Whenever Heidi announces that the designers will be working with new models, I get excited. Over the years we’ve seen pregnant chicks, brides, overweight chicks, formerly overweight chicks, little girls, stiltwalkers, etc. What’ll it be this time? It will be … DUDES! And not male models, either. Regular dudes. Any time the models are regular people, you can bet your bottom dollar there will be fat discrimination. Josh leads the way with “I’m not whatsoever intimidated; I’m intimidated by the waistlines.” Anya: “I choose Mike because he has the most slender frame. It’s perfect.” Even Olivier (LOVE) chimes in: “In the end, we’re left with all these fat people. And fat is fine! But not when I’m making clothes.” At least he made a (half-hearted) attempt to assure us that he doesn’t hate fatties. LOL. Ooooooh, the old switcharoo! They’re not designing for the men; they’re designing for the men’s wives/girlfriends. I cross my fingers and toes and hope to all the gods that Joshua’s, Anya’s, and Olivier’s (LOVE) model’s wives are all 300 pounds overweight. Lol. (Laura Kathleen prays her guy is rich with a fabulous wife. *eye roll*)
Viktor’s guy knows nothing about what his girl wants. Anya’s guy knows nothing about what his girl wants. Bert’s guy, whom I immediately dislike, describes his girl as “a hot piece of tushie,” tells Bert her boobs are what attracted him to her, later calls himself “the booby monster” and demonstrates his motorboating technique, and wants Bert to make something very low-cut. Joshua asks his guy if his girl would be into lace; he responds that she keeps it “tame and simple.” Bryce’s guy wants something cutesy, elegant, girly, and pink. Anthony Ryan’s guy, whom I immediately like, may be a tall tattooed stocky long-haired mustached bear, but he’s a teddy bear. He wants Anthony Ryan to recreate a dress of his girl’s that he lost in an airport because it would make her “squeal with excitement.” Awww! Laura Kathleen’s guy instructs her to picture herself “darker, taller, and maybe bustier.” Wow. It’s called “tact,” dude. Olivier (temporary de-LOVE), continuing with the fat-ism, is not pleased that his guy’s girl has “ginormous” breasts. “I don’t like women having boobs. I just want them to be flat when it comes to design. I think that distracts from the whole line.” Um … then maybe YOU SHOULD WORK IN MENSWEAR.
Arrival of the women! Ok, to be fair, Laura Kathleen’s chick actually IS a darker, taller, bustier Laura Kathleen, lol. Laura Kathleen says she’s ok designing for Barbies cuz usually they’re the ones with money. WE GET IT, LAURA KATHLEEN. YOU LOVE WEALTH AND HATE POOR PEOPLE. Bert’s chick, thank god, reigns in her husband’s cleavage-exposing obsession. Anya’s nervous about making for her chick (who is not 300 pounds overweight. Darn!) a silk garment. Viktor’s pleased when his chick arrives wearing something very similar to what he’s making. Anthony’s chick is loving her replace-the-lost dress; her teddy bear husband BEAMS. Kimberly’s chick is shocked that her boyfriend helped design an actually pretty dress, lol. Joshua … SIGH… was told very specifically to make something simple, and what does he do? Puts little metal tiles on the dress. His chick immediately shoots that down as “too showy.” He moans that when his guy “said simple; I didn’t realize he meant SIMPLE.” *annoyed* But let us give him credit; at least he didn’t subject her to The Wrath of Joshua. Though you know he wanted to. Olivier (LOVE) and his chick are (politely) clashing over how the garment should look. Bryce’s chick loves the pink fabric he selected, but he hates it so he gets out the fabric dye. Then he cries over how much he misses his boyfriend, but I’m still too mad at how much of an utter dick he was to Fallene to feel sorry for him. Jerk.
Ok, I agreed with like NONE of the judging. Anya’s Japanese- and African-inspired kimono gets high praise. I don’t like it. Joshua’s now-simple black dress gets high praise. I’m not so impressed. Viktor’s shirt-and-skirt combo gets high praise. I HATE IT. I liked Olivier’s (LOVE) shirt-and-pants combo; it didn’t even place. :(
Bert, Bryce, and—darn!—Anthony Ryan are in the bottom. Bert’s dress is too original and safe. If the neckline weren’t so low, I’d like it. Bryce’s pink dress, according to Nina, has too much going on. I, however, love it. Anthony Ryan’s replace-the-lost-dress is a “cheerleader-sailor child’s uniform.” I, however, love it.
Joshua wins. BOOOOOOOOOOO! He does a cartwheel. I pettily wish he’d fallen off stage. He races in to tell the other designers that he won, then wants people to touch his chest to feel how fast his heart’s beating. Anya politely does—then Olivier (LOVE) actually snatches his hand away so he won’t have to. Ha haha ha! The bottom two are Anthony Ryan and Bryce. TRUE LOVE SAVED ANTHONY RYAN! Bryce goes home. Fallene and I cheer.
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