Time for the first Quickfire, in which the contestants must cook rattlesnake for Padma and guest judge chef Johnny Hernandez. (If I were a meat eater, I could totally eat snake. It doesn’t gross me out like octopus, calf testicles, etc. *shudder*)
Padma informs the chefs that immunity and $5K are on the line and that their snakes are in the little boxes in front of them; then she channels her inner Samuel Jackson: “I better see some mother f*cking snakes on some mother f*cking plates.” Ha ha ha! Awesome. Cooking begins — after everyone is super-relieved to find out that the snakes in the boxes are already dead. LOL! Come on, guys. Top Chef has made contestants cook in some pretty extreme conditions, but I highly doubt that “wrestle poisonous snakes” will ever be required.In the bottom are Paul’s bbq rattlesnake with peaches, Richie’s grilled jerk rattlesnake with roasted corn and pineapple, and Nyesha’s tequila-braised rattlesnake with cous cous and raisins. (Note: the bottom three are all disgusting savory + sweet nastiness. Death to savory + sweet!) In the top are Beverly’s rattlesnake nagiri with Thai basil aioli, Dakota’s fried beer-battered rattlesnake, and Sara’s flash-fried rattlesnake in a brown butter sauce. (Note: frying any meat can make it look delicious.) And the winner is … Dakota.
Knives are drawn; teams are formed. They will be cooking elegant Mexican food for Blanca’s quinceañera. Congrats, Blanca! I will pepper this recap with Spanish in honor of thee.
Team Pink
- Keith and Lindsey: pork tenderloin huarache
- Nyesha: ceviche
- Chris C.: corn con chile
- Ty-lör: carne asada
- Whitney: green pozole
- Keith: enchiladas
- Sara and Lindsey: cochinita pibil pork
- Dakota: hibiscus-yogurt pound cake
- Ty-lör: fritter with avocado mousse (to replace the shrimp cocktail)
Lindsey makes a huge deal of and gets mad at Keith for having bought pre-cooked shrimp. Keith says yes, mayhap in hindsight it wasn’t the smartest decision, but when he was buying it, nobody said nada. Lindsey wisely tosses the pre-cooked shrimp.
Team Green
- Paul: shrimp yuzu ceviche
- Richie: pork carnitas chicharron
- Grayson: chicken mole
- Edward: tomatillo gazpacho
- Chris J.: green chile empanadas
- Beverly: beef short rib asada
- Chuy: braised goat birria
- Heather: tres leches cake
Holy mother of frijoles. Carnitas, empanadas, and short ribs? *DROOL* Green’s menu beats the pantalones off Pink’s. And that cake is waaaaaaaaaaaay better. Who the hell wants a dumb stupid pound cake at their (Mexican equivalent of a) Sweet Sixteen birthday party??? I am so Team Green it’s not even funny. And Green totally has a leg up cuz of Chuy, the “resident Mexican on the team,” who’s advising and tasting everything. And who I think is kinda cute. :)
Party time! Ooooh, it’s decorated so beautifully and the mariachi band is rocking and Blanca looks so pretty and there’s a touching father-daughter dance! I suddenly want to for a day be a Mexican girl turning 15. *jealous* Anyhoo, as the judges are being served, Sara and Lindsey inform them that the tortillas are pre-cooked. ¡Madre de dios! How the butt are you going to throw a hissy fit about pre-cooked shrimp when you bought pre-cooked tortillas? Tom calls it a cop out. Oh — then on the other team, Grayson also used storebought tortillas. WTF, people. But hey, at least Grayson didn’t spend an hour sniping at somebody … for doing exactly what she had done.
We must discuss los pasteles (the cakes), since this is a birthday party. I guess Dakota has no bloody idea what a pound cake is, cuz three layers frosted in different fluorescent colors is not it. Nobody liked her cake; Blanca said it had too much icing. Heather’s tres leches cake is a tad overdecorated; plus it’s leaning pretty noticeably to one side, but who cares? The layers were beautiful when it was sliced; it tasted yum and had fresh fruit, which Blanca really liked; and, as one party guest said, is very traditionally Mexican.
So, I totally called it. Team Green wins! You the man, Chuy.
The muy bad food of Ty-lör, Keith, Lindsey, and Sara lands them in bottom for Team Pink—and if Dakota hadn’t had immunity, she would have been in the bottom, too. Keith used flour instead of corn enchiladas, which kinda killed the dish. His fault, although Sara, who knew better, should have said something. Sara and Lindsey’s cochinita pibil was missing a lot of necessary spices, despite the fact that Lindsey lived in Mexico for quite a while. Ty-lör’s fritter was too dry; the fact that he had to make it last minute to replace the shrimp appetizer is no excuse.
And the person going home is … Keith. Darn. Sorry, big teddy bear!
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