The Walking Dead, 11/20/11

I know we were all wondering what Doc et al. feed their barn zombs. This episode answered that question forthwith. Otis’s wife hobbles several live chickens, puts them in a sack, and then tosses them down to be devoured (… um, which is kind of exactly the same thing that happened to Otis). Cruel, yes, but I was EXTREMELY relieved to find out they weren’t feeding the barn zombs people.

Maggie begs Glenn to keep the barn zombs a secret. He tells he’s super bad at lying. Andrea begs Darryl to forgive her shooting him. He tells her next time, she best pray he’s dead. HE’S KIDDING, ANDREA. Glenn whisper-yells at Lori for not having told Rick yet that she’s pregnant because she’s too skinny and she now has a medical condition and she needs a nice pillow. (LOL.) Funny how the worst liar in the bunch has somehow become the keeper of the secrets: Lori’s preggo, he and Maggie are sexing, and there are barn zombs. During that morning’s planning sesh for The Endless Search for Sophia (TESFS), a couple of Otis’s peeps ask if they can participate in gun training. They say Doc’s ok with it, but Rick (wisely) says he’ll need to hear directly from Doc first. Then Carl (Yay, he’s up and around!) says he wants to learn to shoot, too. Lori and Rick have a parental spat during which I am totally Team Rick cuz Lori’s all he’s too young and Rick’s all he needs to learn to defend himself. Lori finally relents, thank god.


Glenn can’t stand it anymore — seriously, he looks like his head’s about to explode. Since Dale’s old and he knows things (LOL.), Glenn spills the pregnancy-barn zomb beans to him. It’s Dale’s turn to look like HIS head’s about to explode. During shooting practice*, Theodore makes me almost cry laughing when he tells young Jimmy, who’s trying to shoot holding his gun sideways, “Don’t give me that gangsta shit.” Ha ha ha ha! Jimmy holds the gun properly and hits the target. But he’s got nothing on Andrea, who has channeled her inner GI Jane and is hitting targets left and right. Well — the non-moving ones. She can’t hit a swinging tree branch to save her life, and when Shane rides her too hard about it; she storms off down the road in a huff. He follows in the car and calms her down. He apologizes, and they go off TESFSing.

The horse that almost got Darryl killed (I hate you, horse.) found her way home; Doc is in the stable brushing her when Dale approaches. He pretends that he heard the zombs whilst on a walk, asks why Doc’s keeping them alive. They’re dangerous! Doc says paranoid schizophrenics are dangerous too, but we don’t kill them. I want to leap through my tv screen and face punch him twice for that asinine comparison. “My wife and stepson are in that barn,” Doc says, at which point we realize there will be no reasoning with him. (For the record, during the zombie apocalypse, I’m killing anyone who gets bitten. Friend, significant other, family member, I don’t care. We’ll say our goodbyes; then I’m putting a bullet in your head. And then I’ll cry for three straight months afterward, because I’m a bit of a bitch.)

Later, Lori later thanks Doc again for saving Carl; he none-too-indirectly makes it clear during the conversation that he’s quite ready for her group to go. Shocked to hear this, she runs to Rick — and has the audacity to get mad cuz he knew and didn’t tell her. I guess she forgot that she hasn’t told him she used to bang Shane and that she’s knocked up. Speaking of which, Dale broaches the subject. Lori: “Glenn told you.” Dale: “What do you expect? The boy has no guile.” (LOL.) Oh, and Dale knows about the past fling with Shane, too. (Time out: Glenn and Dale are my favorite characters. Time back in.) Lori says the baby’s definitely Rick’s (If you say so, Lori.), but she’s afraid to tell Rick cuz she doesn’t even know if she wants it cuz what kind of a life could it have?


Glenn and Maggie head to the pharmacy to get some stuff for Lori. Maggie is in quite a mood. She’s mad that Glenn told Dale (Huh? How’d that get back to Glenn? I thought Dale’s lie was pretty convincing.) She’s mad that Glenn calls the barn zombs Walkers, cuz to her they’re Mom, Shawn, etc. And she’s mad they’re going back to the pharmacy not for necessary supplies but just for some stuff Lori wants. So then of course it doesn’t improve her mood at all when there’s a ZOMB ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Glenn saves her bacon, grabbing a shelf (Take note: ANYTHING can be a weapon.) and knocking its head almost clean off. By the time they get back to the farm, Maggie is spitting nails. She hurls the stuff they got, including some baby-be-gone pills, onto the ground at Lori’s feet, and yells at her to run her own errands from now on.

Not that I’m a Lori cheerleader or anything, but she didn’t ask Glenn to go; he volunteered. Also, Glenn didn’t ask Maggie to go with him; SHE volunteered. Also, people have roles, dammit. Shane and Rick: protectors. Dale: wise old owl. Glenn: the go-getter. And he’s good at it. I mean, who the hell else are you going to send on supply runs? Carol???????????????????

Anyhoo, in a repeat of Andrea-Shane earlier, Maggie storms off in a huff; Glenn follows and tries to calm her down. She plants one on him (Nice.), tells him that he’s nothing more to his friends than Walker bait, then re-storms off. Uh oh. So, when the time comes for Rick et al. to leave the farm, is Glenn going to choose to stay behind? Nooooooo. I swear to god, I’ll stop watching.


Off TESFSing, Andrea and Shane are searching an abandoned neighborhood when suddenly there are zombs all over the place. Shane decides this is a teachable moment and instructs Andrea to try shooting* them. At first she panics, but then she starts picking them off right and left. You go, girl! On the ride back to the farm, the self-satisfied smile on Andrea’s face is priceless. Clearly, killing zombs makes her very happy. Oh — and it apparently makes her very horny, too. She grabs Shane’s crotch and gives him The Look. Shane, who does not need to be asked twice, slams on the brakes so they can get busy. For my peace of mind, I’m going to pretend/assume that Andrea thought to grab her birth control pills as she was packing to leave home.

In her tent, Lori takes a bunch of baby-be-gone pills, then changes her mind and runs into the woods to throw them up. Shane and Andrea return, tell Carol news she is by now used to hearing: no sign of Sophia. They also, through their matching goofy grins, unintentionally tell Dale — Nothing gets by that guy! — that they totally got it on. Dale confronts Shane, tells him he (Dale) has his suspicions about how Otis really died. High five, Dale! Shane coolly responds that if he (Shane) is such a bad guy, then it’s probably not smart to threaten him.

If Shane hurts Dale, I’ll kill him myself.


And now, at last, the too-long-delayed Revealing Of The Pregnancy. Rick enters the tent, finds empty baby-be-gone pill packets, confronts Lori. He’s pissed she didn’t tell him and that she even thought about killing their baby. She says she doesn’t want to have a baby under these conditions, especially since Doc is making them leave. Rick says not even giving the baby a chance isn’t fair and says they can figure it out — but they can’t have any more secrets, and is there anything else he should know? She admits to the Shane thing, and … yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Rick reacts exactly as he should. He forgives her. “You thought I was dead,” he says simply. (Awwwww. He loves her so much.) And the episode ends. Good, cuz after the last two or three edge-of-your seat omg-inducing cliffhanger endings, my heart needed a break.

*Where did all this ammo suddenly come from? In the premiere, they hid under cars rather than shoot the zombie herd. When Otis died, he and Shane were down to their last bullet each. But now all of a sudden, there’s so much extra ammo everyone can have multiple target practice sessions?

The Walking Dead, 11/6/11

Daryl, Andrea, and Carol arrive at the farmhouse just in time for Otis’s memorial service, during which Otis’s wife begs Shane to say a few words. With guilt eating him alive (Fitting.), Shane repeats his lie about Otis sacrificing himself. Ok, at this point it’s best to just let everyone believe this. Otherwise Otis’s family would NEVER get closure, Lori and Rick would feel horrible that a man was murdered to save their son, and Carl would have to feel guilty the rest of his life. So you’re a jerk, but good call, Shane. Post service, planning for TESFS (The Endless Search for Sophia) resumes. Doc (sorry, I really hate the name Hershel) irritates me insisting that no guns be used on his property(Finally, Andrea has a legitimate reason to be irritated.); to keep the peace, Rick agrees. Later, Shane asks Lori if she meant it when she asked him to stay; she says yes. As I was the last time she begged him not to leave, I am confused by this. She doesn’t want Rick to find out they were sleeping together, so why doesn’t she want Shane to leave? Shane can’t participate in TESFS cuz he has a sprained, swollen ankle; Rick can’t go cuz he’s still weak from blood-giving; that leaves Daryl, who starts off for the woods alone. Rick tells him he doesn’t have to stick his neck out like that, but Daryl wants to go. Daryl’s really turning into the go-to guy.

Doc tells Rick that once Carl’s fit to travel and Sophia’s found, he expects them all to be on their merry way.

Maggie needs to make a pharmacy run to get medical supplies; Rick suggests she take Glenn with her. Of course he does. Since they spent all last episode pre-flirting, clearly things’re going to get a little more intense this episode. *jealous* Maggie approaches Glenn with a very full-of-meaning “I hear you’re fast on your feet and know how to get in and out.” Ha ha ha to the haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ok, I officially like Maggie. Because that, my friends, was awesome. Lori sidles up to Glenn (The chicks are loving him this episode.) and asks if he can get something from the pharmacy for her. Like the rest of planet earth, I at first assumed it was tampons, but when Glenn had no idea what it was or where to find it, I realized it was a preggo test. (A guy would totally have no idea what EPT or First Response is.) So oh no, Lori might be preggo!!! THAT’s why she doesn’t want Shane to go, cuz she might be carrying his kid. Ok ladies, let us discuss. Unprotected sex during the zombie apocalypse: yay or nay? I get that some hot survivalist sex may be quite tempting, but I hope I have the presence of mind to go with nay. Number one because any STD you catch 1. will have to go untreated :( and 2. will slow you down, making you an easier target for zombs; and number two because — HELLO? — you might get preggo. There is no way in hell I’m going to be running around during the reign of the undead pregnant/with a baby! So, sorry guy, you’re just going to have to settle for having the situation HANDled, if you catch my drift. Hey, it’s better than nothing! Be damned if I end up like Lori. The way she’s been getting it on at will with Shane-then-Rick, I thought maybe she had her tubes tied and didn’t have to worry about such matters, but nope. Fail, Lori. FAIL.


Dale and Theodore (who asks Dale to never mention that delirium-induced craziness he spouted on the highway, lol) are busily pumping water when Dale discovers a zomb in the well. Ewwwwwwwwwwww. It’s all slimy and bloated and ewwwwwwww. Theodore and Glenn want to shoot it, but Andrea and Maggie say no, cuz that’d contaminate the water. So Glenn is lowered into the well to tie a rope around the zomb’s neck. Uh oh. Wait for it … AAAAARRRRRGGHH! The support breaks! Glenn almost falls right on top of the zomb nooooooo save him save him pull him out he’s screaming I’m screaming everybody’s pulling the rope pull guys pull — and he’s out. WHEW! (There are only two minorities on this show, and if either one dies, I am going to be highly upset, dammit.) Somehow during the mayhem, Glenn managed to get the rope around the zomb's neck. Nice. Heave! They try to pull it out of the well, but it tears in half. Yuck. All that for nothing.


Out in the woods, Daryl finds a house. It’s deserted, but he sees a bed pallet and empty food cans … no Sophia, though. Shane, Carol, and Andrea check the highway where they left a note for her … no Sophia. On the way back, Shane tells Andrea, “There ain’t nothing easy about taking a man’s life... But when you get it done, you have to forget it. I guess I haven’t quite got that last part down yet.” Otis guilt, Otis guilt, Otis guilt.


In the pharmacy, Glenn gets Lori’s preggo test, and then Maggie offers him sex. Wait — what? He’s caught completely off guard and goes all kinds of stuttering dork on her, but gets with the program soon enough. Hi five, Maggie! And I fully support this because she propositions him only AFTER finding a box of condoms. Pay attention, Lori. On the horse ride back, Glenn is all smiles. LOL. Doc and Rick are chatting out on the farm; Rick’s mad at God cuz Carl got shot. Doc points out that Rick survived getting shot, then managed to find his wife and son, then Carl survived getting shot. Rick says that just means God has a weird sense of humor. Later, he asks Doc to reconsider making them all leave. Doc says if everyone respects his rules, he’ll consider it. Uh oh. I hope one of those rules is not, “Nobody have sex with any of my daughters.” Maggie and Glenn return; he gives Lori the preggo test; she stuffs it in the back of her jeans.

In the RV, Daryl brings Carol a Cherokee rose. According to legend, it grew along the Trail of Tears where the tears of all the mothers losing their children fell. Carol is comforted by this. Awwwwwwww. That was really super duper nice of him. Lori sneaks outside to take the preggo test, and it’s positive. Instead of a plus, it should have said “duh.”

Next week’s preview: THE RETURN OF MERLE! THE RETURN OF MERLE! And he’s up to no good. Prediction: Daryl's going to have to choose between the group and his brother.

The Walking Dead, 10/30/11

This episode opens with a flashforward: Shane standing naked (I approve.) in a bathroom shaving his head. Well, since I doubt he’s worried about lice, I’m assuming something pretty intense happened to cause that.

Back to now. Shane and Otis are running through the high school, zombs hot on their trail. Underscoring the importance of staying physically fit in the zombie apocalypse, Shane is way ahead of Otis. Eventually, they are trapped atop some bleachers, then split up. In the RV, Daryl can’t sleep cuz Carol won’t stop crying and Andrea is noisily reloading a gun. He leaves to go look for Sophia some more; Andrea goes with him. (FAIL. You do not go traipsing through a pitch black zomb-filled forest at night.) At the farmhouse, Glenn and Theodore arrive. Lori and Rick argue. She’s wondering if Carl wouldn’t be better off dead than having to grow up amongst walking corpses. The answer is OF COURSE NOT, though I kind of understand why a parent would ask that.

Carl wakes. He starts to tell Lori about how beautiful the deer was, but has a seizure. Doc takes more blood from Rick, who by this point should be unconscious. In the forest, Andrea and Daryl come across a zomb hanging in a tree, the end result of an attempted suicide. She wants him to shoot it; he says that’d be a waste of an arrow. He asks if she’s suicidal; she says she’ll answer if he’ll put the zomb out of its misery. (*eye roll* Yes, let’s suddenly start caring about the poor, suffering zombs.) She says she doesn’t know; Daryl says what I was thinking, “Not much of an answer,” and kills the zomb. At the RV, Carol joins Dale on the roof; he decides to go for a walk and hands her his rifle, she says she doesn’t know how to use it.

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME??!??!??? It’s the mother effing zombie apocalypse, AND you have a child to protect, but you don’t know how to use a gun? That’s the first order of business! Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carol with so much as a baseball bat. *annoyed* There will be no Carols in my group of survivors.


At the farmhouse, Theodore is getting his arm stitched up and his told he got the antibiotics just in time. Ok, we can all officially stop worrying about Theodore. They are so not going to kill the last black man on earth. Glenn and Doc’s daughter have some interaction which could be labeled pre-flirting. *jealous* Almost-bloodless Rick, who is white as a sheet and has bags under his eyes, points out to Lori that when Carl woke, all the kid wanted to talk about was the pretty deer in the woods, not how terrible life is, which proves that he’s happy and not better off dead. Doc tells them they shouldn’t wait any longer; he needs to attempt the surgery or Carl’s going to die. They give him the ok. At that exact moment, Shane arrives with the medical supplies Doc needs — but without Otis. Poor guy didn’t make it. :(

Daryl and Andrea return to the RV. Dale gives her back her gun, asks if she forgives him. I was expecting another dumb rant, or perhaps a theatrical “I can’t!” but she says, “I’m trying.” Good.


Doc’s daughter is crying over Otis; Glenn chats with her to take her mind off. *jealous* Carl pulls through surgery ok. THANK GOD. Now get some rest and drink some fluids, Rick. Crying with relief at Carl’s side, Lori asks Shane to stay. He nods. Then he goes upstairs to take a shower. In the bathroom mirror, he notices a patch of hair missing … which, we learn, Otis ripped out during the struggle as Shane shot him and left him for zomb food so that Shane could escape. WHOA! Shane shaves his head to hide the bald spot. Episode ends.

And now, I’m going to shock you: Shane’s actions were understandable.
1. If Shane hadn’t done that, they both would have died, which means Carl would have died.
2. You could argue that Otis had to sacrifice his life in order to save the boy he almost killed.
3. Shane is in love with Lori. He couldn’t let her son die.
Having said all that, I don’t doubt for a second that Shane was just as motivated by his own will to live as much as his desire to save Carl. Mind you, I didn’t say “right,” just “understandable.” Plus, THIS IS ALL CAROL’S FAULT. If she knew how to shoot a damn gun, she could have killed the zombs chasing Sophia, and Carl never would have been shot.

The Walking Dead, 10/23/11

Past! We learn that on the day Rick got shot, he and Lori had had a big fight, but she still loved him.

Present! Rick is running through a field, a bleeding and unconscious Carl in his arms. :( Otis, the rather rotund fellow who shot Carl, is too slow; Rick leaves him and Shane, follows Otis’s yelled directions to a large farmhouse. A doctor, his two daughters, and a young man are there. Rick rushes up. “Was he bit?” Doc asks straightaway. Wise query. Surgery begins immediately. Shane and Otis arrive; Shane wipes Carl’s smeared blood off Rick’s face, calms him down. It’s kind of touching. I really hope Rick never finds out about Shane and Lori. (Although, even if he does, shouldn’t he cut them some slack? They thought he was dead.)



Out in the woods, Andrea assures Carol that Sophia’s probably ok — and Carol, in a moment of incredible insensitivity, says she hopes Sophia doesn’t end up like Amy (Andrea’s recently deceased sister). WTF? Carol hastily apologizes; Andrea initially bristles but handles it well. I, however, would have roundhouse kicked Carol in the face. Andrea tells Carol they’re all hoping and praying with her. Daryl says screw the praying. Sophia’s going to be fine, dammit. Lol. At the farmhouse, Rick is beating himself up about having let Carl accompany him and Shane to search for Sophia. (I hate to agree with him, but …) Shane tells him not to blame himself. Carl, poor little guy, wakes up screaming and struggling during surgery, then, thankfully passes back out again. The doctor digs out one bullet fragment … of six bullet fragments. :( When she’s found, I want somebody to roundhouse kick Sophia in the face.

Back on the highway, T-Dog is in bad shape. His arm wound is infected, leading to some pretty crazy musings. Oh, and we learn his real name: Theodore Douglas. Good. I’m not calling him T-Dog anymore. Sounds like he should have gold teeth and a platinum rap album. Dale suggests they search the cars for antibiotics; they find none. THEODORE says being the only black guy in the group makes his situation pretty precarious (heh) cuz of the “two good ol’ boy cowboy sheriffs and a redneck.” Level-headed Dale reminds him that the redneck saved his life and that the cowboys have been doing a damn good job keeping the group safe. Theodore suggests they hit the road and leave everybody. Dale, realizing something’s wrong, feels Theodore’s head. Dude’s burning up.

Rick’s weak after giving Carl a blood transfusion; despite that, he wants to go get Lori. Shane talks sense into him. Shane is trying really hard to make us all forgive him for the attempted rape. Doc needs to put Carl under to remove the bullet fragments and stop the internal bleeding; he’ll need medical supplies, which Otis says they can find at a high school five miles away, where a FEMA shelter was set up … though it was overrun with zombs last time he saw it. Rick’s too weak, so Shane says he’ll go; Otis, God love him, says he’ll go, too. One of Doc’s daughters asks Rick where to find Lori.


Out in the woods, ZOMB ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Ok, look. I know that in high-pressure situations, it’s very easy to lose one’s head, but still. Andrea gets a big fat FAIL. First, she stabs the zomb in the chest instead of the head; then she trips and falls. *sigh* Fortunately, at that moment, Doc’s daughter comes galloping up on a horse and clocks the zomb in the head with a baseball bat. Nicely done, daughter!!! (I also want to point out that for somebody pretending to be oh-so suicidal and ready to die, Andrea sure was fighting pretty damn hard to get away.) Daughter tells them Carl got shot, tells the others how to find the farmhouse; then she and Lori ride away. Daryl finishes the zomb off with an arrow to the head. And a “Shut up.” Lol.


At the farmhouse, Doc gives his take on the zombie apocalypse: “Mankind’s been fighting plagues from the start. We get our behinds kicked for a while; then we bounce back.” That’s refreshingly optimistic. I hope there’s a Doc type in my group of survivors, to balance out the doom-and-gloom I-fake-want-to-die Andrea type. Daughter and Lori ride up, Lori and Rick cry over Carl, Rick gives Carl a second transfusion. Rick is now so weak he needs help walking. Let us not forget that 1. Rick’s pretty damn skinny and 2. he just woke up not all that long ago from a pretty lengthy coma. I hope somebody else has Carl’s blood type, cuz one more transfusion and Rick’s going to pass the hell out. After calling Otis “the idiot who shot my son” — Hey, knock it off, Lori. It was a mistake. — Lori’s nonplussed to find out that Doc is a veterinarian. Rick reminds her, before almost passing the hell out, they don’t have the luxury of shopping for surgeons. Well put, Rick. Now please go lie down.

Out on the highway, the group decides to stay put one more night in case Sophia finds her way back. Except Glenn, whom Dale orders to take Theodore to the farmhouse to see if they have any antibiotics — but then Daryl’s all, why didn’t you just say so, and pulls out a Ziploc bag containing “my brother’s stash”: crystal meth, ecstasy, pain killers … and antibiotics, because “Merle got the clap on occasion.” LOL. Thank you, Merle's STD. This is the third time tonight Daryl has LOLed me, and the second time he's saved Theodore's life. Daryl is officially not racist.


At the high school, Otis and Shane find zombs all frigging over the place. Eff! They throw some flares to distract them, and then dart into the FEMA trailer.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!! Only one should have gone, then when ready signaled the other, who would then either a. throw more flares to re-distract the zombs or b. drive around in the truck honking the horn all noisy-like and lead the zombs away, allowing the one in the trailer to sneak out, then circle back around and pick him up. (Yes, I totally thought that scenario out. You are supposed to be learning from this show, not just watching it, people.) Not only do Otis and Shane both go, they also don’t have an escape plan. Other than: run. Needless to say, they are bumrushed by zombs. (Otis, I’m glad to see, moves way faster than he did earlier when running after Rick and Carl.) They (barely) manage to lock themselves in a storefront. With a horde of hungry zombs struggling to get in. The episode ends.

How in the HAIL are they going to get out of this?

The Walking Dead, 10/16/11

When last we left our not-so-merry band of travelers, they were leaving Atlanta, having narrowly escaped an exploding CDC. And that’s right where we pick up with the premiere of season two. Putting their faith in science got them nowhere, so our intrepid peeps are trying their luck with the military and are now on the road on their way to Fort Benning. Quick inventory:


1. Rick – sheriff
2. Shane – Lori’s spurned lover, Rick’s cop buddy
3. Lori – Rick’s wife
4. Carl – the boy, Rick’s son
5. Sophia – the girl, Carol’s daughter
6. Carol – chick with buzzcut, Sophia’s mom
7. Andrea – suicidal blonde
8. Glenn – Asian dude
9. T-Dog – black guy (duh)
10. Dale – old man
11. Daryl – country dude w bow and arrow


The group is riding along, passing time cleaning guns and telling vacation stories (except Daryl, who’s stylishly riding solo on a pretty sweet ass motorcycle), when the RV blows a hose just as the group reaches a buncha cars blocking the highway. Company halt! Everyone hops out/off of their vehicles to siphon gas, move the cars, look for food/water, find a replacement hose, etc — but not before Andrea irritates me with her disapproving “This place is a graveyard.” Lady, please stfu. It’s the zombie a-frigging-pocalypse. Societal etiquette and decorum are the LAST things on my mind.

I guess Carl getting way too close to a dead body to get at that (admittedly cool) set of weapons was supposed to show us that he's adventurous and not the little boy his mother thinks he is. Which it did, but it also made me want to punch him in the face.



ZOMBIES. First one, then two, then, like, a hundred. That’s way too many to waste limited ammo on, so everyone hides under vehicles. T-Dog cuts his arm pretty badly, the blood attracts a zomb, Daryl saves him. Andrea hides in the RV bathroom, a zomb finds her, Dale saves her. Other than those snafus, the tactic seems to have worked … until Sophia starts to crawl out from her hiding place just as two zombs are passing. Chase! She runs into the forest, the zombs hot on her trail, Rick hot on their trail. He hides her, tells her to wait, leads the zombs away, crushes their skulls with a big rock.


*happy sigh* First zomb kills of the season! Me like, and me want more.

OF COURSE, Sophie’s gone when he comes back. Rick and Daryl (who calls Glenn “Short Round” — HA HA HA HA ROFL bwah ha ha ha HA HA HA HA LOL) search for her. They find nothing other than a zomb, which they kill and cut open to make sure it hasn’t eaten Sophie. Groooooooooss, heh heh. (It hasn't.) Back on the highway, Shane tells Lori he’s planning to leave, and inexplicably, she’s not happy to hear this. Though he tried to rape her and though it would seriously un-complicate her life, what with her not wanting Rick to find out that they were getting it on the whole time they thought he was dead.


It’s getting dark. Rick and Daryl return Sophie-less, Carol understandably freaks. It was annoying, but I’m going to forgive her that “How could you just leave her” rant at Rick since she’s distraught. The next morning, since Dale still hasn't fixed the RV, everybody but Dale and wounded T-Dog heads off to look for Sophie — but not before Andrea irritates me AGAIN, this time by chewing Dale out. Why? Because he had the AUDACITY to force her not to kill herself last season. It is the lamest reason to be mad I think I’ve ever heard. “I wanted to die my way.” “You took that away from me.” HUH? Lady, if you want to die, then kill yourself! Options:

- Jump out of the RV as it speeds along. Death: instant.
- Attract a zomb’s attention and let it eat you. Death: within minutes.
- Drink a lot of antifreeze out of one of those cars. Death: within a day.
- Sneak off into the woods and hang yourself from a tree branch. Death: instant.
- Slice a vein. (Hell, T-Dog managed to do that without even trying.) Death: within minutes.
Somebody please tell me how the EFF is Dale stopping Andrea from doing any of that????????? I get that she’s upset about her sister’s death, but still. I heart Dale, and she better step off.

In the woods, the search party is finding nothing other than an empty tent and an empty church. Well, empty except for three zombies, which Daryl, Shane, and Rick enthusiastically dispatch. Afterward, Andrea overhears Shane telling Lori again than he’s leaving, begs him to let her go with him. PLEASE AGREE TO THIS, SHANE. Out on the highway, Dale shows again how awesome he is and reveals to T-Dog that he had the RV fixed yesterday; he’s just pretending it’s still out of commission to buy time for the Sophie Search, lest people start saying they should just leave her.
High five, Dale. Eat poo, Andrea.

At the church, Carol prays that Sophie will be found alive. Shane, Carl, and Rick announce they’re going to search for a couple more hours; everybody else heads back to the highway. (Along the way, Lori chews Carol out — yes! — for blaming Rick about Sophie. After all, nobody else selflessly ran to save her from those two zombs.) At the church, Rick prays. (All this prayer better mean that Sophie will be found alive. YOU CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN. Punch them in the face, yes. Kill them, no.) Then Shane, Carl, and Rick head out. In the woods, they run into a beautiful, antlered buck. Shane, who’s thinking exactly what I would be thinking in that situation (which is “Yay venison!” — there’s no vegetarianism in the zombie apocalypse) raises his rifle; Rick stops him so that a fascinated Carl can get a better look. Carl inches closer and closer to the magnificent animal … and then a shot rings out. A bullet rips through the buck and strikes Carl in the upper abdomen. I think I actually yell, horrified, because NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN’T KILL THE CHILDREN!