11-ft-tall Heidi asks, “How’s everything going down there?” and I make a mental note to work that into the conversation next time somebody makes a dumb comment about my height. Wonder how long it took her to master stilt-walking? She was pretty damn good. Ooooooooh, the first team challenge! Some partners will love each other and produce pretty clothes, some will hate each other and produce ugly clothes, and some will love each other and yet still manage to make ugly clothes, lol.
Quote time!!! Fallene: I’m not settling for all black. We’re not creating a fricking gothic stilt-walker.” Good call. I can hear Michael Kors now: “She looks like a witch on growth hormone! She looks like she’s going to Gulliver’s funeral!” Plus, we all remember how overreliance on black got April sent home last season. Olivier (LOVE): “I think when it comes to a group challenge, it’s not about how brilliant, or how amazing you can do it by yourself; it’s much more about the collaboration and communication between the two people.” Dear Project Runway: please print that, laminate it, and pass it out every season from now on to all designers for the first team challenge. Dear Olivier (LOVE): we’re three episodes in, so PLEASE finally make something I actually like. Bryce: (horrified tone) “She didn’t know how to cut it on grain.” (smug tone) “It’s just the difference of being self taught and going to school.” Wow. It was Fallene, may I remind you, you backstabbing condescending pompous ass, who had the sense not to make a gothic stilt-walker, not you.
Oh my weeping god. Kim Kardashian? Really? The vapid useless brainless famewhore star of homemade porn? Really, Project Runway? REALLY? Wait—maybe this was by design. Why waste a qualified guest on judging stilt-walker outfits? This episode isn’t really about actual fashion; it, like that episode in season four when everyone had to design an outfit for a female wrestler, is about stretching the designers to their creative limits. Anybody can simply pick the prettiest/ugliest outfit, even vapid useless brainless famewhore stars of homemade porn. Clever, Project Runway. Clever! Hold the phone, stop the presses, and alert the media—I actually like Olivier (LOVE)’s look! But I don’t know how much of that was due to Anya’s influence, so I shall have to wait until next week—which will make it a solid month!!—to see if he’ll make something I like.
Michael Kors (I can’t ever just call him “Michael.” It doesn’t feel right.) totally said what I was thinking the entire episode: “If you scaled it down and she wasn’t on stilts, would it still be fabulous?” Exactly. Just because the models are exaggeratedly tall doesn’t mean you can dress them crappily and get away with it. As Josh pointed out, costumes (black swan, matador, mismatched curtains) were in the bottom; ready-to-wear looks (chiffon blouse-pant, red gown, jacket-pant) were in the top. My fave look was the jacket and pant on the tattooed model. The two pieces matched perfectly, that one shoulder jacket was tres chic, and nice tattoos make me happy. Heh. Alas, here comes Laura Kathleen and her red gown to steal my joy. Well, congrats on the win, LK. See? Magic happens when you don’t say anything stupid/brag about your family’s wealth.
I admit it: I liked the matador outfit! Yes, it was totally a costume, but I liked that cape jacket, those pants were snazzy, and, as MK pointed out, the clothes were very well made. Ok, it’s down to Bryce/Fallene’s black swan or Bert/Viktor’s mismatched curtains. I need to point out that my Heidi has an excellent Bullshit Detector. All last season, she called out the designers (led by Wretched Gretchen) for throwing Chris under the bus; this go-round, she totally saw through Viktor’s lies. But, when it came down to Viktor or Fallene, Fallene had to go. This was the second episode in a row that her look was in the bottom and she didn’t defend it.
