Hell's Kitchen, 8/3/11

Awesome quote, brought to us by Paul: “Everyone who says high school is the best years of your life never went to college.” LOL. Touché, my chubby friend. Touché.

I’ve been calling Carrie “Ditzy Carrie” because in the premiere, she went severely blonde and put SUGAR IN MASHED POTATOES, causing a Gordon-spit-out, but for this recap I’m going to have to re-assign that title to Elizabeth, who totally out-blonded even that stupid move by
- asking the pescetarian chick if she wanted meat and fish on the same plate
- telling her team to make Asian food though she was told to make Hawaiian luau food
- giving lentils (which are neither Hawaiian nor Asian) the go-ahead
- not telling her team about the pescetarian
That last crime supremely offended this vegetarian. How can you forget to mention such a critical bit of info? Who gives a damn how good the food is if it can’t be eaten????? And her stammered “I thought we could combine meat and fish” excuse held no weight, because even if she doesn’t understand pescetarianism, she was specifically told not to combine meat and fish. Hi, Ditzy Elizabeth.

The look on the red team’s faces when Gordon said “The theme is Hawaiian” was priceless. And though Ditzy Elizabeth did have a point about how Carrie’s and Bitchy Elise’s dishes sucking had nothing to do with her misinformation, that loss was totally and entirely her fault. And note how she actually insisted that she was told to make Asian food.

I … did not need to see Natalie in a bikini. Nuff said.

Dinner Service!
No surprise that the red team is in a shambles, but Paul with the raw fish was unexpected. Get it together, chubby friend! Ugh: “Thanks to Elise’s leadership, the red team’s reunion guests are finally enjoying their appetizers”? OH GIVE ME A BREAK, NARRATOR PERSON. All she did was repeatedly re-scream whatever Gordon yelled. That’s it. That’s all. If that’s leadership, then I’m a blind albino platypus. Paul with the raw fish a second time, then Monty with the raw fish? Dudes. Hello. The temperature of your frying oil is too high. I’m nobody’s chef, and even I know that.

Elimination:
Jonathan’s move of sticking Monty with the fish frying was genius, lol, but incredibly weaselly, so kudos to Gordon for calling Jonathan to the carpet. Although, we all knew it was Monterray’s time. He kept landing in the bottom. See Gordon’s “three strikes and you’re out” comment when Chino was sent home. (I love it when Brits make references to American sports.) Buh-bye Monty.