Quickfire:
Gail and Hugh Acheson, whom I totally had a crush on during his season of Top Chef Masters, inform the contestants that they must create a dessert, which must fit onto a tiny platter/into a tiny cup or bowl, that will inspire a flavor of Extra Dessert Delights chewing gum. Winner gets immunity … and $25,000. Everyone has a collective orgasm at the thought of all that money. So do I, and I’m not even eligible. The cooking begins. We learn that Hot Matthew and Chris have a bromance. “Can you blame Chris?” ask women everywhere.
- Amanda: pina colada-inspired coconut rum mousse with lime-pineapple coulis
- Craig: lemon mascarpone pancake with honey mascarpone cream and amaretto strawberries
- Rebecca, who not only tells Hugh he was one of her faves on Masters but also bows down to him: panna cotta over raspberry sauce
- Sally: passion fruit pina colada
- Hot Matthew: oatmeal raisin cookie parfait
- Carlos, who really wants to win cuz the $25K would really help with putting his 6 (SIX! A HALF DOZEN!) kids through college: passion fruit gelee with coconut tapioca
- Melissa: white coffee cream with honey roasted bananas
- Katzie, who haughtily opines that a coffee gum would be gross to chew: orange cheesecake topped with two kinds of cream, a tiny chocolate cream cookie, and candied violets. “There’s a lot going on.” Hugh says. Sally and Rebecca laugh quietly.
- Sexy Nelson: black forest dessert
In the bottom are Rebecca (guess the bowing down didn’t work), Melissa (Hugh agreed with Katzie), and Hot Matthew (his oatmeal cookie tasted instead like a super sweet granola bar). In the top are Craig, Sexy Nelson, and Carlos. And the winner is … Craig! Orlando says Craig "got lucky." I think not, Orlando. A lemon mascarpone pancake with honey mascarpone cream and amaretto strawberries is not luck; it's a smart and delicious concept that will work great for a gum flavor. Jealous much?
Elimination:
There will be two teams, Gail announces, and Craig gets to pick captains. He chooses himself and, randomly, Amanda. Ok, I hate, loathe, detest, abhor, despise, have never watched, and will never watch those mind bogglingly idiotic “real” housewives shows, so I don’t know and don’t give a damn who these people are the contestants are cooking for. Moving on. The teams have to present a six-item dessert table idea for a restaurant’s second anniversary party, and the theme has to be pink. Uh oh. I hope the displays stay pretty in pink and don't move into Pepto Bismol territory. Omg—is it my birthday? Because upon return from commercial break, we saw not only Sexy Nelson being all adorably smart speedily solving a Rubik’s Cube, but also HOT MATTHEW SHIRTLESS, IN NOTHING BUT A TOWEL. Not ashamed to admit I paused it.
Chris presents the table for his team. I like the hanging lantern of roses; it's a nice touch. (Amanda selected Chris to present because he’s cute. Ok yeah, but he’s no Hot Matthew.)
- Amanda: cava gelee with buttermilk foam topped with a raspberry
- Carlos: guava pate de fruit with a sugar-dusted cigar made of phyllo filled with fromanc blange cream
- Katzie: macaroon with mascarpone cream and homemade strawberry jam
- Melissa: white chocolate brownie with rose gelee and rhubarb foam
- Megan: layers of pink velvet almond cake, cream cheese sorbet, red velvet cake, dark chocolate cream, and white chocolate cream
- Chris: almond strawberry tart with rose ice cream push pop
- a treat for the little accessory dog to eat
Craig presents the table for his team.
- Sally: chocolate and raspberry tart nouveau with ganache and (melting) lychee sorbet
- Hot Matthew: pink white chocolate mousse with cherry gelee with chopped pistachio
- Sexy Nelson: passion fruit cheesecake lollipop (which causes a series of fellatio jokes, LOL)
- Craig made … lemonade. *blinks* Huh? After the genius of his quickfire dessert, he now makes lemonade? I mean, it's fresh squeezed pink lemonade with a rose cava gelee ice cube in sugar-rimmed glasses—but still. It's effing LEMONADE. And it's "too sour."
- Orlando made the very beautiful but very flowery table centerpiece.
- Rebecca: chocolate cake with beet icing
- Rebecca again (to make up for Craig?): a rhubarb rose crumble
“Chris’s team” is proclaimed the winner. Amanda is mad because she was the captain, not Chris. Lol.
Judging:
Craig’s team table was knocked for looking more like it was for a little girl’s birthday party than for a restaurant anniversary. Gail tells Sexy Nelson his dessert was too sweet. Sally gets knocked for poor planning for choosing a sorbet which had melted by the time it got to the judges. The rose petals on the table—which, according to Rebecca, Orlando might have done inadvertently?—are proclaimed a bad idea. Hugh says the table looked like an episode of Dessert Hoarders (Bwah ha ha ha!); Sexy Nelson says “I am 100% agree.” Craig says maybe his lack of leadership experience was the problem, and that his dessert was “just a drink.” (Ya think?) Hugh says he would fire Craig cuz Craig didn’t do anything, which made Rebecca mad; she rattled off a long list of stuff he’d done, which made me like her a lot more. Back in the stew room, she says she no longer likes "that Hugh guy." Lol. She's gone from bowing down to him to dismissively referring to him as "that Hugh guy." The judges deliberate. Sexy Nelson’s lollipop was “horrible.” Sally’s dessert lacked technical skill. Orlando’s showpiece had too many flowers. Johnny says it’s between Sally and Sexy Nelson.
Craig's effing lemonade was the least fave dessert; he would have been going home if he didn’t have immunity. So … Sexy Nelson goes home. :(
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