Terra Nova, 11/28/11

Taylor leaves Jim in charge and heads off into the forest on a secret mission which he’ll tell no one about, despite having issued an order that everyone must have a valid reason for leaving TN now that Mole Hunt is in full swing. Taylor heads for the waterfalls where his son Lucas has scrawled equations all over the rocks, bumps into a gun-wielding Mira, who takes him prisoner.

Ok, that was waaaaaaaay too easy. Taylor knows good and well how to avoid capture. He must’ve wanted to be caught.


Jim and Reynolds, whom I prefer to call Hot Mark, see someone sending signals to the Sixers and head off to catch the person. They get there too late; all they find at the scene is a drop of blood in a jar of paint thinner … because Skye cut herself with the piece of glass she was using to send the signals. I KNEW IT! I said episode one she was the mole! Skye volunteers to go help dig a ditch, then sneaks away to take some TN intel to the Sixers. In exchange, they give some desperately needed medicine to a sick woman. Who is Skye’s mom. Wait— WTF?? Skye’s parents are supposed to be dead! Malcolm isolates the blood from the paint thinner; Jim takes it to Elizabeth to identify the culprit; Skye sneaks in later and ruins the sample. I guess the reason Skye doesn’t just explain to Taylor that she’s mole-ing in order to keep her mother alive, which he would totally understand, will eventually be explained to us.


As Mira and Taylor walk through the forest, squabbling like a couple in the midst of a contentious divorce, Taylor suddenly makes a run for it. He doesn’t get far thanks to Mira’s stun gun, but he manages to snap a sharp spine off a plant, which he uses to start cutting his ropes. A few minutes later, he gets free, overpowers her, and starts marching her back to TN. I knew it! That was his plan all along. Although … I’m sure the two toothy, hungry dinosaurs following them weren’t part of it. Just as Mira and Taylor find some common ground talking about their kids, the dinos attaaaaaack! Mira and Taylor jump off a (very pretty waterfall) cliff to get away. Now they’re gun-less, night is falling, and the dinos are coming back. But fret not, folks. We all know who comes out on top in every round of Taylor-vs-wildlife.

Hot Mark declares to Jim his intention to marry Maddy one day. HOW ADORABLE. “She’s sixteen,” Jim grumps. Hot Mark, who’s all of what, barely eighteen?, says he will wait, then says “I’m going away now.” Tee hee! Oh, those crazy kids. And given all the dancing and feasting at last episode’s Harvest Festival, I bet a Terra Nova wedding is hella major fun.

Taylor and Mira make a bow and some flammable arrows, scare off the dinos, share a dinner of grubs (Yuck.), and admit that if they didn’t have to kill each other, they totally could have been BFFs. Mutual respect: they have it. In the morning, they part ways, but not before Mira warns him that it’s almost over, because Lucas has almost figured out a way to reverse the portal. Say it with me: uh oh.


The Shannons share a cutesy family scene releasing a baby anklosaurus back into the wild. Later Elizabeth tells Jim the blood sample has been destroyed; he asks her to put together a list of everyone who came into the medical center yesterday. 84 people. Elizabeth examines the incomplete results the sample produced before it was destroyed. The mole is female. 47 people. Won’t be long now, Skye.

The Walking Dead, 11/27/11

Maggie shakes her head no. Dale nods his head yes. Whoever goes last wins, duh, so Glenn lets the cat out of the bag about the barn zombs. The group has a fight. Shane wants to go in there guns a-blazing and kill them all (Um … YES.); Rick says no cuz that’d make Doc make them leave. Shane says good, cuz The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS) needs to stop anyway (Um … YES); he and Daryl almost fight. Rick says he’ll talk to Doc about the barn zombs. Pissed off that Glenn told, Maggie smashes a rotten egg on his head.

Carl tells Lori he doesn’t want to leave before they find Sophia. Or even after that. Lori assures him they’re not leaving. (Really, guys? Cuz finding out that Doc et al. have a horde of zombs locked in the barn would completely rob me of the desire to be neighbors.) Daryl’s still really weak, but he tries to saddle up a horse to go TESFSing. Carol stops him; he gets mad, calls her a bitch, and storms off. Dale tries to get Andrea to see the light about Shane; as always when he gives her good advice, she shrugs it off. Dale decides that to protect everyone from Secretly a Bad Guy Shane, it’s best if he (Dale) hides the guns.


Rick tries to reason with Doc, but Doc is having none of it. He wants Rick and his people gone by the end of the week. Rick even plays the my-wife-is-pregnant card; it doesn’t change Doc’s mind. Rick later tells Shane he (Rick) wants to stay so badly cuz Lori’s pregnant, and you can totally see the it’s-MY-baby wheels turning in Shane’s mind, even as he congratulates Rick. Maggie, who overheard her Dad arguing with Rick, tells Doc he’s wrong for making them leave. She quotes from The Good Book and also tells him that “the Asian boy” — “his name is Glenn!” — saved her from a zomb yesterday. Jimmy rushes in just then to tell Doc “it happened again.”

Shane tells Lori that Rick isn’t going to last very long in the Zombie Apocalypse. He’s not built for this world, Shane tells her. Ricks too soft, incapable of making hard decisions. Then he tells her that he knows the baby’s his. Lori says, “Even if it’s yours, it’s never gonna be yours, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.” “I don’t need to,” Shane says (He thinks Rick’s gonna get himself killed soon, you see.), and strolls off. Time out. So, regardless of who the father is, Lori is bound and determined to raise the child as though it’s Rick’s? Disapprove. First of all, that’s not fair to Shane. Second, Rick forgave her for sleeping with Shane when they thought he was dead; I think Rick would understand if a pregnancy resulted. This is dumb, Lori. You can’t make Rick be the father just by your say-so. Then again … Shane killed Otis and threatened to kill Dale, so who cares what’s fair to him. Ok, time back in.

Carl, who’s matured a lot since getting shot, tells Shane that it’s bullshit that Shane wants to leave before Sophia’s found. Shane says ok, then tells Carl to watch his mouth, lol. Shane heads for the RV, where he’s pissed off to find that that Dale has taken the guns. Meanwhile, Daryl apologizes to Carol, tells her that he really believes Sophia’s still out there. Doc goes to get Rick, and we find out that the it that Jimmy was saying happened again is zombs getting stuck in the mud in the swampland out back. As they corral the two snapping, struggling zombs, Doc says this was something that Otis used to do; now he and Jimmy have to do it. And Rick best help if he wants to stay. Elsewhere, Maggie and Glenn have it out. He says he had to tell everybody Doc’s secret because zombs are dangerous (Um … YES), so she can be mad at him all she wants; he was just trying to protect her. Awwwww. And then they totally make out. High five, Glenn! Shane finds Dale hiding the guns in the swamp. Dale threatens to shoot Shane, but since he’s not an asshole like Shane, Dale can’t just shoot a man in cold blood. He gives Shane the firearms — but keeps a rifle for himself. Good call. — and then the day takes an intense turn.

Shane heads to the farmhouse and gives Andrea, Theodore, Daryl, and Glenn guns, starts pep talking the troops to head out and kill the barn zombs. Just then, Doc, Jimmy, and Rick return with the two prisoner zombs. Shane effing loses it. He shoots the one Doc is guarding, then takes the locks off the barn door. Rick yells at Doc to get his zomb so he can stop Shane, but Doc just falls to his knees and doesn’t move. You wonder if Doc knew all along that this should be done. As the barn zombs come out, Shane, Andrea, Theodore, Daryl, and Glenn (with Maggie’s tearful ok) shoot them all. Well … almost all. There's one last zomb. It’s Sophia. OH MY JESUS GOD, NO. But yes. It is. She’s a rotting, snarling zomb. :( Daryl grabs Carol, who tries to run to her. The firing squad stops shooting. Nobody can do it. Nobody can kill Zomb Sophia. So Rick does it. He strides purposefully forward, that same pain we saw when he had to kill a little-girl zomb in the premiere of season one back on his face. He pauses only to steady his shot. Boom. TESFS is officially over.

Why didn’t anybody tell them Sophia was in the barn? Nobody knew. You’ll recall that Doc said putting any zombs that wandered onto the property in the barn was Otis’s job. The others didn’t know there was a little girl in there, and Otis got killed — Thank you so much, Shane. — before he learned they were looking for her. Oh, and there goes Shane’s theory that Rick isn’t tough enough. Like everybody else, Shane could only stand there horrified; it was Rick who had to kill Zomb Sophia.

Yes, I too am mad that we have to wait til February. But last season was only 6 episodes; this season is 12, so I shall happily wait it out. Cuz this show effing rules.

The Walking Dead, 11/20/11

I know we were all wondering what Doc et al. feed their barn zombs. This episode answered that question forthwith. Otis’s wife hobbles several live chickens, puts them in a sack, and then tosses them down to be devoured (… um, which is kind of exactly the same thing that happened to Otis). Cruel, yes, but I was EXTREMELY relieved to find out they weren’t feeding the barn zombs people.

Maggie begs Glenn to keep the barn zombs a secret. He tells he’s super bad at lying. Andrea begs Darryl to forgive her shooting him. He tells her next time, she best pray he’s dead. HE’S KIDDING, ANDREA. Glenn whisper-yells at Lori for not having told Rick yet that she’s pregnant because she’s too skinny and she now has a medical condition and she needs a nice pillow. (LOL.) Funny how the worst liar in the bunch has somehow become the keeper of the secrets: Lori’s preggo, he and Maggie are sexing, and there are barn zombs. During that morning’s planning sesh for The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS), a couple of Otis’s peeps ask if they can participate in gun training. They say Doc’s ok with it, but Rick (wisely) says he’ll need to hear directly from Doc first. Then Carl (Yay, he’s up and around!) says he wants to learn to shoot, too. Lori and Rick have a parental spat during which I am totally Team Rick cuz Lori’s all he’s too young and Rick’s all he needs to learn to defend himself. Lori finally relents, thank god.


Glenn can’t stand it anymore — seriously, he looks like his head’s about to explode. Since Dale’s old and he knows things (LOL.), Glenn spills the pregnancy-barn zomb beans to him. It’s Dale’s turn to look like HIS head’s about to explode. During shooting practice*, Theodore makes me almost cry laughing when he tells young Jimmy, who’s trying to shoot holding his gun sideways, “Don’t give me that gangsta shit.” Ha ha ha ha! Jimmy holds the gun properly and hits the target. But he’s got nothing on Andrea, who has channeled her inner GI Jane and is hitting targets left and right. Well — the non-moving ones. She can’t hit a swinging tree branch to save her life, and when Shane rides her too hard about it; she storms off down the road in a huff. He follows in the car and calms her down. He apologizes, and they go off TESFSing.

The horse that almost got Darryl killed (I hate you, horse.) found her way home; Doc is in the stable brushing her when Dale approaches. He pretends that he heard the zombs whilst on a walk, asks why Doc’s keeping them alive. They’re dangerous! Doc says paranoid schizophrenics are dangerous too, but we don’t kill them. I want to leap through my tv screen and face punch him twice for that asinine comparison. “My wife and stepson are in that barn,” Doc says, at which point we realize there will be no reasoning with him. (For the record, during the zombie apocalypse, I’m killing anyone who gets bitten. Friend, significant other, family member, I don’t care. We’ll say our goodbyes; then I’m putting a bullet in your head. And then I’ll cry for three straight months afterward, because I’m a bit of a bitch.)

Later, Lori later thanks Doc again for saving Carl; he none-too-indirectly makes it clear during the conversation that he’s quite ready for her group to go. Shocked to hear this, she runs to Rick — and has the audacity to get mad cuz he knew and didn’t tell her. I guess she forgot that she hasn’t told him she used to bang Shane and that she’s knocked up. Speaking of which, Dale broaches the subject. Lori: “Glenn told you.” Dale: “What do you expect? The boy has no guile.” (LOL.) Oh, and Dale knows about the past fling with Shane, too. (Time out: Glenn and Dale are my favorite characters. Time back in.) Lori says the baby’s definitely Rick’s (If you say so, Lori.), but she’s afraid to tell Rick cuz she doesn’t even know if she wants it cuz what kind of a life could it have?


Glenn and Maggie head to the pharmacy to get some stuff for Lori. Maggie is in quite a mood. She’s mad that Glenn told Dale (Huh? How’d that get back to Glenn? I thought Dale’s lie was pretty convincing.) She’s mad that Glenn calls the barn zombs Walkers, cuz to her they’re Mom, Shawn, etc. And she’s mad they’re going back to the pharmacy not for necessary supplies but just for some stuff Lori wants. So then of course it doesn’t improve her mood at all when there’s a ZOMB ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Glenn saves her bacon, grabbing a shelf (Take note: ANYTHING can be a weapon.) and knocking its head almost clean off. By the time they get back to the farm, Maggie is spitting nails. She hurls the stuff they got, including some baby-be-gone pills, onto the ground at Lori’s feet, and yells at her to run her own errands from now on.

Not that I’m a Lori cheerleader or anything, but she didn’t ask Glenn to go; he volunteered. Also, Glenn didn’t ask Maggie to go with him; SHE volunteered. Also, people have roles, dammit. Shane and Rick: protectors. Dale: wise old owl. Glenn: the go-getter. And he’s good at it. I mean, who the hell else are you going to send on supply runs? Carol???????????????????

Anyhoo, in a repeat of Andrea-Shane earlier, Maggie storms off in a huff; Glenn follows and tries to calm her down. She plants one on him (Nice.), tells him that he’s nothing more to his friends than Walker bait, then re-storms off. Uh oh. So, when the time comes for Rick et al. to leave the farm, is Glenn going to choose to stay behind? Nooooooo. I swear to god, I’ll stop watching.


Off TESFSing, Andrea and Shane are searching an abandoned neighborhood when suddenly there are zombs all over the place. Shane decides this is a teachable moment and instructs Andrea to try shooting* them. At first she panics, but then she starts picking them off right and left. You go, girl! On the ride back to the farm, the self-satisfied smile on Andrea’s face is priceless. Clearly, killing zombs makes her very happy. Oh — and it apparently makes her very horny, too. She grabs Shane’s crotch and gives him The Look. Shane, who does not need to be asked twice, slams on the brakes so they can get busy. For my peace of mind, I’m going to pretend/assume that Andrea thought to grab her birth control pills as she was packing to leave home.

In her tent, Lori takes a bunch of baby-be-gone pills, then changes her mind and runs into the woods to throw them up. Shane and Andrea return, tell Carol news she is by now used to hearing: no sign of Sophia. They also, through their matching goofy grins, unintentionally tell Dale — Nothing gets by that guy! — that they totally got it on. Dale confronts Shane, tells him he (Dale) has his suspicions about how Otis really died. High five, Dale! Shane coolly responds that if he (Shane) is such a bad guy, then it’s probably not smart to threaten him.

If Shane hurts Dale, I’ll kill him myself.


And now, at last, the too-long-delayed Revealing Of The Pregnancy. Rick enters the tent, finds empty baby-be-gone pill packets, confronts Lori. He’s pissed she didn’t tell him and that she even thought about killing their baby. She says she doesn’t want to have a baby under these conditions, especially since Doc is making them leave. Rick says not even giving the baby a chance isn’t fair and says they can figure it out — but they can’t have any more secrets, and is there anything else he should know? She admits to the Shane thing, and … yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Rick reacts exactly as he should. He forgives her. “You thought I was dead,” he says simply. (Awwwww. He loves her so much.) And the episode ends. Good, cuz after the last two or three edge-of-your seat omg-inducing cliffhanger endings, my heart needed a break.

*Where did all this ammo suddenly come from? In the premiere, they hid under cars rather than shoot the zombie herd. When Otis died, he and Shane were down to their last bullet each. But now all of a sudden, there’s so much extra ammo everyone can have multiple target practice sessions?

Movie Review: Twilight – Breaking Dawn, Part One, 11/18/11

1. Yes, I can be objective. :)
2. This review contains no spoilers — if you’ve read the books.
3. IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOKS, YOU WILL HATE THIS MOVIE. OK? SO EFFING SPARE ME.

Let me begin by saying that if I were in charge of the universe, I would go back and change it so that the directors of the Twilight movies, Catherine Hardwicke, Chris Weitz, David Slade, and Oscar winner Bill Condon, also directed the Harry Potter movies. Like the Twilight novels, I love, love, LOVE the Harry Potter books — but the movies were so incredibly untrue to the source material that it pissed me off royally, and I quit after the third one. Thankfully, the Twilight directors/screenwriters seem bound and determined to stay as faithful to the books as possible (Thanks, guys!), resulting in yet another homerun: Breaking Dawn, Part One.


Bella and Edward marry, Jacob sulks, Bella gets surprise knocked-up with a half-vamp. Although we already know the plot from the books/previews, the movie still delivers the goods. The wedding is quite touching, the speeches hilarious. During the reception, we meet — OMG — Irina. As it is she who will bring about all the danger and drama of Part Two, I was curious to see who they got to play her. Maggie Grace, from Lost? Good choice. She perfectly pouts, protests, then departs in a pretty huff. We’ll be seeing you, Irina. And how.


The tropical honeymoon location is breathtaking, the sex scene as intense as a PG-13 sex scene can be. Then starts the tension. Bella’s preggo! But this is not cause for celebration. The fetus is killing her, so pretty much everybody wants her to get rid of it (except her sis-in-law Rosalie, vamped before she got the chance to be a mom, so she’s fiercely protecting this chance to become an aunt). And since the fetus is killing Bella, the werewolves, sworn to protect humans, want to kill it, so Jacob has to break from the pack and act as watchdog.


The principals have a ways to go acting-wise, but still, the performances are much improved this time around. Taylor Lautner really makes you feel sorry for Jacob, who already had to watch the woman he loves marry another man and now has to watch her die bit by bit. Kristen Stewart actually shows some depth as her character fights not only to protect her baby from those who want to kill it in order to save her life but also to carry a child who is slowly draining the life out of her. And wow, the special effects used to create a wasting-away Bella are extremely and disturbingly effective.


But of course, all I care about are the werewolves, so let’s devote a paragraph to that, shall we? (And I know they’re shapeshifters and not true lycans. Stfu.) YAY, huge and fast and strong WEREWOLVES. In this movie, we finally get to hear them talking as is described in the books: in the mental voice of the pack. Nice touch. The scene when Jacob rebels against pack leader Sam is pretty powerful; the vamp-vs-werewolf fight, just like the one in Eclipse, is edge-of-your-seat thrilling. And Jacob’s imprinting scene at the end is touching, effective, and very well done.


Complaints:
1. The soundtrack. Heretofore, all the soundtracks have had no fewer than five or six songs that blew me away. This time around, all I like are “It Will Rain” by Bruno Mars and "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last. Here’s hoping Part Two has way better music.
2. As I also griped in my review of The Thing, it drives me batty when someone suddenly develops the ability to speak a foreign language. When the housekeeper says something in Portuguese to Bella, who magically understands, that got an eye roll.
3. Jacob takes his shirt off only once. FAIL.

*sad sigh* Alas, there is but one Twilight movie left. But that’s ok … because omg did you see the Hunger Games trailer? Like, OMG!

Top Chef, 11/16/11

Time for the first Quickfire, in which the contestants must cook rattlesnake for Padma and guest judge chef Johnny Hernandez. (If I were a meat eater, I could totally eat snake. It doesn’t gross me out like octopus, calf testicles, etc. *shudder*) Padma informs the chefs that immunity and $5K are on the line and that their snakes are in the little boxes in front of them; then she channels her inner Samuel Jackson: “I better see some mother f*cking snakes on some mother f*cking plates.” Ha ha ha! Awesome. Cooking begins — after everyone is super-relieved to find out that the snakes in the boxes are already dead. LOL! Come on, guys. Top Chef has made contestants cook in some pretty extreme conditions, but I highly doubt that “wrestle poisonous snakes” will ever be required.

In the bottom are Paul’s bbq rattlesnake with peaches, Richie’s grilled jerk rattlesnake with roasted corn and pineapple, and Nyesha’s tequila-braised rattlesnake with cous cous and raisins. (Note: the bottom three are all disgusting savory + sweet nastiness. Death to savory + sweet!) In the top are Beverly’s rattlesnake nagiri with Thai basil aioli, Dakota’s fried beer-battered rattlesnake, and Sara’s flash-fried rattlesnake in a brown butter sauce. (Note: frying any meat can make it look delicious.) And the winner is … Dakota.

Knives are drawn; teams are formed. They will be cooking elegant Mexican food for Blanca’s quinceañera. Congrats, Blanca! I will pepper this recap with Spanish in honor of thee.

Team Pink
- Keith and Lindsey: pork tenderloin huarache
- Nyesha: ceviche
- Chris C.: corn con chile
- Ty-lör: carne asada
- Whitney: green pozole
- Keith: enchiladas
- Sara and Lindsey: cochinita pibil pork
- Dakota: hibiscus-yogurt pound cake
- Ty-lör: fritter with avocado mousse (to replace the shrimp cocktail)

Lindsey makes a huge deal of and gets mad at Keith for having bought pre-cooked shrimp. Keith says yes, mayhap in hindsight it wasn’t the smartest decision, but when he was buying it, nobody said nada. Lindsey wisely tosses the pre-cooked shrimp.

Team Green
- Paul: shrimp yuzu ceviche
- Richie: pork carnitas chicharron
- Grayson: chicken mole
- Edward: tomatillo gazpacho
- Chris J.: green chile empanadas
- Beverly: beef short rib asada
- Chuy: braised goat birria
- Heather: tres leches cake

Holy mother of frijoles. Carnitas, empanadas, and short ribs? *DROOL* Green’s menu beats the pantalones off Pink’s. And that cake is waaaaaaaaaaaay better. Who the hell wants a dumb stupid pound cake at their (Mexican equivalent of a) Sweet Sixteen birthday party??? I am so Team Green it’s not even funny. And Green totally has a leg up cuz of Chuy, the “resident Mexican on the team,” who’s advising and tasting everything. And who I think is kinda cute. :)


Party time! Ooooh, it’s decorated so beautifully and the mariachi band is rocking and Blanca looks so pretty and there’s a touching father-daughter dance! I suddenly want to for a day be a Mexican girl turning 15. *jealous* Anyhoo, as the judges are being served, Sara and Lindsey inform them that the tortillas are pre-cooked. ¡Madre de dios! How the butt are you going to throw a hissy fit about pre-cooked shrimp when you bought pre-cooked tortillas? Tom calls it a cop out. Oh — then on the other team, Grayson also used storebought tortillas. WTF, people. But hey, at least Grayson didn’t spend an hour sniping at somebody … for doing exactly what she had done.

We must discuss los pasteles (the cakes), since this is a birthday party. I guess Dakota has no bloody idea what a pound cake is, cuz three layers frosted in different fluorescent colors is not it. Nobody liked her cake; Blanca said it had too much icing. Heather’s tres leches cake is a tad overdecorated; plus it’s leaning pretty noticeably to one side, but who cares? The layers were beautiful when it was sliced; it tasted yum and had fresh fruit, which Blanca really liked; and, as one party guest said, is very traditionally Mexican.

So, I totally called it. Team Green wins! You the man, Chuy.


The muy bad food of Ty-lör, Keith, Lindsey, and Sara lands them in bottom for Team Pink—and if Dakota hadn’t had immunity, she would have been in the bottom, too. Keith used flour instead of corn enchiladas, which kinda killed the dish. His fault, although Sara, who knew better, should have said something. Sara and Lindsey’s cochinita pibil was missing a lot of necessary spices, despite the fact that Lindsey lived in Mexico for quite a while. Ty-lör’s fritter was too dry; the fact that he had to make it last minute to replace the shrimp appetizer is no excuse.

And the person going home is … Keith. Darn. Sorry, big teddy bear!

Terra Nova, 11/14/11

Taylor and Rick are off fishing and, judging by the huge hunks of meat they’re using as bait, it ain’t for catfish. Back at TN, Elizabeth gets Maddy all super-nerd excited about the chance to meet Ken Horton, famed author and geologist, returning from a six-month expedition today. Horton’s convoy rolls into the opened gates with much fanfare and applause. Chief Science Officer Malcolm warmly welcomes him back; Horton calls him the wrong name then asks him to get the bags. I guess that title doesn’t carry as much weight as Malcolm thinks it does, heh. (Random: wow, did the character-creating department have a field day with this guy. He has longish, shaggy hair; walks with a limp and a cane; has a pronounced accent; and wears a skinny scarf looped and knotted around his neck and jodhpur pants tucked into knee-high boots. I think I know what I’m going to be next Halloween.)

Tom the Mole informs Josh that it’s time to do that favor for Mira. An illness has swept through the Sixers’ camp, Tom the Mole says, and they need a medicine: Azameth Schedule II Isomorph. (That’s a mouthful. What happened to simple names like Aspirin and Aleve?) The azameth is kept under tight security; Josh is going to have to steal Elizabeth’s key card to get it. Skye later tries to convince Josh not to do it and reminds him he doesn’t even really know if they can bring his girlfriend to TN. Strange that she should make that prudent point, when she’s the one who told Josh that Tom could do it in the first place. Anyway, Josh tells Tom that before he’ll get the meds, he wants proof that Cara’s coming. That night he’s sneaked into the Sixers’ camp (where I see not one sick person, mind you!), and Mira lets him talk to Cara via hologram/video phone-thingy for a few seconds. I’m imagining all kinds of ways that could’ve been faked, but it’s proof enough for Josh, and he agrees to get the azameth.

(Random: I want to know what “Maddy” is short for. Madeline? Margaret? Madison?) Maddy gushes to Horton about how awesome his book is; he asks her if she’d like to be his intern. She jumps at the chance and then starts the UH OHness. Firstly, she makes a dorky geologist joke, and Horton laughs like he’s never heard it, although it’s in his book. Secondly, she asks if he ever [did some sciencey thing], and he says no, despite the fact that in a response to fan mail she sent him years ago, he’d said he could wait to. Thirdly, upon examining that letter he sent her, Maddy realizes the signature on it doesn’t match the autograph he just signed on her book. Maddy’s troubled by all this, but Elizabeth brushes it off reminding her that Horton has had a stroke; maybe that explains the discrepancies.


Rick and Taylor are hiking back to their rover when they come across an abandoned campsite. The Sixers wouldn’t leave such an obvious camp, so Taylor assumes it’s Currin, the soldier he recently banished from TN. Taylor tells Rick to head on back to camp; he (Taylor) is staying OTG one more day. (That’s “outside the gate.” Learn your TN acronyms already!)


As Horton limps and Maddy walks around an apple orchard ruined by black mold, she gives him the letter, which he’d asked to see, then asks him about an expedition he went on. It was apparently a big deal, but he remembers nothing, blaming it on old age. He then tries to wow her by letting her release a colony of flying beetles that will eat the mold and save the apples (very cool special effect right there), but Maddy’s suspicions are not eased, especially when she later asks for the letter back and Horton claims to have misplaced it. Since Elizabeth didn’t take her seriously, Maddy runs her suspicions by Zoe. Who, as an adorable six-year-old, can’t really help, but does provide an excuse for us to get to hear Maddy explaining her hunches out loud all episode long. Maddy waits til Horton leaves the lab, then sneaks in to look for her letter. Just as she finds its burned remains in the trash; he comes back. She scoots under a table and watches as he stops using his cane and walks perfectly fine, then starts limping as he leaves. Old age and stroke can’t explain that away! Maddy suspects he’s an impostor. She tests the DNA from an envelope the real Horton licked against the DNA from a cup the might-be-fake Horton just drank from, sharing her theory with CSO Malcolm. Alas, the test results are a match. Alas again, the might-be-fake Horton was eavesdropping on the entire conversation.


Josh steals Elizabeth’s key card and takes it to Tom, who makes an unidentifiable copy and gives Josh a stun gun to use on the lowest setting in case anyone interrupts him. Josh breaks into the hospital and tries the key card, but it doesn’t work — Gee, thanks, Tom. — so Josh cranks the gun all the way up and shoots the locked cabinet doors. The blast throws him backward, but he staggers to his feet and does the job. Rick gets back to TN just in time to investigate to robbery.


Taylor finds Currin, who has a festering leg wound. Like the rest of us, Currin wonders if Taylor's there to kill him, but Taylor gives him something for the infection, puts maggots on the wound (They’ll eat the dead flesh, you see.), and scares off the bloody huge komodo dragon that bit Currin and is hanging around waiting for him to die. (Let's just call it, right here and right now: Taylor is the bad assiest bad ass ever to bad assify. The End.) Why's Taylor being so nice? It ain't cuz he's just feeling friendly. When Currin’s better, Taylor instructs him to go to the Sixers’ camp and become Taylor’s mole. If he does, Taylor might let him back into TN; if he doesn’t, Taylor might kill him. Currin chooses option A.

Refusing to let this go — I’m loving how Nancy Drew she is this episode — Maddy visits The Eye and finds out that the real Horton’s research assistant, who could well have licked closed and mailed that envelope, is now missing, and that just before Horton was scheduled to come to TN, an unidentified male’s body was found. Fake Horton enters The Eye just then, but before he can do anything to her, someone wanders in and Maddy takes off running. To go tell her mom? To go sound the alarm? No. To pick Zoe up from school. WTF? Anyway, she’s too late; Fake Horton has kidnapped Zoe to lure Maddy to the apple orchard. Maddy sends Zoe give Rick a coded message; he finds her just as Fake Horton is trying to induce death by spider bite. Whew!


Rick and Elizabeth chide Maddy (gently, cuz she was just almost murdered) about trying to handle this herself. Yeah! She could’ve at least told her hot boyfriend! During this conversation, Josh does that thing that only happens in movies/on television: wracked with guilt, he suddenly decides to come clean about the whole thing: trying to illegally get Cara on the next Pilgrimage, stealing the azameth, giving it to the Sixers, Tom being the mole. Tom is arrested (though I seriously doubt that the Sixers have only one mole in TN, so do your job, Currin.), during which Rick roughs him up cuz Rick's mad that Tom got Josh involved with the Sixers — in which case, it should really be Skye that Rick is slamming into walls.

When Taylor hears the Sixers can communicate with 2149 w/o the portal being open, he realizes his son Lucas is in cahoots with them. :( He looks so sad.

The Walking Dead, 11/13/11

Not that every woman who sleeps in is preggo or anything, but if Lori’s trying to hide the fact that she’s carrying Shane Jr., she should be a little more careful to stick to a normal routine. Anyway, once she’s finally up, Carol asks if she’d ask if it’d be ok if they cooked dinner for Doc and his peeps since, Carol says, Lori is the “unofficial First Lady.” Lori is amused by this.


Now that all the previously ailing are able, The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS) resumes. Again. During planning, one of Doc’s people, a young fellow named Jimmy, says he’d like to help. (I immediately want to tell him this is a bad idea. It’s like on those old episodes of Star Trek when Kirk, Spok, and baby-faced young Ensign Smith would go off on a mission. Guess who wouldn’t make it back?) Ricks asks Jimmy if Doc’s ok with it; Jimmy says yes, then says he wants a gun. “People in hell want slurpees,” Daryl growls, LOL, then heads off to borrow a horse.

Glenn sits playing guitar on the porch; Maggie approaches. Not one to beat around the bush, he pointedly tells her there are eleven condoms left. She’s all, “You see eleven condoms; I see eleven minutes of my life I’ll never get back.” Hey, cut him some slack! He was nervous; plus you totally came out of nowhere with that proposition. I’m sure next time he’ll last at least fifteen! :)


Out in the forest, Shane and Rick have a pretty hilarious conversation recollecting past sexual conquests. Then they argue. Shane thinks that the fact that everyone’s still TESFSing is beyond ridiculous. I’m sorry, but … I agree with him. Rick says he feels responsible for Sophia cuz he was the one who got her lost. Off TESFSing on his own, Daryl is riding along when he sees Sophia’s doll in the river. He climbs down a steep embankment to retrieve it; then returns to his horse — which gets spooked by a rattlesnake, throws him, and runs away. Daryl falls and falls and falls down the embankment, landing in the river with his arrow in his side. :( He tries to climb back up but falls again. :(

On the farm, Glenn confronts Lori, wants to know why she hasn’t told Rick yet. Which is a good question. She should get this out of the way. Make the happy announcement, then later when Shane asks if it’s his, lie about how many periods she’s missed. Both men are dark-haired; it could work. Maybe she’s not saying anything cuz she’s worried everyone will be so mad at her for being dumb enough to get pregnant that they’ll revoke her First Lady status.


Doc sends his youngest daughter (Awwww, she’s adorable! Send her in to play with Carl. He needs a new friend since SOPHIA IS NEVER GOING TO BE FOUND.) to summon Rick. Doc’s mad that his horse was taken and that Jimmy is TESFSing. That first complaint I can understand, since Daryl apparently took the horse without asking, but that latter one is entirely Jimmy’s fault. Rick specifically asked that little turd if Doc was ok with this, and Jimmy said yes. Liarpants. Rick, ever the peacekeeper, says it’s merely a communication problem and everything will be run by Doc from now on, but the look on Doc’s face as Rick walks away says Doc’s clearly not happy to have visitors. Hmph. I’m grateful to Doc for saving Carl, but I don’t like him very much.


Out in the woods, Daryl is lying semiconscious in the river. Someone approaches. A zomb? No, it’s his brother Merle! Well, Dream Merle. (We know he’s imaginary because he has two hands.) Every bit as racist as Real Merle, Dream Merle gives Daryl a bigoted pep talk, then kicks him fully awake — just in time for Daryl to realize a zomb is gnawing on his shoe and another is shambling toward him. ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH! But, no problem, because Daryl goes Fully Bad Ass. He grabs a branch, beats gnawer to death, yanks the arrow* out of his side, loads his bow, and shoots shambler in the head. (*Raise your hand if you, too, got mad at Andrea all over again for making Daryl waste an arrow on that zomb in the tree.) Now full of I-want-to-live adrenaline, he then again tries the climb, but loses steam. When it looks hopeless, Dream Merle appears again and motivates him as only a big brother can. “Kick off them damn high heels and climb, son!”

Doc tells Maggie he should have been asked if it was ok for Carol and Lori to make dinner, then asks her what’s going on with her and “the Asian boy.” (Oh good god. Yes, he’s old, and yes, at least he didn’t use a racial slur, but I’m suddenly thinking he’d get along great with Dream Merle.) “Don’t get close to them,” Doc warns her.

Glenn, frustrated cuz Maggie’s giving him the cold shoulder, runs a theory by Dale.
- Glenn: “I read somewhere that when women spend a lot of time together, their cycles line up, and they all get super crazy hormonal at the same time.”
- Dale: “I’m gonna advise you to keep that theory to yourself.”
LOL. Glenn keeps Lori’s secret, but does tells Dale that he and Maggie did the naughty. Dale tells him to for the love of God not let Doc find out.


“Walker!” Andrea yells — but it’s not a zomb. It’s a bloody, wounded, and exhausted Daryl shuffling back home. Andrea grabs a rifle, but everyone tells her not to shoot. Theodore (or, as Doc probably calls him, “that negro boy”), Rick, Shane, and Glenn run out to kill it with handheld weapons. Andrea aims. Dale again tells her not to shoot. She ignores him — and shoots Daryl seconds after Rick et al. realize he’s still human. IDIOT BEEYATCH. I’m all for the killing of zombs, but not with a gun 1. after you’ve been asked not to use firearms on your host’s property and 2. everyone’s telling you not to shoot and 3. there’s absolutely no need to waste the ammo! (Although, in all fairness, Daryl looked just LIKE a zomb.)

Oh my god, longest commercial break ever.

Thankfully, Andrea’s bullet only grazes Daryl’s head. Doc bandages it, tends to the arrow wound, then gripes about how quickly they’re running through the antibiotics. Oh, I’m sorry that your man Otis shot Carl, who then needed antibiotics, and that your horse almost killed Daryl, who then needed antibiotics. Prick. (And aren't they Daryl's antibiotics?????)

Shane again brings up to Rick the fact that people need to stop risking their lives TESFSing. I’m sorry, but … agreeeeeeed.

Dinner is an awkward, silent affair. Glenn tries to break the silence asking if anyone knows how to play guitar. “Otis did,” his wife answers, and thus ends that endeavor. Maggie passes Glenn a note asking where he wants to meet again. He scribbles a response, but Doc glances in her direction, so she can’t read it just then. Carol brings a recuperating Daryl a plate of food, kisses his bandaged head, and tells him he's just as fine a man as Rick or Shane. That was nice of her. Later, Maggie opens Glenn's note to see that he wants to meet in the hayloft. She immediately takes off running for the barn. Glenn’s already there, up in the hayloft, looking for a comfy place for Sex With Maggie, Round II — when he smells something awful … and shines his flashlight down on like 20 zombs being held in the barn.

Scream it with me: “WTF??!?!???!!?????”

My theories:
- Doc’s keeping the zombs to observe them. This has been done in Resident Evil: Extinction, I Am Legend, and 28 Days Later — though in none of those movies was a frigging horde being kept.
- The zombs are Doc’s friends and family members. He’s keeping them so that they can be healed once the cure — which, you remember, he told Rick that he firmly believes will be found — is discovered.

LOL, from The Talking Dead:

Top Chef, 11/9/11

Time for the last ten chefs to try to win a chef’s coat.

Group Three:
Everyone enters the Top Chef kitchen, where Padma, Tom, and Hugh Acheson (I LOVE HIM, and I am so stoked that he’s a judge this season!!!) are waiting. The chefs introduce themselves. Ok, it happened again. I said last week that I wasn’t going to pick early faves — and then promptly fell for Nyesha. This week I’m falling for Chaz. The other chefs are touting their accolades and awards; however, Chaz cracks everybody up with, “I was nominated by my mom as one of her two favorite sons.” LOL. Plus, he kinda looks like my friend Charles.

After some discussion and a game of rock-paper-scissors, the chefs decide who gets which tray of ingredients. On each tray, something secret is hiding under a cloche. “Ready, set, lift!” Padma says, and the chefs find timers with the amount of time they have to cook: 60, 40, or 20 minutes. All the 20 minuters are, of course, mad. Cooking begins. Tom and Hugh walk around the kitchen intimidating-oops-I-mean-observing everyone.


Oh my god. Watching Beverly go to town on that nasty nasty gross octopus is making me physically ill. I freely admit that I’m a bit of a culinary wuss: I gladly leave eating the out-there stuff to others. OH NO — Chaz got risotto. Anything but that! Throughout the seasons, having to cook risotto has been the downfall of many a contestant. “It’s been a stumbling block for a lot of Top Chef people in the past,” Hugh says. :( And Chaz has only 40 minutes!

20-Minute Peeps

- Kim: pan-seared lamb chop with kalamata olives, arugula, and pan jus
- Andrew: roasted mushrooms with spinach, poached egg, and a brown butter vinaigrette (Vegetarian dish. More challenging, if you ask me.)
- Paul: grilled trout with rustic Asian tomato salad

Paul: in. Kim: out. Andrew: must cook again. When Andrew enters the stew room, where the other chefs who have to cook again are waiting, somebody asks him, “What are you in for?” Ha ha ha ha hahaha!

40-Minute Peeps

- Chaz: loses track of time, has nothing plated when clock runs out, is sent home. DAMN YOU, RISOTTO!!!
- Berenice: Asian style short rib with cabbage slaw
- Laurent: duck with lemon uzu curd and arugula sautéed with pomegranate molasses
- Jonathan: Spanish style brussel sprouts atop tomato sofrito with paprika and hazelnut gremolata

Jonathan and Berenice: out. Laurent: must cook again.

See? See what I mean about vegetarian dishes being harder to make? In both rounds, vegetarian dishes totally tripped up the chefs. Anybody can work magic with a slab of meat. Making a satisfying, delicious meatless meal is much, MUCH harder and requires way more skill.


60-Minute Peeps

Ok, Lindsay is good people. She tells a struggling Ashley how to take the lid off the pressure cooker. Some would have just let her struggle.
- Ashley: Filipino “kare-kare,” a braised oxtail dish
- Lindsay: braised veal over polenta with a warm salad and charred pickled carrots
- Beverly: Korean “nakji bokum,” an octopus dish (YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK)

Lindsay (yay!) and Beverly: in. Ashley: out.

And now it’s down to all the chefs who had to cook again. Edward: “If they leave me here in the stew room long enough, I’m going to kill the other five people to get that jacket.” HA HA! These six are competing for the last two available spots. They have 45 minutes and can use any ingredient in the kitchen to make an amazing dish. No mercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!


- Edward: bbq duck, pickled corn, and candied bacon over sweet Asian custard
- Molly: jumbo stuffed prawn with a mousseline of shrimp over uzu burblanc with ponzu pudding and soy glazed watermelon (When it takes me that long to type the dish, I get irritated.)
- Janine: seared scallop with baby clams, bacon, corn, watermelon, and snap peas
- Grayson: bacon-wrapped shrimp over polenta with a port wine fig sauce
- Laurent: tartare scallop, and seared scallop with relish over fennel with saffron
- Andrew: mussels cooked in sherry with fregula pasta, charred corn panna cotta, and charred shrimp

How funny that 5 out of 6 chose seafood. Noticing this, Edward strategically chose duck, but then he grossed me out making a sweet + savory dish. I reiterate for the umpteen quillionth time: I HATE SWEET + SAVORY, and I wish to Almighty God it would hurry up and be considered passé. Please, culinary world? Please stop trying to make dinner + dessert a thing.

Out: Molly, Laurent, Janine, and Andrew. In: Grayson and Edward. I’m hoping he doesn’t sugar it up all season long, but I’m cool with Edward cuz he made me laugh.