Top Chef Just Desserts, 10/26/11

For the challenge to determine who will win it all, the final three must make a display table featuring:
- showpiece
- bread element
- entremet cake (I love the yummy vocabulary this show has taught me.)
- bon bon
- and …

Johnny gets choked up remembering how he got to make his mother’s last birthday cake — Awwwww. How precious. I hug him through the tv screen. — then explains that they must also make a dessert for someone special in their lives. Hot Matthew and Chris have wives; I guess single Sally’s gonna go the mom route.
Then Jacques Torres, Sébastien Canonne, and Stephane Treand (automatic cool points for having a rhyming name!), giants in the pastry industry, enter. (YAY I GET TO HEAR FRENCH ACCENTS. Although my fave is still British.) They will be judging later, but for now providing input and being all mentor-like.


I’m so professionally jealous. What I wouldn’t give for, say, Stephen King to stop by and give me writing advice on my novel. Lucky damn dawgs. Wait—then I’m less jealous, because the three don’t just advise and leave; they stand around and watch Hot Matthew, Chris, and Sally cook. Nervewracking!!! But then they start helping. Stephane even washes dishes. Oh, you endearingly endearing Frenchies. The next day, all the eliminated contestants have returned to help. Hot Matthew gets Megan and Carlos, Chris gets Amanda and Rebecca (whose arm is STILL in a cast?!????), and Sally gets Van and Orlando. This latter selection makes her quite happy cuz he’s strong where she’s weak: showpieces.

Ok, I’m calling not-rightness. In every challenge when a showpiece had to be built, Chris and Orlando went head to head, cuz they’re the most skilled showpiecers. So it’s entirely unfair that Orlando is making Sally’s showpiece. Yes it’s her design; he’s just putting it together, but the challenge isn’t draw the best showpiece; it’s build the best showpiece. And Sally ain’t building nada. Hot Matthew and Chris are making theirs; Sally should have to make hers. This is cheating. Hot Matthew: “Chris’s showpiece is like, holy shit! As well as Orlando’s-I-mean-Sally’s.” Carlos: “I give Matt a lot of credit because he made his own showpiece … unlike some others.” Yeah, reason #42 I don’t want Sally to win.


Hot Matthew:
- entremet cake: hazelnut dacquois, raspberry and passion fruit gelee, milk jam, dark chocolate cremeux, milk chocolate whipped cream
- bread: focaccia bread with fresh thyme, olive oil, salt, and pepper
- bon bon: key lime BBs sitting on speculoos. Gail had never heard of speculoos, so she learned as new word.
- dessert: dark chocolate cake, raspberry mousse, cookies, pecan streusel, milk ice cream


Because the judges by now know Orlando’s work when they see it, Johnny asks Sally how much help she had on the showpiece. She readily admits Orlando built the whole thing, but says it was her design.
- entremet cake: chocolate caramel mouse, mango Bavarian, caramel cremeux, almond sponge cake
- bread: parker house roll w bacon, onion, gruyere
- bon bon: salted caramel milk chocolate BBs
- dessert: white chocolate espresso mousse and cashew nougatine inside a chocolate dome, chocolate cremeux, white chocolate espresso


Johnny points out that one of the brioches has fallen off Chris’s showpiece. Chris counters with “I made this myself. There was no help.” Exactly. Who cares if Sally’s piece was perfect? SHE DIDN’T MAKE IT.
- entremet cake: salty sugar dough, chocolate mousse, chocolate cake, vanilla cremeux, raspberry jam
- bread: brioche w maple bacon butter
- bon bon: coffee infused ganache and caramel BBs
- dessert: banana caramel inside butter almond cake topped with banana tuile and banana ice cream, with deglazed mango sauce

I do not envy the judges this decision at all.

Hot Matthew gets points for originality with speculoos. Johnny doesn’t get why he made a sugar showpiece if he’s better with chocolate, but Danielle says it looked like a love letter to his wife. His dessert gets knocked cuz it was confusing. Sally’s flow of color is praised.
She’s asked why she let Orlando do all the work. She says again that it was her idea and technique; he just put it together. Her dessert gets knocked cuz the mousse was seeping out of the dome. Chris’s showpiece gets knocked for the one falling brioche. (GET OVER IT.) His dessert gets high praise. They leave. Judges deliberate. They come back. Once again, all the eliminated contestants are there. (Ha ha haaa! Ok, this is just mean. It’s one thing to have to help the final three cook; it’s quite another to have to stand there and watch somebody else win.) And the winner is …

… Chris! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Yaaaaaaay! Good for him! YAY!

Top Chef Just Desserts, 10/19/11

Hot Matthew and Chris are eating breakfast. Hot Matthew says he’s going to have some Cap’n Crunch in honor of Carlos, eliminated last episode, who loved using it as an ingredient. I’m 1. suddenly craving breakfast cereal and 2. wondering why they have to blur the boxes if we already know what’s being eaten. Then Chris makes Hot Matthew and me LMAO and says he’s going to pour out a little Cap’n Crunch for Carlos. (For those of you unschooled in ghetto culture: when one of your homies dies, you pour out a little of your 40-ounce malt liquor in his memory.) Ha ha hahahaha ha! Oh please, oh please let Chris or Hot Matthew win.


Nope, no Quickfire. There are only four contestants left, so this ish just got real. For their last elimination before the finale, Gail informs the chefs, they must make a dessert inspired by international cuisine. Chris chooses France; Orlando, Spain; Hot Matthew, Italy; and Sally, Cuba. (Funny how they all pick countries that it kinda sorta looks like they come from. Well — except Orlando, lol. But his name sounds Spanish.)


Suzanne Goin is the guest judge, which confuses Sally, cuz Susan’s a savory chef.
We learn why she’s here when Gail tells them that the dessert has to look just like a famous savory dish from the country they chose. Oh? Coooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!!! We’re shown two examples: a “pork chop” made of cake and “buffalo wings” made of fondant. My head explodes. Holy crap, it looks so authentic! This is going to be fun.

How ironic that Carlos did this very same thing in the last challenge. I pour out a little Mountain Dew for Carlos.

Orlando makes me dislike him a little less when he discusses how his family rejected him when he came out of the closet. :( Let me just say right now to my future children: Mommy will always, always love you, no matter what. Sorry you had to go through that, Orlando. Now please don’t make me re-dislike you fully by not following directions on yet ANOTHER dessert.

What time is it? Johnny time! Chris, who has France, tells Johnny he’s making fake Beef Wellington, which gives Johnny pause. “Isn’t that English?” he asks. Uh oh. Is it? I hit up Wikipedia … and am left hella confused.
- “There are theories that suggest that beef Wellington is named after Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington.” Ok, so then it’s British?
- “Other accounts simply credit the name to a patriotic chef wanting to give an English name to a variation on the French filet de bœuf en croûte during the Napoleonic Wars.” Ok, so then it’s French-inspired?
- “It was invented for a civic reception in Wellington, New Zealand.” Ok, so then it’s Kiwi?
Oh, screw this. If the historians can’t agree, I’m giving the pastry chef a pass. One of the three countries laying claim is France, so go for it, Chris.


Hot Matthew made fake manicotti:
- pasta tube: carved crème fraiche cake
- filling: mascarpone mousse
- tomato sauce: strawberry-lemon compote
- parmesan cheese: white chocolate
- garnish: basil gelee
The judges love the look but say it’s very one textural and lacks complexity. I DON’T CARE GIVE IT TO ME NOW I WANT IT IN MY MOOOOOOOOOUTH.



Chris’s French/English/Kiwi fake Beef Wellington is up next:
- puff pastry: storebought puff pastry
- beef: entremet of dark chocolate mousse, vanilla cremeux, and raspberry jam
- gravy: salted caramel sauce
Gail says she thought Beef Wellington was British; Johnny explains the French tie-in. Yay! Thanks, Johnny. I would have been pissed if Chris had been knocked for that. The judges love it.


Orlando made fake paella:
- rice: coconut and saffron rice
- mussel: tuile
- sausage: roasted beets
- fish: compressed plums
Wow, he actually followed directions! And it looks great. (But to me, it sounds the least desserty of the four. Yuck. Me not want at all.) Most of the judges like it, though Suzanne says the beets don’t go with the rest of it.




Sally made a fake Cuban sandwich with plantain chips and fake potato salad:
- bread: brioche
- pickles: dyed pineapple
- pork: cream cheese mousse
- ham: strawberry caramel
- potatoes: banana and pineapple
- celery: Asian pear
“Cuuuuute,” Gail sings when she sees it. One of the judges says that this is the first dish that visually nailed it for him (Were his eyes closed during Hot Matthew’s service????) and that it tastes good. Suzanne says the mousse doesn’t look like pork; Johnny says it’s messy. (Since the challenge was not “Make neat-to-eat food,” that doesn’t seem like a fair criticism.)

Chris’s looked the most real, but not making his own puff pastry was a bad move. Hot Matthew’s looked great but was safe and simple. (BOO!) Orlando’s was imaginative, but the rice wasn’t cooked right. The mousse was a downer, but Sally’s sandwich and salad were “pretty close to perfect.” And the winner is … Sally. EFF. Hot Matthew got robbed. Chris is safe. Oh no, it’s between Hot Matthew and Orlando. *panicked, worried, nervous* YES!!!!!

Hot Matthew, Chris, and Sally in the finale. That rhymes.

Top Chef Just Desserts, 10/12/11

Ha ha haha ha! I’m so immature. That classic Cartman quote is the first thing I thought of when Gail instructs the final five that the Quickfire challenge is making a pie. (South Park > Family Guy.) Making a pie using only one hand, that is. Despite that, it better be their goodest, bestest pie ever, because the winner gets $5,000. Chris, who we learned has a daughter in need of heart surgery that’s going to cost roughly five times that, is eager to win.
Ok, I’m still Team Hot Matthew, because I am shallow and a sucker for a pretty face, but I will also be pleased if either Chris or Carlos, who has SIX DAMN KIDS TO FEED, wins. Which totally works, cuz I totally do not like Orlando or Sally. Guest judge this time around is “the king of macaroons” Francois Payard.

Ok, this is highly entertaining. In lieu of the off-limit arm, Hot Matthew is using his feet; Orlando, his knee; Carlos, his mouth … and big belly. LOL. After futilely trying to wrangle a vanilla bean with a huge knife, Hot Matthew says, “F*ck that; I’m using extract.” LOL. Uh oh — as he’s torching his meringues, he momentarily forgets the restriction and uses his other arm to move the plate.

- Orlando: raspberry, blueberry, strawberry, and blackberry pie
- Sally: double crusted plum-strawberry pie. She adds ice cream just before the
judges get their eat on. (We all remember that Chris was once disqualified for garnishing at the last minute [root veggie Quickfire], but I guess that was cuz he was adding the ingredient he was required to cook with, which amounts to cooking after time was called. Sally, however, is just adding a random ice cream scoop.)
- Chris: banana cream pie with banana caramel
- Carlos: raspberry lemon meringue pie
- Hot Matthew: DISQUALIFIED, for illegal use of off-limit hand! He’d made rhubarb pie with toasted meringue. As I said when Chris was DQed, I am greedy, so I at least would have tasted what he made.


Sally and Chris are in the bottom. Orlando and Carlos are in the top. Carlos wins! Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Elimination:
Dana Cowin, editor-in-chief of Food Magazine (I. WANT. HER. JOB.) will be hosting a carnival, at which the chefs must serve a classic carnival treats that they’ve transformed into upscale desserts. Let me emphatically state right now that if anybody chooses funnel cake, he or she better by-god get it right. I loooooove funnel cake, and I hated when Amanda’s didn’t turn out right in the water park challenge.


Sally picks caramel corn; Hot Matthew, fried apple pies; Orlando, candy apples; Chris, funnel cake ice cream! WOOT! — and Carlos, desserts that look like carnival food. During Johnny’s walk-through, he has sage advice for them all, the sagest of which is when he warns Orlando that his dessert isn’t very much like a candy apple. Surely, after Orlando got reamed in the water park challenge for serving a re-imagined root beer float that was NOTHING like a root beer float, he’ll take Johnny’s advice to heart.

- Sally: white corn brown butter cake with corn pudding and peanut ice cream over caramel corn. (YUCK.) The judges question the inadequate sugar level in her pudding.
- Carlos: passion fruit pâte de fruit toppd with strawberry between two little sesame angel food cakes, and on the side, churros standing up in a cup. IT LOOKS JUST LIKE A BURGER AND FRIES! How imaginative! “Playful,” says Payard.

- Oh boy, it’s funnel cake time! Chris: funnel cake, funnel cake ice cream with crumbled sable breton, agar strawberry jelly, cooked strawberries, mint foam. Too busy, say the judges. I'm not happy to see his funnel cake isn't dusted with powdered sugar. Funnel cakes need powdered sugar.
- Hot Matthew: mini caramel apple empanada with apple carpaccio and vanilla ice cream. Holy god, I want to lick the tv screen. I repeat: lick. the. tv. screen.
- Orlando: a chocolate apple entremet consisting of a chocolate biscuit soaked in apple martini mix, chocolate mousse, apple spiced gelee, vanilla creme brulee and a layer of chocolate mousse with chocolate crunchies. Um … WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALMIGHTY GOD DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH A CANDY APPLE? He did it again! He did it again! Dana Cowin actually has to ask what carnival dessert was his inspiration. Hubert and ponytail say that it lacks some texture.

Hot Matthew and Sally are in the top. Sally? YUCK. But it was cute how she’s so short he could kiss the top of her head, heh. I’m 6’2; nobody ever kisses the top of my head. Hot Matthew wins! YAAAY!


Orlando, Carlos, and Chris are in the bottom. (Ok, this is the second time that funnel cake has been someone's downfall. It is officially on the list of desserts never to be attempted again.) Nobody understands why Orlando’s dessert lacked caramel and was overwhelmingly chocolatized. Carlos’s was fun, “the best idea of the night,” but his angel food buns were too sticky, the burger fell apart, and the “fries” were cold. Chris’s had too much going on, the funnel cake was bland (read: needed powdered sugar), and the agar jelly was weird.

Carlos goes home. :( :( :( It should have been Orlando!

Top Chef Just Desserts, 10/5/11

Be gone, bad memories of last week’s yuck episode! For we are emphatically back to yum. Quickfire: everybody has to make a doughnut. Yay!

Wait — time out. Past guest judges Hugh Acheson, Ad Rock, and Jordan Khan are cuties, and this week’s guest judge, doughnut dude Mark Israel, is a total hunk, too. High five, Gail! Because I know she’s behind this. I can totally see her texting the guys’ headshots to Padma, with “U r so jealous!” Padma is so going to retaliate with a shirtless male model episode on the upcoming season of Top Chef Texas.

Ok, time back in. But this can’t be just any doughnut. It has to be worthy of $10,000! The chefs are all elated about this — then Johnny (whose headshot was also texted to Padma) enters and bursts everyone’s happy bubble: the loser of this Quickfire is going home. Oh snap! Who will create a delectable doughnut of dollars, and who will create a dastardly doughnut of devastation???? The chefs get to work.


- Katzie: beignet filled w date ganache fried in a cocoa batter rolled in nuts
- Carlos: orange and lemon zest bombolinis filled w passion fruit cream
- Orlando: spiced banana beignet
- Megan: cake doughnut w honey cardamom glaze
- Chris: citrus churros w raspberry jam
- Sally: espresso glazed doughnut w caramelized cashews
- Hot Matthew: ginger beignet w caramel and whipped javara cream

Drool drool drool *stomach growl* drool mouth-watering scrumptiousness NOM NOM NOM.


Sally and Carlos are the favorites. Carlos wins! Yaaaaaaaay! I hate Sally cuz she’s always hating on Katzie. Carlos, who has six damn kids to feed, nearly passes out from joy. Go Carlos! Megan is in the bottom; her doughnut was overglazed. OH NO, Hot Matthew is in the bottom, too. His sauce and doughnut were too much sweetness, and his cream added nothing. Orlando is in the bottom; the cardamom in his doughnut was undetectable. Orlando, who is incapable of taking criticism, says he didn’t promise a cardamom doughnut. Johnny says he couldn’t taste any spice, period. They argue. I cross my fingers and hope he gets sent home. Alas! It’s Megan. I liked her. :(


Elimination:
The chefs are split into two teams of three. They must make a “magnificent” chocolate showpiece plus an individual dessert. And they’ll be serving their desserts to each other and critiquing each other’s food. Red Team: Chris, Hot Matthew, Katzie. Blue Team: Orlando, Sally, Carlos. Chris and Orlando will be working on the showpiece for their teams. Chris: “My showpiece really doesn’t have a name or a theme; it’s just contemporary.” Orlando: “The theme to the showpiece is telling a story from where chocolate started off from a cocoa pod.” You say “proud of his work”; I say “pretentious.” Then Orlando says he always incorporates height because “I like my showpieces like I like my men: tall.” Wait — men???? I HAVE THE WORLD’S WORST GAYDAR. :(


Red Team:
- Chris: chocolate cream-filled chocolate brioche drizzled with butter and brown sugar topped w nutella crunch served w vanilla ice cream
- Hot Matthew: chocolate tart over liquid caramel w chocolate chibouse, compressed cherries served w chocolate sorbet
- Katzie: boca negra torte w praline-milk chocolate mousse, jasmine-and-passion fruit curd, candied violets, and whipped cream glace

Blue Team:
- Orlando: milk chocolate sorbet between puff pastry over mango coulis w cocoa sorbet
- Sally: manjari caramel mousse, spiced caramel cream, passion fruit gelee
- Carlos caramelized cremeux, chocolate mousse, peanut butter pudding, caramelized banana

Drool drool drool *stomach growl* drool mouth-watering scrumptiousness NOM NOM NOM.

I’m so not going to bother mentioning all the bullcrap criticism each team had for the other team’s showpiece and desserts. It was just a bunch of gratuitous nobody’s-is-as-good-as-mine bashing. For example, Orlando blathers on and on AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNNN about not liking the appearance of Katzie’s dessert. *eye roll* Moving on.


Judging:
Orlando, Sally, and Carlos win! Carlos had a very good day today.

Guest judge Wiley Dufresne (Every time he pops up as a judge I think the same thing: I love his name.) tells Chris that the texture of his dessert was strange. Johnny tells Katzie he couldn’t taste any jasmine her dessert. The judges felt that Hot Matthew’s dessert was too sweet.

Katzie is sent home. Darn! I’ve been Team Katzie ever since she won the Willie Wonka challenge. Guess I’m now officially Team Hot Matthew.

Top Chef Just Desserts, 9/28/11

Quickfire
For this challenge, guest-judged by the VERY cute Jordan Khan, the chefs have to incorporate a root vegetable into a dessert. Gross. Rebecca, who knows nada about root veggies, says “I’m sick to my stomach nervous.” Well I'm sick to my stomach, period. I get that the contestants’ creativity has to be tested, but this is very much not going to be as fun as the make-your-own-candy-bar Quickfire. I hate, hate, HATE the combination of savory and sweet. I HATE IT.

The chefs get their harvest on and dig up:
- Carlos: celery root
- Chris: jicama
- Orlando: radish
- Hot Matthew: parsnip
- Rebecca: potato
- Katzie: turnip
- Megan: something unidentifiable. Poor thing, she just stares at it. “It’s a burdock root,” Gail informs her. Megan is still clueless (as am I). “A what?” she asks, mystified. “A burdock root,” Gail says more slowly. I’m now rooting for Megan to win this, since she unearthed the weird one that the Top Chef Just Desserts peeps clearly included only so they could sound fancy.
- Sally: turmeric


As all the chefs stand there looking like they’d rather hurl their veggies through a window than cook with them — Seriously. They’re grimacing and frowning, lol. — Gail reveals the reason for the difficulty of the challenge: winner gets immunity … and $5,000. Suddenly, root veggies are celebrated and much loved. Whatever. This is still going to be YUCK, from start to finish.

- Rebecca’s inspiration was eating a Frosty with French fries from Wendy's. (I immediately gag. This is a battle I have fought with friends for years. That combination of foods is EFFING DISGUSTING. This episode is seriously grossing me out.) She made shoestring fried potatoes with chocolate sauce and malted ice cream. WHICH SOUNDS REVOLTING. Then inexplicably, she says “I can’t cook to save my life.” Huh? We know she means savory foods and not desserts, but still. Gail: “You shouldn’t say that on national television. On a cooking show.” Yeah, DUH, Rebecca. (Katzie silently LOLs.)

- Megan made a burdock root-five spice fritter with candied burdock root compote. Now, that actually sounds edible. And very inventive, for unlike Rebecca, Megan didn’t just put the veg on a plate and add chocolate. *shudder* I’m still Team Katzie, since Katzie won the Willie Wonka challenge, but Megs is growing on me.


- Katzie made soy milk panna cotta with mascarpone cream, caramel honey, turnip chips, almonds, and honey and orange blossoms. (Ugh. Katzie is one of those people who say “carr-mel” instead of “care-uh-mel.” Ugh.) I thought it looked edible; Sally says it looks like “a melty blob on the plate.” Sally has really been hating on Katzie ever since the Willie Wonka win.
- Chris gets eliminated when he puts his fried jicama on the plate in front of the judges, since that counts as cooking after time was called. Poor guy, out of the running for $5K. (I’m food-greedy, so I still would have at least tasted his dish if I were the judges. I’m also money-greedy, so I would have pitched a bitch-fit if I were Chris.)
- Carlos made celery root in three textures: frozen celery root granita, pickled celery root, and celery root chips with peanut butter pudding. WHICH SOUNDS REVOLTING.
- Hot Matthew made a caramelized parsnip cake with banana puree. Sounds edible. (Yay! Hot Matthew says “care-uh-mel-ized” instead of “carr-mel-ized.” Yay!)
- Sally made a mango pudding with turmeric topped with curry popcorn, pine nuts, and Thai basil. WHICH SOUNDS REVOLTING. And if you ask me, hers looks like a melty blob too, but in orange.
- Orlando made a peach and radish crumble with vanilla bean sherbet. Edible.

Rebecca and Carlos are in the bottom. Hot Matthew and Sally are on the top. (Megan got robbed!) Sally’s orange blob wins. Whatever. I wouldn’t eat ANY of that crap. This challenge was the opposite of delicious. Moving on.


Elimination:
Gail is joined by the Beastie Boys’ Ad Rock. COOL! But then, YUCK again. The chefs have to choose from foods mentioned in BB songs and use two in a dessert. Orlando: “What the f*ck are we going to do with all this shit.” Exactly, my brother. Exactly. Then, everyone has to pick a third ingredient for someone else. “A bit of sabotage,” says Ad Rock. (I see what he did there!)

- Megan selects whiskey and brass monkey. Katzie gives her onions.
- Hot Matthew selects whiskey and cornbread. Chris gives him potatoes and gravy — then worries that that might send his friend home. If it does, I’ll kill you, Chris.
- Carlos selects popcorn and bacon. Sally gives him cucumber.
- Chris selects pizza and pork & beans. Megan gives him ravioli.
- Sally selects cheddar cheese and prosciutto. Carlos gives her chicken.
- Katzie selects butter and fries. Orlando gives her gorgonzola and provolone.
- Orlando selects coffee & cream and rum. Hot Matthew gives him peas.
- Rebecca selects a 40 ounce and some ham. (Aka, breakfast in the ghetto.) Sally gives her falafel.

Gross nasty gross nasty YUCK. :( This episode is like the nightmare bizzaro offspring of Top Chef and Top Chef Just Desserts. I know, I KNOW: it’s forcing the contestants to step outside of their comfort zone. That doesn’t make it any less gross. Let’s skip to the judging so we can be done with this disgusting unappetizingness, shall we? I’m sorry, but savory+sweet is severely gross to me, and I just don’t care. :(

-- fast forwarding --

Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are in the bottom. Hot Matthew, Chris, and Sally are in the top. And I just want to call attention to this exchange:
- Chris (uber-relieved): “I’m going to go throw up now.”
- Gail: “You are not allowed to throw up, because you did not eat what we ate.”
WELL IF YOU DON’T WANT VOMIT-INDUCING NASTINESS, THEN DON’T MAKE THE CHEFS COOK DESSERTS WITH GORGONZOLA, ONIONS, AND FALAFEL! IN THE FUTURE, IF YOU WANT THEM TO STEP OUTSIDE OF THEIR COMFORT ZONE, MAKE THEM USE NEW COOKING TECHNIQUES OR WORK ONE HANDED OR SOMETHING! YOU DON’T WANT TO EAT IT AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT! GOT THAT?

-- fast forwarding --

Hot Matthew wins. Wow! With whiskey, cornbread, potatoes, and gravy??? Impressive. Very, very impressive, Hot Matthew. (I don’t have to kill you, Chris.)

-- fast forwarding --

Rebecca gets sent home.

Let’s do better next week, Top Chef Just Desserts. Not that you can do worse.

Top Chef Just Desserts, 9/21/11

Quickfire:
Wait. Can I have another Willie Wonka-themed episode? No? *pouts* Ok, ok.

Quickfire:
Gail and guest judge pastry chef Pichet Ong inform the chefs that they must create a new candy bar. Nice. (I will be assigning Winner In My Book Awards [WIMBAs] to whoever does NOT use nuts. Because I BLOODY EFFING HATE NUTS.) As the chefs rattle off the delicious ingredients and flavor combinations they’re using, I wonder for the 500th time why come every pastry chef is not morbidly obese. Chris says he’s making two candy bars instead of one, and I’m reminded of something Tom Colicchio said once on Top Chef after a contestant made two bad ceviches: don’t do two things mediocrely when you can do one thing well. Yes, I paraphrased that, and no, “mediocrely” is not a word. Omg, surprise niceness! Rebecca, whose arm is still in a cast, is struggling mightily and dropping liquid nitrogen vats all over the place, and Orlando, of all people, helps her finish her candy bar. He comes across as such an insufferably self centered know-it-all that I was pretty shocked by that. Good lookin’ out, Orlando.


- Katzie: brown butter and caramelized banana jasmine curd with dark chocolate and praline crunch
- Carlos: peanut butter crisp with fudge cake and banana pudding covered in chocolate and topped with chocolate pop rocks (WIMBA!)
- Sally: peanut butter, puffed forbidden rice, cocoa nibs, milk chocolate ganache (WIMBA!) Katzie observes that Sally used forbidden rice only cuz she knows Pinchet really likes it. Clever girl, that Sally.
- Hot Matthew: hazelnut feulletine praline with orange vanilla chocolate crème anglaise
- Carlos: blackberry port jam in chocolate ganache (WIMBA!)
- Chris: white chocolate with banana caramel, milk chocolate with chocolate ganache and nuts—and both are delicious and not made mediocrely.

- Amanda: earl gray tea white chocolate ganache with bitter orange caramel in chocolate (WIMBA!) Observation: Amanda looks a lot like Katy Perry.
- Megan: peanuts, peanut butter, butter caramel, ginger, and feulletine in dark chocolate
- Rebecca: granola, panna cotta, orange marmalade in white chocolate (WIMBA!)

Hot Matthew and Katzie are in the bottom; Sally and Rebecca are in the top. Rebecca thanks Orlando for his assistance. Sally wins; she has immunity.

Elimination:
Team challenge. The teams must make refreshing and summery desserts for people at a water park. Prediction time! Some desserts will
#1 melt in the heat
#2 be neither refreshing nor summery
An argument breaks out over who all will use the two ice cream machines when and in what order. Oh hello, prediction #1.

Let us pause for reflection. Why are there only two ice cream machines on a tv show about dessert-making? What if there’s, oh, I don’t know, a summer-desserts challenge? Or an ice cream challenge? This makes no sense to me. I guess the lack of equipment is intentional, so that we can enjoy the drama as it’s-my-turn! squabbles and fights break out. Katzie and Carlos eventually worked it out, but for a second there, it was intense. Well — as intense as pastry chefs can get, that is.


Johnny time! He is worried by Carlos’s dessert. The dessert Katzie is making, it turns out, is inspired by the spumoni at a restaurant whose owners Johnny knows personally. “Uh oh! You better make it good, girl!” laughs Rebecca. Johnny’s impressed that Amanda’s making funnel cake. As Johnny watches, Katzie runs over to save her ice cream, which is spilling out of the machine cuz she forgot to close the door. Day Two: Katzie: “I’m nervous because we’re serving frozen treats at a water park, and heat can always be a problem when it comes to desserts.” Oh hello, prediction #1. Sally admits she has a lesbian crush on Amanda. (Whatever. Show me more of the Hot Matthew-Chris bromance, dammit.)

The chefs head for the water park, and I am LOLed at seeing them in their chef’s coats … over short shorts.

- Chris made passion mixer with ginger fizz. He pours servings through a huge block of ice. It’s boiling hot out, so the judges love that. Johnny: “Well done, chefs.” Dannielle: “It’s hot out here, and this is refreshing.” But then Johnny critiques: “As much as it is acidic and tart, I have a stickiness at the back of my throat now when I’m done, and that’s definitely from the sugar.”
- Orlando made what he’s calling a root beer float-inspired dessert: chocolate vanilla cake brownie in steeped milk with nutmeg and root beer foam. The judges say it ain’t at all summery or refreshing. I completely agree. And hello, prediction #2. Orlando explains that he was trying to get away from the traditional root beer float; Johnny says then he shouldn’t have called it that.
- Hot Matthew makes the judges wait, quite impatiently, as he prepares his take on strawberry shortcake: yellow butter cake, whole milk ice cream, sautéed strawberries, and strawberry jus. Gail says the strawberries should have been cold and fresh instead of hot and cooked.


- Rebecca made lemon ice cream between two snickerdoodles dipped in white chocolate, with crushed lemon drops. Dannielle loves it mucho.
- Megan made a strawberry soda float with peach-and-basil sorbet. Johnny praises her for making basil kid-friendly and delicious; Gail says the strawberry was a bit too sweet.
- Katzie made spumoni with a twist: baked Alaska on a stick with a fizzy cherry. Dannielle calls it nuanced and sophisticated.


- Carlos made a Cap’n Crunch popsicle dipped in white chocolate and sprinkled with Fruity Pebbles. Rolled in Frosted Flakes, tossed in Apple Jacks, and adorned with Fruit Loops. I made that last part up. Pichet says it ain’t at all summery or refreshing. Re-hello, prediction #2.
- Sally made a healthy berry smoothie (I knew it would suck the second I heard “healthy”) with honey and vanilla bean and white chocolate Rice Krispies. Johnny says he would have preferred fruit- instead of chocolate-flavored Krispies. Sally, who has immunity, probably isn’t even listening.
- Amanda made funnel cake with pineapple jam and coconut sorbet. The judges didn’t like how it got severely unfresh as it waited to be eaten.

Ok so, I was wrong about #1, but spot-on with #2.


Judging:
Top: Megan, Katzie, and Rebecca are the winning team. Pichet proclaims Katzie the winner. She is uber-relieved, admitting that she was hellified nervous about serving her dessert to Johnny. But dude was chowing down on it at the water park, so he was clearly pleased. This is two wins in a row for her. Team Katzie!

Bottom: everybody else sucked. Sally’s smoothie is, as expected, hated upon. Sally, who has immunity, probably isn’t even listening. Carlos’s dessert was too sweet, and Pichet doesn’t like his overuse of breakfast cereals. Amanda let her funnel cake sit too long before serving it. She explains that she had to wait as her two teammates went first; Johnny says she should have spoken up. I gotta agree. I totally would’ve pulled a Hot Matthew and made them impatiently wait while I prepared my dish fresh.


Gail asks Orlando why he thinks his team’s in the bottom. He replies that he is uncertain. Oh, come on. I get that he has a huge ego, but see above. His and Hot Matthew’s dishes were very much misses and not hits, and Chris’s was only partially a hit. As Orlando well knows. Gail’s facial expression made it pretty clear that his answer annoyed her, LOLOLOL. Dannielle explains that their desserts weren’t practical to the environment. Chris begs to differ about his dessert; Johnny counters that it was sticky and syrupy, which is not refreshing. The judges give Orlando another try: Dannielle asks him if he would change any of the components of his dish. He says no. *eye roll* Pichet says he would’ve loved Hot Matthew’s strawberry shortcake in a restaurant but not at a water park on a scorching hot day.

Hot Matthew, Sally, and Chris are safe, leaving Orlando, Carlos, and Amanda. Amanda is sent home. Bye bye, Katy Perry look-alike and Sally’s lesbian crush. :(

Top Chef Just Desserts, 9/21/11

Quickfire:
Wait. Can I have another Willie Wonka-themed episode? No? *pouts* Ok, ok.

Quickfire:
Gail and guest judge pastry chef Pichet Ong inform the chefs that they must create a new candy bar. Nice. (I will be assigning Winner In My Book Awards [WIMBAs] to whoever does NOT use nuts. Because I BLOODY EFFING HATE NUTS.) As the chefs rattle off the delicious ingredients and flavor combinations they’re using, I wonder for the 500th time why come every pastry chef is not morbidly obese. Uh oh. Chris is making two candy bars instead of one, which brings to mind something Tom Colicchio said once after a contestant on Top Chef made two bad ceviches: don’t do two things mediocrely when you can do one thing well. Yes, I paraphrased that, and no, “mediocrely” is not a word. Omg, surprise niceness! Rebecca, whose arm is still in a cast, is struggling mightily and dropping liquid nitrogen vats all over the place, and Orlando, of all people, helps her finish her candy bar. He comes across as such an insufferably self centered know-it-all that I was pretty shocked by that. Good lookin’ out, Orlando.

Katzie: brown butter and caramelized banana jasmine curd with dark chocolate and praline crunch
Carlos: peanut butter crisp with fudge cake and banana pudding covered in chocolate and topped with chocolate pop rocks. (WIMBA!)
Sally: peanut butter, puffed forbidden rice, cocoa nibs, milk chocolate ganache. (WIMBA!)
Hot Matthew: hazelnut feulletine praline with orange vanilla chocolate crème anglaise
Carlos: blackberry port jam in chocolate ganache (WIMBA!)
Chris: white chocolate with banana caramel, milk chocolate with chocolate ganache and nuts
Amanda: earl gray tea white chocolate ganache with bitter orange caramel in chocolate (WIMBA!)
Megan: peanuts, peanut butter, butter caramel, ginger, and feulletine in dark chocolate
Rebecca: granola, panna cotta, orange marmalade in white chocolate (WIMBA!)

Hot Matthew and Katzie are in the bottom; Sally and Rebecca are in the top; Sally wins; she gets immunity. Observation: Amanda looks a lot like Katy Perry.

Elimination:
This is a team challenge, in which everyone must make refreshing and summery desserts for people at a water park. Prediction time! Some desserts will
#1 melt in the heat
#2 be neither refreshing nor summery
An argument breaks out over who all will use the two ice cream machines when and in what order. Oh hello, prediction #1. Johnny time! He enters just as Carlos is yelling the order in which the machine will be used. He is worried by Carlos’s dessert. The dessert Katzie is making, it turns out, is inspired by a restaurant whose owners Johnny knows personally. “Uh oh! You better make it good, girl!” laughs Rebecca. Johnny’s impressed that Amanda’s making funnel cake. As Johnny watches, Katzie’s runs over to save her ice cream, which is spilling out of the machine cuz she forgot to close the door.

Day Two: Katzie: “I’m nervous because we’re serving frozen treats at a water park, and heat can always be a problem when it comes to desserts.” Oh hello, prediction #1. Sally admits she has a lesbian crush on Amanda. (Whatever. Show me more of the Hot Matthew-Chris bromance, dammit.) The chefs head for the water park, and I am LOLed at seeing them in their chef’s coats … over shorts.

- Chris made passion mixer with ginger fizz. He pours serveings through a huge block of ice. It’s boiling hot out, so the judges love that. Johnny: “Well done, chefs.” Dannielle: “It’s hot out here, and this is refreshing.” But then Johnny critiques: “As much as it is acidic and tart, I have a stickiness at the back of my throat now when I’m done, and that’s definitely from the sugar.”
- Orlando made a root beer float-inspired chocolate vanilla cake brownie in steeped milk with nutmeg and root beer foam. The judges say it ain’t at all summery or refreshing. Oh hello, prediction #2. Orlando says he was trying to get away from the traditional root beer float; Johnny says then he shouldn’t have called it that.
- Hot Matthew makes the judges wait, quite impatiently, as he prepares his take on strawberry shortcake: yellow butter cake, whole milk ice cream, sautéed strawberries, and strawberry jus. Gail says the strawberries should have been cold and fresh instead of hot and cooked.

- Rebecca made lemon ice cream between two snickerdoodles dipped in white chocolate, with crushed lemon drops. Dannielle loves it mucho.
- Megan made a strawberry soda float with white peach and basil sorbet. Johnny praises her for making basil kid-friendy; Gail says the strawberry was too sweet.
- Katzie made spumoni with a twist: baked Alaska on a stick with a fizzy cherry. Dannielle calls it nuanced and sophisticated.

- Carlos made a Cap’n Crunch popsicle dipped in white chocolate and sprinkled with Fruity Pebbles. Rolled in Frosted Flakes and adorned with Fruit Loops. I made that last part up. Pichet says it ain’t at all summery or refreshing. Oh hello, prediction #2.
- Sally made a berry smoothie with honey and vanilla bean and white chocolate Rice Krispies. Johnny says he would have preferred fruit- instead of chocolate-flavored Krispies. Sally, who has immunity, probably isn’t even listening.
- Amanda made funnel cake with pineapple jam and coconut sorbet. The judges didn’t like how it got unfresh while it waited to be eaten.

Ok so, I was wrong about #1, but spot-on with #2.

Judging:
Gail requests the presence of Megan, Katzie, and Rebecca. They are the winning team. Pichet proclaims Katzie the winner! Two in a row! Team Katzie!

Sally’s smoothie is hated upon. Sally, who has immunity, probably isn’t even listening. Carlos’s dessert was too sweet, and Pichet doesn’t like his use of breakfast cereals. Amanda let her funnel cake sit too long before serving it; she said that she had to wait cuz her two teammates had gone first; Johnny says she should have spoken up. I gotta agree. I totally would’ve pulled a Hot Matthew and made them wait, quite impatiently, while I prepared my dish fresh.

Gail asks Orlando why he thinks his team’s in the bottom. He replies that he is uncertain. Oh, come on. I get that he has a huge ego, but see above. His and Hot Matthew’s dishes were very much misses and not hits, and Chris’s was only partially a hit. As Orlando well knows. Gail’s facial expression made it pretty clear that his answer annoyed her, LOLOLOL. Dannielle explains that their desserts weren’t practical to the environment. Chris begs to differ about his dessert; Johnny counters that it was sticky and syrupy, which is not refreshing. The judges give Orlando another try: Dannielle asks him if he would change any of the components of his dish. He says no. Wow. Pichet says he would’ve loved Hot Matthew’s strawberry shortcake in a restaurant but not at a water park on a scorching hot day.

Hot Matthew, Sally, and Chris are safe, leaving Orlando, Carlos, and Amanda. Amanda is sent home. Bye bye, Sally’s lesbian crush. :(

Top Chef Just Desserts, 9/14/11

The chefs read a letter from Gail inviting them to come see a movie (and she actually signs it with “xoxo,” which I didn’t know people still did). Amanda, proving that she’s really naïve, assumes that going to the movies will be “a day off from the kitchen.” Woman, please. Hot Matthew, WAY more perceptive, buys items at the concession stand that he can cook with, should they all suddenly be ordered into the kitchen. Not just a pretty face, that Hot Matthew.

–gasp– EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee! Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!!!!! One of my top four movies from childhood (with The Goonies, Stand By Me, and The Princess Bride)! I'm so excited!


And the contestants are right there with me: Orlando knows all the dialogue, Katzie trills “I LOVE that movie,” and Amanda is (still) jealous of the everything-is-edible scene (as am I). Thank god we didn’t have to endure anyone saying they don’t like/have never seen WWatCF, because I would have gone beserkalistic. I knew before we were told who they were that the peeps in the audience were the actors from the movie all growed up, but only because I saw them a few years ago on a reunion special. When their identities are revealed, everyone has a collective fit. Sally joyfully bounces in her seat, Chris actually wipes a tear, Craig squeaks that he has goosebumps.

I am seriously SO indescribably pleased that all the contestants are as crazy for this movie as I am.

There’s no Quickfire. Gail informs the chefs that in honor of the release of the 40th anniversary (Wow. Forty years ago? Wow.) ultimate collector’s edition of WWatCF, the Elimination Challenge is that they will be … wait for it … they will be recreating the everything-is-edible scene! I squeal like a little girl and clap my hands. THIS IS GOING TO BE EPIC.


Everyone divides into two teams: Creative, consisting of Megan, Hot Matthew, Orlando, and Chris, which will make desserts and also work on special projects; and Production, consisting of Amanda, Sally, Rebecca (still wearing a cast), Katzie, Craig, and Melissa, which will focus only on desserts. Judge Johnny pops in, says he’s envious that the chefs get to work on this. (I’m jealous of whoever’ll get to eat everything.) Orlando informs him that 250 pounds of chocolate have been used so far. Rebecca tells him she’s making her Veruca Salt cupcakes. Melissa (who tells him “This is my favorite movie in the whole wide world,” to which he responds, “Mine too,” YAY!!!) says she’s making whoopee pies and donut flowers. Megan tells him she’s making candy bar bites with bourbon. Johnny’s worried that bourbon “sounds very adult, but this challenge is about being youthful and playful.” Before leaving, he drops a bombshell: this will be a double elimination. OH SNAP.

The last hours of prep on day two pass in a frenzy as, terrified of a double elimination, everyone works feverishly to finish desserts and perfect displays. TIME! The judges along with guest judge Ron Ben Israel and the WWatCF cast enter. Everyone is amazed at how good the room looks, and I couldn’t agree more:

I superloved how the music for “Pure Imagination” was playing as everyone stared and pointed and oohed and aahed. Honestly, Top Chef Just Desserts. Best. Episode. EVAR. Gail announces special guests have been invited to chow down on all the sugary goodness (I get so jealous I see green.), and a slew of adults and kids (Megan immediately gets worried. See: bourbon.) enters and begins stuffing their faces.


Judging
Sally, Katzie, Melissa, Carlos, Craig, Hot Matthew, and Megan are called to the floor. In the top are Hot Matthew’s delicious, colorful, filled profiteroles; Katzie’s “buried” carrot cakes and beehive with a squeezable honey thingy, and Carlos’s pb&j macaroons and edible wallpaper. (Ron Ben Israel loved the wallpaper so much he whipped out the classic “The schnozzberries tasted like schnozzberries!” quote. STOP BLOWING MY MIND, EPISODE!) In the bottom are Craig, Melissa, Sally, and Megan. Craig himself acknowledged the badness of his too-big, flavorless gummy bears, which annoyed Hubert and his sexy ponytail. Melissa’s green donuts were horrific, but her cookies were good. Sally’s orange dirt was not at all a hit. Gail complains that Megan used bourbon for a kids’ challenge.


Ok — hang on. On one hand, yes, I guess maybe Megan should have foreseen that kids would probably be eating the desserts, but then again, at no point were the chefs told that this was “a kids’ challenge.” This is not like the flat-out idiocy that occurred in season seven on Top Chef when the challenge was to make a lunch for schoolchildren and Amanda made sherry-braised chicken. So I was quite glad when Carlos and Katzie defended Megan, explaining that as part of the Creative team, she had helped out a lot in other areas. Then I was quite annoyed when Megan started crying. I HATE crying.

Sally’s dish didn’t taste good and was hard to eat. Johnny thinks Craig is outclassed by his competition. The sugar level in Megan’s dessert was overwhelming. Melissa’s donuts were “green belly bombs.” And … Katzie wins! I am now Team Katzie, and I want her to win it all. Craig is sent home; that was no surprise. But Melissa? That was unexpected. I would’ve thought that one bad dessert would’ve outweighed one awesome + one bad dessert, and Sally would have been the one eliminated. Oh well. Now to watch this episode again.

And, hey, Gene Wilder? I love you.

Top Chef Just Desserts, 9/7/11

Quickfire:

Gail and Hugh Acheson, whom I totally had a crush on during his season of Top Chef Masters, inform the contestants that they must create a dessert, which must fit onto a tiny platter/into a tiny cup or bowl, that will inspire a flavor of Extra Dessert Delights chewing gum. Winner gets immunity … and $25,000. Everyone has a collective orgasm at the thought of all that money. So do I, and I’m not even eligible. The cooking begins. We learn that Hot Matthew and Chris have a bromance. “Can you blame Chris?” ask women everywhere.
- Amanda: pina colada-inspired coconut rum mousse with lime-pineapple coulis
- Craig: lemon mascarpone pancake with honey mascarpone cream and amaretto strawberries
- Rebecca, who not only tells Hugh he was one of her faves on Masters but also bows down to him: panna cotta over raspberry sauce
- Sally: passion fruit pina colada
- Hot Matthew: oatmeal raisin cookie parfait
- Carlos, who really wants to win cuz the $25K would really help with putting his 6 (SIX! A HALF DOZEN!) kids through college: passion fruit gelee with coconut tapioca
- Melissa: white coffee cream with honey roasted bananas

- Katzie, who haughtily opines that a coffee gum would be gross to chew: orange cheesecake topped with two kinds of cream, a tiny chocolate cream cookie, and candied violets. “There’s a lot going on.” Hugh says. Sally and Rebecca laugh quietly.
- Sexy Nelson: black forest dessert
In the bottom are Rebecca (guess the bowing down didn’t work), Melissa (Hugh agreed with Katzie), and Hot Matthew (his oatmeal cookie tasted instead like a super sweet granola bar). In the top are Craig, Sexy Nelson, and Carlos. And the winner is … Craig! Orlando says Craig "got lucky." I think not, Orlando. A lemon mascarpone pancake with honey mascarpone cream and amaretto strawberries is not luck; it's a smart and delicious concept that will work great for a gum flavor. Jealous much?


Elimination:

There will be two teams, Gail announces, and Craig gets to pick captains. He chooses himself and, randomly, Amanda. Ok, I hate, loathe, detest, abhor, despise, have never watched, and will never watch those mind bogglingly idiotic “real” housewives shows, so I don’t know and don’t give a damn who these people are the contestants are cooking for. Moving on. The teams have to present a six-item dessert table idea for a restaurant’s second anniversary party, and the theme has to be pink. Uh oh. I hope the displays stay pretty in pink and don't move into Pepto Bismol territory. Omg—is it my birthday? Because upon return from commercial break, we saw not only Sexy Nelson being all adorably smart speedily solving a Rubik’s Cube, but also HOT MATTHEW SHIRTLESS, IN NOTHING BUT A TOWEL. Not ashamed to admit I paused it.


Chris presents the table for his team. I like the hanging lantern of roses; it's a nice touch. (Amanda selected Chris to present because he’s cute. Ok yeah, but he’s no Hot Matthew.)
- Amanda: cava gelee with buttermilk foam topped with a raspberry
- Carlos: guava pate de fruit with a sugar-dusted cigar made of phyllo filled with fromanc blange cream
- Katzie: macaroon with mascarpone cream and homemade strawberry jam
- Melissa: white chocolate brownie with rose gelee and rhubarb foam
- Megan: layers of pink velvet almond cake, cream cheese sorbet, red velvet cake, dark chocolate cream, and white chocolate cream
- Chris: almond strawberry tart with rose ice cream push pop
- a treat for the little accessory dog to eat

Craig presents the table for his team.
- Sally: chocolate and raspberry tart nouveau with ganache and (melting) lychee sorbet
- Hot Matthew: pink white chocolate mousse with cherry gelee with chopped pistachio
- Sexy Nelson: passion fruit cheesecake lollipop (which causes a series of fellatio jokes, LOL)
- Craig made … lemonade. *blinks* Huh? After the genius of his quickfire dessert, he now makes lemonade? I mean, it's fresh squeezed pink lemonade with a rose cava gelee ice cube in sugar-rimmed glasses—but still. It's effing LEMONADE. And it's "too sour."
- Orlando made the very beautiful but very flowery table centerpiece.
- Rebecca: chocolate cake with beet icing
- Rebecca again (to make up for Craig?): a rhubarb rose crumble

“Chris’s team” is proclaimed the winner. Amanda is mad because she was the captain, not Chris. Lol.

Judging:

Craig’s team table was knocked for looking more like it was for a little girl’s birthday party than for a restaurant anniversary. Gail tells Sexy Nelson his dessert was too sweet. Sally gets knocked for poor planning for choosing a sorbet which had melted by the time it got to the judges. The rose petals on the table—which, according to Rebecca, Orlando might have done inadvertently?—are proclaimed a bad idea. Hugh says the table looked like an episode of Dessert Hoarders (Bwah ha ha ha!); Sexy Nelson says “I am 100% agree.” Craig says maybe his lack of leadership experience was the problem, and that his dessert was “just a drink.” (Ya think?) Hugh says he would fire Craig cuz Craig didn’t do anything, which made Rebecca mad; she rattled off a long list of stuff he’d done, which made me like her a lot more. Back in the stew room, she says she no longer likes "that Hugh guy." Lol. She's gone from bowing down to him to dismissively referring to him as "that Hugh guy." The judges deliberate. Sexy Nelson’s lollipop was “horrible.” Sally’s dessert lacked technical skill. Orlando’s showpiece had too many flowers. Johnny says it’s between Sally and Sexy Nelson.

Craig's effing lemonade was the least fave dessert; he would have been going home if he didn’t have immunity. So … Sexy Nelson goes home. :(