Quickfire
Cakemeister extraordinaire Margaret Braun is the guest judge. Gail informs the contestants they have 45 minutes to turn lemons “into an amazing lemon dessert.” GO!!!
-- Melissa: lemon beignet
-- Vanarin: lemon curd semifreddo
-- Craig: lemon sour cream pound cake. Um, if that’s “an amazing lemon dessert,” then my name is Yellow Fruit.
-- Rebecca: lemon meringue pie. Also boring, but hey, she has a sprained wrist, so I’ll forgive her.
Bottom
-- Orlando: lemon three ways — lemon fritters, lemon cake, lemon cream sauce, with chocolate. Margaret said personally, she doesn’t feel that lemon and chocolate go together, so she didn’t like it. He childishly interviews that when judging, you ought to “leave your personal shit at the door.”
-- Amanda: caramel cremeux with lemon segments. Margaret didn’t like the contrast between caramel and lemon.
-- Sexy Nelson: lemon pavlova with mango coulis. He didn’t finish; his lemon cream and lemon candies didn’t make it onto the plate; plus, Margaret felt that lemon and mango are too similar to be paired.
Top
-- Katzie: lemon “spaghetti” — sliced lemon crepe ribbons. Now THAT’S “an amazing lemon dessert.”
-- Carlos: citrus soup with honey and thyme. He went all mad scientist on our asses and broke out the liquid nitrogen to make it.
-- Hot Matthew: lemon vanilla crème with mint puree and crumbled hazelnut sable. It makes me want to lick my computer screen. He wins! He has immunity and can’t be eliminated. Women everywhere breathe a sigh of relief.
Elimination Challenge
Create a multi-tiered cake. Orlando: “Craig’s the nitwit of the team.” Carlos explains stuff poorly. Melissa is making a cardamom cake, a spice which worries Chris. Sexy Nelson’s family “all freak out” when he left college to be a pastry chef. Judge Johnny comes in and — duh — right off the bat sees a problem with Sally and Rebecca both doing a devil’s food tier. Rebecca: “She’s buttermilk and oil; I’m milk and oil.” Johnny: “Right. Because that’s so different.” LOL. Next, Johnny is confused by Craig’s “pow pow.” So am I. But then I like Craig better cuz we find out he’s a former fat ass. So am I.
The Red Team’s cake has a few imperfections but gets plenty of compliments. And each tier, Hot Matthew’s lemon pound cake, Megan’s yellow butter cake, Chris’s chocolate hazelnut, and Melissa’s cardamom sponge, is well received. The Blue Team’s symphony-inspired cake is overdecorated. Vanarin’s caramel cake is flavorless and “a bit dry.” Johnny says Katzie’s buttermilk cake is “mushy.” Amanda’s devil’s food cake is a hit. Margaret says the Black Team’s cake’s tiers are very different. Boy, ARE they. Orlando’s bottom tier is a triangle; Sexy Nelson’s middle is a square building with windows; Craig’s top is a drum. Mismatch much? Also, it has started to fall apart in the heat. Gail thinks Orlando’s fondant is too sweet but likes the texture of his vanilla sponge cake. Johnny likes Sexy Nelson’s vanilla and lemon zest cake. Craig’s pow pow chocolate cake is too sweet but otherwise good. The Green Team’s cake impresses the judges. Johnny says Carlos’s vanilla sponge cake is very dense, but Gail likes the vanilla flavor. Sally’s use of fresh raspberries with her devil’s food cake is praised; Rebecca’s devil’s food cake’s hard layers are criticized.
Judging
Red and Green made the fave cakes. It’s Christmas!
Rebecca immediately starts crying because her wrist was hurting her so much in the Quickfire that she didn’t think she was going to make it. Sounds like somebody didn’t get very effective pain pills. Margaret said Green’s cake was very cohesive; Gail thought the flavors of all the tiers worked well together. Johnny said Red’s cake was complicated yet simple; Hubert and his ponytail said that the cake was structured well. Red is proclaimed the winner.
Black and Blue made the worst cakes. It’s bruises!
Sexy Nelson explained that Black’s tiers looked so dissimilar because each was representing a different person. Margaret says she liked his tier. Johnny says the cake had a visual disconnect and sloppy detailing. Orlando said that his cake was dense because it was the base. Johnny points out that dowels were supporting the cake, so that excuse is crap. Orlando, no doubt, is mentally telling Johnny to leave personal shit at the door. Hubert and his ponytail said that Sexy Nelson had the best cake; Johnny asks Sexy Nelson to name the weakest component of his team’s cake. Too nice to come right out and say Orlando’s tier sucked, Sexy Nelson says, “I would not remove [Craig’s] drum.” We hear you loud and clear, lol. Blue again gets knocked cuz their cake had too much going on and “looked amateur.” Johnny says Katzie’s buttermilk cake was “chewy.” Hubert and ponytail said Amanda’s cake was his fave; all judges agree that Vanarin’s cake wasn’t wow enough.
Debate: ugly cake or bad cake? I respectfully disagree with Gail’s “What’s the point of cake if it’s ugly?” Personally (shut up, Orlando), I’d be only a little mad if there was, say, a crack in some fondant or something, but I’d be flat-out furious if the cake tasted god-awful. That would ruin the event! “All in all, if the cake itself doesn’t taste good, it’s a failure.” Thank you, Johnny.
And … Vanarin, who made a bad AND an ugly cake, goes home.
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