Gordon explains how much $$ a restaurant can make off one salmon, then orders the final five to cook up a yummy salmon dish. The point of having the fish come hurtling from the ceiling toward the ground below is lost on me, but I can only hope it foreshadows what will soon happen to Bitchy Elise’s dream of winning this competition.
Three well-dressed men with delightful accents sample each dish, then determine how much they’d pay for it.
- Will: $28.67
- Bitchy Elise: $24.33
She made salmon and macaroni & cheese. I can’t … WHAT? Salmon with macaroni & cheese???? On no planet in any universe does that sound like a high-end meal. It’s more like what you fix for the kids, cobbling together a haphazard dinner from whatever’s in the kitchen. $24.33 is exactly $24.33 more than I’d pay for that lowbrow crap.
- Tommy: $25.33
- Paul: $29.67
- Jennifer: $28.33
Paul wins! He’ll get a private helicopter tour of LA with Gordon, and a fancy lunch at Water Grill with its executive chef. He has to choose someone to take with him — “I don’t want to take Elise because I feel like I’d be tempted to push Elise out of the helicopter.” HAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA HA HA HA HAHA HA! — and he chooses Tommy. For lunch, they are joined by none other than Amanda from season seven of Top Chef, she who made the mind-bogglingly inexplicable choice of serving sherry braised chicken to children in the school lunch challenge. In related news, I recently saw Will on an episode of Chopped on Food Network. (He lost.) The pool of contestants for culinary reality tv shows is rather small, it seems.
This needs to be said: watching Paul awkwardly trying to flirt with Amanda was as uncomfortable as watching Jennifer awkwardly trying to flirt with Paul. Thank god for Tommy and his silly jokes, lol.
Dinner Service (Tito Jackson in da house!):
Jennifer and Tommy struggled with cappelini. Jennifer burned a risotto. Bitchy Elise lied and said she was not told when to send out scallops. Bitchy Elise ruins fish; the skin is burned. Bitchy Elise ruins fish again; the skin is raw. She asks Paul his opinion on the next fish she cooks; he instructs her to cook it skin side down. She gripes that he “shoulda told me that twenty minutes ago.” NO, BITCH, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO COOK FISH. Paul and Will rock the meat. Tommy ruins a cappelini. Tommy tries to help Bitchy Elise cook fish; she refuses his help — and ruins the fish. That’s the final straw. Gordon throws everybody out … then calls Paul and Will back to finish dinner.
Gordon tells everyone to pick two people for elimination, and I’m happy cuz I know Bitchy Elise is going to be one of the two. Tommy gives Gordon some lip because Tommy feels he should have been called back with Paul and Will. I admire him for having the balls to do that. The team decides that the bottom two are Jennifer and Bitchy Elise. Bitchy Elise calls Will to a quiet corner and asks him to say that Jennifer is the weaker cook. What a sneaky, underhanded, conniving move. Though he nods in her face and they fist pound, Will interviews that “I’m gonna call it the way I see it.” She then repeats her request to Paul.
Words cannot express how much I detest this woman.
Elimination:
Gordon asks Jennifer why she should stay. Jennifer says she can cook; she just has problems communicating with her team. Gordon tells Bitchy Elise she cooked the most expensive salmon in the world upside down, asks her why she should stay. Bitchy Elise rattles off a bunch of cockamamie reasons. Gordon asks the boys who’s the weaker chef … and, in what has got to be among the top five most inexplicable moves in reality tv history, both Will and Paul say Jennifer. HUH? But Will said he was going to tell the truth! And Paul wants to throw her out of a helicopter! AND SHE'S A RAGING, HARMONY-DESTROYING, BACKSTABBING, STEREOTYPE-FULFILLING, MAC & CHEESE + SALMON-PAIRING BITCH! I. Am. Dumbfounded. Then I’m hopeful — does this mean that maybe, since it would make for great drama, Jennifer will be spared so we can enjoy the tension and conflict of her having to work with Will and Paul after this utter betrayal? I get my hopes up when Tommy, thank all the gods, answers honestly and says Elise is the weaker chef. But it’s too little too late, and Gordon sends Jennifer home.
Bitchy Elise and her frightened, spineless, dishonest manservants Will and Paul can go skydiving without parachutes. TEAM TOMMY. May they get eliminated before she does so that their lying will bite them in the ass.
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