Food Network Star, 7/24/11

Ina Garten. Ugh. Not a fan. I mean, her food is good, but she herself comes across as pretty stuck-up. “Make sure you use GOOD olive oil.” “Make sure you use GOOD cheese.” Ina, honestly. I don’t need you to constantly remind me that your food requires the pretentious brand. Can Ina Garten’s polar opposite, the non-pretentious, entirely approachable Sandra Lee, guest host an episode please?

Congrats to Jyll and Mary Beth for making a yummy cupcake. Enjoy it, girls, cuz I’m still getting not-going-to-win-it vibes from both of you. And points to Suzie and Jeff for trying a savory cupcake, even if Suzie’s was ruined by the sprinkles added “for elegancy” and Jeff’s wasn’t that great. I maintain that Jeff has the best concept.

The insatiably greedy 572-lb man who lives inside me almost wept with joy at hearing Vic say “lasagna inside of a tortilla, deep fried with more cheese on it.” Lasagna + a chimichanga? *drool* Those high falutin, snobby dishes on Top Chef can bow the hell down before … The LaChanga!!! So SCREW YOU, BOBBY FLAY, and your “I don’t wanna eat a tortilla-wrapped lasagna.” BECAUSE I DO.

Yay Jeff and Whitney. Top two, these two? Toldja Jeff had the best concept! Rachel Ray agreed. Dunno why everyone said Vic did so badly; other than forgetting to describe the lasagna, I thought he did ok. And if Bobby knocks The LaChanga one more time, I’m going to put my foot up his suit-clad ass. But I guess Vic did forget to take his question from the audience. And Suzie knocked Mexican food AND forgot to take her question (after Vic warned everybody not to forget). But those offenses paled in comparison to Jyll’s, who made the mistake of still not having a solid show concept in week 8. Buh-bye, Jyll.

Food Network Star, 7/17/11

The on-camera presentations have come a long way from when Juba and Sexy Justin were freezing and stuttering and all deer-in-headlights. But still, some people need work. Bobby Flay: “This is becoming classic Penny: Not good on camera, good food. Is it going to be enough to save her another week?” NO, PLEASE?

Yay! Cooking for Wolfgang Puck! I heart him. Ok, as everybody was saying what they were going to cook, I knew that Jyll and her risotto (risotto has brought down too many chefs on Top Chef) and Chris and his chocolate cake (he already tried and FAILED, TWICE, to make this cake in a previous episode!!!!) were going to be the bottom two.

Sigh. Penny’s food was good. Again. Dammit. I will never be rid of her.

Well, I was right. Jyll’s risotto was so not a risotto that Wolfgang had to go show her how to make it, and Chris’s cake sucked -- then he added to the douchery by 1. taking a cheap shot at Jyll’s risotto and 2. offering apology after apology after apology. And then he DARED mouth off to Bobby Flay? So long, idiot. And now to say goodbye to Jy —

OHMYGOD, no! To Penny???? Ha hahaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha! Finally! I have hated her since her creepy (and revolting) "Stilettos in the Kitchen" concept. And do NOT get me startes on how she, not Sexy Justin, should have gone home that episode she murdered that mac n cheese. I guess the judges have been reading the thousands of anti-Penny comments on Facebook and knew that no one would ever watch her show. YAY! As my favorite blogger Michael K of D Listed says, "bitch boom bye!"