Omg. The contestants got to run around Chelsea Market and eat WHATEVER THEY WANT? Lucky BASTARDS. The insatiably greedy 572-lb man who lives inside me was sooooooooo jealous watching Suzie stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff her face. Lol at her complaining that going first means everyone will get to learn from her mistakes—when she learned nothing from Vic forgetting to take his audience question last week.
Yay Jeff! Team Jeff! I’m just gonna go ahead and predict that he wins it all. Best concept, great on camera, excellent sense of humor (“What vegan options do you have?” he asked the butcher.), and cute to boot. Then again, since the judges get it so blazingly amazingly wrong (almost) every year, I bet they pick Mary Beth and her KILL-ME BORING “Sunday suppers” concept. Ugh, she annoyed the crap out of me pretending throughout the episode that Jeff had somehow tried to sabotage her by giving her the duck. This is nothing like when Penny purposefully sabotaged Orchid, you big baby. He just randomly assigned the meats. And she also would not shut the duck up about how she’d never cooked it before. Hey Mary Beth, you want some cheese with that whine? Jesus.
Anthony Anderson! I love him! ROFL at him “hitting on” Vic, ha ha ha. I thought Vic did pretty good; the Vic Vegas vs Mama’s Boy thing was his only stumble. Mary Beth: talked too much and bored everybody. Jeff: nailed it! Even if his stand-up comedy joke fell way flat, heh. Let us compare Suzie’s crying with Whitney’s crying. Suzie’s was cute and touching and caused by the “true American dream.” Whitney’s was unnecessary and pointless and made everyone “want to have to make her feel better.” Then, she made everybody feel bad about eating a “slaughtered” pig that was “three years old when it was slaughtered.” (This vegetarian was DYING laughing at her animal insensitivity. Gilbert Gottfried: “I think you’re a soulless flesh-eating zombie.” Bwah ha ha haaaaaaaa!)
YAY JEFF. What is this, a fourth win in a row? Susie: “You have a subtle kind of sexiness.” Well spotted, Suze. Now back off. *sharpens claws* Ooooh, it’s down to Whitney or Mary Beth! Bobby Flay: “Whitney can really cook. Mary Beth can really talk.” Um, hello. It’s Food Network, not Speak Network. Will they make the right decision? NO. :( Bye bye, Whitney.
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