The Walking Dead: Welcome to The Tombs, 3/31/13

We open with Guv mercilessly beating the crap out of … Andrea???? Oh. No. Milton, for burning the walkers in the pit. A very bloodied Milton asks what would Guv’s daughter think? Guv replies that if he’d been tough all along, his daughter would still be alive. He takes Milton into the room where Andrea’s tied up, tells him to get the torture instruments on the table. Milton accidentally knocks some to the floor, and intentionally leaves one near Andrea. Guv hands him a knife, orders him to kill Andrea. Milton takes the knife … and attacks Guv. Nice try, but it’s not much of a physical contest; Guv guts Milton, then leaves him to die, come back as a walker, and eat Andrea. <<sad sigh>> Darn it Milton. You shoulda let Andrea blow Guv’s brains out.

At the prison, everyone’s packing up to leave. Carl looks a long time at his family photo, then at Rick’s sheriff’s star. Then he storms outside, ignores Rick, throws his stuff in a car, ignores Beth, and storms off. He’s in quite a mood. Glenn tells Rick Carl’s never been like this, not even after Lori died. I guess he doesn’t want to leave the prison? Rick looks up, sees Ghost Lori, shakes it off, goes inside. Daryl and Carol chat about Merle; Carol says his actions gave them all a fighting chance. Inside, Michonne tells Rick she understands that he had to consider Guv’s offer to trade her, then thanks him for taking her in when she first showed up. They’re all up in each other’s personal space, smiling. Hmmmm. Flirting?

At Woodbury, Guv is getting the troops all riled up to go kill the outsiders at the prison. Tyrese, Sasha at his side, tells Guv that they’re not going. This isn’t their fight; they’ll stay at Woodbury and watch over the children. Guv hands Tyrese a big ass gun and thanks him; then Guv et al. head out. They get to the prison, shoot the walkers outside the gates, crash through the gates, enter … and find the cell block deserted. They begin search the tombs. In the torture chamber, a dying Milton tells Andrea he left a pair of pliers behind her chair. As she tries to reach them, he asks her why she stayed in Woodbury after finding out her friends were at the prison. She says cuz she was trying to solve everything without anyone having to die. His voice getting weaker, he tells her she needs to hurry.

Guv and peeps quietly creep along. Until somebody drops a flash bomb/smoke grenade thingy, freaking everybody out. Shots are fired, people are screaming, smoke fills the air, walkers attack. Guv et al. run outside—and Glenn, Rick, Carol, Daryl, and Maggie open fire from hiding. Oh snap! They didn’t leave! Several people are killed. Disoriented and terrified, the Woodburyians run away or hop onto/into their trucks and drive off. Out in the woods, Carl, Hershel, and Beth, holding Judith, are hiding. A fleeing teenage boy crosses their path. Hershel and Carl point guns at him. Hershel orders him to give up his weapon. He slowly starts to hand it to Carl—and Carl shoots him. In the prison, everyone regroups; Glenn, Rick, Carol, Daryl, and Maggie celebrate their victory and decide to go to Woodbury to once and for all finish this shit. Carl tells Rick he (Carl) wants to go. Rick says no. Carl says he can handle it; he killed one of Guv’s soldiers. Hershel says that wasn’t a soldier; that was a frightened boy who was handing over his gun. Carl’s all, whatever, and storms off. Hershel tells Rick that Carl gunned that boy down for no reason.

Out on the road, Guv pulls his truck in front of the other vehicles, makes them stop. He orders everyone to go back to the prison. Martinez, Random Black Guy, and Ben are on Guv’s side; everyone else is with Karen, who says they don’t want to do this anymore, that was a slaughter, they’ll kill biters but not people, blah blah bla—Guv opens fire on them. Whoa! Yep. He simply guns them all down. A shocked Martinez and RBG, wisely, do nothing. Ben, stupidly, aims his rifle at Guv, but he’s too chickenshit to actually follow through, and Guv shoots him, too. Then Guv walks around, shooting everyone in the head. (I wonder if he’s at least got conscience enough to make sure they don’t turn … or if he just doesn’t feel like being bothered with any more undead right now … or if he’s just so pissed off that he wants the murderous joy of killing them twice.) As Guv goes around second-killing, he doesn’t realize that Karen is alive and unharmed, lying motionless underneath a dead body. Guv, Martinez, and RBG get in the truck, drive off. Well played, Karen.

At the prison, Rick asks Carl if the boy was handing his gun over. Carl admits that he killed the boy just to be safe. He did it, Carl explains, because that walker he didn’t kill then killed Dale, and Rick didn’t kill Guv who killed Merle, and, worst of all, Rick didn’t kill Andrew, that prisoner who let the walkers into the prison, resulting in Lori’s death. (And T Dog’s, Carl. Don’t forget T Dog.) Ok, I gotta defend Rick on that last one: he chased Andrew outside into a yard full of walkers. He tried to kill him; the squirrelly bastard just got lucky. Anyhoo, Carl’s explanation relieves me. I was afraid he was turning into a cold blooded killer, but his justification makes sense. In his experience, bad things happen when you don’t preemptively kill. So he’s Team When In Doubt, Take Them Out. Plus, he totally apologized to Morgan for shooting him, so I don’t think Carl is entirely heartless. Carl tells Rick to go kill Guv so Guv doesn’t kill any more of them, and storms off, deliberately dropping Rick’s star as he goes … but he’s still wearing Rick’s hat. Maggie and Glenn say they’ll stay and protect the prison in case Guv returns; Michonne, Rick, and Daryl head out. Out on the highway, they come across the deserted vehicles and walkers chowing down on the fresh kills. They kill the walkers, find Karen hiding.

In the torture room, Andrea gets free just as Zombie Milton rises up and approaches.

Night has fallen. Michonne, Rick, Daryl, and Karen sneak toward the Woodbury wall. Tyrese and Sasha see them, open fire. Karen yells at them to stop shooting, Guv went apeshit crazy and killed the others, Rick et al. saved her. Tyrese lets them in. Rick says Andrea never made it to the prison; they go looking for her. They find her with Zombie Milton. He’s dead, yay! But she’s been bitten. MOTHER %$&@!!!!! Andrea asks if the others are ok, then asks for a gun to kill herself. “I just didn’t want anyone to die,” she says. “I tried.” “You did,” Rick says. Michonne, crying, stays with Andrea. Rick, Tyrese, and Daryl wait outside. After a few moments, they hear a gunshot.

Morning. Daryl’s on his motorcycle, Michonne and Rick are in the truck, Tyrese and Sasha are in a bus. They arrive at the prison and start unloading stuff they got from Woodbury: a bunch of supplies and all the remaining residents. (Hence, the episode title.) Rick looks up … and does not see Ghost Lori. Here’s hoping she’s finally stopped haunting him (because he and Michonne are a future couple!!!!!). A-now-even-more-furious Carl demands to know wtf is up with all the new people; Rick says they will be staying with them from now on. Carl—of course—storms off.

Y'all. Guv is still out there. <<afraid>>

RIP.

The Walking Dead: Arrow on the Doorpost, 3/10/13

Rick and Hershel in the car, Daryl on his motorcycle, they approach a run-down farm. Rick and Daryl leave Hershel to keep watch in the car with his awesome hip holster gun and the one of new rifles. They’re pretty bad ass rifles, but still. Hershel???? Why not Maggie or Glenn or Merle? Or hell, Beth or Carol OR SOMEBODY WHO CAN WALK? Anyhoo, Rick and Daryl go noiselessly sneaking around, eventually approach a barn, and split up. Rick enters and comes face to face with … Guv. Ohhhhhh. That’s why Hershel. Maggie and Glenn don’t need to be anywhere near Maggie’s almost-rapist, and seeing Merle might get Guv riled up. Dammit, T Dog, why’d you have to die? You'd’ve been ideal for this. :(  Anyhoo, Daryl peeps in a window, sneaks away. Guv holds up his hands, (“Kill him!” I shriek.), then makes a big show of removing his weapon, asks Rick to do the same. Rick merely holsters his gun. Good call, cuz Guv then sits at a table to which a gun has been strapped.

Outside, Martinez, Andrea, and Milton arrive. Daryl wants to know why Guv is already inside, information Andrea is surprised and annoyed to hear, cuz that apparently wasn’t her plan. She enters, again asks Rick and Guv to end this so no one else has to die. Back outside, the boys are having a pissing contest. Daryl calls Milton the “butler” (which actually makes Martinez [and me] laugh), Milton calls Daryl a henchman, Daryl tells Milton to watch his mouth, Martinez tells Daryl to shut up. They get in each other’s faces; Hershel basically tells them all to grow up; they step off. We LODs (Lovers of Daryl) laugh at the stupidity of Martinez, to actually think he would have won that fight. Back at the prison, the others are arming themselves and distributing/stockpiling ammo. Merle says what they need to do is load up, drive to the rendezvous, and kill Guv. Michonne reminds him they promised Rick and Daryl they’d stay put; Carl and Glenn tell Merle no. Carl and Glenn as de facto leaders: like!

In the barn, Andrea’s trying to peace talk; Guv cuts her off. Rick says he knows what Guv did to Maggie; Andrea looks confused. Rick shows Guv a map, suggests they both agree to boundary lines that will never be crossed. Guv says no; an angry Rick says to Andrea she’d told him Guv was ready to talk. He and Rick order Andrea outside so they can get down to business. And she goes. ::sigh:: Season 2 Andrea had it out with Lori when Lori said Andrea should help cook and clean, yet Season 3 Andrea is ok with being bossed around? Andrea as doormat: dislike. So, Guv blames the whole Glenn-Maggie thing on Merle, saying he misjudged Merle, much like Rick misjudged Shane. He compliments Rick for caring for a baby that might not be his. LOW BLOW. Then he cheerfully offers whiskey.

Outside, a gaggle of walkers approaches. Daryl and Martinez again turn it into a pissing contest, taking turns showily killing. Andrea rolls her eyes and leaves them to it, haha. Afterward, they share a smoke … and their belief that the Rick-Guv Peace Treaty Attempt is going to be a big fat fail. Outside the barn, Milton and Hershel sit chatting. (Time out. I dig Hershel’s ponytail. It makes him look like a founding father. Time back in.) Milton is intrigued that the leg amputation kept Hershel from getting zombied, asks to see the stump. Hershel says, “At least buy me a drink first.” They chuckle. It’s not lost on me that all this temporary camaraderie just goes to show that if not for Guv being a misguided self-important insane loser douche, everybody would be living in perfect harmony. In honor of that, I’m just going to leave this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib-Qiyklq-Q. In the barn, Guv tells Rick a sob story about losing his (Guv’s) wife. Which I don’t believe for a second. Andrea told Guv about Judith maybe being Shane’s baby; no doubt she also told him about Rick losing Lori, and now Guv’s playing on that emotion to soften Rick up. At the prison, Merle loads a bag with guns and ammo and tries to head out. Glenn blocks the way. They start fighting. Merle pins Glenn; Maggie and Michonne jump in, grabbing his knife arm and chokeholding him. The three of them, with their barely restrained Merle hatred, totally would have murdered his one-armed ass right then and there, but, POW! Beth, who is totally following Carl into the Junior Bad Ass League, fires a shot into the ceiling, breaking it up.

Outside the barn, Hershel crutches over to Andrea, who asks what happened with Maggie. Hershel just says that Guv’s a sick man. An answer that vague can mean any number of things, none of them good. “I can’t go back there,” Andrea says. Has she come to her senses? Inside, Guv tells Rick he knows Rick acquired a good stash of guns the other day (Damn. Dude’s got spies everywhere.) and though his people aren’t combat-tested like Rick’s, there are more of them, and the fight will last til the last man—but Rick can make it all go away. Guv removes his patch to reveal his ruined eye, says he’ll back off if Rick will hand over Michonne. Whoa! So that's the real purpose of this meeting. Guv is hopping mad about being de-eyed and wants to, slowly and painfully of course, kill Michonne. Which, yeah, is SO RIDICULOUS. Since we've known him, Guv's had like twenty people taken out, faux-raped Maggie, had Glenn beaten almost unrecognizable, tried to kill everyone at the prison, and sent Merle to murder Michonne (thus facilitating the loss of his eye). And all that's ok ... but Michonne making him a little less pretty means SHE MUST HORRIBLY DIE, apparently. ::eye roll:: Hey Guv, megalomaniacal sociopath much?

At the prison, Merle tries to convince Michonne to go with him to kill Guv; she turns him down. Outside—YAYYYYYYY!— Glenn and Maggie chat and FINALLY reconcile. He apologizes for making the aftermath of her almost-assault all about him; they hug and smooch. ::cheering:: (Now if Daryl and Carol would for pete’s sake get it on already, I will be a happy fan.) Then they sneak inside for some quick make-up sex, and. It. Is. So. Hot. (Just so I won’t have to worry about this, I’m just going to pretend they totally use condoms, and Maggie is not going to get pregnantized and then die in childbirth like Lori.) Back at the barn, Rick asks if a dumb vendetta isn’t beneath Guv? Guv simply repeats his offer and gives Rick two days to think about it, says he’ll be back at the barn then at noon. Meeting over. They head outside … and Andrea gets in the truck and leaves with Guv. ::beating head into wall:: Back at Woodbury, Guv surprises NONE OF US when he orders Martinez to have men positioned all around the barn, and when Rick et al. arrive with Michonne, kill everybody but keep her alive. Uncomfortable with that, Milton says it’s a slaughter. Guv says they were going to have to kill Rick sooner or later. Guv thanks Andrea for setting up the meeting, tells her he gave Rick some terms to consider. “What terms?” she asks, he doesn’t answer. “Hope it works out,” she says coolly, then walks off. Well, she didn’t leave, but I think (hope) it’s safe to say Andrea is over Guv.

Back at the prison, Rick tells the group only that Guv wants them all dead, and they’re going to war. Later, he confides to Hershel that the offer was Michonne-for-peace. “He’ll kill her,” Hershel says. Rick nods. “And then kill us anyway.” But then Rick questions what if maybe possibly Guv’ll keep his word? HE WON’T, RICK. Hershel reminds Rick that Michonne told them about the Maggie-Glenn kidnapping and has saved many lives. Including his (Hershel's). Rick says yeah, he’s hoping Hershel can talk him out of handing her over. As are we all. Michonne is “one of us,” Carl said.

The Walking Dead: Clear, 3/3/13

Looking like the world’s grimmest carpool, Michonne, Rick, and Carl ride along, past a sign that reads, “Erin we tried for Stone Mountain.” They pass a guy hiking; he begs and screams for them to stop, but Michonne keeps right on driving. Sorry, dude. Down the road, she drives onto the shoulder to pass a blocked stretch of highway; the car gets stuck in the mud, then gets surrounded by walkers. “Erin,” says a bracelet one of them is wearing. Oh. :( Guess you guys can take that sign down on your way back. Rick cracks his window, begins blowing the walkers away. Later, Michonne waits behind the wheel as Rick shows Carl how to place branches and gravel under the tires to try to get some traction. But Carl’s feeling angsty and would rather argue than pay attention, questioning why Rick brought Michonne. Rick says cuz he didn’t want to leave her at the prison with Merle; plus, Guv wants all them dead, so for now they will work together against their common enemy. He stresses the “for now” part; Michonne, listening through the open car window, doesn’t look happy. Just then they hear yelling and look up; it’s Hiking Guy, running toward them from afar off, begging and yelling at them not to leave him. They get the car unstuck and leave him once more. Sorry again, guy. You can blame Guv for their mistrust of strangers.

They arrive in the little town where Rick once policed, search Rick’s old police station. No guns or ammo. Rick suggests checking bars and liquor stores on Main Street where he signed permits for the owners to keep guns. He think he detects pushback from Michonne, glares at her, asks if he has a problem. She glares back, very clearly says no. They head out … and pass a pile of burned walker corpses. Hmmmmm. Maybe this town ain’t so deserted. On Main Street, they see blockades set up, with ropes and spears and rats in cages to attract/trap walkers. Michonne suggests maybe someone’s already claimed the town. Gee, you think? But Rick insists on quickly checking the aforementioned establishments before they leave. A walker comes up behind them and gets stuck on the blockade ropes—then a shot rings out and it goes down. A guy on a rooftop pops up wearing a helmet and aiming a rifle. Rooftop Guy orders them to drop their guns, shoes, and sword, then turn around and leave. RG starts counting down from ten. Michonne whispers to Rick that she can get up to the roof. Rick whispers to Carl to run for the car. Rick fires at RG; they duck, split up, and run for cover. RG pursues them down onto the street … where Carl shoots him. He goes down. “I told you to go to the car,” Rick says. Um, Rick. Carl? Follow directions? Haha, yeah right. Anyhoo, RG was wearing body armor and isn’t dead, just out cold. Rick removes his helmet—WHOA OMG IT’S MORGAN!!!!

Michonne wants to leave him, but Rick refuses to leave Morgan while he’s unconscious. They carry him in, carefully avoiding his booby traps, and upstairs to find … weapons and ammo galore! Yay! They get busy loading up. Rick finds the walkie talkie he used for a while to keep in touch with Morgan, and, sadly, a note scrawled on the wall that Morgan’s son Duane was zombied. Rick announces, to Carl and Michonne's displeasure, that he wants to wait for Morgan to wake up. So Michonne sits and grabs some chips.
-- Rick [annoyed]: “We’re eating his food?”
-- Michonne [chowing down]: “The mat said welcome.”
Ha ha! Then Carl says he want to go check the daycare around the corner to get a crib for Judith; Michonne says she’ll go with him. They leave. Outside, as she’s killing a walker, Carl tries to give her the slip. She catches up to him; he admits there’s something else he wants to get Judith. Meanwhile, Morgan wakes up certified crazy, screaming, accusing Rick of wearing a dead man’s face. He grabs a knife and tries to kill Rick, stabs him in the shoulder. Rick grabs his gun. Morgan begs him to kill him. Rick ties him up, talks to him, gets Morgan to remember him. And then Morgan remembers that Rick gave him a gun once and tried to get him to shoot his zombie wife Jenny, but he couldn’t do it … and then later, Zombie Jenny got Duane. :(

Michonne and Carl approach a café with walkers galore inside. Michonne won’t let Carl go in. Carl tells her she can’t stop him and starts to storm off. She stops him, tells him he can’t stop her from trying to help. They go back and sneak inside, using Morgan’s rats in cages to distract the walkers. Carl gets a picture off the wall; Michonne slices a walker that tries to grab him; then in the rush to get outside, Carl drops the picture. Michonne sneaks back in and gets it. It’s a picture of Rick, Lori, and Carl. Carl tells Michonne he wanted Judith to know what her mother looked like. Awwwwwwww. Michonne says she was planning to go back inside anyway, holds up a paper mache cat. They laugh. Omg, they’re like totes BFF now. Meanwhile, Rick’s trying to convince Morgan to go back with them, tells Morgan that he can come back from this, that he can belong to something. (Rick, please use this pep talk on yourself the next time Ghost Lori shows up.) Morgan refuses, says he has to stay in the town and clear.

Carl and Michonne return, team-carrying a crib. Rick grabs the ammo/weapon bags; they leave Morgan clearing walker bodies. Carl pauses to apologize to Morgan for shooting him; Morgan says don’t ever be sorry. At the car, Carl tells Rick that everything went ok, and Michonne is good people. Rick is surprised and pleased to hear it. Then Michonne tells Rick that it’s ok that he sometimes sees people who aren’t there; she used to talk to her dead boyfriend. Rick chuckles, and—Shut the front door!—Michonne actually smiles. On the drive back, they pass the mutilated corpse of Hiking Guy; he got himself run over/eaten. They stop long enough to get his pack; then continue. Sorry again, guy. Guv's fault.

Yay, everybody loves/trusts Michonne now! But the real winner of this episode is: Judith, who no longer has to sleep in a mail bin.

The Walking Dead: I Ain’t A Judas, 2/24/13

It’s the day after Guv’s attack. In the prison, everyone is arguing. Hershel, who’s mad cuz nobody listened to him and now Axle’s dead, still wants to leave. Rick, temporarily cured of his crazy, wants to stay. Merle, who’s being kept locked up away from the others (probably in case Michonne or Glenn snaps and tries to kill him), says they should have sneaked away last night cuz by now Guv’s likely got all the roads blocked off. Rick tries to just walk off, but Hershel yells at him to “Get back here!” and then crutches over to remind Rick that he once said, “This isn’t a democracy,” and now he has to own up to that, because he (Hershel) put his family’s life in Rick’s hands. Do something!!! Rick goes outside for a look-see. He thinks he sees something outside the gates? Dammit, Ghost Lori, NOT NOW!!!! Carl joins him … and timidly suggests that maybe Rick should stop being the leader and let Hershel and Daryl handle things; Rick deserves a rest.

At Woodbury, Milton and Guv are tallying their available number of soldiers. Thirty-five, if they count people over the age of thirteen. Guv wants them armed and trained asap. Total 180 from let’s-throw-an-ice-cream-social Guv, haha. Andrea enters, demands to know what happened at the prison. Guv innocently claims that Rick’s group shot at them for no reason. She asks him for a car. He says the roads are blocked, then tells her if she goes to the prison to stay there. She leaves. Outside, she comes across an angry Karen, mad cuz Martinez is after her asthmatic 14-yr-old son Noah. Andrea asks why he’s training people to fight instead of to defend themselves. “Wake up,” Martinez sneers. Yeah, Andrea, seriously. Later, as Guv looks over the new recruits, she tells him about Noah’s asthma. Guv doesn’t care. (Duh.)

At the prison … they’re still arguing and trying to figure out what to. They need to try to repair the outer fence, but doing so would use up pretty much all their ammo. And they’re low on food, too. Glenn wants to hand Merle over to Guv, use him as a peace offering. Daryl, of course, says no. Rick says no; Glenn says nobody asked Rick to live with Shane after Shane tried to kill Rick. Hershel, who’s now wearing a gun in a waist holster—nice  touch—says Merle’s military training may be useful, then goes  to visit him. He quotes some Bible, and Merle shocks and astounds by not only finishing the scripture for Hershel, but knowing the chapter and verse. Then he tells Hershel that when Guv returns, he’ll kill him (Merle), Daryl, and Michonne first, then everybody else, then Rick last so he’ll have to watch his fam and friends die. That’s the kind of man they’re dealing with. Elsewhere, Carol goes to visit Daryl to tell him she’s glad he’s back and warn him not to let Merle bring him down. MAKE OUT ALREADY, DAMMIT. Elsewhere, Merle approaches Michonne as she exercises. He tells her he tried to kill her only because he was following orders, and he hopes they can get past it. He leaves. The look on her face pretty clearly says she’d love to take her sword and relieve him of his penis.

At Woodbury, Andrea asks Milton to cover for her while she slips out for a quick prison trip. He says it’s a betrayal. She says take a look around! Woodbury is now an armed camp with child soldiers, and she just wants to go try to talk the others down before more people get killed. In his office, Guv removes his bandages and examines his destroyed eye, gritting his teeth and shaking with fury as he does so. Then he puts on an eyepatch. Darn. I still hate him, of course, but I’ve always found eyepatches sexy. Milton enters and reports that Andrea asked for his help sneaking out of Woodbury to go to the prison. Effing snitch. Guv tells him to help her. Out in the woods, Andrea and Milton sneak up on a walker. Milton holds it down while Andrea chops its arms off, then goes all Edward-Norton-in-American-History-X on it and curbs it. Well, she uses a rock instead of a curb, and she removes its jaw instead of kills it, but still. It totally reminded me of that scene. She secures the mutilated walker, but before they can leave, another approaches. Andrea kills it. Another approaches—and Tyrese run up and kills it. Allen, Ben, and Sasha join him … then the four of them just stand there staring at Milton and Andrea, wondering why in the hell they have a mutilated walker captive. Milton explains “it’s a diversionary tactic” to keep walkers away. Tyrese asks if they have a camp; Milton tells them about Woodbury. They’re chomping at the bit to get there; he offers to take them and tells Andrea to go; he’ll cover for her with Guv. She leaves with her armless, jawless walker prisoner—Wonder where she got that idea? Tyrese et al. go off to swell Guv’s ranks. Thanks a lot, Ghost Lori.

Hiding behind her captive, Andrea approaches the prison. Keeping watch, Carl and Maggie see her and alert the others. Michonne observes Andrea’s walker-prisoner technique and looks … aw hell, I can’t read her face. Rick lets Andrea in, but it’s not the warm welcome she’s expecting. He throws her against the gate, gives her a pat down, disarms her, makes her get on her knees, takes her bag, then yanks her up and hauls her inside. You can thank Guv for that, Andrea. Inside, she and Carol embrace, but Carol’s the only one happy to see her. Everyone else is very standoffish. They tell her Shane, T Dog, and Lori are dead, and Andrea's asshole new boyfriend tore down the outer fence, shot up the prison, and killed Axle. She says she didn’t know any of that; why’re they being so hostile toward her? Especially if they can make nice with Merle, who kidnapped and beat Glenn. Anyway, she came to try to convince them to talk to Guv. He’s gearing up for war, and he’s got soldiers and weapons. Daryl, Glenn, and Rick make it clear that the only way this is going to end is with Guv’s death. Rick storms off. Michonne and Andrea have a talk in the yard. Andrea accuses Michonne of poisoning Rick and the others against Woodbury; Michonne says all she did was tell them the truth about the place. Andrea says Michonne was hostile from day one; Michonne says cuz she could see that Andrea was under Guv’s spell. And still is. Andrea says she’s still at Woodbury cuz the people there need her; Michonna says she didn’t realize the Messiah complex was contagious. Haha! Andrea tells her to go to hell and starts to storm off; Michonne tells her Guv sent Merle to kill her (Michonne), and he would have sent Merle to kill Andrea, too, if Andrea had gone with her. But she didn’t; she chose a warm bed over a friend. Ooooooh, that hits Andrea hard.

At Woodbury, Guv offers Tyrese and friends food and clothes, says when they’re ready to leave to head west and avoid north. They say they know; they just came from there, ran into some crazy guy in a prison. Milton asks if they know the layout of the prison? Tyrese says he could try to remember. Guv says no rush, sleep on it, they’ll talk tomorrow. He and Milton leave.

At the prison, Andrea holds Judith while Carol gives deets on how Shane and Lori died. Then Carol makes me LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER by advising Andrea to have sex with Guv, give him the night of his life, and then when he falls asleep, kill him. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa ha ha! Why, Carol! You vixen! You minx! Then it’s time for Andrea to say farewell. The give her a car; Rick returns her gun, tells her to be careful. In her rearview, she takes a long look at everyone as Merle opens the gate, then heads off. Night has fallen when she returns to Woodbury. She doesn’t bother sneaking in, just drives up to the gate in full view of the guards. She goes to Guv. He asks if Rick sent her back; she says nope, returning was her call. Cuz you belong here, Guv says, and they start making out. Is she doing what Carol suggested? Let us cross our fingers. At the prison, Beth sings. Yay! I dig her voice. And Glenn and Maggie are sitting next to each other and not fighting. Yay! Yesterday’s near-death scare made them realize life is too short, I’m guessing. During the song, Rick holds Judith as he confers with Hershel and Daryl. (Taking Carl’s advice, to some degree?) He tells them that tomorrow he’s going on a supply run. Daryl volunteers to go; Rick says no, hold things down here; he’ll take Carl and Michonne, whom I guess he now officially is no longer planning to run off. Good. Cut to: Guv’s moonlit bedroom, where he lies fast asleep. Naked Andrea stealthily gets out of bed. Gets her knife. Creeps over to Guv’s side of the bed. Raises the knife … and then lowers it and just goes to stare out of the window. Darn. Guess that explains the episode title.

The Walking Dead: Hounded, 11/18/2012

Merle and three more of Guv’s crew creep through the woods, stumble upon carefully arranged pieces of cut-up corpse. Merle says Guv was right to send them after Michonne. Whoa! To kill her? Guv, you jerk. One of the guys, Neal, realizes that the pieces spell “Go back.” Merle just laughs. Then stops laughing when Michonne leaps out, swords two dudes two death, uses one as a human shield to block Merle’s bullets, then runs off. Michonne = BAD ASS. One of the shots grazes her thigh. Merle chases her for a bit, loses her. He hurries back to Neal, who’s freaking out, and pep talks him into resuming the chase.

In the boiler room, Rick chats on the phone with a female. She can’t believe someone picked up, she can’t tell him where her group is, they’re somewhere safe, away from the zombies. Personally I’d’ve been like, “What exactly was the point of this call???” and hung up in her face, but Rick asks if she’d be willing to take in more people. She says she’ll call back in two hours. Rick gets cleaned up and rejoins the group. Doesn’t tell them about the phone call, says he killed all the zombies in the boiler room area. Daryl tells him they’re cleaning out the generator room area later. Glenn tells him he (Glenn) and Maggie are making a run later for ammo and formula. Rick says he’s busy cleaning out bodies, then hurries off. I notice that, though he mentioned his newborn daughter when pleading with Telephone Lady, he does not ask to see her.

It is, as always, a beautiful day in Woodbury. Andrea tells Guv she didn’t enjoy the fighting-for-entertainment, but she likes it here and wants to stay, and to contribute. He starts to suggest a position in food distribution (Sexist much?), but Andrea interrupts him and says she’s a good shot and wants to help defend the place. 

In the boiler room, Rick waits impatiently. The phone rings. It’s a guy this time. He wants to know how many people has Rick killed? Who where they? How’d Rick lose wife? Rick refuses to answer the last question, and Telephone Guy hangs up. “NO!” Rick screams in fury.

Atop the Woodbury wall, Andrea talks killing zombied family members with Bow and Arrow Girl. A zombie approaches. BAG shoots twice, but the zombie is lurching and pitching; she misses. Andrea jumps down, rushes over, knocks him to the ground, stabs him through the skull. BAG is pissed.

Hershel crutches into the boiler room to talk to Rick. He tells Rick that Lori told him (Hershel) she was sorry for how bad things got, that Rick did everything he could to keep the group safe, that he got them to the prison. Rick says the prison’s not safe enough. Hershel says there isn’t anywhere else to go. Rick says he got a phone call from a woman who said she was with a group in a safe place. Hershel picks up the phone and listens. I was sure he’d say, “Rick. There’s no dial tone,” and we’d realize that the calls aren't real. But Hershel just asks if the lady said where she was, so I guess they are? Rick says wherever they are, he’ll find a way to get them there. But don’t tell the others yet. Hershel offers to sit with Rick; Rick declines, wants to be alone. In the generator room area, Oscar, Daryl, and Carl prowl around, hunting zombies. Daryl tells Carl about when he (Daryl) was kid and lost his mother in a fire, how much it hurt when she was just suddenly gone. Carl tells him about how he (Carl) had to shoot Lori in the head. “I’m sorry about your mom,” Carl says. “I’m sorry about yours,” Daryl replies. Awwwww. Male bonding with a substitute father figure.

Guv sits writing at his desk. Andrea enters, says, she knows she wasn’t supposed to go over the wall, but she just wanted some practice. Guv says fair enough, but she won’t be working the wall. Andrea accepts this, then admits that she liked the fights. Guv says he figured as much because she stayed and watched them … and he suspects she likes him, too. Andrea smiles. (Oh, gag me. Look, I get that Andrea was not only physically very sick but also mentally and emotionally exhausted after eight or so months out there in the zombie apocalypse, but dammit, she’s too willing to accept the Woodbury mirage of perfection, ignoring zombies kept in cages for fights and the fact that Michonne had a bad feeling about the place. Hope she doesn’t come to her senses too late.)

Neal and Merle run through the woods. Michonne attacks, but the fight is interrupted by zombies. Michonne slices one’s stomach open; his bloody guts spill all over her. She kills him and runs off. Neal kills another that’s trying to eat Merle, who kills the last one. Merle says they can stop hunting Michonne; she’s off in the head, wounded, and headed for the red zone. She’s as good as dead, so they can tell Guv they killed her. Neal says he’s going to keep looking, and he won’t lie to Guv. So Merle shoots him in the face. Elsewhere, a limping Michonne draws her sword as zombies approach … and is astounded when they walk right past her. She looks down, realizes she’s covered in zombie blood and guts, and the stench is masking her.  

In his garden, Guv and Andrea sit chatting and sipping whiskey. *eye roll* They kiss. Gross. In the boiler room, the phone rings. The woman addresses Rick by name, tells him to tell the man about Lori. “How do you know my name?” Rick asks. She hangs up. Ok, WTF. Hallucinations or not?????????

In a parking lot, limping Michonne ducks down as she hears a car approach. It’s Maggie and Glenn, out looking for supplies. They kiss. Awww. Their search of a store is fruitful; they find food and formula, discuss the quickest route back to the prison. They’re about to load the truck up with when Merle pops out, gun drawn. They draw their weapons. Glenn recognizes him. “Merle?!” he asks, astounded. Merle recognizes him, laughs, puts his gun down. Asks if Daryl’s alive; Glenn says yes. Merle says if they’ll take him to Daryl, he’ll forget and forgive the past. Glenn says no, wait here; they’ll go get Daryl. Merle draws his other gun, grabs Maggie, puts it to her head, forces Glenn to get in the car and drive them back to Woodbury. Damn that bullet wound! I’ve been wanting Merle dead for three seasons now. Had Michonne not been injured, she could’ve sneaked up behind Merle and made my dreams come true.

Oscar, Daryl, and Carl kill a zombie. Daryl recognizes that the knife sticking out of its throat is Carol’s.

The phone rings. Ok, I was right. RICK IS CRAZY. The woman on the phone is ... Lori. (So Hershel didn’t hear a dial tone. Guess he realized what was going on, and decided to just let the grief-induced crazy run its course.) Rick tells Not-Real Lori he’s sorry he couldn’t keep her safe, that he thought there would be time later to try to patch things up. Not-Real Lori tells him to take care of Carl and the baby. Cut to: Guv and Andrea getting it on. *eye roll* Merle knocks. Guv dons a robe, steps into the hall. Merle reports that Michonne and zombies killed the three guys he was with, and he couldn’t bring back her head and sword because zombies attacked, but he brought back two hostages, people from that Atlanta group. Guv asks if they know Andrea; Merle says yes. 

Rick joins Carl, Beth, and Hershel, who’s holding the baby. Rick takes her, holds her, cries. Let us hope this symbolizes an acknowledgment of responsibility and return to sanity. Elsewhere, DARYL FINDS CAROL! DARYL FINDS CAROL!!!!!!!!!!!! In the prison yard, Carl, Beth, Hershel, and Rick, whose holding the baby (Name her already!), go for a stroll. Rick sees something, hands the baby to Carl, draws his gun, goes for a closer look. It’s blood-and-guts-covered Michonne, standing amongst the zombies outside the fence, holding the left-behind food and formula. Yay!