The Walking Dead: Clear, 3/3/13

Looking like the world’s grimmest carpool, Michonne, Rick, and Carl ride along, past a sign that reads, “Erin we tried for Stone Mountain.” They pass a guy hiking; he begs and screams for them to stop, but Michonne keeps right on driving. Sorry, dude. Down the road, she drives onto the shoulder to pass a blocked stretch of highway; the car gets stuck in the mud, then gets surrounded by walkers. “Erin,” says a bracelet one of them is wearing. Oh. :( Guess you guys can take that sign down on your way back. Rick cracks his window, begins blowing the walkers away. Later, Michonne waits behind the wheel as Rick shows Carl how to place branches and gravel under the tires to try to get some traction. But Carl’s feeling angsty and would rather argue than pay attention, questioning why Rick brought Michonne. Rick says cuz he didn’t want to leave her at the prison with Merle; plus, Guv wants all them dead, so for now they will work together against their common enemy. He stresses the “for now” part; Michonne, listening through the open car window, doesn’t look happy. Just then they hear yelling and look up; it’s Hiking Guy, running toward them from afar off, begging and yelling at them not to leave him. They get the car unstuck and leave him once more. Sorry again, guy. You can blame Guv for their mistrust of strangers.

They arrive in the little town where Rick once policed, search Rick’s old police station. No guns or ammo. Rick suggests checking bars and liquor stores on Main Street where he signed permits for the owners to keep guns. He think he detects pushback from Michonne, glares at her, asks if he has a problem. She glares back, very clearly says no. They head out … and pass a pile of burned walker corpses. Hmmmmm. Maybe this town ain’t so deserted. On Main Street, they see blockades set up, with ropes and spears and rats in cages to attract/trap walkers. Michonne suggests maybe someone’s already claimed the town. Gee, you think? But Rick insists on quickly checking the aforementioned establishments before they leave. A walker comes up behind them and gets stuck on the blockade ropes—then a shot rings out and it goes down. A guy on a rooftop pops up wearing a helmet and aiming a rifle. Rooftop Guy orders them to drop their guns, shoes, and sword, then turn around and leave. RG starts counting down from ten. Michonne whispers to Rick that she can get up to the roof. Rick whispers to Carl to run for the car. Rick fires at RG; they duck, split up, and run for cover. RG pursues them down onto the street … where Carl shoots him. He goes down. “I told you to go to the car,” Rick says. Um, Rick. Carl? Follow directions? Haha, yeah right. Anyhoo, RG was wearing body armor and isn’t dead, just out cold. Rick removes his helmet—WHOA OMG IT’S MORGAN!!!!

Michonne wants to leave him, but Rick refuses to leave Morgan while he’s unconscious. They carry him in, carefully avoiding his booby traps, and upstairs to find … weapons and ammo galore! Yay! They get busy loading up. Rick finds the walkie talkie he used for a while to keep in touch with Morgan, and, sadly, a note scrawled on the wall that Morgan’s son Duane was zombied. Rick announces, to Carl and Michonne's displeasure, that he wants to wait for Morgan to wake up. So Michonne sits and grabs some chips.
-- Rick [annoyed]: “We’re eating his food?”
-- Michonne [chowing down]: “The mat said welcome.”
Ha ha! Then Carl says he want to go check the daycare around the corner to get a crib for Judith; Michonne says she’ll go with him. They leave. Outside, as she’s killing a walker, Carl tries to give her the slip. She catches up to him; he admits there’s something else he wants to get Judith. Meanwhile, Morgan wakes up certified crazy, screaming, accusing Rick of wearing a dead man’s face. He grabs a knife and tries to kill Rick, stabs him in the shoulder. Rick grabs his gun. Morgan begs him to kill him. Rick ties him up, talks to him, gets Morgan to remember him. And then Morgan remembers that Rick gave him a gun once and tried to get him to shoot his zombie wife Jenny, but he couldn’t do it … and then later, Zombie Jenny got Duane. :(

Michonne and Carl approach a café with walkers galore inside. Michonne won’t let Carl go in. Carl tells her she can’t stop him and starts to storm off. She stops him, tells him he can’t stop her from trying to help. They go back and sneak inside, using Morgan’s rats in cages to distract the walkers. Carl gets a picture off the wall; Michonne slices a walker that tries to grab him; then in the rush to get outside, Carl drops the picture. Michonne sneaks back in and gets it. It’s a picture of Rick, Lori, and Carl. Carl tells Michonne he wanted Judith to know what her mother looked like. Awwwwwwww. Michonne says she was planning to go back inside anyway, holds up a paper mache cat. They laugh. Omg, they’re like totes BFF now. Meanwhile, Rick’s trying to convince Morgan to go back with them, tells Morgan that he can come back from this, that he can belong to something. (Rick, please use this pep talk on yourself the next time Ghost Lori shows up.) Morgan refuses, says he has to stay in the town and clear.

Carl and Michonne return, team-carrying a crib. Rick grabs the ammo/weapon bags; they leave Morgan clearing walker bodies. Carl pauses to apologize to Morgan for shooting him; Morgan says don’t ever be sorry. At the car, Carl tells Rick that everything went ok, and Michonne is good people. Rick is surprised and pleased to hear it. Then Michonne tells Rick that it’s ok that he sometimes sees people who aren’t there; she used to talk to her dead boyfriend. Rick chuckles, and—Shut the front door!—Michonne actually smiles. On the drive back, they pass the mutilated corpse of Hiking Guy; he got himself run over/eaten. They stop long enough to get his pack; then continue. Sorry again, guy. Guv's fault.

Yay, everybody loves/trusts Michonne now! But the real winner of this episode is: Judith, who no longer has to sleep in a mail bin.

The Walking Dead: I Ain’t A Judas, 2/24/13

It’s the day after Guv’s attack. In the prison, everyone is arguing. Hershel, who’s mad cuz nobody listened to him and now Axle’s dead, still wants to leave. Rick, temporarily cured of his crazy, wants to stay. Merle, who’s being kept locked up away from the others (probably in case Michonne or Glenn snaps and tries to kill him), says they should have sneaked away last night cuz by now Guv’s likely got all the roads blocked off. Rick tries to just walk off, but Hershel yells at him to “Get back here!” and then crutches over to remind Rick that he once said, “This isn’t a democracy,” and now he has to own up to that, because he (Hershel) put his family’s life in Rick’s hands. Do something!!! Rick goes outside for a look-see. He thinks he sees something outside the gates? Dammit, Ghost Lori, NOT NOW!!!! Carl joins him … and timidly suggests that maybe Rick should stop being the leader and let Hershel and Daryl handle things; Rick deserves a rest.

At Woodbury, Milton and Guv are tallying their available number of soldiers. Thirty-five, if they count people over the age of thirteen. Guv wants them armed and trained asap. Total 180 from let’s-throw-an-ice-cream-social Guv, haha. Andrea enters, demands to know what happened at the prison. Guv innocently claims that Rick’s group shot at them for no reason. She asks him for a car. He says the roads are blocked, then tells her if she goes to the prison to stay there. She leaves. Outside, she comes across an angry Karen, mad cuz Martinez is after her asthmatic 14-yr-old son Noah. Andrea asks why he’s training people to fight instead of to defend themselves. “Wake up,” Martinez sneers. Yeah, Andrea, seriously. Later, as Guv looks over the new recruits, she tells him about Noah’s asthma. Guv doesn’t care. (Duh.)

At the prison … they’re still arguing and trying to figure out what to. They need to try to repair the outer fence, but doing so would use up pretty much all their ammo. And they’re low on food, too. Glenn wants to hand Merle over to Guv, use him as a peace offering. Daryl, of course, says no. Rick says no; Glenn says nobody asked Rick to live with Shane after Shane tried to kill Rick. Hershel, who’s now wearing a gun in a waist holster—nice  touch—says Merle’s military training may be useful, then goes  to visit him. He quotes some Bible, and Merle shocks and astounds by not only finishing the scripture for Hershel, but knowing the chapter and verse. Then he tells Hershel that when Guv returns, he’ll kill him (Merle), Daryl, and Michonne first, then everybody else, then Rick last so he’ll have to watch his fam and friends die. That’s the kind of man they’re dealing with. Elsewhere, Carol goes to visit Daryl to tell him she’s glad he’s back and warn him not to let Merle bring him down. MAKE OUT ALREADY, DAMMIT. Elsewhere, Merle approaches Michonne as she exercises. He tells her he tried to kill her only because he was following orders, and he hopes they can get past it. He leaves. The look on her face pretty clearly says she’d love to take her sword and relieve him of his penis.

At Woodbury, Andrea asks Milton to cover for her while she slips out for a quick prison trip. He says it’s a betrayal. She says take a look around! Woodbury is now an armed camp with child soldiers, and she just wants to go try to talk the others down before more people get killed. In his office, Guv removes his bandages and examines his destroyed eye, gritting his teeth and shaking with fury as he does so. Then he puts on an eyepatch. Darn. I still hate him, of course, but I’ve always found eyepatches sexy. Milton enters and reports that Andrea asked for his help sneaking out of Woodbury to go to the prison. Effing snitch. Guv tells him to help her. Out in the woods, Andrea and Milton sneak up on a walker. Milton holds it down while Andrea chops its arms off, then goes all Edward-Norton-in-American-History-X on it and curbs it. Well, she uses a rock instead of a curb, and she removes its jaw instead of kills it, but still. It totally reminded me of that scene. She secures the mutilated walker, but before they can leave, another approaches. Andrea kills it. Another approaches—and Tyrese run up and kills it. Allen, Ben, and Sasha join him … then the four of them just stand there staring at Milton and Andrea, wondering why in the hell they have a mutilated walker captive. Milton explains “it’s a diversionary tactic” to keep walkers away. Tyrese asks if they have a camp; Milton tells them about Woodbury. They’re chomping at the bit to get there; he offers to take them and tells Andrea to go; he’ll cover for her with Guv. She leaves with her armless, jawless walker prisoner—Wonder where she got that idea? Tyrese et al. go off to swell Guv’s ranks. Thanks a lot, Ghost Lori.

Hiding behind her captive, Andrea approaches the prison. Keeping watch, Carl and Maggie see her and alert the others. Michonne observes Andrea’s walker-prisoner technique and looks … aw hell, I can’t read her face. Rick lets Andrea in, but it’s not the warm welcome she’s expecting. He throws her against the gate, gives her a pat down, disarms her, makes her get on her knees, takes her bag, then yanks her up and hauls her inside. You can thank Guv for that, Andrea. Inside, she and Carol embrace, but Carol’s the only one happy to see her. Everyone else is very standoffish. They tell her Shane, T Dog, and Lori are dead, and Andrea's asshole new boyfriend tore down the outer fence, shot up the prison, and killed Axle. She says she didn’t know any of that; why’re they being so hostile toward her? Especially if they can make nice with Merle, who kidnapped and beat Glenn. Anyway, she came to try to convince them to talk to Guv. He’s gearing up for war, and he’s got soldiers and weapons. Daryl, Glenn, and Rick make it clear that the only way this is going to end is with Guv’s death. Rick storms off. Michonne and Andrea have a talk in the yard. Andrea accuses Michonne of poisoning Rick and the others against Woodbury; Michonne says all she did was tell them the truth about the place. Andrea says Michonne was hostile from day one; Michonne says cuz she could see that Andrea was under Guv’s spell. And still is. Andrea says she’s still at Woodbury cuz the people there need her; Michonna says she didn’t realize the Messiah complex was contagious. Haha! Andrea tells her to go to hell and starts to storm off; Michonne tells her Guv sent Merle to kill her (Michonne), and he would have sent Merle to kill Andrea, too, if Andrea had gone with her. But she didn’t; she chose a warm bed over a friend. Ooooooh, that hits Andrea hard.

At Woodbury, Guv offers Tyrese and friends food and clothes, says when they’re ready to leave to head west and avoid north. They say they know; they just came from there, ran into some crazy guy in a prison. Milton asks if they know the layout of the prison? Tyrese says he could try to remember. Guv says no rush, sleep on it, they’ll talk tomorrow. He and Milton leave.

At the prison, Andrea holds Judith while Carol gives deets on how Shane and Lori died. Then Carol makes me LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER by advising Andrea to have sex with Guv, give him the night of his life, and then when he falls asleep, kill him. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa ha ha! Why, Carol! You vixen! You minx! Then it’s time for Andrea to say farewell. The give her a car; Rick returns her gun, tells her to be careful. In her rearview, she takes a long look at everyone as Merle opens the gate, then heads off. Night has fallen when she returns to Woodbury. She doesn’t bother sneaking in, just drives up to the gate in full view of the guards. She goes to Guv. He asks if Rick sent her back; she says nope, returning was her call. Cuz you belong here, Guv says, and they start making out. Is she doing what Carol suggested? Let us cross our fingers. At the prison, Beth sings. Yay! I dig her voice. And Glenn and Maggie are sitting next to each other and not fighting. Yay! Yesterday’s near-death scare made them realize life is too short, I’m guessing. During the song, Rick holds Judith as he confers with Hershel and Daryl. (Taking Carl’s advice, to some degree?) He tells them that tomorrow he’s going on a supply run. Daryl volunteers to go; Rick says no, hold things down here; he’ll take Carl and Michonne, whom I guess he now officially is no longer planning to run off. Good. Cut to: Guv’s moonlit bedroom, where he lies fast asleep. Naked Andrea stealthily gets out of bed. Gets her knife. Creeps over to Guv’s side of the bed. Raises the knife … and then lowers it and just goes to stare out of the window. Darn. Guess that explains the episode title.

The Walking Dead: Home, 2/17/13

As he looks through binoculars out over the prison yard, Rick sees Michonne … and then Ghost Lori, over by the graves. He runs to her; she disappears. Then he sees her outside the gates. He runs to her, past a very confused Michonne. He approaches. Ghost Lori smiles at him, caresses his face. Back in the yard, a thoroughly baffled Michonne watches from a distance as Rick stands there all alone reaching out to nothing.

At Woodbury, the wall has been repaired, it seems. Somber, well armed guards keep vigilant watch, and there is no one out on the streets. In her room, Andrea hears a knock at the door. It’s Guv. He praises the speech she gave to calm the townspeople. Andrea cuts to the chase, asks if he’ll retaliate against her friends. Guv says no. She says she wants to go see them. He completely ignores that—Seriously. He doesn’t acknowledge it at all.—and he says he’s not fit to lead anymore, asks if she’ll do it, leaves her to think about it. Out in the woods, Daryl and Merle are hunting. Or, trying to, but they’re not finding anything. Daryl suggests they go to the prison. Merle says by now, Guv and his henchmen are probably attacking and killing Rick et al. Then he calmly suggests he and Daryl try their luck at fishing?

In the prison, the group minus Rick stands around discussing prison-defending strategery because, like everybody except Andrea, they know Guv’s coming. Carl shows Glenn on a chalk diagram where he (Carl) found Tyrese’s group. It’s an area they thought was secure. If walkers can get in, Glenn says, it’ll be cake for Guv and his peeps. Beth says maybe he won’t come; Michonne says, um, dude had heads in fishtanks. He’s crazy. He’s coming. Glenn proposes sneaking back into Woodbury and killing Guv. Maggie storms off. Hershel says Rick wouldn’t allow this; Glenn says Rick’s in no condition to be making decisions. (So I guess they’re all well aware of The Madness Of Rick, and are just leaving him to work through it.) Hershel talks Glenn out of the assassination, proposes they leave the prison. Glenn says no, not with Hershel missing a leg and Baby Judith crying all the time. They'll stay at the prison, Glenn says, and defend it. Glenn tells Carl to come with him into the tombs so they can try to find the breach. Michonne volunteers to help; Glenn asks her to stay with the others in case anything happens. So, now that Rick’s mentally AWOL, does she no longer have to leave? Hope so.

Back at Woodbury, Guv visits Milton, asks him to keep an eye on Andrea because he (Guv) is not sure “where her loyalties lie.” OMG STOP SAYING THAT. “Not sure if I can trust her” will do just fine, you pretentious prick. Elsewhere, Andrea asks Karen, one of the armed peeps patrolling the wall, where’s Martinez. Karen will say only that he left. Andrea asks Milton where’s Guv. Milton tries to convince her, quite unconvincingly, that Guv went on a supply run. Andrea stalks off. She knows damn well where he’s gone.

Glenn and Carl return, report that the tombs are overrun. Hershel again brings up deserting the prison. Glenn says no; they’re staying. He’ll take Maggie and drive around to take a look to see where the walkers are coming in. Hershel asks if Glenn thinks Maggie’s up to that. Glenn goes to check on her. She’s just lying on her cot. He asks her what’s wrong. She tells him what Guv did to her, making her take her shirt off, bending her over a table, and all the rest. Glenn asks if he raped her; she says no. Glenn reaches for her; she shoves him and tells him to go away. He does. I’m … not understanding. Is she mad cuz she thinks Glenn would have been disgusted by her if Guv had raped her? Does Glenn feel like she allowed herself to be victimized? #couplestherapy Outside, Carol and Axle are stacking crates and tabletops to hide behind. She shows him how to use a gun. They flirt a wee bit. I cannot approve of this, for we all know that Carol and Daryl are meant to be. For pete’s sake, THEIR NAMES RHYME.

Out in the woods, Daryl and Merle are traipsing along, arguing about which body of water they’re closest to, when Daryl hears a baby. Merle says it’s probably two raccoons having sex. Right. Sure, Merle. They come across some people under attack from walkers, a Latino family, two dudes up on a truck and a lady with A BABY in a car. They (mostly Daryl) help kill the walkers; then Merle starts looking through their stuff, ordering one of the men to “Slow down, beaner.” *sigh* Daryl points his bow at Merle, tells him to get out of the car, tells the men to get in the car and leave. They go. Daryl and Merle have it out. Daryl says he didn’t leave Merle; he went back for him when Merle was left on that roof, but he was gone. And it was Merle’s fault he had to cut his hand off. “You asked for it!” (Somewhere, T Dog is laughing.) Merle says it’s funny that Daryl and Rick are so close given the fact that Daryl and Merle were planning to rob the camp. Daryl says well, it didn’t happen. Merle says only because he wasn’t there to help. Daryl says yep, like when they were kids, “Who left who then?”, and calls Merle a simple-minded piece of shit. (LIKE.) An enraged Merle grabs at him, tears Daryl’s shirt—and becomes very disturbed upon seeing scars on Daryl’s back. 
-- Merle: “I didn’t know he…” 
-- Daryl: “Yeah, he did. He did the same to you. That’s why you left first.” 
-- Merle: “I had to. I would have killed him otherwise.” 
(Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok. I’m theorizing that the Dixon brothers were victims of terrible childhood physical-or-probably-sexual abuse. :( Daryl handled it by becoming an antisocial loner; Merle, by becoming an obnoxious racist loudmouth. Ok, he’s still a gigantic asshat, but I am one degree less mad at Merle for his bigotry. ONE DEGREE.) Daryl says he’s going back to where he belongs. Yay! Merle says, but he (Merle) can’t go with him because he tried to kill “the black bitch” and “the Chinese kid.” Daryl says, “I may be the one walking away, but you’re the one leaving. Again.” He leaves. After a moment, Merle follows.

At the prison, Beth takes Judith to Maggie, and I’m glad to see that baby-cuteness can penetrate Maggie’s mental funk. Outside, Hershel tries to keep Glenn from going off alone, but Glenn goes anyway. Hershel then tries to talk to Rick, calling him over from aimlessly wandering outside the gates. Rick admits he’s been seeing Ghost Lori, and that he saw Ghost Shane back at Woodbury. Hershel asks, was that them on that “phone call,” too? Rick nods, says he knows they’re not real, but it has to mean something, right? Hershel pleads with him to come inside and get some rest. Rick refuses and heads back into the woods. Inside the gates, Axle and Carol stand chatting when, BOOM! Axle falls dead of a bullet to the head. And with that, we bid adieu to the last of the prisoners. Outside the gates, Guv and his henchmen open fire. Maggie runs out with weapons; they return fire, but Guv et al. are better armed. They get everyone pinned down, then drive a truck through the outer gates, leaving them wide open and uncloseable. Inside the truck is a gaggle of walkers. The driver runs off after releasing them into the yard. Note the high degree of asshole-ishness: Guv didn’t want them shot; he wanted them eaten alive. Sure everyone will be dead soon, he and his henchman head out. A shocked Glenn returns, just in time to see Guv drive off. Michonne runs through the outer yard, slicing and beheading the imported walkers. Rick runs out of bullets and is about to be walker food when Merle and Daryl arrive just in time, join in the fight. Making this the first—and probably last—time we’ll ever be glad to see Merle. Glenn drives over to Hershel; he and Michonne get him in the truck; they join Carl, Carol, Maggie, and Beth inside the inner gate. Rick, Daryl, and Merle are stuck outside.

So … did Tyrese’s group leave?

The Walking Dead: The Suicide King, 2/10/13

Merle and Daryl just stand there as the bloodthirsty Woodburyians scream at them to get started committing fratricide already. (My heart is aching for Daryl, but oh how I’m loving seeing Merle brought so low.) Andrea runs up to Guv, his henchman holds her back, she insists that he stop this. He says it’s not up to him because the people have spoken. *eye roll* Guv tells everybody what to do, where to go, and when to be there, but suddenly, decisions aren’t up to him? Daryl’s hands are freed; Guv tells Merle to prove where his loyalties lie and kill Daryl. Zombies are brought out. It’s looking dire. Suddenly, bullets start flying. Rick and Maggie throw smoke grenades, shoot out the lights, and fire into the crowd, taking out Guv’s henchmen (RIP, Haley.) in addition to zombies. Guv looks not the least bit concerned. As terrified Woodburyians run around screaming, Daryl and Merle find Maggie and Rick and slip away—after Daryl beats up a henchman and gets his bow and arrows back. WIN. Merle shows them a way out. Rick says Merle’s not going with them. Merle says now’s not the time for this little spat; he breaks out a section of fence, and the group flees into the night ... probably-not-accidentally leaving the fence open.

Out on the road, wounded Michonne and badly bruised Glenn wait at the car. Daryl, Rick, Maggie, and Merle approach  Merle tried to kill Michonne a few days ago, and beat the almighty shit out of Glenn like an hour ago, so Michonne draws her sword and Glenn pulls his gun, and they both try to send Merle to hell. He hides behind Daryl. Pussy. Rick et al. talk Michonne and Glenn down, inform them that Merle helped them get away. Merle is being super obnoxious and not helping much. He calls Michonne “my Nubian queen here,” tells the others she had two walkers she kept chained up, which is ironic (Get it? Because Michonne is black. Get it? SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL HIM.), and tells her that Guv’s been boning Andrea. “Andrea’s in Woodbury?” asks a shocked Glenn. Michonne tries again to sword Merle's racist ass to death; Rick intervenes. Merle yells a bunch of insults; Ricks knocks him out. YAY RICK.

Back at the prison, the newcomers, Tyrese, Allen, Ben, and Sasha, are making all friendly-like. Hershel patches up a wound on Allen’s leg, Sasha tells Beth little baby Judith is beautiful, Axle (who has FINALLY changed out of his prison jumpsuit!) brings some food, Tyrese relays the group’s difficulties trying to survive out there, and garners a few chuckles when he surmises he’s “the first brother in history to break into prison.” Heh. I like Tyrese. But Hershel warns Tyrese not to get too comfortable, that the decision to let them stay isn’t up to him.

Out on the road, the group is heatedly discussing wtf to do with Merle. Nobody wants him around … so Daryl decides to leave with him. :( Daryl gets his bow and arrows, and the Dixons head off into the woods. Nooooooooo. Come back, Daryl. Dammit. Whatever it is Merle will finally do that will make Daryl leave him, may it happen soon. Ricks tells Michonne they’ll patch up her wounds; then she has to leave. Wait … why? I think Rick’s taking out his anger at Daryl leaving on her. The group drives off, has to stop a short time later to move a truck blocking the road. Glenn opens the truck door; a zombie pops out. (I jump three feet.) Glenn throws it to the ground and stomps its head in. Ha! Gangsta. He’s venting some pent-up rage at Rick not killing Merle after what Merle did/let happen to Maggie. He and Rick argue; Maggie says come on, let’s just get back and talk about it then; Glenn says he’s done talking about it.

At the prison, Tyrese and Allen are carrying Donna’s body outside to bury it; Ben and Sasha follow. They pause for a moment in the yard, and Allen, who's apparently a huge asshole, proposes they try to take the prison. Ben’s all like, hell yeah; Tyrese and Sasha are like, no. Allen’s like, come on; it’s survival of the fittest. Tyrese asks, is he going to bash the baby’s head in with a rock? Allen says let’s do this now before their people get back and make us leave; Tyrese is firmly like, no. I like Tyrese. Elsewhere, Carl confides to Carol that he feels guilty for being mean to Lori; Carol tells him not to think about that. Rick, Glenn, Maggie, and Michonne arrive just then. Carol asks about Daryl; Rick explains he went off with Merle. :( Carl asks about Oscar; Rick says he didn’t make it. Yay, somebody remembered Oscar!

At Woodbury, Milton informs Andrea, who will NEVER realize that Guv is an asshole, that Guv’s holed up in his apartment and won’t come out. Milton and Andrea head to the front gate, where a gaggle of residents are demanding that the henchman let them out. I don’t understand #1 why the henchman don’t just let them leave—Fewer mouths to feed!—or #2 why after finding out that there are not just zombies but also people outside the walls who want to kill them, the residents are suddenly eager to go outside said walls. Everybody in this whole damn town is stupid. Screams interrupt the ruckus; a couple zombies are chewing on a dude. Andrea and a henchman take them out. Bitten dude lies there, suffering. “Do something!” some chick in the crowd says mournfully. Omg, you people are so lame. Kill this dude before he turns, and then go figure out where the zombies came from! Or … just stand around. Guv solves it, walks up and blows bitten dude’s brains out; then stalks off. Andrea follows, tells him he needs to talk to the people; they’re scared and ready to leave. He says let them; she says they won’t last a day. He says they’ve had it too easy with their barbecues and picnics, but that ends now. Andrea reads my mind and tells him not to blame them for the mess he created. Yeah! After all, he was the one putting on the damn bbqs and zombie fight clubs and other such nonsense. He says yeah, but he’s done holding their hands; there’s a war going on and he should have been readying for it. Look, it’s great he finally had this (obvious) realization, but he should deal with the townspeople, dammit. Andrea then asks what Daryl was doing there; Guv says he came for her friends, whom he had locked up and interrogated to find out where they were staying. She asks why he never told her that; he says cuz she’s just a visitor passing through, nothing more. I’m expecting Andrea to get really offended, but she just tells him to stop trying to drive her away. SIGH. Milton enters to say that the townspeople are getting really unruly. Guv refuses to go out there. Pussy. So Andrea calms them down.

 

At the prison, Rick walks right past Tyrese n’ friends,

 says nothing. Beth hands him Judith, mentions that she has Lori’s eyes. Rick holds her and just looks sad. Guess he’s still feeling guilty, like Carl. Later, Beth says to Carol that she doesn’t understand why Daryl left, cuz Merle sounds a jerk. YOU SAID IT, BETH. Carol explains that Daryl has a code he lives by; the word needs men like that. They put Judith into her “crib” (a mail bin lined with clean sheets, “Lil Asskicker” written on the side). Hershel tends to Glenn’s bruises. Maggie stops by for a sec, leaves without speaking. Hershel asks what’s wrong; Glenn doesn’t say. Hershel goes to check on Maggie, after telling Glenn he’s like his (Hershel’s) own son. Awwww. Hershel asks Maggie what’s wrong; she doesn’t say. (If I may put on my therapist hat: I theorize that Glenn’s having trouble dealing with Maggie being [sort of] violated. Mad that he couldn’t protect her, he’s now lashing out. And she’s trying to give him some space and let it blow over. Come on, you crazy-in-love kids! Work it out. For me?) Night falls. Hershel checks Michonne, who’s out like a light. Rick wants to know how soon before she can leave; Hershel says a couple days. Beth asks if Guv will come for them, Maggie says yep, Carol says they’re outnumbered and outgunned, Hershel says they could use some reinforcements. Group meeting! Tyrese offers his hand; Rick doesn’t shake it. Tyrese says his group will get their own food and help defend the prison; Rick says no, they have to leave. The others dissent, Rick says look what happened with Danny Trejo, I mean with Tomas. Hershel pulls Rick aside, tells him he’s wrong on this, and he needs to start trusting people. It looks as if Rick is about to agree to letting the newcomers stay—but then he looks up and sees ... Ghost Lori. He freaks completely the eff out. “No, no, no. Why are you here? I can't help you! Get out!” he screams, brandishing his gun. Tyrese et al. clear out. Hershel et al. just stand there, afraid. Your timing sucks, Ghost Lori.

The Walking Dead: Made To Suffer, 12/2/12

It’s a foggy, rainy day. Random Black Dude is walking through the forest, takes out two zombies, and runs back to his group, two guys and two girls busily killing zombies. Tyreese, the black chick calls him. He tells them he thinks he saw a tower through the trees. Zombies are closing in; the group takes off running. The other girl is bitten. They get to the tower which, it turns out, is a rear entrance section of the prison. The black chick, Sasha, wants to kill the bitten girl, but the dudes are all opposed. They enter the prison.

Back at Woodbury, Andrea looks at a photo of Guv, his wife, and now-a-zombie-daughter Penny. Then she and Guv cuddle for a bit, and she leaves to go help Milton cremate Mr. Coleman. Guv visits Penny. He plays some music (Oh, knock it off with the ineffective music therapy, already.), unlocks the cage door. She runs out, tries to bite him, but she’s straightjacketed, hooded, and chained. He removes the restraints and tries to talk to her, but she has eyes only for the bowl of guts (which I hope are from an animal) on the table, so he re-restrains her and locks her back up. Elsewhere, Maggie and badly beaten Glenn sit on the floor in the room with the zombie he killed. He’s given her his shirt. (I repeat: Glenn is shirtless. *pleased*) He asks her—twice—if Guv raped her, she says no. He tears off the zombie’s arm, breaks the bone in half, and gives a piece of the sharp fragment to Maggie. To use as a weapon, I presume. In his office, Guv tells Merle that he (Guv) plans to kill the group staying in the prison. Merle asks, to move the Woodburyans there? Guv says, nope, just cuz. (Evil son of a bitch.) Guv assures Merle that nothing will happen to Daryl, suggests Merle make Daryl their “inside man.” Then he instructs Merle to take Glenn and Maggie to … I think he said “the screamer pits.” Outside, Michonne shows Rick, Daryl, and Oscar a way in … to a building where Glenn and Maggie are not. Rick, Daryl, and Oscar are annoyed. They decide to split up and go look. Just then, one of Guv’s goons enters. At gunpoint point, Rick demands to know where “our people” are, but the goon is clueless, so they gag him and knock him out.

Back at the prison, Beth sits holding Judith. Axel tells her she’s really good with the baby, asks her how old she is. (Seventeen. Ha! If she hooks up with Carl, she’s totally a cougar.) Carol pulls Axel away, tells her to stay away from Beth. He apologizes, says he didn’t mean any offense, but his options are limited since Maggie’s with Glenn and Carol’s a lesbian, as clearly evinced by her short hair, LOL. She tells him she isn’t, then walks off when he tries to put the moves on her, ha ha. Goofy bastard. He should maybe try shaving that ridiculous mustache and changing out of that prison uniform. (Not that even then he’d be any competition for Daryl.)

Merle and Some Other Guy open the door. Glenn and Maggie rush out with their bone shards and go for the throat. Glenn and Merle fight. Maggie kills Some Other Guy; he fires off a few shots as he dies. (Rick, Daryl, and Oscar hear it.) Merle bests Glenn and is about to slit his throat; Maggie grabs SOG’s gun and makes him back off. “Shoot him!” I scream; then more goons enter and take the gun. Dammit. They put hoods on Glenn and Maggie and are leading them away, presumably to the screaming pits, when Rick, Daryl, and Oscar burst in, throw smoke grenades, grab Glenn and Maggie, and run off. YAY. More shots are fired. Out on the street, Guv bumps into Andrea, who’s heading to the gunfire to investigate. He says don’t worry, it’s probably zombies, he’ll check it out. Just then, knocked-out goon wakes, reports to Guv that “six or seven” armed guys have invaded. Thanks for that unintentional and beneficial exaggeration. Guv calms the frightened Woodburyans, tells them all to go home and lock their doors and wait; he’ll sort everything out. Rick, Daryl, Oscar, Glenn and Maggie hole up in an empty building. Michonne runs off. Glenn tells Daryl that Merle’s here, Merle did this. Maggie tells Rick they told Guv about the prison. Daryl wants to find Merle and talk to him; Rick tells Daryl no, I need you, are you with me? Daryl says yes.

Guv, Andrea, Merle and goons are planning what to do. Which is hunt the invaders down and kill them. Guv asks Andrea to go check on the Woodburyans. She argues that she should be helping hunt the invaders. Guv says just do what I ask. She says ok. I roll my eyes. Michonne sneaks into Guv’s office, unsheaths her sword, and just sits, waiting. Eager to pay him back for sending Merle to kill her, no doubt. Outside, Rick et al. throw smoke grenades, leave the building, draw heavy gunfire, get pinned down. They throw more grenades, make for the wall. Glenn, Oscar, and Maggie make it. Rick and Daryl stay behind to shoot cover fire. Rick hallucinates, through the smoky haze sees Wolverine I mean Shane approaching with a shotgun. “Shane” fires; kills Oscar. DAMMIT. Rick shoots, kills “Shane.” (And just like when Rick killed him the first time, I’m glad.) Rick checks the body to be sure—nope, not Shane. Maggie shoots dead Oscar in the head (Yes. Do him the courtesy of not letting him turn, at least.) and starts screaming for  Rick. Rick joins them. He yells for Daryl.

Nighttime at the prison. Hershel tells Carl Judith’s finally asleep, and there’s at least a month’s worth of formula. Carl says at the end of the week, he’ll go with Carol to look for more. Beth says his Dad and the others’ll be back by then; Carl says they don’t know that. That’s right, Carl. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Suddenly, they hear a scream. It’s from inside the prison, so it can’t be Carol and Axel, who are out in the guard tower. Hershel doesn’t want to let Carl investigate, but Carl says, “My father would go.” Hershel relents. Carl wanders toward the screaming, pausing when he passes the boiler room—Moment of silence.—then finds Tyreese, Sasha, et al. desperately fighting zombies. He shoots one. “Come on!” he screams; they follow. He tells them to leave Bitten Chick; they refuse. *SIGH*

In Guv’s office, Michonne hears thumping and bumping coming from the side room. She investigates, find his heads-in-fishtanks collection. Then she finds straightjacketed, hooded, and chained Penny. She removes the hood, sees that Penny is a zombie, and is about to kill her. “No!” Guv screams. He puts down his gun, begs Michonne not to kill Penny. Michonne swords the little girl through the skull. HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA! (Note: laughing when the already-dead children of evil SOBs are killed is perfectly ok.) Guv screams in fury; he and Michonne fight. It’s intense. They punch, choke, kick, beat, and bite each other. Knock over some of the tanks. Michonne grabs a glass shard and gouges out Guv’s eye. AWESOME. I’ve seen prison brawls less violent than this. Michonne gets her sword and is just about to send Guv to go play with Penny for all eternity when, “No!” Andrea screams. She enters, holding a gun on Michonne. There’s a standoff. Michonne leaves. (Merle is so dead for telling Guv he’d killed Michonne!!!)

Carl leads Tyreese, Sasha, et al. to the outer cell area. By the time they get there, Bitten Chick is dead. Carl starts to shoot her; Tyreese says they take care of their own; he’ll do it. Carl leaves—and Sasha realizes he’s locked them in. She’s angry. Carl says it’s safe from zombies and there’s food and water. Sasha screams at him to let them out. Tyreese tells her to calm down, points out that this situation is better than they’ve had it in weeks. She backs off. “Shouldn’t we help them?” Beth asks Carl. “I did,” he says. Yeah. Man, Carl is such a little bad ass now. Like!

Doctor chick tries to examine Guv; he says no and hobbles to his feet. Andrea asks why he was fighting Michonne; he pretends not to know why she’d want him dead. Andrea asks about the heads; he says he made himself look at them to be reminded of the horrors outside. Andrea asks about Penny; he doesn’t answer. Milton rushes in, asks what happened, Guv says he was attacked. Merle rushes in, says the intruders made it over the wall; he’ll go after them in the morning. Guv glares at him (If looks could kill!!!), but of course with Andrea right there, he can’t say, “You told me Michonne was dead!”

Outside the wall, Rick, Glenn, and Maggie are waiting for Daryl. Michonne arrives. Rick pulls his gun, takes her sword, asks where she went, if she got what she came for. She asks where the others are. Glenn says  Oscar’s dead; Maggie says Daryl’s missing. Rick’s (quietly) ranting; Michone shushes him by pointing out he needs her help, whether to get Glenn and Maggie back to the prison, or to go back in for Daryl. Inside the walls, Woodburyans are gathered in the zombie-fighting arena, awaiting word from Guv. He comes out … and blames the whole thing on Merle, says Merle’s a traitor who led the terrorists to Woodbury. Then he has tied-up Daryl brought out.  He and Andrea see, recognize each other. Guv asks the Woodburyans what to do; they start screaming for blood.

The Walking Dead: When the Dead Come Knocking, 11/25/2012

As tied-to-a-chair Maggie listens in the next room, Merle interrogates tied-to-a-chair Glenn, demands to know where “my little brother” and “the sheriff” are. Glenn refuses to talk. Merle leans in close and repeats his question; Glenn headbutts him. NICE! I mean, you know retribution will be terrible, but you still gloat. Then stop when Merle starts beating the shit out of him. :(

At the prison, Rick stares at Michonne, who stands amongst the zombies outside the fence, staring right back at him. Alas, her blood-and-guts perfume wars off, and the zombies attack. She hobbles back, draws her sword, slices and decapitates a few. Then, exhausted, shot, and bleeding, she passes out. The zombies close in—and Carl shoots them. He throws Rick the gate keys; Rick opens the gate; they run out firing. Rick gets Michonne; Carl gets the formula. Yay! Inside, Rick lays her down, gives her water, asks her name. She doesn’t say. Daryl says they need to come see something. Leaving Michonne locked safely outside the cells, Rick, Beth, Carl, and Hershel follow Daryl … to Carol. Awwwwwwwww. It’s a touching, tear-filled reunion. Dammit, I got a little choked up when Carol realized Lori didn’t make it, and Rick and Carl were crying. Beth hands Carol the baby. (Name her already!) Michonne watches the whole thing. She shows no emotion, of course, but you can totally tell she’s getting good-people vibes, not bad-people vibes like with Guv.

It’s a beautiful day in Woodbury. And I’m getting tired of typing that sentence. Milton knocks on Guv’s door to tell him Mr. Coleman is ready. Andrea is getting dressed. (Where’d she find that cute matching bra and panty set? Oh who am I kidding. If they can run the generators to serve cold drinks on Zombie Fight Day, they can provide Guv’s squeeze with sexy undies.) Guv asks Andrea to help Milton with something. Cut to: Glenn, whose face is baaaaadly beaten. :( I WANT YOU TO DIE, MERLE. Glenn will tell Merle only that the group has been on the road. And that Rick is coming for him and Maggie. You’re damn right, Glenn. And when he does, Woodbury is going to fall harder than Hershel’s farm.

At the prison, Rick tells Michonne they’ll tend to her wound, give her some food and water and send her on her way, but first she’s gotta tell them how she found them, why she showed up with formula. (He calls her “sweetie.” Surprised she didn’t punch him in the face.) She says “a young Asian guy” dropped the formula when he and the girl he was with were taken away by the guy who shot her. I am racking my brain trying to remember if at any point Michonne learned Merle’s name. If she’d just say “His name was Merle and he’s got one hand,” Rick et al. would know who they’re dealing with. Unfortch, she doesn’t want to give any more deets. Rick grabs her bullet wound to make her talk. Shit gets testy, but everyone calms down. Michonne tells them about Woodbury and Guv, whom she refers to as a “Jim Jones type.” HA! Exactly. Hershel sews up her leg. Rick et al. have a conference; it's decided that Rick, Oscar, Daryl, and Michonne are going after Glenn and Maggie. Beth and Axel help Oscar, Michonne, and Daryl load up the car. Michonne asks Beth, wasn’t the prison overrun? Beth says yep, but they cleared it. Michonne shows no emotion, of course, but you can totally tell she’s impressed. Rick and Carl have a heart-to-heart. Rick thanks Carl for what he did with Lori, says he (Rick) knows that wasn’t easy, apologizes for being temporarily out of it. He tells Carl to take care of his sister. Carl says Daryl’s been calling her Ass Kicker; he (Carl) wants to name her Judith, after his third grade teacher. Ugh. I hate that name, but at least the finally baby has one, and she wasn’t named after anybody who was killed. Judith it is.

Andrea and Milton sit with a Mr. Coleman, a very old man who’s about to die of advanced cancer. Milton's been showing Coleman family pictures, asking him a series of raise-your-hand-if-yes questions, playing a certain song over and over. The point of which is to see, once Coleman becomes a zombie, if he’ll retain any memories. I yell, “No!” Then I scream “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” when Merle releases a zombie into the interrgation room with tied-to-a-chair Glenn. Swear to God, I’m this close a heart attack as I watch Glenn desperately kick and push and knock over furniture and fight as best he can. Finally, he frees his arms by slamming back into a wall until the chair falls apart, then ramming a splintered chair arm through the zombie’s skull. Whew. *deep breaths*  My. Heart. Is. Pounding. I WANT YOU TO DIE, MERLE. Cut to: Coleman kicks the bucket; Andrea and Milton strap him to the bed. Outside, Merle reports to Guv that Glenn won’t break. Guv asks if the girl is talking. Merle says he was just about to start questioning her; Guv says he’ll do it. Altogether now: “Uh oh.” He enters. Takes out a knife. Cuts Maggie's hands free. Asks her where her people are. She refuses to say. He tells her to stand up. To take off her shirt. She refuses. He says do it or he’ll bring her Glenn’s hand. She takes off her shirt. He makes her take off her bra; she crosses her arms over her breasts. He stands, approaches with his knife, bends her over the table. Asks her if she’s going to talk. She says, “Do whatever you’re gonna do, and go to hell.” He backs off. Whew!!! Still, though, I WANT YOU TO DIE, GUV.

Rick, Michonne, Oscar, and Daryl park the car, get out. Michonne tells them they're maybe a mile or two away; they should walk from here cuz Guv has armed patrols in the area. As they trek through the woods, Rick thanks Daryl for helping with Carl and Judith while he (Rick) was temporarily out of it. Daryl says simply, “It’s what we do.” They come across a horde of zombies in the woods, too many to fight, and take off running. They hide inside a run-down old shack, upsetting the crazy hermit inside, who tries to go running outside and let the zombies in. Michonne swords him before he can get them all killed. Rick and Daryl throw his body out front; everyone sneaks out the back as the hermit is eaten, and eaten grotesquely.

Cut to: dead Coleman becomes Zombie Coleman. Andrea starts the music. Milton begins asking the raise-your-hand-if-yes questions. Coleman just tries to bite him, struggling against the restraints. Milton thinks Coleman tried to respond, wants to remove the restraints. Andrea says no. Milton does it anyway. Coleman goes for Milton’s throat—and Andrea drives a knife through his skull, killing him. A shaken Milton says he wants to record his findings while they’re still fresh. What effing findings, you bloody numbskull? In the interrogation room, Guv, Merle, and Henchman bring in topless, arms-over-boobs Maggie. Guv pulls out a gun and starts to shoot Glenn; Maggie spills the beans. Says there are ten people in their group, and they cleared out the prison and are staying there. Back in his office with Milton, Merle, and Henchman, Guv is furious. Wants to know how such a small number of people could take the prison, deep in the red (i.e., zombie-filled) zone, when Merle had assured Guv it couldn’t be done. (Oh, just wait til you find out he lied about killing Michone!) Guv asks Merle where his loyalties lie. “Here,” Merle assures him (… but I don’t believe that. I don’t think Merle would choose Guv over Daryl. Or maybe I’m wrong, and he will, forcing Daryl to kill him. YAY!) Guv instructs Milton and Henchman to take a small group and scout the prison.

Outside, Daryl, Rick, Oscar, and Michonne scout the walls. I’m pretty sure that Woodbury has seen its last beautiful day.