Yay! Top Chef Just Desserts is back! Celebrate the sweets, dammit. I hate chefs who pretend they’re too good to be bothered with confections. I invite them to get off their stupid high horse. Desserts make the world go round! After all, what’s a wedding/birthday without the cake? Ok, I’m already in loooooooooooove with Nelson. I don’t care what he’s saying; I just want him to keep talking with that accent. And Matthew’s cute, too.
Quickfire:
Sally and Chris: deconstructed banana split
Vanarin and Melissa: micro cake w banana carpaccio (what? banana carpaccio??? GIVE ME SOME!)
Katzie (cool name!) and Hot Matthew: chocolate egg cream
Orlando and Megan: snooze banana split, landed them in the bottom
Craig and Lina: snooze butter pecan ice cream, landed them in the bottom
Carlos and Rebecca: Captain Crunch milkshake, 2nd place
Amanda and Sexy Nelson: chocolate sundae-inspired chocolate sponge cake, 1st place
YAY! Sexy Nelson is not just a pretty face!
And now let me pause to admire everyone in their black chef’s jackets … WITH HOT PINK TRIM. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I’m sure all the guys just loved that color choice.
Elimination Challenge
Ooooh, a fairytale theme! Some very pretty yumminess will come out of this. Too bad for Sexy Nelson: his and Amanda’s advantage, picking their fairytale, isn’t all that advantageous for him: “I’m originally from Argentina. And I don’t know what they are talking about. I don’t know what even is a fairy tale.” Omgeeeeeeeee he’s so bloody cute. I want to explain to him “what even is a fairy tale” over a romantic candlelight dinner. Eventually, he chooses “Gol-deen-locks and the tree bears.” Lol.
Team Gol-deen-locks and the Tree Bears
Sexy Nelson, Orlando, Rebecca, and Sally made a striking chocolate showpiece, an almond bar with fruits of the forest and honey ice cream, and porridge with basil syrup and cherry sorbet. It was very in keeping with their theme. Gail and Hubert love everything. I love Hubert’s ponytail.
Team Jack and the Beanstalk
Craig, Katzie, and Megan’s showpiece looked great—from the front. Maybe it would have been completed if Craig had been able to actually help Katzie and Megan instead of slow them down. Their desserts were a bergamot cloud with whipped lemon ricotta, and Johnny thought the flavor of ginger was overpowering; and also a brown butter hazelnut cake with white chocolate cream, which Dannielle thought was “a one-note cake.”
Team Little Red Riding Hood
“That sugar work is quite beautiful!” Gail enthused as she examined Amanda, Carlos, Chris, and Hot Matthew’s showpiece. “I’m having Gail thoughts,” Chris sweet-talked Gail, who was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. The team made rose-scented bomboloni with coconut tapioca, and also a blackout sponge cake with cocoa nib nougatine. Gail and Hubert re-love everything again. I re-love Hubert’s ponytail.
Team Hansel and Gretel
HELLO. It’s Hansel and Gretel, dammit. The witch lives in a house made of deliciousness! That should have been Lina, Melissa, and Vanarin’s cue to go all out with a showstopper of a gingerbread house showpiece; instead, theirs was kill-me boring. And the desserts failed to impress: butterscotch brioche with goat cheese mousse and smoked pineapple, and a chocolate cloud with milk sherbet and cinnamon cotton candy accompanied by a shooter filled with a hibiscus apple selzter. What the crap do those flavors have to do with this fairytale? Why is a chocolate cloud paired with apple seltzer? WHERE’S THE DAMN GINGERBREAD?
Judging
Team Goldi and Team Lil Red are in the top, and (thanks to Chris?) Lil Red wins. No surprise there. Now, on to the suckery. Team J&tB and Team H&G are in the bottom. Few things annoy me more on reality tv than when contestants foist an idea on their teammates, then when it turns out awful, insist it wasn’t their idea. Tonight Lina pulls that move, pretending that she wasn’t the one pushing from the very start for making that kill-me boring cake house instead of a gingerbread house. And she was also called out, thank you judges, for pairing that stupid apple seltzer with Melissa’s chocolate cloud. On the other team, in contrast, Craig owned up to his lack of technical skill holding back the showpiece. And though all three on the team were responsible for those bad desserts, it’s going to be either Craig or Lina (who were one of the bottom two teams in the Quickfire. Way to foreshadow, Top Chef Just Desserts!).
And … Lina gets the axe. Good call. THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN GINGERBREAD.
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