The Walking Dead: Better Angels, 3/11/2012

After Rick’s touching eulogy during the funeral (during which Daryl was staring rather fixedly at Carol. Omg, they are so going to get it on.) for Dale, Theodore (I’m still refusing to call him T-Dog, sorry.), Andrea, Daryl, and Shane zoom around Doc’s land in a truck, checking the fences, looking for any more zombs that have wandered onto the property. They come across a small group—Herd? pride? cluster? Oooh, yes. Cluster.—cluster of zombs in a field feeding on a cow and enthusiastically dispatch them with bow and arrow, shovel, hammer, and pitchfork. Hell yes.

Cold weather’s moving in; Rick and peeps are moving into the farmhouse. Thank god it’s so big, as there will be 14 people under one roof. Rick’s instructing everyone on where to go and what to do; Doc’s stocking the basement with a few days’ supply of food and water. (And at some point, I hope they run through a few In Case of Zomb Attack Drills.) Shane’s mad cuz Rick’s not going to kill Randall; Rick tells him to get over it. Later, Carl gives Shane the gun he (Carl) stole from Daryl and confesses that Dale would probably be alive if he (Carl) hadn’t royally botched killing that zomb. “I was gonna do it! Shoot it right in the head,” he insists. Poor kid, the guilt’s really eating at him. Shane tells him that what happened was not his fault (I say again: I’ve always liked Shane for not taking out his frustrations with Rick and Lori on Carl.), and that he needs to keep the gun. Carl says he’s never touching another gun again, give it back to Daryl.

Domestic stuff: Maggie invites Glenn to put his stuff in her room, but he’s entirely uncomfortable with that with her Dad around. Heh. Doc tells Lori she and Carl can have his bed; he’ll sleep on the couch; she’s all, oh no, this is your house; he’s all, but you’re preggo; Theodore’s all, if y’all can’t decide, I’ll take it. LOL. Take the damn bed, Lori.

Lori has a chat with Shane, tells him she’s so sorry for how everything turned out, that she doesn’t even know whose baby she’s carrying, that she’s so grateful that he kept her and Carl safe when Rick was presumed dead, and she’s just so, so, sorry. The look on Shane’s face as she walks away is … hard to read. Daryl and Rick consult a map, discuss where they’re going to drop Randall. Rick thanks Daryl for mercy-killing Dale, then asks him if he’s ok with abandoning instead of killing Randall. Daryl pointedly answers, “I don’t see you and I trading haymakers on the side of the road.” LOL. I had to translate that for the friend I was watching with. A “haymaker” is southern slang for a punch. (Thank you, redneck upbringing.) In other words, Daryl answered, “Dude, yes. We’re not about to beat the shit out of each other over it, the way you and Shane did.” LOL. Daryl leaves; Shane approaches, tells Rick about Carl’s brush with the Dale-killing zomb, suggests he talk to Carl about it. Rick says they can talk after Randall’s been taken care of. Shane volunteers to go with Daryl to drop Randall off. Rick, who knows damn well that’ll end with Daryl unconscious, Randall dead, and Shane telling a whopper of a lie about what happened, passes on that. Shane gives Rick the gun Carl gave him, complains that taking care of Randall is more important to Rick than Rick’s own son, and storms off. When the hell DOESN’T Shane storm off? Really. Have you noticed that? He’s, like, almost incapable of calmly walking away. At the RV, Andrea and Glenn share a touching I-really-miss-Dale moment. *sad* I almost start crying right along with Glenn. At the farmhouse, Rick passes Beth and Jimmy, boarding up the farmhouse windows, on his way to find Carl, sitting with binoculars in the barn, keeping watch. He tells Carl that Dale’s death wasn’t his fault, that people are going to die and Carl has to be able to defend himself, that it’s no-more-kid-stuff time, and Carl needs to take the gun. Carl takes it.


Oh, whaddya know. Shane played Rick like a fiddle. That whole “Randall’s more important to you than Carl” bit was just to get Rick to delay taking Randall away. Shane sneaks into the shed where Randall sits chained and blindfolded. Shane just stares at him for several seconds. You know he’s ITCHING to kill him, but doesn’t want to upset the peace. He wants to do it so badly he actually beats himself in the head a couple of times—which is actually rather disturbing to see. It’s like he’s gone completely nutso.—then makes up his mind to just effing do it. He unchains Randall and leads him into the forest, telling him that he wants to join up with Randall and his people. The second Randall relaxes, lets his guard down, and turns his back, SNAP! Shane breaks his neck. I’m not the least bit upset about Randall, whom I’m convinced was a bad guy, but how the eff is Shane going to explain this? Oh. Shane answers my question by running facefirst into a tree, bloodying his nose. It’s going to be the old “He sneaked up behind me” ploy. So, Theodore finds Randall gone, raises the alarm, bloody Shane comes rushing from the woods and says Randall sneaked up on him and got his gun, Rick orders Shane, Daryl, and Glenn to come with him and everybody else into the house. Rick and Shane go one direction, Daryl and Glenn another. At the farmhouse, Carl’s looking out of a window with his binoculars. He doesn’t have a clear view of much, just some random field. In the woods, Daryl can’t pick up Randall’s trail in the wild goose chase direction which Shane sent them, so he and Glenn circle back around, find the real trail, follow it, find footprints … Shane’s blood on a tree … Randall’s blindfold … and then Zomb Randall. AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!! Glenn takes him out with a machete to the skull. “Nice,” Daryl says admiringly. But, wait a minute. If Daryl and Glenn found the kill spot, then where the hell’s Shane taking Rick? OH MY GOD. At this moment it dawns on me: this whole thing was an elaborate ruse for Shane to get Rick alone … because he’s going to kill him. Oh no! Daryl and Glenn examine Randall's body; Daryl doesn’t see any bites, says Randall died from a broken neck. Then … how did he zombify? He and Glenn realize together that it must be automatic. You don’t have to be bitten. You die; you turn into a zomb.

Elsewhere in the forest, Shane and Rick enter a field. The rear of the farmhouse is kinda far away, but clearly visible. Shane drops the looking-for-Randall charade. Rick doesn’t even really look all that surprised. :( Rick says there’s no way anybody will believe whatever lie he tells. Shane says he’ll just say Randall shot Rick; then Shane snapped Randall's neck. It’s totally believable; plus, Lori and Carl got over Rick’s death once; they can do it again. Rick asks why. Shane says because he’s a better father than Rick, and he’s better for Lori than Rick, and he’s a better man than Rick. Rick just lets him yell, then holds his gun out butt first, offers it to Shane. He says nothing has happened, they can walk back to the farm together, and while talking he inches closer and closer to Shane. To hand Shane his gun, right? Nope, to grab a knife and stab Shane through the heart. BOOM! Shane’s gun discharges as Rick knifes him. Rick lowers him to the ground. Shane dies quickly. (Nice knife skills, Rick.) Distraught and crying, Rick just sits there beside the body. The body which, we’re shown, is already beginning the zombification process. GET AWAY FROM IT, RICK.

Suddenly, Carl is there. Oh, they’re in that field he could see in his binocs. (I know, I know. How the hell does he keep sneaking out of the house? Well, clearly, Carl long ago mastered the art of giving Lori the slip.) “Dad?” asks a shaken Carl. Rick gets up and approaches him. Carl pulls out the gun and points it at Rick. Rick, naturally, assumes Carl’s mad that Rick killed Shane, tries to explain. Rick doesn’t see Zomb Shane behind him, getting up and shambling toward them. Carl does what he could not do to the Dale-killing zomb. BOOM! He shoots Zomb Shane right in the forehead. Oh, yay woot cheerio high five way to go atta boy bravo and nicely done, Carl! Good thing Rick made him take that gun. Out in the woods, all the zombs wandering around head toward in the direction of all the noise. Carl and Rick slowly approach Zomb Shane to make sure he’s dead (and, I hope, to get those two guns). They don’t notice the horde of zombs pouring in from the woods at the edge of the field.

Discussion:
- Was Shane’s heart in the right place? Maybe. He truly thought Rick’s alleged weakness was going to get Lori and Carl killed, and that he could better protect them. But YES OF COURSE he was wrong for wanting to kill Rick, so I won’t be shedding any tears for him.
- Wonder at which point Rick decided to kill Shane. When he first realized Shane’s intention was to kill him? Or was it realizing that Shane would never stop believing Rick wasn’t man enough to protect Lori and Carl?
- Sophia, Otis, Dale, Shane—gosh, the numbers sure are dwindling. :( Glenn/Daryl need to get over their hang-ups and have massive amounts of hot sex with Maggie/Carol. Such moments are precious.
- Carl. *wipes tear* The boy has become a man.

The Walking Dead: Executioner, 2/4/2012

After the “This program contains violent content which may be too intense for some viewers” warning, we open with Daryl enthusiastically beating the living hell out of a bloody Randall, lol. And kicking him, stomping him, and digging a knife into his leg wound. Sorry, but I cheer Daryl on through all of it. First of all, I don’t trust Randall as far as I can throw him, and second, Daryl really needs to release some of that pent-up Sophia aggression. Anyway, he gets Randall to reveal that he’s with a group of about 30 people and that they are very well armed. Then Randall, for reasons known only to him, feels the need to share that once several of the guys came across a father and his teenage daughters, and they gang-raped the girls and made the father watch. Omg. :( But, Randall hastily assures Daryl, he didn’t participate, and he’s not like that. (Yeah right.) Daryl gets in a few more blows (with my blessing), then reports back to the group.

That’s all Rick needs to hear. He says Randall will be killed. Dale is adamantly steadfastly and unwaveringly opposed, begs Rick to give him a day to talk to everybody. Rick gives him til sundown. Dale finds Andrea, asks her to keep watch over Randall, appeals to her judicious nature, since she’s an attorney. She agrees. Shane ambles up to her as she keeps guard and proposes a cockamamie plan to wrest control from Rick and Doc. It sounds really stupid. Anyway, while they chat, Carl sneaks into the barn to see Randall. Randall begs Carl to help him, promises Carl that Randall and his friends will take good care of Carl and his parents. As Randall is pleading, Carl keeps inching closer to him. NO, CARL. Randall may be chained up, but you always stay well out of grabbing, kicking, reaching, and spitting distance. Oh—and see? Randall totally lunges for Carl! Nothing happens cuz he’s securely chained, but RANDALL IS EVIL. Mark my words, Anyway, Shane bursts in, shoves a gun in Randall’s face. Andrea talks him down. Shane drags Carl outside. Carl’s all, “Don’t tell my parents.” Shane’s all, “Quit trying to get yourself killed.” Yeah, Carl. Jeez.

Dale approaches Daryl. Daryl’s annoyed to see him, says he moved from camp to get away from everybody, and he doesn’t care about Randall. Dale insists Daryl does care because he’s a decent man. And so is Rick. Shane, not so much. “Why’s that?” Daryl asks. “Because he killed Otis?” Dale looks shocked that Daryl knows this; Daryl explains that he quickly put two and two together based on Shane’s lame ass Otis-died-so-I-could live story and on the fact that Shane had Otis’s gun … and Rick didn’t figure it out because he didn’t want to. (Gosh. Interesting. I kind of want to dedicate an entire recap to “Did Rick Know?”)

Lori finds Rick in the barn hanging a noose. (Wait—time out. Time the hell out. HANGING A NOOSE? Haaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha hahaaaaaha ha ha ha ha! I shouldn’t be laughing, since I’m black, but lololololLOLOLOLOLlol rofl waffle! What the crap? Why the hell is he going to hang Randall? Just shoot him in the damn head! Is Rick in the KKK?) Lori asks Rick to talk to Doc about letting everybody stay in the farmhouse; the nights are starting to get cold. Then she asks, “Is that really the best way to do this? String him up?” (Thank you, Lori!) Rick says he doesn’t know, asks her if she supports he decision; she says yes, if he thinks it’s best, then wants to know what happened between him and Shane. Rick says Shane won’t be a problem anymore. (Yeah right.) Carol finds Carl sitting beside Sophia’s grave, tells him that they’ll see Sophia again one day in heaven. Carl says believing in heaven is stupid and stomps off. Carl tells Rick and Lori that Carl mouthed off to her. Rick lectures him about thinking before he talks.

Dale next approaches Doc to discuss Saving Private Randall. Doc and his peeps’ve got their hands full repairing a hole in the fence and catching the cattle that escaped through it, but Doc takes a few minutes to make it clear to Dale that he’s leaving the matter to Rick. “I want [Randall] away from my girls. I don’t care how,” he says. Oh so very agreed, Doc! Next up: Shane, who is surprisingly way less of a jerk about it than I was expecting. Shane says if the group decides to let Randall live, he’ll say nary a word. But of course, Shane probably knows that’s not the way it’s going to go.

In the farmhouse, Glenn drops by to ask Doc how Beth is doing. Doc says she’s in good spirits, then does something really sweet. He gives Glenn a watch that belonged to Doc’s grandfather and says, “No man is good enough for your little girl—until one is.” AWWWWWWW! No lie, I got a little misty-eyed. We’ve come a very long way from Doc referring to Glenn as “the Asian boy.” Oooooh, this calls for a celebrity-style coupling of Maggie’s and Glenn’s names! Glenngie. No. Magglenn. No. Glagglie. Megglie. Um, never mind.

Carl is wandering around, comes across Daryl’s (Merle’s) motorcycle. He finds a gun in the saddlebag thingy and, probably looking for some squirrels to shoot, heads off into the woods … where he finds a way more satisfying target: a skinny, shirtless zomb. He starts to run away, then realizes it’s stuck in the mud. Carl decides to have some fun. (And I know we were all yelling the tv, but honestly. This is so what a kid his age would do!) First, he just watches it. Then he throws rocks at it. Observation: his aim isn’t that great. Then, he runs around it, teasing it. At last, he pulls out the pilfered gun to shoot it—but repeats the same dumb thing he did with Randall and inches closer and closer. Suddenly, the zomb yanks a leg free and, just like Randall, lunges for him. It knocks the gun out of his hand and knocks him down. I scream. Fortunately, its other leg is still stuck; Carl manages to kick its groping hands away and get free. He runs back to the farmhouse.

It’s sundown. Time for the Meeting to Determine What to Do. I’ll summarize the proceedings: Everybody except Dale wants Randall dead. Well, at first, but then Dale manages to convince Andrea. However, they are outnumbered. Dale, with tears in his eyes—Seriously. That was some great acting. I felt really sorry for him.—says he won’t be a party to it and leaves. Daryl, Rick, and Shane march a bound Randall into the barn. Shane blindfolds him, Daryl makes him get on his knees, Rick pulls out his gun. (Oh, thank god they’re not hanging him!) Rick’s taking aim as Randall pleads for his life. Then Carl enters. DAMMIT, CARL. “Do it, Dad,” he says eagerly. Rick lowers his gun and tells Daryl to take Randall away, to the supreme annoyance of Shane. Rick announces to everyone that Randall will be kept alive, for now. Rick later tells Lori that he just couldn’t do it, not while Carl was watching. “It’s ok,” she assures him. (I’m cool with Rick not being a monster who kills people as his young son watches. Maybe Doc’s got some poison on the farm somewhere they can lace Randall’s food with later.)

As Dale walks along, he comes across a gutted cow in the field—and the zomb that’s eating it. AAARRRRGGGHHH! It knocks him down as he yells in terror; he drops his rifle and can’t get to it as he struggles to hold the snapping zomb at bay. Hearing his yells, the others come running, but they don’t get to him before the zomb tears Dale’s stomach open like it did the cow’s. :( :( :( Daryl tackles the zomb and knifes it through the skull. (Nice.) Carl recognizes it: the skinny, shirtless zomb he left partially stuck in the mud. He runs to Lori, crying. Doc takes one quick look at Dale’s mangled midsection and says nothing can be done. :( :( :( Dale’s lying there, gurgling and suffering; the decision is made to put him out of his misery. Rick pulls out his gun, but then guess who takes it to mercifully deliver the kill shot? Mr. I Don’t Care About Y’all Daryl. “Sorry, brother,” he says, and, BOOM! :( :( :(

THIS IS YOUR FAULT, CARL. Ok, it isn’t really, but if he’d just shot the damn zomb instead of playing with it, Dale’d be alive. Then again, if Doc had done a better job of keeping his cattle corralled, that would’ve helped too. Heh.

RIP, Dale Horvath. *moment of silence*

The Walking Dead: 18 Miles Out, 2/26/12

We open with a horde of zombs exiting a window to chase weaponless Shane who barricades himself inside a school bus, some tied-up dude crawling on the ground toward a knife, and Rick in a dumpster.


I guess that will be explained later. So, Rick and Shane are driving along; Rick stops the car, asks about Otis. Shane admits he killed Otis to stay alive. Rick, thankfully, doesn’t launch into a lecture about right and wrong; he goes to the meat o’ the matter and asks Shane if Shane thinks that he (Rick) wouldn’t have killed Otis? Shane says no. Rick asks does Shane think he can’t keep Carl and Lori safe? Shane says he never said that. (SHANE IS A LIE TELLER.) It’s just that Rick can’t be the good guy and expect to survive. Rick tells him he (Rick) is not the good guy anymore, that it took everything he had to keep from hurting Shane when Rick found out about him and Lori, that he will stay alive to protect his family, that Shane doesn’t love Lori, and Shane better cease and desist all dangerous, mutinous behavior. Can Shane agree to all that? Shane says he wants Rick to know he never looked at Lori before*, and if he could take it all back, he would. Wtf, Shane? Is that a yes or a no? Rick checks on a bound, hooded, earphoned, and gagged Randall in the trunk of the car.

(*Oh, bullshit. Just last episode, Shane told Lori what they had “was a long time coming,” [to which she immediately shot back, “It was NOT!”], so again, SHANE IS A LIE TELLER.)

In the kitchen, Maggie tells Lori about her Glenn problems. Lori tells her Glenn is a big boy and he can make his own choices and she doesn’t have anything to apologize for, and tell Glenn to man up and pull himself together. Two thumbs up to all of that. Lori takes a tray of food to Beth so Maggie can go talk to Glenn. She drops off the tray, tells Beth to eat up then they’ll go for a walk. Beth, instead, wants to discuss what I’ve been yelling since Lori first peed on a stick: “You’re pregnant? How could you do that?” Lori answers, “I don’t have much of a choice.” No, dammit! She’s not asking why you’re having the baby; she’s asking why you were dumb enough to get knocked up in the first place! (See: Maggie, who waited until she had condoms!)

Shane and Rick find a good place to drop Randall off. They scavenge for supplies after using knives instead of guns to take out two zombs, a tactic Rick wants to start using as much as possible. As Rick siphons gasoline, Shane comments that he doesn’t see any bites on the two dead zombs. Rick says they must’ve been infected through scratches. (I’m assuming that bit of info will come back in a major way later.)

Lori checks on Beth, finds her crying about how pointless it all is. Lori pep talks; Beth thanks her. But that “thank you” had more of an stfu feel to it to me. Lori takes the tray to the kitchen, realizes the knife is missing, and rushes back to get it from Beth, who’s hiding it under the covers. Lori runs to go ask Andrea to find Maggie or Herschel, then hurries back to the house. I would’ve just waited for somebody to happen by, not left Beth alone in a house with a kitchen full of knives.

Shane and Rick take a bound, hooded, earphoned, and gagged Randall out of the trunk of the car, remove the hood, phones, and gag, leave him a knife, and walk away. Randall starts begging them not to leave him alone … and he will not stfu. FAIL. He should wriggle his trussed ass over to the knife, free himself, and get about the business of surviving, not sit there helpless and tied up and screaming loudly enough to attract all zombs within a three-mile radius. Idiot. But it kind of works, cuz one of the many things he yells is that he went to school with Maggie. Shane and Rick freeze. Well hell’s bells, that means he knows where she lives and where the farm is. All their can’t-find-his-way-back precautions were for naught. Shane whips out his gun and BOOM tries to kill Randall, but Rick knocks the shot off target. “Not now!” Rick yells. So of course Shane says this is yet another example of Rick trying to be the good guy instead of doing what’s smartest for his family. And he can’t keep them safe. Rick loses it and throws a punch; he and Shane brawl. Like, intensely brawl. Shane even tips a motorcycle over onto Rick, lol. But they accomplish nothing more than disarming and bloodying each other. Shane throws a wrench at Rick; he misses spectacularly and it goes through a window with a mighty crash—and suddenly we’re at the opening scene. Zombs come pouring out and give chase. Rick kills one and hides under it. A zomb notices wriggling Randall and approaches; he cuts his legs free just in time, stomps on it and breaks its arm to slow it down, gets his hands free, then knifes it to death. Impressive. Rick manages to get to his gun and kill three zombs who fall on top of him, the last one by shooting through the head of the first one. Ha! That's like that scene in The Last Crusade, when Indy kills like five Nazis by shooting just one bullet.

In the kitchen, as they listen to Maggie and Beth yell at each other, Andrea and Lori also argue. Andrea says that Lori taking the knife from Beth was wrong, just as it was wrong when Dale took her gun from her. GET OVER IT ALREADY, ANDREA. But then I’m Team Andrea when Lori makes me want to punch her in the face telling Andrea that instead of helping the men defend the farm, Andrea should be helping with all the chores. (Say it with me, ladies: WTF?!???) They have it out. Lori says that Andrea refusing to help with chores means more work for the rest of the girls. Andrea says defense is more important than clean clothes. (Um, YES.) Lori says sitting on top of the RV working on her tan isn’t contributing much. Andrea say she’s on walker watch up there, bitch (Ok, I addded that "bitch."), and Lori needs to stfu because all the rest of them have lost people, but Lori’s husband and son both came back from the dead, and now she’s got a baby on the way to boot, so her head is clearly in the clouds. And then she storms off. Disappointing. I wanted them to have a Rick/Shane-style brawl right there in the kitchen and Andrea to kick Lori’s skinny ass. In the bedroom, Beth tells Maggie that there’s no point to living, that eventually the farm will be overrun and nobody will protect them, that they should kill themselves together. Tonight. Andrea knocks, volunteers to sit with Beth so Maggie can get some rest. Soon as Maggie leaves, Andrea leaves. Soon as Andrea leaves, Beth goes to the bathroom, locks the door, breaks the mirror, slits a wrist. Lori and Maggie break in, find her bleeding. Later, Andrea hears Beth tried to off herself, comes running up to the house, asks Maggie if Beth’s ok. Maggie says she’ll live; the cuts weren’t deep. A satisfied Andrea says that means Beth made her choice and wants to live. A furious Maggie orders Andrea away and tells her never to enter the farmhouse again. Andrea leaves. Lori surprises me and sticks up for Andrea, says that what Andrea did was extreme but at least now Beth has decided not to kill herself.

Rick and Randall find each other; through the bus windows, Shane sees them leave. He should be glad, right? I mean, since Rick’s finally doing the right thing and saving himself instead of risking his life to save other people, and all. Just kidding; Rick ain’t leaving. He and Randall go get the car. Randall driving, Rick shooting, they come speeding through guns-ablazing, firing on the zomb horde. Shane runs out the back of the bus and jumps in the car window, and they're off. Later, Shane and Rick stop the car to put a re-bound, re-hooded, re-earphoned, re-gagged Randall back in the trunk, have a chat. Rick says, “If you want to kill me, you’re going to have to do better than a ranch.” (I didn’t exaggerate. He said “ranch” instead of “wrench.”) He says he probably will end up having to kill Randall, but he wants a night to think about it. He repeats that it’s his wife, his son, his baby, and Shane is going to have to follow his lead. Shane AGAIN doesn’t say yea or nay, but he takes the gun Rick’s offering, and they head on down the road.

(Random: check out Jon Bernthal [Shane] in a 2002 episode of Law & Order. Nice guns, Jon.)

The Walking Dead: Triggerfinger, 2/19/12

The car lies on its side; Lori’s inside bleeding and unconscious. A zombie is trying desperately to get at her; she comes to to find it shoving its face through a hole in the windshield. Ugh, what a crappy thing to wake up to. In the bar, Glenn, Doc, and Rick stand over dead Dave and Tony. Rick asks the other two if they’re ok. Glenn wheezes out a gaspy “Yes.” Doc takes longer to answer. Because Rick’s asking him something different. Doc was so anti-violent he was keeping zombs alive, but Rick just had to kill two people. So … is he ok with this? After a long pause, Doc nods. Damn right he nods. Dave and Tony had it coming. Plus, Doc ain’t the same guy he was pre-barn massacre. They’re about to head back to the farm when a truck pulls up. Dave and Tony’s three friends, looking for them. Dave and Tony’s three well-armed friends. Uh oh. Rick, Glenn, and Doc hide.

Windshield zomb wriggles an arm through and grabs Lori; she snatches up a screwdriver and spears him through the eye. Nice. She gets out of the car and is instantly attacked by the zomb she hit with the car. She clocks him with a hubcap (Remember, everyone. When you’re gunless, ANYTHING handy can be a weapon.), then gets her gun and blows him away. This is pretty much the most badassful we’ve ever seen Lori be. *applauding* Back at the farmhouse, it’s dinner time. Everyone’s worried that Rick et al. aren’t back from town. They realize Lori’s missing and begin looking for her.

In town, the men search for several minutes. Oh, whaddya know! One of them is black. Then one says, “We’re looking for Dave and Tony; no one checks the damn bar?!??” LOL. The door starts to open; Glenn shoves it closed. I’ll summarize the ensuing convo:
- Men: Who’s in there? We’re just looking for our friends.
- Rick: I sent them to hell. But they made me do it, sorry. No go away.
- Men: Wtf?
- Rick: Really, guys. They made me. You know, a wise man once said—
BAM! The shooting starts.

Carol goes to check with Daryl about Lori. He says Lori asked him to go get Rick et al. but he said no, so she probably went after them herself. Carol reports this to the group; Shane hops in a car (How many cars does Doc have??????) and tears off after her. He finds the wrecked car, no Lori. In the bar, Rick tells Doc to cover Glenn while Glenn makes a run for the car, then bemoans the fact that Doc didn’t participate in any of the gun training. Doc’s all, “I can shoot; I just don’t like to.” Gosh, he’s a closet drinker, a closet gunslinger—why, we hardly know ye, Hershel. Glenn starts to sneak out the back. BAM! The black guy shoots at him; he goes down. (OH MY GOD NO IS HE DEAD DON’T DO THIS TO ME I LOVE GLENN NO NO NOOOOOOO!) BAM! Doc shoots; the black guy goes down, wounded and yelling in pain. Glenn isn’t moving. I feel like I can’t breathe. Rick runs out to check on him; FINALLY we see that Glenn’s ok. WHEW! He just temporarily froze. Rick pep talks him back into action; they start for the car. BAM! One of the guys is on the roof across the way, shooting at them. Just then, the third guy comes speeding up in the truck, yells up to Roof Guy that there are too many zombs about and they have to leave now. “What about Sean?” Roof Guy asks. Truck Guy says Sean got shot; it can’t be helped; we gotta go; jump! Personally, I would have told Truck Guy he darn well can wait seven seconds while I safely climb down, but Roof Guy foolishly decides to go for it. He jumps—and lands with his lower leg impaled on an iron fence post. OUCH. Truck Guy is all, “I gotta go! I’m sorry!” and speeds away.

(Time out. Damn! That was cold. I’m not knocking Truck Guy’s sense of self preservation. But I like to think that I, since at that second there weren’t any zombs around, would have helped my wounded friends in the truck or, if they were beyond helping, at least been kind enough to shoot them in the head, not leave them to be eaten alive. Time back in.)

Zombs fall upon Sean and begin to devour him as he screams. Well, there you have it, people. Definitive proof that no minorities are allowed on this show other than Glenn and Theodore, LOL. (Fingers crossed, though, that that applied only to males, and a tough hot black chick will be introduced for Theodore. Heh heh.) Glenn and Doc want to leave, but Rick wants to save Roof Guy who, it turns out, is just a kid. Glenn, mad cuz he was shooting at them, wants to leave him; Doc says he can’t be saved and proposes "putting him down." Spoken like a true veterinarian, lol. Rick wants Doc to amputate the leg below the knee so they can take him with them. Doc begrudgingly agrees and tries to get started, but there are simply too many zombs approaching too fast. Rick grabs the kid’s impaled leg and tears it off the post. OUCH.

Shane finds Lori walking toward town. He tries to get her to go back to the farm; she refuses. She wants to go get Rick. Shane tells her a whopper and says that Rick et al. made it back safely. Relieved to hear this, Lori gets in the car with him. Though she should have known that wasn’t true because it would have been Rick who came after her. Carol goes to check on Daryl. “I’m not going to let you pull away,” she tells him. And she means it, too. Despite the harsh stuff he screams at her, she simply stands there and lets him rant and rave. She doesn’t even back down when he acts like he’s going to hit her. #1 Because she’s quite used to getting beatings, thanks to her thankfully now-deceased husband, and #2 because she knows Daryl’s not a woman beater; he’s just really, really hurt about Sophia. (Was I the only one who totally wanted them to start making out?) Shane and Lori arrive, and of course she finds out within two seconds that he lied. He says he did it to protect her and the baby. Everyone’s stunned to hear that last bit. “You’re having a baby?” asks an incredulous Carl. Then he’s confused cuz he doesn’t know where babies come from, and looks at Dale. “Don’t look at me; that’s your father’s job,” Dale says. LOL. Then Carl’s excited at the prospect of being a big brother. Then he wants to know if the baby’s a girl can they name her Sophia. (Um, no.) Shane asks to talk to Lori alone, tells her again he had to lie to get her back to the farm. She’s mad cuz he lied about this and still mad that he told her Rick had died. (In Shane’s defense, the chances that Rick had survived were like one in a million billion trillion, so I’m going to give him a pass on that.) She asks him what happened with Otis. He says what happened happened because he loves her and Carl. She says she told Rick that she and Shane were getting it on while they thought he was dead, but it was a mistake. He says it was NOT a mistake, dammit, and it was real.

The next morning, Maggie and Andrea share a tender moment over a still-in-shock Beth; then Andrea, Theodore, Shane, and Daryl start to load up to go into town to look for Rick, Glenn, and Doc. Daryl? I guess Carol’s efforts worked. Dale tries to dissuade Andrea from going because Shane can’t be trusted; she says Shane’s done more to keep the group alive than Rick; Dale begs to differ. Instead of dropping the occasional hint to this person and that person, Dale needs to create a Powerpoint presentation of why Shane is a dastardly and shady character, sit the group down, and make them watch it. Rick et al. return just then. YAY! Lori and Carl run to Rick as Shane watches jealously. Maggie runs to her father—no wait, to Glenn, LOL, and bearhugs him. But he’s distant and pushes her away. There’s a meeting later over whether or not they should have brought the kid, Randall, back with them. Rick says it wouldn’t have been right to leave him, and once his leg has healed they’ll take him back to town and let him rejoin his people. Andrea says he might lead his people back to the farm. Rick says he was blindfolded the whole way and wouldn’t know how to get back. Shane expreses his opposition with customary obnoxious grandstanding and sarcasm; Doc tells Shane he wanted him gone after the barn massacre but Rick talked him out of it, but if Shane’s going to stay, he better stfu. Shane storms off. Carol approaches Daryl; he storms off. Maggie asks Glenn can they talk; you know he’s wishing he were enough of an asshole to just storm off. She asks him what’s wrong. He said that back in town when he was getting shot at, all he could think about was how sad she’d be if he got killed, so he hid to stay alive. She tries to hug him, but he’s all, no, that’s a bad thing because Rick and Doc needed him but all he could think about was himself. And then he walks away. Awwww, poor Glenn. Dude just does not know how to handle love. Sucks that he has to figure it out during the zombie apocalypse. Maybe Rick can give him some pointers.

Doc gives Beth a sedative. Maggie yells at him cuz he was out drinking. “That was the least of my worries,” he says, and I totally LOL, because, um, yeah. Elsewhere, Shane gives Andrea some badly needed advice, telling him he sometimes might want to think about softening his approach. Saying they should stop looking for Sophia, killing the barn zombs, lying to Lori—all the right things to do, it’s just that he went about them in entirely too douchebag a manner. Shane just growls that he should’ve left with her when he had the chance. I wish he’d just go, but I guess he’s not going anywhere now since Lori’s having his baby.

In their tent, Lori tells Rick that Shane thinks the baby’s his, but “No matter what, it’s yours.” I guess that means that it’s Shane’s, but she prefers it to be Rick’s, so she’s just going to pronounce it Rick’s. Which is stupid and unfair, but whatever. Rick says Shane will accept that, but Lori says no he won’t and Rick’s going to have to make him accept it because he won’t listen to her. She tells Rick that Shane killed Otis. And not just to save Carl, either, but because he loves her. She says Shane thinks she and the baby belong to him, that Rick can’t protect them, that Shane is dangerous. The look on Rick’s face is … intense.