Hell's Kitchen, 8/9/11

Ditzy Carrie shouldn’t have even bothered nominating herself to be team leader. Nice try, but her team has proven TWICE that they’d rather lose challenges than admit that her food is good, so there’s no way they’re going to let her lead them. Eye roll at Jennifer responding with “Carrie” when asked who had the worst leadership skills. Have they all forgotten how Bitchy Elise and her leadership technique of screaming drive them crazy night after night after night during dinner service?????????? Lol at the narrator’s “While Elise—predictably—has a problem with Carrie’s game plan…” Maybe if it’s getting that painfully obvious, that means her shenanigans are becoming tiresome and she’s on her way out.
I knew from the silhouette it was Wolfgang Puck! *LOVE* I love him so. I love him soooooooo.

Unsurprisingly, Bitchy Elise’s spaghetti sucked. And you know why? Because her focus was on complaining that she should have made the pizza instead of cooking the spaghetti. What a damn fool. Ok, is this the THIRD time, and the third episode in a row, that Jonathan has blamed someone else for his screw-up. And then he followed that pussy move with the even pussier move of pretending he was unable to work. Although when the team wins, he’s never unable to celebrate.

No comment on Elise’s fashion sense. And the fact that she has her name tattooed on her breast is so unbelievably trashy.


Dinner Service:
As I keep pointing out, there are times when Ditzy Carrie actually deserves the bashing … like now. Boy, was she wrecking things on the appetizer station. Jonathan had no one to blame this time for his crap performance, so he tried to blamed his mystery (read: made-up) illness, but Gordon was having none of that:“I had a young man in here two years about that broke his fucking arm—and went on to WIN the fucking competition!!!!!!!!!!” You tell ‘im, Gordon! Ugh, Bitchy Elise’s gloating after ONE good dinner service, after all the crap food she’s made and crap services she’s caused/contributed to, was nothing short of infuriating.

Elimination:
—gasp— Oh. Whew! DAMMIT, GORDON, STOP DOING THAT. If Natalie had gone home over Jonathan, I’d have hurt somebody. Buh-bye, Jonathan! Tips: stop blaming other people for your mistakes, see a doctor about that dreadful “illness,” and STOP PAIRING CHICKEN WITH PINEAPPLE.

Hell's Kitchen, 8/8/11

Booooo. When I saw that spread of produce on the table, I was hoping for a vegetarian challenge. Alas, it’s a beer challenge. I haaaaaaaaaaate beer. I hate wine. I hate alcohol in all its forms. So I’ve never gotten drunk and acted like a rampaging buffoon (see: Krupa), and I’ve never had a hangover so bad it cost me my chance at $250,000 (see: Krupa).

Clearly, the girls’ team isn’t one for learning from mistakes. For the second week in a row, they rated Ditzy Carrie’s dish low for no other reason than who made it, when according to the judges it tasted pretty darn good. And when Elizabeth’s and Jennifer’s were actually bad. IDIOTS. God, I am so sick of the clique. And WTF. Apparently Jonathan likes being a repeat offender as well. Even before the flash-back reminded us, I thought of that craptastic pineapple-chicken rubbish he served Gordon in the first episode. Yuck. Back when I ate meat, I haaaaaaaaaaated fruit+meat pairings. It’s a gross, disgusting combination of two things that alone are amazing but combined made my mouth cry. Apple-stuffed pork loin. Salmon with fruit relish. Steak with apricot glaze. No! NO! FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, NO! As expected, nobody liked Jonathan’s disgusting chicken with pineapple. Again. IDIOT.


I’m glad the girls lost. Again. They deserved it. What—is Bitchy Elise crying?????? First of all, what a pussy, and secondly, why? All she ever does is stand to the side while all the other girls do all the work. “I got my point and I’m tired of being punished.” “This is heavy.” “My fist is about to have your teeth on it.” Jeeeeeeeeeesus. And once again, she completely refused to see reason when her team tried to explain to her why they’re sick of her bullshit. Next time Bitchy Elise is on the chopping block—and you know the other girls are looking for ANY reason to nominate her—which will be her third time, she’s going home. (Reminder: “Three strikes and you’re out,” said Gordon to Chino.)


Dinner Service:
Yeah right, she’s trying to work on her attitude, as evinced by her attempts to blame Ditzy Carrie for the fact that she forgot to drain the salad; then soon began once again to irritate her teammates to death with her unnecessary order-screaming. Tigers don’t change their stripes, people. Hey, is anyone else disturbed by how many scallops have to die for no reason other than to be thrown into the garbage on this show? Tonight was a higher-than-usual number, but still. It irks me. KUDOS! Kudos to Will for pointing out that Jonathan shouldn’t have blamed Tommy’s prep for the messed-up Wellingtons. Let us not forget that last week, Monterray got sent home because Jonathan refused to even try to fry the fish, sticking Monterray with it. So clearly Jonathan cannot cook meat; blaming Tommy is his only hope. (Random: Tommy looks like a young Steve Buscemi.)


Elimination:
Natalie and Jonathan. Duh. Krupa and Jamie—not Elise. DAMMIT, WILL I NEVER BE RID OF THIS EMBARRASSING STEREOTYPE OF “THE BLACK BITCH”??????????? Then again, since she’s good for ratings, the Hell’s Kitchen Contestant Selection Committee will from now on probably be instructed to pick a black bitch instead of a well-qualified, level-headed black female chef. :( Darn—I was hoping it would be Jonathan, but nope. Buh-bye, Krupa. To quote T Pain, you can “blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.”

Gordon: “Do you like speed?”
Tommy: “Meth or coke?”
Me: ROFL.