The Walking Dead: Arrow on the Doorpost, 3/10/13

Rick and Hershel in the car, Daryl on his motorcycle, they approach a run-down farm. Rick and Daryl leave Hershel to keep watch in the car with his awesome hip holster gun and the one of new rifles. They’re pretty bad ass rifles, but still. Hershel???? Why not Maggie or Glenn or Merle? Or hell, Beth or Carol OR SOMEBODY WHO CAN WALK? Anyhoo, Rick and Daryl go noiselessly sneaking around, eventually approach a barn, and split up. Rick enters and comes face to face with … Guv. Ohhhhhh. That’s why Hershel. Maggie and Glenn don’t need to be anywhere near Maggie’s almost-rapist, and seeing Merle might get Guv riled up. Dammit, T Dog, why’d you have to die? You'd’ve been ideal for this. :(  Anyhoo, Daryl peeps in a window, sneaks away. Guv holds up his hands, (“Kill him!” I shriek.), then makes a big show of removing his weapon, asks Rick to do the same. Rick merely holsters his gun. Good call, cuz Guv then sits at a table to which a gun has been strapped.

Outside, Martinez, Andrea, and Milton arrive. Daryl wants to know why Guv is already inside, information Andrea is surprised and annoyed to hear, cuz that apparently wasn’t her plan. She enters, again asks Rick and Guv to end this so no one else has to die. Back outside, the boys are having a pissing contest. Daryl calls Milton the “butler” (which actually makes Martinez [and me] laugh), Milton calls Daryl a henchman, Daryl tells Milton to watch his mouth, Martinez tells Daryl to shut up. They get in each other’s faces; Hershel basically tells them all to grow up; they step off. We LODs (Lovers of Daryl) laugh at the stupidity of Martinez, to actually think he would have won that fight. Back at the prison, the others are arming themselves and distributing/stockpiling ammo. Merle says what they need to do is load up, drive to the rendezvous, and kill Guv. Michonne reminds him they promised Rick and Daryl they’d stay put; Carl and Glenn tell Merle no. Carl and Glenn as de facto leaders: like!

In the barn, Andrea’s trying to peace talk; Guv cuts her off. Rick says he knows what Guv did to Maggie; Andrea looks confused. Rick shows Guv a map, suggests they both agree to boundary lines that will never be crossed. Guv says no; an angry Rick says to Andrea she’d told him Guv was ready to talk. He and Rick order Andrea outside so they can get down to business. And she goes. ::sigh:: Season 2 Andrea had it out with Lori when Lori said Andrea should help cook and clean, yet Season 3 Andrea is ok with being bossed around? Andrea as doormat: dislike. So, Guv blames the whole Glenn-Maggie thing on Merle, saying he misjudged Merle, much like Rick misjudged Shane. He compliments Rick for caring for a baby that might not be his. LOW BLOW. Then he cheerfully offers whiskey.

Outside, a gaggle of walkers approaches. Daryl and Martinez again turn it into a pissing contest, taking turns showily killing. Andrea rolls her eyes and leaves them to it, haha. Afterward, they share a smoke … and their belief that the Rick-Guv Peace Treaty Attempt is going to be a big fat fail. Outside the barn, Milton and Hershel sit chatting. (Time out. I dig Hershel’s ponytail. It makes him look like a founding father. Time back in.) Milton is intrigued that the leg amputation kept Hershel from getting zombied, asks to see the stump. Hershel says, “At least buy me a drink first.” They chuckle. It’s not lost on me that all this temporary camaraderie just goes to show that if not for Guv being a misguided self-important insane loser douche, everybody would be living in perfect harmony. In honor of that, I’m just going to leave this here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib-Qiyklq-Q. In the barn, Guv tells Rick a sob story about losing his (Guv’s) wife. Which I don’t believe for a second. Andrea told Guv about Judith maybe being Shane’s baby; no doubt she also told him about Rick losing Lori, and now Guv’s playing on that emotion to soften Rick up. At the prison, Merle loads a bag with guns and ammo and tries to head out. Glenn blocks the way. They start fighting. Merle pins Glenn; Maggie and Michonne jump in, grabbing his knife arm and chokeholding him. The three of them, with their barely restrained Merle hatred, totally would have murdered his one-armed ass right then and there, but, POW! Beth, who is totally following Carl into the Junior Bad Ass League, fires a shot into the ceiling, breaking it up.

Outside the barn, Hershel crutches over to Andrea, who asks what happened with Maggie. Hershel just says that Guv’s a sick man. An answer that vague can mean any number of things, none of them good. “I can’t go back there,” Andrea says. Has she come to her senses? Inside, Guv tells Rick he knows Rick acquired a good stash of guns the other day (Damn. Dude’s got spies everywhere.) and though his people aren’t combat-tested like Rick’s, there are more of them, and the fight will last til the last man—but Rick can make it all go away. Guv removes his patch to reveal his ruined eye, says he’ll back off if Rick will hand over Michonne. Whoa! So that's the real purpose of this meeting. Guv is hopping mad about being de-eyed and wants to, slowly and painfully of course, kill Michonne. Which, yeah, is SO RIDICULOUS. Since we've known him, Guv's had like twenty people taken out, faux-raped Maggie, had Glenn beaten almost unrecognizable, tried to kill everyone at the prison, and sent Merle to murder Michonne (thus facilitating the loss of his eye). And all that's ok ... but Michonne making him a little less pretty means SHE MUST HORRIBLY DIE, apparently. ::eye roll:: Hey Guv, megalomaniacal sociopath much?

At the prison, Merle tries to convince Michonne to go with him to kill Guv; she turns him down. Outside—YAYYYYYYY!— Glenn and Maggie chat and FINALLY reconcile. He apologizes for making the aftermath of her almost-assault all about him; they hug and smooch. ::cheering:: (Now if Daryl and Carol would for pete’s sake get it on already, I will be a happy fan.) Then they sneak inside for some quick make-up sex, and. It. Is. So. Hot. (Just so I won’t have to worry about this, I’m just going to pretend they totally use condoms, and Maggie is not going to get pregnantized and then die in childbirth like Lori.) Back at the barn, Rick asks if a dumb vendetta isn’t beneath Guv? Guv simply repeats his offer and gives Rick two days to think about it, says he’ll be back at the barn then at noon. Meeting over. They head outside … and Andrea gets in the truck and leaves with Guv. ::beating head into wall:: Back at Woodbury, Guv surprises NONE OF US when he orders Martinez to have men positioned all around the barn, and when Rick et al. arrive with Michonne, kill everybody but keep her alive. Uncomfortable with that, Milton says it’s a slaughter. Guv says they were going to have to kill Rick sooner or later. Guv thanks Andrea for setting up the meeting, tells her he gave Rick some terms to consider. “What terms?” she asks, he doesn’t answer. “Hope it works out,” she says coolly, then walks off. Well, she didn’t leave, but I think (hope) it’s safe to say Andrea is over Guv.

Back at the prison, Rick tells the group only that Guv wants them all dead, and they’re going to war. Later, he confides to Hershel that the offer was Michonne-for-peace. “He’ll kill her,” Hershel says. Rick nods. “And then kill us anyway.” But then Rick questions what if maybe possibly Guv’ll keep his word? HE WON’T, RICK. Hershel reminds Rick that Michonne told them about the Maggie-Glenn kidnapping and has saved many lives. Including his (Hershel's). Rick says yeah, he’s hoping Hershel can talk him out of handing her over. As are we all. Michonne is “one of us,” Carl said.