Project Runway, 9/29/11

It’s a 70s challenge!

But wait, you exclaim. Didn’t we just do that (sort of) last week? Tim clarifies for us: “Sophisticated 70s inspired. Not vintage, not retro.” And then he gets in a dig at the awfulness the designers made in the previous episode: “We all remember what happened with the last challege — too literal!” Yes we do, and yes it was. :( The winning design of this challenge will be sold on piperlime.com.

Off to Mood! Where somehow, Anya loses her money. A frantic search takes place. YEAH RIGHT. Somebody found that $100, pocketed it, and was out of there before you can say “I’m a thief.” Tim informs Anya she can use whatever $ the others have leftover after making their purchases (that would be all of $11.50 from Anthony Ryan), and muslin, but that’s it.
She starts crying. Arrrrgh. Look, unless it’s over a dying family member, I HATE CRYING. I’m not heartless; I get that having next to no fabric to work with will be hard. But this is your chance to score some extra points. Make Michael Kors trill, “I can’t believe you made that gorgeous dress out of nothing but muslin!” Back in the workroom, though, Anya eventually dries her tears and gets to work with fabric dye and muslin. Do it, girl! And let me say: I LOVE her hand tattoo. I might have to copy that …

Viktor shows why he’s on my Please Don’t Win list: all the other designers are giving Anya what fabric they have left over, but he refuses because “this is a competition, and I want to help her, but I can’t.” JERK.

The next morning, Tim enters — and the designers immediately suspect he’s bringing bad news. He is! They have to make a second look, a one-piece garment. They get only $50 bucks. “Anya, don’t lose that money!” Tim warns her as everyone runs around Mood. Lol. Way ahead of you, Tim. She has it pinned to her shirt. During the walk-through, Tim alerts Laura Kathleen to the fact that Nina questions Laura Kathleen’s taste level. I already knew that. From my recap of the season premiere: “And please note that Laura Kathleen totally rubbed Nina the wrong way.” So we’re what, like, nine episodes in, and Nina still doesn’t like Laura Kathleen’s clothes. Good. Cuz she’s on my Please Don’t Win list, too.

Runway:
I kind of have an eye orgasm when Kimberly’s one-piece pantsuit comes out. Please let her win so I can buy it on piperlime! Well — if it’s got an inseam long enough for a 6’2” giantess, that is. It better come in extra-long, Kimberly. Bert picked a pretty fabric, but underneath it, his model’s shorts showed the bottom third of her ass cheeks. That’s always so annoying to me. Unless you’re going to the beach, or you're prostituting, where the hell could you wear those???? Anya’s $11.50 look is amazing. Hell, it looks better than all the $100 looks (except Kimberly's pantsuit). I will be quite happy if Anya, Kimberly, or Anthony Ryan wins. Joshua, Viktor, and Laura Kathleen are on my … well, you know by now.


Kimberly is safe; she didn’t win. BUT I WANTED THAT JUMPSUIT. :( Laura Kathleen is in the bottom. The fabric of her shirt and skirt don’t match, and her one-piece is blah boring. Viktor is in the top. I like his jacket, but not his dress or pants. Nobody likes Joshua’s looks. How could they? My god, THOSE PANTS!!! :( His stuff is bad, bad, bad, and he gets mad at Heidi when she tells him so. *eye roll* Anya’s looks are a hit. YAY! And her severely limited budget adds to the impressiveness. Anthony Ryan’s looks are “hippie sister wives.” Eek. Bert’s go over well, though Nina says she’d wear the top with something other than those shorts. Lol.



The designers leave the runway so the judges can deliberate, and Joshua gets on everybody’s nerves by blaming his crappedy fug on the fact that he didn’t live through the 70s. Um … like practically nobody in that room did except for Bert, yet they for the most part managed to get it right, Josh. Just admit you made bad clothes.

Anya wins! Yaaaaaaaay! See what happens when you stop wasting time crying and get down to biz? You go, girl. Bert's dress is so cute that it’s going to be sold, too. I liked that. After all, he lived through this era. Joshua and Anthony Ryan are the bottom two. I hold my breath … DAMMIT. Anthony Ryan goes home. :( Stay awesome, Anthony Ryan.

And now, to piperlime to check the price of Anya’s clothes … and the inseams.

Project Runway, 9/1/11

Bert and Anthony Ryan have decided to put their differences aside and get along. And those of us who quickly tired of and were annoyed by everyone ganging up on Chris all last season long say YAY.


At the Harlem School of the Arts, Tim explains the challenge: kiddie artists are going to paint a picture, and then the designers must use that picture as inspiration for an avant garde look. Cool. I don’t really like avant garde challenges—most of the outfits look like crazy costumes to me—but this’ll be fun.
- Anthony Ryan is paired with a 17-yr-old Wu; they paint self portraits of themselves.
- Viktor is with 12-yr-old Skyy, who talks too much but paints beautiful swirls.
- Bert is getting along great with (cute) 16-yr-old Antonio because Antonio is very quiet.
- Josh C. seems to be telling 17-yr-old Sasha what to paint, some sort of wolf creature. Is that fair?
- Becky and 16-yr-old Maris are in outer space together.
- Olivier (LOVE) scares 17-yr-old Tonyalee telling her he likes really depressing music. Lol.
- Josh M. seems to like 15-yr-old Patrice’s work.
- Anya thinks 16-yr-old AJ is painting “trees on fire."
- 17-yr-old Aubrey is painting a face for Bryce.
- Laura Kathleen explains to 11-yr-old Kai how difficult the last challenge was. Kai says “Failure is opportunity in disguise.” I hit pause, write that down, and put it on my refrigerator.
- Kimberly loves the red and the shoulders in 11-yr-old Claudette’s bird painting. They high five.


Promise: if this is the episode that Olivier (LOVE) finally makes something I like, I swear on Mountain Dew that I will name a character in my novel after Tonyalee. Oh no—he’s buying chiffon! The fabric that got Danielle sent home last week! *worried* Ok, I’m seriously starting to hate Josh M. Like, HATE HIM. Last episode, he went bitchcakes on Becky, but he apologized so I tried to forgive him—but then this episode, he would not shut up about how much he severely hates Patrice’s painting. “What the hell is inspiring on this canvas?” My god, WHAT A DICK. Patrice is likely watching this episode, and probably with family and friends. Josh M.’s rude, insulting, infantile rant about the painting probably embarrassed the hell outta the poor kid. :( Josh C. had a way more level-headed approach: “I think the most important part of the inspiration is taking more of the emotions and feelings from the work, and not doing something too literal.” Yeah!

Arrrrrrggghhh. Hearing Bert’s moving story again, I came THIS close to getting choked up.


Viktor, who has been in my “Please Don’t Win” column ever since the team challenge debacle with Bert, got another strike, saying that Lady Gaga wears avant garde then insulting Beyonce’s clothing line. Look, fool. Lady Gaga’s looks are RIDICULOUS. She routinely makes all the worst dressed lists, and the blogosphere has a field day ripping apart her nonexistent fashion sense. If that’s avant garde (IT ISN’T), then I’ll opt instead for something from Beyonce’s House of Dereon clothing any day. And you WISH you had a clothing line as successful as hers. So eat poo, jerk.


The judges liked Laura Kathleen’s and Anthony Ryan’s dresses. Me too. First of all, they’re actually pretty; secondly, they really interpret their paintings well. I liked LK’s better, though. Wow, I HATED Josh M.’s look. A lot. I cannot BELIEVE the judges liked it. The bottom was paper bag; the top was crumpled, violently orange tissue paper. Yuck. And since he so detested the painting that inspired it, he doesn’t deserve the praise. But at least he didn’t win. Good for you, Anthony Ryan. (You got robbed, LK.)


I was kind of ok with Olivier’s (LOVE) wispy, wavy, airy dress. Very much not my favorite look, but since unlike all his other stuff I don’t totally loathe it, I guess I’m naming a character in my novel Tonyalee! He shoulda known better than to try to glue the dress onto his model, but when your time management skills are as bad as his, you get stuck. Not surprisingly, the judges hated his dress; they could clearly see that it was a hurried effort; plus, it had, like, NOTHING to do with Tonyalee’s painting. But they all agreed the bodice was well made, so mayhap he should be ok, in light of Josh C.’s bad wolf dress and Bert’s ridiculous pantsuit. DAMMIT, Heidi gave Bert a total pass for that catastrophe of a pantsuit? Eff! So, wow. I can’t believe that 1. Olivier (LOVE) was in the bottom two (it should have been Bert and Josh C.!) 2. with a look I kinda liked. I was panicking something fierce, but thankfully, the wolf dress out-uglied all others. Buh-bye (again), Josh.