The Walking Dead: Beside the Dying Fire, 3/18/2012

Just in case anyone was wondering, we’re shown how that many zombs got in the woods: they were a random cluster from the city drawn first by the sound of a helicopter, then by Shane’s and Carl’s gunfire. (Wait—a helicopter? So there’s still a military somewhere!)

Glenn and Daryl return to the farmhouse. Daryl reports that Randall got zombed, he was not bitten, and his and Shane’s tracks being together was suspicious. (In other words, Daryl knows Shane killed Randall.) Lori asks him to go back out and try to find Rick and Shane. Glenn stays; Andrea and Daryl head outside—and everyone sees the approaching zomb swarm. Doc tells Tricia to kill the lights. Andrea goes to get the guns. Glenn says maybe they’ll just pass by like the highway herd; maybe they should just wait it out in the house? Daryl says not unless there’s an escape tunnel; that many zombs’ll tear the house down. Lori realizes Carl’s missing.

Rick and Carl dart through the zomb horde, make it to the barn, lock themselves inside. They pour gasoline around. Carl climbs up into the loft. Rick throws open the doors then darts up the ladder; Carl drops a lighter, and there’s a zomb roast. At the farmhouse, everyone’s arming themselves and loading weapons. The plan is to load into the cars and lead the zombs away.
-- Daryl: You serious?
-- Doc: This is my farm. I’ll die here.
-- Daryl: All right. It’s as good a night as any.
LOL. Theodore drives while Andrea shoots from the truck. Maggie drives while Glenn shoots from the SUV. Daryl shoots from his motorcycle, then yells at Jimmy, who’s shooting from the RV, that Rick and Shane must’ve set the barn on fire. Swing around and see if he can see them. In the house, Lori’s running around frantically looking for Carl. Beth observes that the barn is on fire. Tricia says maybe Rick set the fire to draw the zombs. Nice guesswork, Daryl and Tricia. Jimmy pulls up to the barn; Rick and Carl hop onto the RV roof. For reasons I’ll never understand, Jimmy doesn’t drive off, and zombs break in and eat him. :( I guess he didn’t know Rick and Carl were on the roof. Rick and Carl climb down, hear Jimmy’s screams and see his blood on the windshield, realize he’s history, and take off running. (Observation: RV drivers die.)

Doc stands a few feet from the farmhouse, shooting and shooting and shooting. Tricia, Beth, Lori, and Carol yell for him to come with them; he doesn’t budge. They flee. The zombs get Tricia. :( Theodore and Andrea pull up; Lori and Beth hop in the truck; Andrea hops out to go get Carol. Andrea shoots a zomb; it falls on her; Theodore et al. assume she’s dead and Carol’s lost, drive off. Elsewhere, Glenn yells at Maggie that they have to leave; the farm can’t be saved. They go. At the house, Doc is still standing there, shooting. A zomb is about to sneak up on him from behind; Rick and Carl run up; Rick shoots it. Doc says he doesn’t know where Lori is. He doesn’t want to leave, but Rick convinces him, and the three of them hop in Doc’s truck and flee. They just miss Andrea. She grabs the ammo bag and takes off running. Doc gets in a final glance at his brightly burning barn as they drive off. Elsewhere, Daryl hears Carol’s screams and picks her up on his motorcycle just before the zombs get to her.


Holy shit. I’m exhausted.

Dawn breaks. Maggie is freaking out wondering about her family.
Glenn suggests they head for the highway; maybe everyone will be there. (Note: FAIL! People, you always have an in-case-we-get-separated-in-a-zomb-attack rendezvous point.) Maggie says no cuz that’s where the zombs came from. Glenn (wisely) switches with her so that he’s driving; then calms her down by telling her he loves her—AWWWWWWWW!—and it’ll be all right. Doc, Rick, and Carl, thinking like Glenn, pull up on the highway to see if anybody else will show up there. Carl’s mad cuz Rick won’t go back for Lori. Doc tells Rick to take Carl to a safe place; he (Doc) will stay behind and wait for the others to arrive, if they arrive at all. Rick doesn’t want to split up. In the truck, Beth and Lori want to go to the highway to see if their families are there. Theodore refuses to stop. Lori opens her door and threatens to jump out. He relents. Carol/Daryl, Maggie/Glenn, and Lori/Theodore/Beth arrive on the highway together. Joyful reunion time!!!! Rick asks Daryl how he found everyone; Daryl brings the funny, explains that he found Glenn cuz his driving is so bad Daryl figured it had to be an Asian. Glenn and I LOL. Oh Daryl, you endearingly bigoted bastard. There’s a who’s-dead check: Jimmy, Tricia, and Shane are goners; Andrea might’ve survived? But the chances are seriously like nil; plus, there’s no way to find her. The group heads east. The camera pans to … the note they left on a windshield for Sophia back when they were looking for her. :(

Cut to: Andrea running through the woods, gun in her hand, ammo bag over her shoulder, zombs in hot shuffling pursuit.

Rick stops the group; his vehicle’s almost out of gas. He says they should camp for the night and in the morning make a gas/supplies run. Beth says but what if zombs come thru, or a dangerous group like Randall’s, leading Daryl to say he found Randall dead by Shane’s hand and zombed but not bitten, leading Rick to admit what he’s known since the CDC: that everybody’s infected and will automatically zomb upon death. People are mad* that he never said anything. Glenn says he told everybody about the barn zombs; Rick should’ve told everyone they’re infected. Rick says he thought people were better off now knowing. He strides off, angry. Lori approaches and hugs him, says she’s sure he had his reasons. He tells her he killed Shane, that Shane killed Randall to lure Rick into the woods, Rick realized what he was doing but wanted it over because he was tired of Shane coveting her and Carl, Shane came at him and Rick killed him, Shane zombed, and Carl re-killed him. Lori looks like her head’s going to explode. She doubles over. Rick reaches for her; she knocks his hand away and storms off, furious**.

In the woods, an exhausted Andrea has three zombs on her tail. She drops the ammo bag, bashes the first one’s head in with her gun, knifes the second one thru the skull, and is struggling with the third one when out of nowhere, a shiny blade decapitates it. A shocked Andrea looks up to see a hooded female figure*** standing there, sword in hand, leading two armless, jawless zombs by chains. And I'm seriously all like WHOA! Who dat?

The group sits around a campfire. Carol whispers to Daryl that they don’t need to be around Rick and he’s dangerous. Daryl says, “No. Rick’s done all right by me” (HE’S DONE ALL RIGHT BY ALL OF YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS.), and that Rick is a man of honor. Damn right. Maggie tells Glenn that she thinks they should take their chances without Rick. Doc says don’t be foolish; there’s no food, fuel, or ammo. Damn right. They hear a noise in the woods. Everybody’s jumpy; Maggie says they should leave. Rick says nobody should go running off in the dark. Damn right. Carol says “Do something!” Rick says he IS doing something! He’s keeping the group safe! He killed Shane for the good of the group! And his hands are clean, because Shane lured him into the woods to kill him, and everybody knows Shane needed to be killed! (Carl starts crying. You idiots! You’re upsetting the child!) If anyone wants to go, Rick continues, go! But if they stay, this ain’t a democracy anymore. Nobody leaves. Damn right. It’s a Ricktocracy. (Credit: I stole that from The Talking Dead.)

The camera pans away to … a castle? manor? prison! in the woods. Setting for season three? Methinks yes. Best season finale EVAR? Methinks yes.

Discussion:
*I don’t get why everyone’s mad. Just what did Rick do that was so bad? WHO CARES if when you die you automatically zomb? What the hell difference does that make??? And we all remember how straightjacket-required crazy Jenner was; he could have been wrong. As Rick tried to explain to Lori, he didn’t know for sure Jenner was right until he saw Zomb Shane. Plus, after everything Rick has done for the good of the group, how dare they turn on him? HOW DARE THEY?????

** Lori can hop the happy hell off of her high horse. She has no right whatsoever to be upset about Shane. Hell, it might've been her ill-timed apology to Shane that set him off and made him want to kill Rick. And like two episodes ago she was whispering in Rick’s ear that he needs to do something about Shane. Well, he did. AND SHANE WAS GOING TO KILL RICK. So, why’s she mad? Maggie, Lori, and Carol need to take a Xanax or smoke a joint or something and calm the eff down. I’m mad that it’s the women completely losing their cool. I’m going to chalk it up to the stress of the night. Team Rick, Doc, and Daryl. And Theodore, since he didn’t make any anti-Rick statements. And since the black guy didn't die, for once. Yay!

***I haven’t read the comics, so I had to wait til The Talking Dead (I love you, Chris Hardwick.) to find out who that was. Michonne. Fan-favorite character. (Black chick! Yay! Black girl high five!!!) Total bad ass—although that part I figured out from the sword skills and mutilated zomb prisoners, lol. I’m already loving her and wanting to be BFFs. Plus, she saved Andrea. *hug*

The Walking Dead: Nebraska, 2/12/12

We pick up right where we left off, mere seconds after Rick shot Zombie Sophia. Sobbing Carol runs away crying. Sobbing Beth takes the far less wise approach and goes over to her dead Zombie Mom. Who isn’t dead!!! Zomb Mom grabs Beth and tries to bite her. (Clearly, Beth has never seen Zombieland. Rule #2: Double Tap.) The others rush over to help; Andrea grabs a garden tool and spears Zomb Mom through the brain. Nicely done, Andrea. Shane accuses Doc of knowing all along that Zomb Sophia was in the barn, an accusation which MAKES NO EFFING SENSE. Doc very badly wanted Rick et al. to leave. Telling them Sophia was in the barn would have removed their reason to stay, so if Doc had known, he would’ve shouted it from the farmhouse rooftop. Duh. But Shane, ever the hothead, is convinced that there’s been a cover-up and tries to get at Doc. Maggie slaps him. Nicely done, Maggie. Doc orders Rick to get Shane off his land. Rick and Shane argue. Shane is mad because Rick had everyone off searching for Sophia when all along she was in the barn.

I guess in Shane’s world, it’s Supremely Idiotic Reasons to Be Mad About Stuff Day.

Glenn suggests that maybe finally knowing that Sophia’s dead is for the best. They can just bury her and try to move on. “And then?” Maggie presses. Glenn kisses her forehead, says he doesn’t know. Out in the yard, Lori and Carl sit talking. He tells her Rick was totally right to kill Zomb Sophia; he (Carl) would’ve done the same thing. Lori looks disturbed by this. I don’t know why. I’d be quite proud that my kid wouldn’t hesitate to kill a friend who’d been zombed. I guess Shane’s words got to Rick, who tells Lori he’s upset that he had everyone off chasing a ghost in the forest. Ok, I’m really not understanding this. The fact that that she was in the barn all along doesn’t mean that refusing to give up hope that she was alive was the wrong thing to do, dammit.

Shane goes to get the truck to move the zomb carcasses. Dale gives him what is probably the most convincing I-hate-you-so-much glare in the history of modern television. Shane yells at him that he (Dale) doesn’t do anything to keep the camp safe, but he (Shane) killed the barn zombs and protected everybody, so there. Dale says nothing, just glowers. There’s a funeral service for the zombed loved ones; despite Daryl’s requests, Carol refuses to participate. She runs into the woods, tears some flowers from the ground, and cries. Back at the barn, as zomb carcass clean-up progresses, Rick and Dale say Shane shouldn’t have massacred Doc’s barn zombs; Andrea and Theodore say he darn well should have. (Team Andrea and Theodore.)

Maggie asks Glenn what we’ve all been wondering: if Rick et al. hit the road, is Glenn going with them or staying with her? Glenn's stumbling his way through a non-response (Typical male.) when Beth collapses. She needs Doc but nobody knows where he is; he’s been MIA since the funeral. Shane finds an empty flask. Uh oh. The stress of the day has made Doc fall off the wagon; he’s gone to his favorite bar in town for some liquid comfort. Lori and Shane don’t want Rick to go after Doc. Shane I understand; but Lori surprises me. After all, one of the reasons she wants to stay on the farm so badly is that there’s medical care there, right? Well, Doc is the one providing that care. So hush, Lori. Glenn and Maggie share a long goodbye kiss (during which I cheer), then Rick and Glenn head out.


Shane makes up for some of his assholishness when he find a dirty and out-of-it Carol stumbling back to camp, sits her down, washes the mud off her hands, and says how sorry he is about Sophia. But then, lest we forget the kind of man he really is, Dale confides to Lori that he thinks Shane is dangerous, and that he thinks Shane killed Otis and left him for zomb bait, and sooner or later he’ll kill again. On the drive into town, Glenn tells Rick that Maggie told him she loves him, but he doesn’t know how to respond, and anyway how could she love him when they barely know each other? Rick says it’s the frigging zombie apocalypse, and beautiful things like love are a rarity, and Glenn better tell Maggie he loves her right back; they can fill out lengthy describe-yourself questionnaires later. I totally paraphrased, but well said, Rick. In the bar, Rick and Glenn find Doc drinking himself into oblivion, racked with guilt and shame over having been stupid enough to think that the barn zombs could have been cured. (I’ll save my “I told you so!” for when Doc is sober so it will have maximum effect.)

At the farmhouse, Beth is slipping deeper into shock. A worried Lori asks Daryl if he’ll go get Rick and Doc. He says no; she asks him how can he be so selfish. “Listen to me, Olive Oil!” Daryl begins his rant—I heartily LOL!, because yeah, Lori sure is skinny.—and yells at her that he’s done looking for people; if she wants them, go get them herself! Lori decides to do just that. She hops in a car and is headed for town when a zomb wanders into the road. She swerves to avoid it, overcorrects, and wrecks the car. Wrecks it spectacularly: it lands in a smoking ruin on its side. (Time out. LORI, WHAT THE CRAP WAS THAT? When one is driving along and sees a zomb in the road, one’s choices are 1. hit it at a safe but still deadly speed so as not to damage the car too badly or 2. just say eff it, stomp on the gas, and hit it at top speed to see how many pieces it will break into. Either way, you definitely do NOT swerve to avoid it! Fail! FAIL! Time back in.)

As Rick tries to reason with Doc and get him to go back to the farm, the bar door opens and in walk two armed men, a fat guy and Rene from True Blood. (I don’t care what role he’s playing, Michael Raymond James will always be Rene from True Blood to me.) Dave and Tony, they introduce themselves. At first, the five drink and chat amicably. Rene informs them that they should give up going to Fort Benning; it’s overrun by “lamebrains.” (HAAAAAA! Take that, everybody who’s ever complained that they’re called “walkers” instead of “zombies” on this show. “Lamebrains” is about a billion times dumber.) However, when Rene starts pressing Doc, Glenn, and Rick about where they’re staying, the friendliness evaporates. Although maybe it wouldn’t have if Fatty hadn’t pissed in the corner while asking about getting a “piece of ass,” and if everything about Rene didn’t scream “Do not trust me.” Rick tells them they can’t stay on the farm; they’ll have to keep moving. Fatty threatens to just kill them and take the farm. Way to win them over, lard ass. Rene diffuses the situation, even putting his guns on the bar to show how totally calm he is—then a few seconds later, he makes a move for it. BAM! Rick shoots him dead. BAM! And Fatty too.

As this now makes two episodes in a row that Rick has meted out swift, decisive, deadly punishment, we can officially lay the theory that he’s too soft to survive in this world to rest.

The Walking Dead, 12/4/11

If you, like me, are going through The Walking Dead withdrawal today, here are some thoughts to ponder as we suffer through the mid-season hiatus. We’ll get through this together, people.

- Question: Is Merle dead?
- Discussion: Pre-Zomb Sophia, I would’ve said no. I was holding out hope for the racist old s.o.b.; I really was. But Sophia didn’t make it, and she was a-ok physically. Merle, on the other hand (pun intended), had just sawn off his own hand. That kind of injury, that kind of blood loss, with no medical attention? Dude didn’t make it 20 feet before he was zomb food. Now he’s appearing to Darryl in dreams as a guardian angel. He’s dead as dead can be.
- Answer: Yes.

- Question: Would you stay on Hershel’s farm? (Glenn, stop screaming “Yes! Yes!” I’m not talking to you. Lol.)
- Discussion: Why would you want to? Dude was keeping a frigging barn full of zombs! I don’t care what his justification was; you do not join forces with zomb-lovers! What if they got out? Also, notice the lengths he was willing to go to: both Jimmy and Rick nearly got bitten trying to corral that zomb dude in the river. And I don’t care if Lori’s pregnant! Women have been popping out babies without any medical care for thousands of years. Also, even if Hershel grudgingly agreed to let you stay; he still wouldn’t really want you there. He might up and change his mind and decide to kill you in your sleep.
- Answer: HELL NO!

- Question: Is Shane a bad guy?
- Discussion: Yes! Proof: he killed Otis! But in doing so, he saved Carl. Shane loves Lori; he couldn’t let her son die. Further proof: he wanted to stop looking for Sophia! Callous and unkind, but also right. Darryl and Carl had both almost gotten themselves killed looking for her. Plus, after so much time had passed, it was pretty obvious she was never going to be found. PLUS, she was dead and zombed all along. :( More proof: Dale thinks Shane’s a bad guy, and Dale is never wrong! But Shane doesn’t kill Rick so he can have Lori to himself, or take his anger out on Carl. And, what made Shane snap and go get the guns so he could kill the barn zombs? Finding out that Lori’s knocked up with a baby that’s probably his. He wanted to protect them.
- Answer: Remains to be seen.

- Question: How much more do we like Andrea now?
- Discussion: Because omg seriously. Whiny Suicidal Andrea was making me want to kill her. I get that she was a little out of her head after her sister Amy got zombed, but still. Ugh. “I hate you Dale cuz you made me not get blown up.” “Why won’t anybody let me have a gun; all I did was try to kill myself!” “Darryl, please kill that poor zomb in the tree; I don’t want it to suffer.” “I’m just going to walk around all emo and pouting all the time.” Arrrrrgh. In my recap of the season premiere, I was literally listing ways she should off herself. But no longer. Now she’s all Bad Ass Andrea. Hey zombs, die! Hey Shane, give me sex! And those of you still mad cuz she shot Darryl, cut her some slack, lol. Darryl forgave her. And he did look JUST LIKE a zomb right then. Plus, all Lori and Carol want to do is cook the food, wash the clothes, and get knocked up. Andrea, in contrast, wants to do more than be a 1950s housewife, thank god.
- Answer: OODLES.

The Walking Dead, 11/27/11

Maggie shakes her head no. Dale nods his head yes. Whoever goes last wins, duh, so Glenn lets the cat out of the bag about the barn zombs. The group has a fight. Shane wants to go in there guns a-blazing and kill them all (Um … YES.); Rick says no cuz that’d make Doc make them leave. Shane says good, cuz The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS) needs to stop anyway (Um … YES); he and Daryl almost fight. Rick says he’ll talk to Doc about the barn zombs. Pissed off that Glenn told, Maggie smashes a rotten egg on his head.

Carl tells Lori he doesn’t want to leave before they find Sophia. Or even after that. Lori assures him they’re not leaving. (Really, guys? Cuz finding out that Doc et al. have a horde of zombs locked in the barn would completely rob me of the desire to be neighbors.) Daryl’s still really weak, but he tries to saddle up a horse to go TESFSing. Carol stops him; he gets mad, calls her a bitch, and storms off. Dale tries to get Andrea to see the light about Shane; as always when he gives her good advice, she shrugs it off. Dale decides that to protect everyone from Secretly a Bad Guy Shane, it’s best if he (Dale) hides the guns.


Rick tries to reason with Doc, but Doc is having none of it. He wants Rick and his people gone by the end of the week. Rick even plays the my-wife-is-pregnant card; it doesn’t change Doc’s mind. Rick later tells Shane he (Rick) wants to stay so badly cuz Lori’s pregnant, and you can totally see the it’s-MY-baby wheels turning in Shane’s mind, even as he congratulates Rick. Maggie, who overheard her Dad arguing with Rick, tells Doc he’s wrong for making them leave. She quotes from The Good Book and also tells him that “the Asian boy” — “his name is Glenn!” — saved her from a zomb yesterday. Jimmy rushes in just then to tell Doc “it happened again.”

Shane tells Lori that Rick isn’t going to last very long in the Zombie Apocalypse. He’s not built for this world, Shane tells her. Ricks too soft, incapable of making hard decisions. Then he tells her that he knows the baby’s his. Lori says, “Even if it’s yours, it’s never gonna be yours, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.” “I don’t need to,” Shane says (He thinks Rick’s gonna get himself killed soon, you see.), and strolls off. Time out. So, regardless of who the father is, Lori is bound and determined to raise the child as though it’s Rick’s? Disapprove. First of all, that’s not fair to Shane. Second, Rick forgave her for sleeping with Shane when they thought he was dead; I think Rick would understand if a pregnancy resulted. This is dumb, Lori. You can’t make Rick be the father just by your say-so. Then again … Shane killed Otis and threatened to kill Dale, so who cares what’s fair to him. Ok, time back in.

Carl, who’s matured a lot since getting shot, tells Shane that it’s bullshit that Shane wants to leave before Sophia’s found. Shane says ok, then tells Carl to watch his mouth, lol. Shane heads for the RV, where he’s pissed off to find that that Dale has taken the guns. Meanwhile, Daryl apologizes to Carol, tells her that he really believes Sophia’s still out there. Doc goes to get Rick, and we find out that the it that Jimmy was saying happened again is zombs getting stuck in the mud in the swampland out back. As they corral the two snapping, struggling zombs, Doc says this was something that Otis used to do; now he and Jimmy have to do it. And Rick best help if he wants to stay. Elsewhere, Maggie and Glenn have it out. He says he had to tell everybody Doc’s secret because zombs are dangerous (Um … YES), so she can be mad at him all she wants; he was just trying to protect her. Awwwww. And then they totally make out. High five, Glenn! Shane finds Dale hiding the guns in the swamp. Dale threatens to shoot Shane, but since he’s not an asshole like Shane, Dale can’t just shoot a man in cold blood. He gives Shane the firearms — but keeps a rifle for himself. Good call. — and then the day takes an intense turn.

Shane heads to the farmhouse and gives Andrea, Theodore, Daryl, and Glenn guns, starts pep talking the troops to head out and kill the barn zombs. Just then, Doc, Jimmy, and Rick return with the two prisoner zombs. Shane effing loses it. He shoots the one Doc is guarding, then takes the locks off the barn door. Rick yells at Doc to get his zomb so he can stop Shane, but Doc just falls to his knees and doesn’t move. You wonder if Doc knew all along that this should be done. As the barn zombs come out, Shane, Andrea, Theodore, Daryl, and Glenn (with Maggie’s tearful ok) shoot them all. Well … almost all. There's one last zomb. It’s Sophia. OH MY JESUS GOD, NO. But yes. It is. She’s a rotting, snarling zomb. :( Daryl grabs Carol, who tries to run to her. The firing squad stops shooting. Nobody can do it. Nobody can kill Zomb Sophia. So Rick does it. He strides purposefully forward, that same pain we saw when he had to kill a little-girl zomb in the premiere of season one back on his face. He pauses only to steady his shot. Boom. TESFS is officially over.

Why didn’t anybody tell them Sophia was in the barn? Nobody knew. You’ll recall that Doc said putting any zombs that wandered onto the property in the barn was Otis’s job. The others didn’t know there was a little girl in there, and Otis got killed — Thank you so much, Shane. — before he learned they were looking for her. Oh, and there goes Shane’s theory that Rick isn’t tough enough. Like everybody else, Shane could only stand there horrified; it was Rick who had to kill Zomb Sophia.

Yes, I too am mad that we have to wait til February. But last season was only 6 episodes; this season is 12, so I shall happily wait it out. Cuz this show effing rules.

The Walking Dead, 11/13/11

Not that every woman who sleeps in is preggo or anything, but if Lori’s trying to hide the fact that she’s carrying Shane Jr., she should be a little more careful to stick to a normal routine. Anyway, once she’s finally up, Carol asks if she’d ask if it’d be ok if they cooked dinner for Doc and his peeps since, Carol says, Lori is the “unofficial First Lady.” Lori is amused by this.


Now that all the previously ailing are able, The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS) resumes. Again. During planning, one of Doc’s people, a young fellow named Jimmy, says he’d like to help. (I immediately want to tell him this is a bad idea. It’s like on those old episodes of Star Trek when Kirk, Spok, and baby-faced young Ensign Smith would go off on a mission. Guess who wouldn’t make it back?) Ricks asks Jimmy if Doc’s ok with it; Jimmy says yes, then says he wants a gun. “People in hell want slurpees,” Daryl growls, LOL, then heads off to borrow a horse.

Glenn sits playing guitar on the porch; Maggie approaches. Not one to beat around the bush, he pointedly tells her there are eleven condoms left. She’s all, “You see eleven condoms; I see eleven minutes of my life I’ll never get back.” Hey, cut him some slack! He was nervous; plus you totally came out of nowhere with that proposition. I’m sure next time he’ll last at least fifteen! :)


Out in the forest, Shane and Rick have a pretty hilarious conversation recollecting past sexual conquests. Then they argue. Shane thinks that the fact that everyone’s still TESFSing is beyond ridiculous. I’m sorry, but … I agree with him. Rick says he feels responsible for Sophia cuz he was the one who got her lost. Off TESFSing on his own, Daryl is riding along when he sees Sophia’s doll in the river. He climbs down a steep embankment to retrieve it; then returns to his horse — which gets spooked by a rattlesnake, throws him, and runs away. Daryl falls and falls and falls down the embankment, landing in the river with his arrow in his side. :( He tries to climb back up but falls again. :(

On the farm, Glenn confronts Lori, wants to know why she hasn’t told Rick yet. Which is a good question. She should get this out of the way. Make the happy announcement, then later when Shane asks if it’s his, lie about how many periods she’s missed. Both men are dark-haired; it could work. Maybe she’s not saying anything cuz she’s worried everyone will be so mad at her for being dumb enough to get pregnant that they’ll revoke her First Lady status.


Doc sends his youngest daughter (Awwww, she’s adorable! Send her in to play with Carl. He needs a new friend since SOPHIA IS NEVER GOING TO BE FOUND.) to summon Rick. Doc’s mad that his horse was taken and that Jimmy is TESFSing. That first complaint I can understand, since Daryl apparently took the horse without asking, but that latter one is entirely Jimmy’s fault. Rick specifically asked that little turd if Doc was ok with this, and Jimmy said yes. Liarpants. Rick, ever the peacekeeper, says it’s merely a communication problem and everything will be run by Doc from now on, but the look on Doc’s face as Rick walks away says Doc’s clearly not happy to have visitors. Hmph. I’m grateful to Doc for saving Carl, but I don’t like him very much.


Out in the woods, Daryl is lying semiconscious in the river. Someone approaches. A zomb? No, it’s his brother Merle! Well, Dream Merle. (We know he’s imaginary because he has two hands.) Every bit as racist as Real Merle, Dream Merle gives Daryl a bigoted pep talk, then kicks him fully awake — just in time for Daryl to realize a zomb is gnawing on his shoe and another is shambling toward him. ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH! But, no problem, because Daryl goes Fully Bad Ass. He grabs a branch, beats gnawer to death, yanks the arrow* out of his side, loads his bow, and shoots shambler in the head. (*Raise your hand if you, too, got mad at Andrea all over again for making Daryl waste an arrow on that zomb in the tree.) Now full of I-want-to-live adrenaline, he then again tries the climb, but loses steam. When it looks hopeless, Dream Merle appears again and motivates him as only a big brother can. “Kick off them damn high heels and climb, son!”

Doc tells Maggie he should have been asked if it was ok for Carol and Lori to make dinner, then asks her what’s going on with her and “the Asian boy.” (Oh good god. Yes, he’s old, and yes, at least he didn’t use a racial slur, but I’m suddenly thinking he’d get along great with Dream Merle.) “Don’t get close to them,” Doc warns her.

Glenn, frustrated cuz Maggie’s giving him the cold shoulder, runs a theory by Dale.
- Glenn: “I read somewhere that when women spend a lot of time together, their cycles line up, and they all get super crazy hormonal at the same time.”
- Dale: “I’m gonna advise you to keep that theory to yourself.”
LOL. Glenn keeps Lori’s secret, but does tells Dale that he and Maggie did the naughty. Dale tells him to for the love of God not let Doc find out.


“Walker!” Andrea yells — but it’s not a zomb. It’s a bloody, wounded, and exhausted Daryl shuffling back home. Andrea grabs a rifle, but everyone tells her not to shoot. Theodore (or, as Doc probably calls him, “that negro boy”), Rick, Shane, and Glenn run out to kill it with handheld weapons. Andrea aims. Dale again tells her not to shoot. She ignores him — and shoots Daryl seconds after Rick et al. realize he’s still human. IDIOT BEEYATCH. I’m all for the killing of zombs, but not with a gun 1. after you’ve been asked not to use firearms on your host’s property and 2. everyone’s telling you not to shoot and 3. there’s absolutely no need to waste the ammo! (Although, in all fairness, Daryl looked just LIKE a zomb.)

Oh my god, longest commercial break ever.

Thankfully, Andrea’s bullet only grazes Daryl’s head. Doc bandages it, tends to the arrow wound, then gripes about how quickly they’re running through the antibiotics. Oh, I’m sorry that your man Otis shot Carl, who then needed antibiotics, and that your horse almost killed Daryl, who then needed antibiotics. Prick. (And aren't they Daryl's antibiotics?????)

Shane again brings up to Rick the fact that people need to stop risking their lives TESFSing. I’m sorry, but … agreeeeeeed.

Dinner is an awkward, silent affair. Glenn tries to break the silence asking if anyone knows how to play guitar. “Otis did,” his wife answers, and thus ends that endeavor. Maggie passes Glenn a note asking where he wants to meet again. He scribbles a response, but Doc glances in her direction, so she can’t read it just then. Carol brings a recuperating Daryl a plate of food, kisses his bandaged head, and tells him he's just as fine a man as Rick or Shane. That was nice of her. Later, Maggie opens Glenn's note to see that he wants to meet in the hayloft. She immediately takes off running for the barn. Glenn’s already there, up in the hayloft, looking for a comfy place for Sex With Maggie, Round II — when he smells something awful … and shines his flashlight down on like 20 zombs being held in the barn.

Scream it with me: “WTF??!?!???!!?????”

My theories:
- Doc’s keeping the zombs to observe them. This has been done in Resident Evil: Extinction, I Am Legend, and 28 Days Later — though in none of those movies was a frigging horde being kept.
- The zombs are Doc’s friends and family members. He’s keeping them so that they can be healed once the cure — which, you remember, he told Rick that he firmly believes will be found — is discovered.

LOL, from The Talking Dead: