was in the barn? Nobody knew. You’ll recall that Doc said putting any zombs that wandered onto the property in the barn was Otis’s job. The others didn’t know there was a little girl in there, and Otis got killed — Thank you so much, Shane. — before he learned they were looking for her. Oh, and there goes Shane’s theory that Rick isn’t tough enough. Like everybody else, Shane could only stand there horrified; it was Rick who had to kill Zomb Sophia.

Yes, I too am mad that we have to wait til February. But last season was only 6 episodes; this season is 12, so I shall happily wait it out. Cuz this show effing rules.

The Walking Dead, 11/20/11

I know we were all wondering what Doc et al. feed their barn zombs. This episode answered that question forthwith. Otis’s wife hobbles several live chickens, puts them in a sack, and then tosses them down to be devoured (… um, which is kind of exactly the same thing that happened to Otis). Cruel, yes, but I was EXTREMELY relieved to find out they weren’t feeding the barn zombs people.

Maggie begs Glenn to keep the barn zombs a secret. He tells he’s super bad at lying. Andrea begs Darryl to forgive her shooting him. He tells her next time, she best pray he’s dead. HE’S KIDDING, ANDREA. Glenn whisper-yells at Lori for not having told Rick yet that she’s pregnant because she’s too skinny and she now has a medical condition and she needs a nice pillow. (LOL.) Funny how the worst liar in the bunch has somehow become the keeper of the secrets: Lori’s preggo, he and Maggie are sexing, and there are barn zombs. During that morning’s planning sesh for The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS), a couple of Otis’s peeps ask if they can participate in gun training. They say Doc’s ok with it, but Rick (wisely) says he’ll need to hear directly from Doc first. Then Carl (Yay, he’s up and around!) says he wants to learn to shoot, too. Lori and Rick have a parental spat during which I am totally Team Rick cuz Lori’s all he’s too young and Rick’s all he needs to learn to defend himself. Lori finally relents, thank god.


Glenn can’t stand it anymore — seriously, he looks like his head’s about to explode. Since Dale’s old and he knows things (LOL.), Glenn spills the pregnancy-barn zomb beans to him. It’s Dale’s turn to look like HIS head’s about to explode. During shooting practice*, Theodore makes me almost cry laughing when he tells young Jimmy, who’s trying to shoot holding his gun sideways, “Don’t give me that gangsta shit.” Ha ha ha ha! Jimmy holds the gun properly and hits the target. But he’s got nothing on Andrea, who has channeled her inner GI Jane and is hitting targets left and right. Well — the non-moving ones. She can’t hit a swinging tree branch to save her life, and when Shane rides her too hard about it; she storms off down the road in a huff. He follows in the car and calms her down. He apologizes, and they go off TESFSing.

The horse that almost got Darryl killed (I hate you, horse.) found her way home; Doc is in the stable brushing her when Dale approaches. He pretends that he heard the zombs whilst on a walk, asks why Doc’s keeping them alive. They’re dangerous! Doc says paranoid schizophrenics are dangerous too, but we don’t kill them. I want to leap through my tv screen and face punch him twice for that asinine comparison. “My wife and stepson are in that barn,” Doc says, at which point we realize there will be no reasoning with him. (For the record, during the zombie apocalypse, I’m killing anyone who gets bitten. Friend, significant other, family member, I don’t care. We’ll say our goodbyes; then I’m putting a bullet in your head. And then I’ll cry for three straight months afterward, because I’m a bit of a bitch.)

Later, Lori later thanks Doc again for saving Carl; he none-too-indirectly makes it clear during the conversation that he’s quite ready for her group to go. Shocked to hear this, she runs to Rick — and has the audacity to get mad cuz he knew and didn’t tell her. I guess she forgot that she hasn’t told him she used to bang Shane and that she’s knocked up. Speaking of which, Dale broaches the subject. Lori: “Glenn told you.” Dale: “What do you expect? The boy has no guile.” (LOL.) Oh, and Dale knows about the past fling with Shane, too. (Time out: Glenn and Dale are my favorite characters. Time back in.) Lori says the baby’s definitely Rick’s (If you say so, Lori.), but she’s afraid to tell Rick cuz she doesn’t even know if she wants it cuz what kind of a life could it have?


Glenn and Maggie head to the pharmacy to get some stuff for Lori. Maggie is in quite a mood. She’s mad that Glenn told Dale (Huh? How’d that get back to Glenn? I thought Dale’s lie was pretty convincing.) She’s mad that Glenn calls the barn zombs Walkers, cuz to her they’re Mom, Shawn, etc. And she’s mad they’re going back to the pharmacy not for necessary supplies but just for some stuff Lori wants. So then of course it doesn’t improve her mood at all when there’s a ZOMB ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Glenn saves her bacon, grabbing a shelf (Take note: ANYTHING can be a weapon.) and knocking its head almost clean off. By the time they get back to the farm, Maggie is spitting nails. She hurls the stuff they got, including some baby-be-gone pills, onto the ground at Lori’s feet, and yells at her to run her own errands from now on.

Not that I’m a Lori cheerleader or anything, but she didn’t ask Glenn to go; he volunteered. Also, Glenn didn’t ask Maggie to go with him; SHE volunteered. Also, people have roles, dammit. Shane and Rick: protectors. Dale: wise old owl. Glenn: the go-getter. And he’s good at it. I mean, who the hell else are you going to send on supply runs? Carol???????????????????

Anyhoo, in a repeat of Andrea-Shane earlier, Maggie storms off in a huff; Glenn follows and tries to calm her down. She plants one on him (Nice.), tells him that he’s nothing more to his friends than Walker bait, then re-storms off. Uh oh. So, when the time comes for Rick et al. to leave the farm, is Glenn going to choose to stay behind? Nooooooo. I swear to god, I’ll stop watching.


Off TESFSing, Andrea and Shane are searching an abandoned neighborhood when suddenly there are zombs all over the place. Shane decides this is a teachable moment and instructs Andrea to try shooting* them. At first she panics, but then she starts picking them off right and left. You go, girl! On the ride back to the farm, the self-satisfied smile on Andrea’s face is priceless. Clearly, killing zombs makes her very happy. Oh — and it apparently makes her very horny, too. She grabs Shane’s crotch and gives him The Look. Shane, who does not need to be asked twice, slams on the brakes so they can get busy. For my peace of mind, I’m going to pretend/assume that Andrea thought to grab her birth control pills as she was packing to leave home.

In her tent, Lori takes a bunch of baby-be-gone pills, then changes her mind and runs into the woods to throw them up. Shane and Andrea return, tell Carol news she is by now used to hearing: no sign of Sophia. They also, through their matching goofy grins, unintentionally tell Dale — Nothing gets by that guy! — that they totally got it on. Dale confronts Shane, tells him he (Dale) has his suspicions about how Otis really died. High five, Dale! Shane coolly responds that if he (Shane) is such a bad guy, then it’s probably not smart to threaten him.

If Shane hurts Dale, I’ll kill him myself.


And now, at last, the too-long-delayed Revealing Of The Pregnancy. Rick enters the tent, finds empty baby-be-gone pill packets, confronts Lori. He’s pissed she didn’t tell him and that she even thought about killing their baby. She says she doesn’t want to have a baby under these conditions, especially since Doc is making them leave. Rick says not even giving the baby a chance isn’t fair and says they can figure it out — but they can’t have any more secrets, and is there anything else he should know? She admits to the Shane thing, and … yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Rick reacts exactly as he should. He forgives her. “You thought I was dead,” he says simply. (Awwwww. He loves her so much.) And the episode ends. Good, cuz after the last two or three edge-of-your seat omg-inducing cliffhanger endings, my heart needed a break.

*Where did all this ammo suddenly come from? In the premiere, they hid under cars rather than shoot the zombie herd. When Otis died, he and Shane were down to their last bullet each. But now all of a sudden, there’s so much extra ammo everyone can have multiple target practice sessions?

The Walking Dead, 11/13/11

Not that every woman who sleeps in is preggo or anything, but if Lori’s trying to hide the fact that she’s carrying Shane Jr., she should be a little more careful to stick to a normal routine. Anyway, once she’s finally up, Carol asks if she’d ask if it’d be ok if they cooked dinner for Doc and his peeps since, Carol says, Lori is the “unofficial First Lady.” Lori is amused by this.


Now that all the previously ailing are able, The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS) resumes. Again. During planning, one of Doc’s people, a young fellow named Jimmy, says he’d like to help. (I immediately want to tell him this is a bad idea. It’s like on those old episodes of Star Trek when Kirk, Spok, and baby-faced young Ensign Smith would go off on a mission. Guess who wouldn’t make it back?) Ricks asks Jimmy if Doc’s ok with it; Jimmy says yes, then says he wants a gun. “People in hell want slurpees,” Daryl growls, LOL, then heads off to borrow a horse.

Glenn sits playing guitar on the porch; Maggie approaches. Not one to beat around the bush, he pointedly tells her there are eleven condoms left. She’s all, “You see eleven condoms; I see eleven minutes of my life I’ll never get back.” Hey, cut him some slack! He was nervous; plus you totally came out of nowhere with that proposition. I’m sure next time he’ll last at least fifteen! :)


Out in the forest, Shane and Rick have a pretty hilarious conversation recollecting past sexual conquests. Then they argue. Shane thinks that the fact that everyone’s still TESFSing is beyond ridiculous. I’m sorry, but … I agree with him. Rick says he feels responsible for Sophia cuz he was the one who got her lost. Off TESFSing on his own, Daryl is riding along when he sees Sophia’s doll in the river. He climbs down a steep embankment to retrieve it; then returns to his horse — which gets spooked by a rattlesnake, throws him, and runs away. Daryl falls and falls and falls down the embankment, landing in the river with his arrow in his side. :( He tries to climb back up but falls again. :(

On the farm, Glenn confronts Lori, wants to know why she hasn’t told Rick yet. Which is a good question. She should get this out of the way. Make the happy announcement, then later when Shane asks if it’s his, lie about how many periods she’s missed. Both men are dark-haired; it could work. Maybe she’s not saying anything cuz she’s worried everyone will be so mad at her for being dumb enough to get pregnant that they’ll revoke her First Lady status.


Doc sends his youngest daughter (Awwww, she’s adorable! Send her in to play with Carl. He needs a new friend since SOPHIA IS NEVER GOING TO BE FOUND.) to summon Rick. Doc’s mad that his horse was taken and that Jimmy is TESFSing. That first complaint I can understand, since Daryl apparently took the horse without asking, but that latter one is entirely Jimmy’s fault. Rick specifically asked that little turd if Doc was ok with this, and Jimmy said yes. Liarpants. Rick, ever the peacekeeper, says it’s merely a communication problem and everything will be run by Doc from now on, but the look on Doc’s face as Rick walks away says Doc’s clearly not happy to have visitors. Hmph. I’m grateful to Doc for saving Carl, but I don’t like him very much.


Out in the woods, Daryl is lying semiconscious in the river. Someone approaches. A zomb? No, it’s his brother Merle! Well, Dream Merle. (We know he’s imaginary because he has two hands.) Every bit as racist as Real Merle, Dream Merle gives Daryl a bigoted pep talk, then kicks him fully awake — just in time for Daryl to realize a zomb is gnawing on his shoe and another is shambling toward him. ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH! But, no problem, because Daryl goes Fully Bad Ass. He grabs a branch, beats gnawer to death, yanks the arrow* out of his side, loads his bow, and shoots shambler in the head. (*Raise your hand if you, too, got mad at Andrea all over again for making Daryl waste an arrow on that zomb in the tree.) Now full of I-want-to-live adrenaline, he then again tries the climb, but loses steam. When it looks hopeless, Dream Merle appears again and motivates him as only a big brother can. “Kick off them damn high heels and climb, son!”

Doc tells Maggie he should have been asked if it was ok for Carol and Lori to make dinner, then asks her what’s going on with her and “the Asian boy.” (Oh good god. Yes, he’s old, and yes, at least he didn’t use a racial slur, but I’m suddenly thinking he’d get along great with Dream Merle.) “Don’t get close to them,” Doc warns her.

Glenn, frustrated cuz Maggie’s giving him the cold shoulder, runs a theory by Dale.
- Glenn: “I read somewhere that when women spend a lot of time together, their cycles line up, and they all get super crazy hormonal at the same time.”
- Dale: “I’m gonna advise you to keep that theory to yourself.”
LOL. Glenn keeps Lori’s secret, but does tells Dale that he and Maggie did the naughty. Dale tells him to for the love of God not let Doc find out.


“Walker!” Andrea yells — but it’s not a zomb. It’s a bloody, wounded, and exhausted Daryl shuffling back home. Andrea grabs a rifle, but everyone tells her not to shoot. Theodore (or, as Doc probably calls him, “that negro boy”), Rick, Shane, and Glenn run out to kill it with handheld weapons. Andrea aims. Dale again tells her not to shoot. She ignores him — and shoots Daryl seconds after Rick et al. realize he’s still human. IDIOT BEEYATCH. I’m all for the killing of zombs, but not with a gun 1. after you’ve been asked not to use firearms on your host’s property and 2. everyone’s telling you not to shoot and 3. there’s absolutely no need to waste the ammo! (Although, in all fairness, Daryl looked just LIKE a zomb.)

Oh my god, longest commercial break ever.

Thankfully, Andrea’s bullet only grazes Daryl’s head. Doc bandages it, tends to the arrow wound, then gripes about how quickly they’re running through the antibiotics. Oh, I’m sorry that your man Otis shot Carl, who then needed antibiotics, and that your horse almost killed Daryl, who then needed antibiotics. Prick. (And aren't they Daryl's antibiotics?????)

Shane again brings up to Rick the fact that people need to stop risking their lives TESFSing. I’m sorry, but … agreeeeeeed.

Dinner is an awkward, silent affair. Glenn tries to break the silence asking if anyone knows how to play guitar. “Otis did,” his wife answers, and thus ends that endeavor. Maggie passes Glenn a note asking where he wants to meet again. He scribbles a response, but Doc glances in her direction, so she can’t read it just then. Carol brings a recuperating Daryl a plate of food, kisses his bandaged head, and tells him he's just as fine a man as Rick or Shane. That was nice of her. Later, Maggie opens Glenn's note to see that he wants to meet in the hayloft. She immediately takes off running for the barn. Glenn’s already there, up in the hayloft, looking for a comfy place for Sex With Maggie, Round II — when he smells something awful … and shines his flashlight down on like 20 zombs being held in the barn.

Scream it with me: “WTF??!?!???!!?????”

My theories:
- Doc’s keeping the zombs to observe them. This has been done in Resident Evil: Extinction, I Am Legend, and 28 Days Later — though in none of those movies was a frigging horde being kept.
- The zombs are Doc’s friends and family members. He’s keeping them so that they can be healed once the cure — which, you remember, he told Rick that he firmly believes will be found — is discovered.

LOL, from The Talking Dead:

The Walking Dead, 11/6/11

Daryl, Andrea, and Carol arrive at the farmhouse just in time for Otis’s memorial service, during which Otis’s wife begs Shane to say a few words. With guilt eating him alive (Fitting.), Shane repeats his lie about Otis sacrificing himself. Ok, at this point it’s best to just let everyone believe this. Otherwise Otis’s family would NEVER get closure, Lori and Rick would feel horrible that a man was murdered to save their son, and Carl would have to feel guilty the rest of his life. So you’re a jerk, but good call, Shane. Post service, planning for TESFS (The Endless Search for Sophia) resumes. Doc (sorry, I really hate the name Hershel) irritates me insisting that no guns be used on his property(Finally, Andrea has a legitimate reason to be irritated.); to keep the peace, Rick agrees. Later, Shane asks Lori if she meant it when she asked him to stay; she says yes. As I was the last time she begged him not to leave, I am confused by this. She doesn’t want Rick to find out they were sleeping together, so why doesn’t she want Shane to leave? Shane can’t participate in TESFS cuz he has a sprained, swollen ankle; Rick can’t go cuz he’s still weak from blood-giving; that leaves Daryl, who starts off for the woods alone. Rick tells him he doesn’t have to stick his neck out like that, but Daryl wants to go. Daryl’s really turning into the go-to guy.

Doc tells Rick that once Carl’s fit to travel and Sophia’s found, he expects them all to be on their merry way.

Maggie needs to make a pharmacy run to get medical supplies; Rick suggests she take Glenn with her. Of course he does. Since they spent all last episode pre-flirting, clearly things’re going to get a little more intense this episode. *jealous* Maggie approaches Glenn with a very full-of-meaning “I hear you’re fast on your feet and know how to get in and out.” Ha ha ha to the haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ok, I officially like Maggie. Because that, my friends, was awesome. Lori sidles up to Glenn (The chicks are loving him this episode.) and asks if he can get something from the pharmacy for her. Like the rest of planet earth, I at first assumed it was tampons, but when Glenn had no idea what it was or where to find it, I realized it was a preggo test. (A guy would totally have no idea what EPT or First Response is.) So oh no, Lori might be preggo!!! THAT’s why she doesn’t want Shane to go, cuz she might be carrying his kid. Ok ladies, let us discuss. Unprotected sex during the zombie apocalypse: yay or nay? I get that some hot survivalist sex may be quite tempting, but I hope I have the presence of mind to go with nay. Number one because any STD you catch 1. will have to go untreated :( and 2. will slow you down, making you an easier target for zombs; and number two because — HELLO? — you might get preggo. There is no way in hell I’m going to be running around during the reign of the undead pregnant/with a baby! So, sorry guy, you’re just going to have to settle for having the situation HANDled, if you catch my drift. Hey, it’s better than nothing! Be damned if I end up like Lori. The way she’s been getting it on at will with Shane-then-Rick, I thought maybe she had her tubes tied and didn’t have to worry about such matters, but nope. Fail, Lori. FAIL.


Dale and Theodore (who asks Dale to never mention that delirium-induced craziness he spouted on the highway, lol) are busily pumping water when Dale discovers a zomb in the well. Ewwwwwwwwwwww. It’s all slimy and bloated and ewwwwwwww. Theodore and Glenn want to shoot it, but Andrea and Maggie say no, cuz that’d contaminate the water. So Glenn is lowered into the well to tie a rope around the zomb’s neck. Uh oh. Wait for it … AAAAARRRRRGGHH! The support breaks! Glenn almost falls right on top of the zomb nooooooo save him save him pull him out he’s screaming I’m screaming everybody’s pulling the rope pull guys pull — and he’s out. WHEW! (There are only two minorities on this show, and if either one dies, I am going to be highly upset, dammit.) Somehow during the mayhem, Glenn managed to get the rope around the zomb's neck. Nice. Heave! They try to pull it out of the well, but it tears in half. Yuck. All that for nothing.


Out in the woods, Daryl finds a house. It’s deserted, but he sees a bed pallet and empty food cans … no Sophia, though. Shane, Carol, and Andrea check the highway where they left a note for her … no Sophia. On the way back, Shane tells Andrea, “There ain’t nothing easy about taking a man’s life... But when you get it done, you have to forget it. I guess I haven’t quite got that last part down yet.” Otis guilt, Otis guilt, Otis guilt.


In the pharmacy, Glenn gets Lori’s preggo test, and then Maggie offers him sex. Wait — what? He’s caught completely off guard and goes all kinds of stuttering dork on her, but gets with the program soon enough. Hi five, Maggie! And I fully support this because she propositions him only AFTER finding a box of condoms. Pay attention, Lori. On the horse ride back, Glenn is all smiles. LOL. Doc and Rick are chatting out on the farm; Rick’s mad at God cuz Carl got shot. Doc points out that Rick survived getting shot, then managed to find his wife and son, then Carl survived getting shot. Rick says that just means God has a weird sense of humor. Later, he asks Doc to reconsider making them all leave. Doc says if everyone respects his rules, he’ll consider it. Uh oh. I hope one of those rules is not, “Nobody have sex with any of my daughters.” Maggie and Glenn return; he gives Lori the preggo test; she stuffs it in the back of her jeans.

In the RV, Daryl brings Carol a Cherokee rose. According to legend, it grew along the Trail of Tears where the tears of all the mothers losing their children fell. Carol is comforted by this. Awwwwwwww. That was really super duper nice of him. Lori sneaks outside to take the preggo test, and it’s positive. Instead of a plus, it should have said “duh.”

Next week’s preview: THE RETURN OF MERLE! THE RETURN OF MERLE! And he’s up to no good. Prediction: Daryl's going to have to choose between the group and his brother.

The Walking Dead, 10/30/11

This episode opens with a flashforward: Shane standing naked (I approve.) in a bathroom shaving his head. Well, since I doubt he’s worried about lice, I’m assuming something pretty intense happened to cause that.

Back to now. Shane and Otis are running through the high school, zombs hot on their trail. Underscoring the importance of staying physically fit in the zombie apocalypse, Shane is way ahead of Otis. Eventually, they are trapped atop some bleachers, then split up. In the RV, Daryl can’t sleep cuz Carol won’t stop crying and Andrea is noisily reloading a gun. He leaves to go look for Sophia some more; Andrea goes with him. (FAIL. You do not go traipsing through a pitch black zomb-filled forest at night.) At the farmhouse, Glenn and Theodore arrive. Lori and Rick argue. She’s wondering if Carl wouldn’t be better off dead than having to grow up amongst walking corpses. The answer is OF COURSE NOT, though I kind of understand why a parent would ask that.

Carl wakes. He starts to tell Lori about how beautiful the deer was, but has a seizure. Doc takes more blood from Rick, who by this point should be unconscious. In the forest, Andrea and Daryl come across a zomb hanging in a tree, the end result of an attempted suicide. She wants him to shoot it; he says that’d be a waste of an arrow. He asks if she’s suicidal; she says she’ll answer if he’ll put the zomb out of its misery. (*eye roll* Yes, let’s suddenly start caring about the poor, suffering zombs.) She says she doesn’t know; Daryl says what I was thinking, “Not much of an answer,” and kills the zomb. At the RV, Carol joins Dale on the roof; he decides to go for a walk and hands her his rifle, she says she doesn’t know how to use it.

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME??!??!??? It’s the mother effing zombie apocalypse, AND you have a child to protect, but you don’t know how to use a gun? That’s the first order of business! Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carol with so much as a baseball bat. *annoyed* There will be no Carols in my group of survivors.


At the farmhouse, Theodore is getting his arm stitched up and his told he got the antibiotics just in time. Ok, we can all officially stop worrying about Theodore. They are so not going to kill the last black man on earth. Glenn and Doc’s daughter have some interaction which could be labeled pre-flirting. *jealous* Almost-bloodless Rick, who is white as a sheet and has bags under his eyes, points out to Lori that when Carl woke, all the kid wanted to talk about was the pretty deer in the woods, not how terrible life is, which proves that he’s happy and not better off dead. Doc tells them they shouldn’t wait any longer; he needs to attempt the surgery or Carl’s going to die. They give him the ok. At that exact moment, Shane arrives with the medical supplies Doc needs — but without Otis. Poor guy didn’t make it. :(

Daryl and Andrea return to the RV. Dale gives her back her gun, asks if she forgives him. I was expecting another dumb rant, or perhaps a theatrical “I can’t!” but she says, “I’m trying.” Good.


Doc’s daughter is crying over Otis; Glenn chats with her to take her mind off. *jealous* Carl pulls through surgery ok. THANK GOD. Now get some rest and drink some fluids, Rick. Crying with relief at Carl’s side, Lori asks Shane to stay. He nods. Then he goes upstairs to take a shower. In the bathroom mirror, he notices a patch of hair missing … which, we learn, Otis ripped out during the struggle as Shane shot him and left him for zomb food so that Shane could escape. WHOA! Shane shaves his head to hide the bald spot. Episode ends.

And now, I’m going to shock you: Shane’s actions were understandable.
1. If Shane hadn’t done that, they both would have died, which means Carl would have died.
2. You could argue that Otis had to sacrifice his life in order to save the boy he almost killed.
3. Shane is in love with Lori. He couldn’t let her son die.
Having said all that, I don’t doubt for a second that Shane was just as motivated by his own will to live as much as his desire to save Carl. Mind you, I didn’t say “right,” just “understandable.” Plus, THIS IS ALL CAROL’S FAULT. If she knew how to shoot a damn gun, she could have killed the zombs chasing Sophia, and Carl never would have been shot.

The Walking Dead, 10/23/11

Past! We learn that on the day Rick got shot, he and Lori had had a big fight, but she still loved him.

Present! Rick is running through a field, a bleeding and unconscious Carl in his arms. :( Otis, the rather rotund fellow who shot Carl, is too slow; Rick leaves him and Shane, follows Otis’s yelled directions to a large farmhouse. A doctor, his two daughters, and a young man are there. Rick rushes up. “Was he bit?” Doc asks straightaway. Wise query. Surgery begins immediately. Shane and Otis arrive; Shane wipes Carl’s smeared blood off Rick’s face, calms him down. It’s kind of touching. I really hope Rick never finds out about Shane and Lori. (Although, even if he does, shouldn’t he cut them some slack? They thought he was dead.)



Out in the woods, Andrea assures Carol that Sophia’s probably ok — and Carol, in a moment of incredible insensitivity, says she hopes Sophia doesn’t end up like Amy (Andrea’s recently deceased sister). WTF? Carol hastily apologizes; Andrea initially bristles but handles it well. I, however, would have roundhouse kicked Carol in the face. Andrea tells Carol they’re all hoping and praying with her. Daryl says screw the praying. Sophia’s going to be fine, dammit. Lol. At the farmhouse, Rick is beating himself up about having let Carl accompany him and Shane to search for Sophia. (I hate to agree with him, but …) Shane tells him not to blame himself. Carl, poor little guy, wakes up screaming and struggling during surgery, then, thankfully passes back out again. The doctor digs out one bullet fragment … of six bullet fragments. :( When she’s found, I want somebody to roundhouse kick Sophia in the face.

Back on the highway, T-Dog is in bad shape. His arm wound is infected, leading to some pretty crazy musings. Oh, and we learn his real name: Theodore Douglas. Good. I’m not calling him T-Dog anymore. Sounds like he should have gold teeth and a platinum rap album. Dale suggests they search the cars for antibiotics; they find none. THEODORE says being the only black guy in the group makes his situation pretty precarious (heh) cuz of the “two good ol’ boy cowboy sheriffs and a redneck.” Level-headed Dale reminds him that the redneck saved his life and that the cowboys have been doing a damn good job keeping the group safe. Theodore suggests they hit the road and leave everybody. Dale, realizing something’s wrong, feels Theodore’s head. Dude’s burning up.

Rick’s weak after giving Carl a blood transfusion; despite that, he wants to go get Lori. Shane talks sense into him. Shane is trying really hard to make us all forgive him for the attempted rape. Doc needs to put Carl under to remove the bullet fragments and stop the internal bleeding; he’ll need medical supplies, which Otis says they can find at a high school five miles away, where a FEMA shelter was set up … though it was overrun with zombs last time he saw it. Rick’s too weak, so Shane says he’ll go; Otis, God love him, says he’ll go, too. One of Doc’s daughters asks Rick where to find Lori.


Out in the woods, ZOMB ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Ok, look. I know that in high-pressure situations, it’s very easy to lose one’s head, but still. Andrea gets a big fat FAIL. First, she stabs the zomb in the chest instead of the head; then she trips and falls. *sigh* Fortunately, at that moment, Doc’s daughter comes galloping up on a horse and clocks the zomb in the head with a baseball bat. Nicely done, daughter!!! (I also want to point out that for somebody pretending to be oh-so suicidal and ready to die, Andrea sure was fighting pretty damn hard to get away.) Daughter tells them Carl got shot, tells the others how to find the farmhouse; then she and Lori ride away. Daryl finishes the zomb off with an arrow to the head. And a “Shut up.” Lol.


At the farmhouse, Doc gives his take on the zombie apocalypse: “Mankind’s been fighting plagues from the start. We get our behinds kicked for a while; then we bounce back.” That’s refreshingly optimistic. I hope there’s a Doc type in my group of survivors, to balance out the doom-and-gloom I-fake-want-to-die Andrea type. Daughter and Lori ride up, Lori and Rick cry over Carl, Rick gives Carl a second transfusion. Rick is now so weak he needs help walking. Let us not forget that 1. Rick’s pretty damn skinny and 2. he just woke up not all that long ago from a pretty lengthy coma. I hope somebody else has Carl’s blood type, cuz one more transfusion and Rick’s going to pass the hell out. After calling Otis “the idiot who shot my son” — Hey, knock it off, Lori. It was a mistake. — Lori’s nonplussed to find out that Doc is a veterinarian. Rick reminds her, before almost passing the hell out, they don’t have the luxury of shopping for surgeons. Well put, Rick. Now please go lie down.

Out on the highway, the group decides to stay put one more night in case Sophia finds her way back. Except Glenn, whom Dale orders to take Theodore to the farmhouse to see if they have any antibiotics — but then Daryl’s all, why didn’t you just say so, and pulls out a Ziploc bag containing “my brother’s stash”: crystal meth, ecstasy, pain killers … and antibiotics, because “Merle got the clap on occasion.” LOL. Thank you, Merle's STD. This is the third time tonight Daryl has LOLed me, and the second time he's saved Theodore's life. Daryl is officially not racist.


At the high school, Otis and Shane find zombs all frigging over the place. Eff! They throw some flares to distract them, and then dart into the FEMA trailer.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!! Only one should have gone, then when ready signaled the other, who would then either a. throw more flares to re-distract the zombs or b. drive around in the truck honking the horn all noisy-like and lead the zombs away, allowing the one in the trailer to sneak out, then circle back around and pick him up. (Yes, I totally thought that scenario out. You are supposed to be learning from this show, not just watching it, people.) Not only do Otis and Shane both go, they also don’t have an escape plan. Other than: run. Needless to say, they are bumrushed by zombs. (Otis, I’m glad to see, moves way faster than he did earlier when running after Rick and Carl.) They (barely) manage to lock themselves in a storefront. With a horde of hungry zombs struggling to get in. The episode ends.

How in the HAIL are they going to get out of this?