Project Runway, 10/27/11

Josh, OF COURSE, is angry that Anya is still in it. Which speaks volumes about how confident he is in his ability to beat her.

Tim announces that everyone’s getting an unexpected $500 to spend at Mood however they please. Kimberly is changing the color of her ugly bubble skirt, but keeping the bubble shape, cuz she likes it. :( Anya’s making three whole new pieces. Viktor’s making a couple new pieces. JOSHUA HAS LOST HIS COTTON PICKING MARBLES. He has a fugly lime green fabric and he’s making shorts. He has orange-and-pink fabric and he’s making a tank top.
Oh, and he wants to also make a matching jacket in the fug lime green. I am loving it, because surely this messedy mess is going to get him sent home faster than you can say “Good riddance.” Arrrrgh, and then he cries. *annoyed* Tim visits! Kimberly is lost. Anya gives a farewell speech. Viktor has edited. Joshua’s green shorts look “really peculiar.”


Kimberly’s collection was just ok. Joshua’s was so mind bogglingly ugly it gave me throbbing brain ache. I didn’t like Viktor’s. –gasp– Oooooooooooh, love, love, superlove Anya’s. Every last piece. It looks so comfortable and effortless and vacationy! (And Jennifer Love Hewitt and Stephanie Winston Wolkoff agree with me.)

Well, if this is anything like last year, Anya will be eliminated first, and Joshua will win. :(

The judges praise Kimberly for taking their advice to heart while staying true to her “urban girl” theme. Michael Kors even calls one look “killer diller.” (OMG I AM STEALING THAT!) Her bubble skirt was again called out, though. Unsurprisingly, the judges liked Joshua’s clothes. *screams a scream of pure fury* No. I just can’t. Moving the hell on. The judges all love Viktor’s prints, but with the other pieces have the same problem I had: too much transparency/visible underclothes. Seriously, it was like the models forgot to put on their shirt/pants. Anya’s collection gets mostly praise and non-criticism like “the necklines are very similar,” “I can’t wear that in this city” and “you didn’t have as much to do construction-wise.” In other words, the judges are having to search very hard to find stuff to hate on.


I fast forward past the judges’ deliberation. I need to know right away if I’m about to be Gretchened two years in a row. Kimberly is sent home first. Well, the “first black person to win Project Runway” title is still yours to claim, future black winner! Then Viktor is sent off. So it’s down to Joshua and Anya. I’m not even going to get my hopes up. I’m not. In fact, let me just go ahead and start congratulating Joshu —

ANYA WINS! Yaaaaay omg yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay zomg YAY *skipping around* yay woot! This is killer diller!

Project Runway, 10/20/11

Part one of the finale, in which Tim Gunn gets all up in the designers’ biz, yo. This shall be short and sweet, cuz 1. next week’s will be pretty long-winded and 2. there’s never much to say about part one of the finale. It always feels so in-betweeny. Someone will have his or her dreams crushed, and then Fashion Week for the final three! Let’s get to it.

They never show you enough of the clothes during the Tim Visits to get a good idea of what the collection ultimately will look like. I like the Tim Visits just cuz we get to get all up in the designers’ biz. Like, see their homes and families and pix of them when they were kids. I’m nosy — I mean, curious, so I enjoy that.

Kim lost her mom, bro, and stepdad, you’ll recall, so I’m glad to see her surrounded by friends and a sister and an adorable little niece. She says she hopes to win to honor her mom and cuz she’d be proud to be the first African American to win Project Runway. MAKE HISTORY, GIRLFRIEND!!!!! Anya talks about how her brother Pilar who died at 18 inspires her. She hasn’t actually made any clothes yet, which worries Tim greatly, but we all know Anya’s a good last-minuter. Her fabrics are quite pretty. Speaking of pretty, oh my god. What I saw of Trinidad & Tobago was goooooorgeous. I’m not at all big on traveling, but I MUST VISIT THERE.

Viktor is calling his collection “Urban Coast.” Serving as his inspiration are pictures he took while in Guadalajara for the anniversary of his brother’s death. (Jesus! :( THREE dead brothers.) Joshua has 507 garish fabrics. Tim says it’s gimmicky, says one dress in particular makes him want to weep, asks where’s the sex, says there’s too much happening. After what Joshua’s been putting out all season, that’s pretty much exactly how I was expecting his Tim Visit to go.

Everyone arrives in NY. Tim tells them to select three pieces to show. I liked Viktor’s and Anya’s, and I hated Josh’s and (this hurts!!!) Kimberly’s. :( :( :( :( And the person going home is … Anya. Dammit, that means Josh and Viktor are in the finale — but also that history could potentially be made. Go Kimberly! Oh -- and go Anya, too! She wasn't sent home. All four are showing at Fashion Week. YAY! This ups the chances that Viktor or Josh will lose. Please let them lose.

Project Runway 10/13/11

Warning: this recap contains a brief but intense freak-out, for my girl crush’s matchless, inimitable beauty does strange things to my brain. I apologize in advance.

Usually I don’t bother with the show-opening conversations had in the apartments, but Josh and Viktor pissed me off so much that I must vent. First Josh starts off talking about how it took a while to get to know Bert. Yes. Because you’re an insufferable jerk, and you decided for no reason on day one that you didn’t like him. Then Viktor says Bert should have lasted longer than Kimberly. Sure. Because someone who can beat your dress that took two days with her dress that took three hours has no talent whatsoever. Then Josh disses Anya’s entire body of work. Yes. Because those pants he made in the 70s challenge are simply the best thing fashion’s ever seen. EYE ROLL.

The final five head off to Governor’s Island, where Tim instructs them that, using the art on the island as a muse, they must create three pieces. Three DIFFERENT pieces, he specifies. Everyone hops in golf carts and speeds off. Kimberly and Anya are inspired by an art piece. Josh has a brother off serving his country, so Josh is inspired by the “artillerary.” I guess when your ego is as big as his, you feel it’s ok if you create a nonsense word by combining “military” and “artillery.” Laura Kathleen is inspired by circles, Viktor by structure and silhouette.

At Mood, Laura Kathleen decides it has been entirely too long since she reminded us that SHE IS RICH and busts out “When it comes to spending money, I like the finer things in life.” I mean, it’s as if she, Viktor, and Joshua had a meeting in which they discussed ways to remind me why I hate them.


Tim enters. UH OH. With the button bag. Re-UH OH! He announces that they are going to get assistants. Let me guess: former contestants? Yep. Kimberly chooses Becky. Viktor chooses Olivier, who hates fat people. Laura Kathleen chooses Anthony Ryan. Anya chooses Bert, leaving Joshua with Bryce … who’s not looking forward to it because Josh is “controlling.” Yeah, and pretty infantile, too. Jealous that she won the $20k last challenge (and probably still mad that she didn’t decrease her chances of winning by giving him fabric), Josh simply will not stop bashing Anya about dumb stuff like the fact that she’s a beauty queen and made-up stuff like her work shows no range. At one point, Bryce even (meekly) tells him to let it go. Kimberly is giving a repeat performance of last episode, flustered and unsure of what to do. Laura Kathleen is doing the same — then she cries (AAAAAARRRRGGGHH!) tears of self-importance because she just knows she is destined to go to fashion week. Bert and Anya are getting along famously. Olivier, who hates fat people, complains that he is slave labor. Ugh. I can’t believe I was so crazy about him. Tool.


Runway! Please please pleaseness, let two of my three hated jerks go home. Oh — but first:

AAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! There she is! It’s my girl crush, Zoe Saldana! I die! I come back to life! I re-die! She’s sooooooooooooooo prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I’m twitching! I’m squealing! I’m not worthy! Just, omg, like, look at her! HEY! I SAID LOOK AT HER, DAMMIT! AND THEN FALL TO YOUR KNEES IN REVERENTIAL WORSHIP!

*calming down*


Ok. Runway!

I hate Joshua’s looks. Well — the little white dress isn’t bad. But those other two? I can’t even … they just … NO. And I’m not hating, because when that poofy skirt outfit hit the runway, Joshua himself said “It looks so big. It’s not flattering. But, fake it til you make it.” See? It sucks. Michael Kors called it a “ra-ra skirt.” Yes! That’s it! It’s a bad cheerleader costume. My Zoe says the gown looks like the Statue of Liberty; all the judges dislike his shiny, glittery fabric.


I love Kimberly’s looks. I know it’s sounding like I’m letting how I feel about the designers decide what I like/dislike, but I swear I’m not. Note that the judges are agreeing with me. My Zoe says, “All in all, wow.” MK says the coat needs tailoring, but the gray dress is her strongest piece. Heidi says the looks aren’t very cohesive, but she likes the fabric and the gray dress.



I hate Laura Kathleen’s looks. (I’m not doing this on purpose.) The looks really suck, and I can't believe that mess is what she came up with by being inspired by circles. She cries AGAIN about how badly she wants to go to fashion week. Nobody is moved. Well, I am … to beat her in the face with a hammer. Heidi likes the gown (WHY?), hates the skirt, and feels that the dress doesn’t match the other two pieces. Nina and MK say almost the same thing. My Zoe says the dress looks like a pillowcase with black tape tied around it. Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!


I love Anya’s. (I’M NOT DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!) Nina says the looks are modern and actually look like a cohesive collection. Heidi says the white dress looks a bit like a sheet but loves the black dress. MK says the looks are sophisticated and Anya understands women’s bodies. (Lol at Joshua looking mad and jealous.) My Zoe likes the cuts and says the looks have a futuristic tone … and that she’s a sci fi buff. LIKE ME. I LOVE HER.


I truly like Viktor’s. Oh, pick your jaw up off the floor. I still hate him. Heidi likes them too, but says nothing is wowing her. Nina loves them but says it lacks oomph and is a bit too secretarial. My Zoe says she likes the secretary look, finds a few flaws. MK says it’s a very commercial collection that would actually sell, but the volume needs to be turned up.


Wow. I think that’s the first time my opinions have ever dovetailed so perfectly with the judges’.

Joshua shocks the eff out of me by saying he’d take Viktor … and Anya to fashion week with him. Kimberly says Anya and Laura Kathleen. Anya (who almost starts crying but stops, thank God), says Viktor and Josh. Laura Kathleen (who starts sobbing — KNOCK. IT. OFF.), Viktor and Anya. Viktor, Anya and Josh.

Nobody said Kimberly. :( Haters.

Anya (YAY!), Viktor, and Joshua (DAMMIT!) are safe. Laura Kathleen and Kimberly are in the bottom. Since LK’s looks were so atroshe (that’s my new word), I wasn’t even worried. Suck it, haters! Bye, LK! Your great wealth couldn’t save you.

And now, I leave you with several images of THE MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN ON THE PLANET:

Project Runway, 10/6/11

This go-round, the designers must make clothes inspired by a bird. So, they have to give fashion the tweetment! We’re gonna get a real bird’s eye view into the designing process! I hope there won’t be any fowl play! Will this be a wild goose chase? Who’s going to have to eat some crow? I bet the owl doesn’t give a hoot!

Ok, ok. I’ll stop.

The designers are split into teams: Anya/Laura Kathleen - raven, Joshua/Bert - parrot, Viktor/Kimberly - cockatoo. (I was mad nobody got the owl. Owls are cool. See: Harry Potter.) Joshua and Bert are getting along now, but, Bert says, if they’d been put together a few weeks ago, they would have killed the bird. LOL. Team members are competing against each other; winner of this challenge will get $20,000. As happens every season every time money is on the line, somebody has to go into detail about how poor he or she is; this time it’s Joshua, who informs us he has “negative money” in his bank account. Tim enters the workroom and tells them they must make a second bird-inspired look. (At this point, Tim telling them they have to make a second look is getting pretty predictable. It would be more surprising if he didn’t, lol.)


As work progresses, a cockroach disturbs the peace. Kimberly reacts the way I would have: she jumps up onto a table, hops up and down, and screams. Anya reacts the way I wish I would have: she grabs a shoe and kills it. I thought Josh telling her that “that was some Lara Croft Tomb Raider type shit” was a bit rich … then again, I would have been hysterically screaming on a tabletop. Kimberly, really struggling with her looks, accidentally sews through her finger, wanders around aimlessly, then goes to the bathroom to have a good cry. These tears do not annoy me, however, cuz she lost her mom, AND her stepdad, AND her brother. :( Be strong, girlfriend! Tim, sensing her malaise, gives her a fatherly hug of support. I bloody love that Tim. Then, as if all that isn’t enough, her dress is burned on a hot glue gun so she has to start all over with like only three hours left.

Josh scraps a dress, then asks Anya for fabric, then gets mad when she doesn’t want to give him any cuz he offered her some that time she lost her money. Jerk, this is different. Anya accidentally lost her money and genuinely needed help. Josh, on the other hand, up and decided his look was “heinous!” then tried to guilt trip Anya. Plus, there’s TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on the line this time. So suck it, Josh.

On runway day, Tim says everyone must pick one, and only one, of their two looks to walk the runway. Huh. Unexpected.


I abhor, detest, loathe, and want to shred with scissors both Anya’s and Laura Kathleen’s raven looks. They’re fugly and overpoweringly black. Too literal! Ravens are black; I get that, but their feathers are iridescent, so I would have worked that in with some blue or purple. LK tried with some dark purple feathers, but I HATE FEATHERS ON CLOTHES, so that cancelled it out. The judges hate her look but love Anya’s dress. “Beautiful, modern, and dramatic,” says Nina. Meh. Anya wins; LK loses.


I looooooooooved Bert’s and hated Joshua’s parrot looks. Michael Kors calls Bert’s “pageanty”; Nina says it’s disappointing. Well, I loved it, dammit, and I would so wear it. Wouldn’t be caught dead in Joshua’s, though. HORRID. It is a shapeless, ill-fitting, bright orange ball of blah. Alas, the judges are blown away. “Beautifully draped,” says Michael Kors, “beautifully cut,” says Nina. Meh. Joshua wins, Bert loses.


I looooooooooved Kimberly’s and hated Viktor’s cockatoo looks. Kimberly’s is dramatic and elegant and tres sophisticated. The judges can see flaws, but they are impressed and amazed she made it so fast. “The cut is fabulous” and “there’s something very seductive” say MK and Nina, though she also says it’s a bit “beauty pageant.” Viktor’s is covered in feathers. I HATE FEATHERS ON CLOTHES. The judges like its construction and movement, but he was too literal. Kimberly wins; Viktor loses. YAY!

Anya wins it all. On one hand, yay!, cuz she’s not on my Please Don’t Win list. On the other hand, boooooo!, cuz I couldn't stand her dress and I wanted Kimberly to win. Oh well. Better her than that insufferable Josh. Spend that $20K in good health, girl!

Bert and Laura Kathleen are in the bottom … Bert gets sent home. :(

Project Runway, 9/8/11

Heidi: Two teams. No leaders. You all work together.
Josh: So do I get to be leader?

Slap him, I want to. Anyhoo, this time around, each team must make a new fabric, design a five-look collection, and shoot footage for a background music video. The mentor on this challenge is eternally cheery Betsey Johnson. Laura Kathleen, who I guess realized too much time has passed since she’s said something eye roll-inducing, chirps “I always say that I’m kind of like Betsey Johnson and Oscar de la Renta’s love child if they were to have a baby.” *eye roll* I was hoping Betsey’d do a cartwheel right there in the workroom; alas, I had to settle for watching a recorded one as she showed the designers video of her last collection. She then gave them some advice, which included, “Be cooperative. You have to throw away ‘me, me, me’ and go for the team.” Wise words, Bets. Too bad they likely fell on deaf ears.


Anthony Ryan and crew, Team Chaos, discuss a collection based on ink blot imagery. Interesting! Josh and crew, Team Nuts & Bolts, are finding inspiration in the circus no wait sea amoeba no wait scuba diving no wait female version of The Village People (?????????) no wait trains no wait clocks. That was so tortuously circuitous that it gave me brain ache … which was worsened by Josh blowing up at Bert for using “a swear word.” What WAS that? And I don’t give a damn that he recently lost his mother. That does not give someone an excuse to act like a complete assface. And then he apologized? Yeah, just like he apologized after bitching Becky out for no reason. Freak out, apologize, re-freak out, re-apologize. I’m over it.


In contrast, the members of Team Chaos are getting along great. Probably because being near Olivier (LOVE) causes happiness. Tim pops in, loves Chaos’s cohesion and positivity. Nuts & Bolts’ looks, on the other hand, confuse him, and he quickly recognizes the lack of unity. So much so that, after telling Josh to leave his ego at the door, he makes them join hands pledge to try to get along. LOL. After Tim’s bad review, Josh calls dad for moral support and cries a lot over his mother. I feel really sorry for him, but I repeat: it doesn’t excuse his constant assfacedness. Josh, Bryce, Viktor, and Laura Kathleen: do not win.


To nobody’s surprise, Chaos wins. To my surprise, for the second week in a row, I like Olivier’s (LOVE) look! And not kind of like, like last week. Surperlike! And Michael Kors agrees with me: “Olivier, I think the tailoring on your jacket’s fantastic. I think of all my years sitting in this chair, I think it’s one of the strongest tailored piece we’ve ever seen.” Nina: “Olivier, that’s the jacket I want.” My heart sings a happy song, I bounce up and down, and I officially forgive Michael Kors and Nina for Gretchengate. I KNEW Olivier (LOVE) had it in him! And then he was so bloody cute stumbling all over himself, hesitant and embarrassed about saying he thought he himself should be the winner.


Heidi says Nuts & Bolts’ collection is too busy. Michael Kors says it’s too literal. Nina said there were a lot of mistakes and missed opportunities. Their music video sucked. Michael HATES their stupid fabric, and praises Kimberly for refusing to use the prints in her outfit. Bert tells the judges that Josh went haywire bitchcakes on him, and then my Heidi proved why I heart her so much, pointing out to Josh that he has a pattern of fighting with his teammates: “I seem to recall a similar situation with Becky.” Ha! Josh pretended not to know what she was talking about. Heidi asks who’s the weakest link. Bert and Becky say Josh. Josh and Kimberly say Becky, but at least they have a reason. Laura Kathleen says Bert … because he mutters under his breath. ?????? I want to punch her in the face so badly that my fists itch.

The judges deliberate. Olivier’s (LOVE) jacket is killer. They also like Viktor’s gown and Anya’s dress. They praised Chaos for getting along, then moved on to Nuts & Bolts bashing. Becky’s look was boring. They agree that Bert has an attitude problem and is not a team player. Heidi questions Josh’s taste level, Nina says he came up with the worst print, Michael Kors calls him a dictator, guest judge calls him a bully. Ha! Surely he’s going home. And the winner is … ANYA? What—but—dammit! You got robbed, Olivier (LOVE). Ok, it’s down to Becky and Josh. *crosses fingers* And … Becky goes home. :( Wrong winner, wrong loser. I go to bed angry.