We’re in Vancouver! Wait—this is Top Chef Texas. Why are we suddenly in Vancouver? Oh hell, I don’t care. As long as Paul or Beverly wins. Please lose, Sarah and Lindsay. I will say this, though: I love that the final four are one dude and three dudettes. GIRL POWER!!! Sarah, Beverly, Paul, and Lindsay pile into a van. Somebody actually yells, “It’s TOYOTA time!” which sounds as genuine as Lindsay’s and Sarah’s smiles looked as they hugged Beverly. 
Paul tells us his paternal great-grandfather fled China and went to the Philippines to make a better life for his family. I gotta say, that’s a much more compelling backstory than Lindsay telling us she used to be a beauty queen. Tom and Padma greet the chefs on a snowy, windy mountaintop and announce the Culinary Games. There will be three events; winner of each gets $10k; at the end, one chef is going home. 
First event: cook a dish on a gondola ride up and down the mountain. At the top, they must select an ingredient to incorporate into their dishes on the way down. Paul’s nervous cuz he gets motion sickness. Sarah’s flustered cuz she can’t figure out what to cook. Bev decides to go with a cold dish cuz it’s so cold in the gondola. Lindsay tells us that cooking at high elevations is different from cooking at sea level. Why thank you, Professor No Shit, Sherlock. At the top of the mountain, Paul selects wasabi paste; Sarah, prune juice; Bev and Lindsay, horseradish. Pretty snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler joins Padma, Gail, and Tom for the tasting.
- Paul: seared lamb loin with curried and roasted enoki mushrooms, wasabi crème fraiche, juniper gastrique
- Sarah: chorizo sausage; raw egg; caramelized onions, mushrooms, gooseberries, almonds
- Bev: salmon tartare, white anchovy horseradish, sour cream crème fraiche, crispy fried panko and capers
- Lindsay: seared salmon over creamy red quinoa with chorizo, horseradish vinaigrette, sour cream crème fraiche
4th place: Paul, 3rd place, Sarah. 1st place … is Lindsay. DAMMIT. She wins $10k and will be in the finale.
Handsome skeletoner John Montgomery joins Padma, Gail, and Tom. For the second event, the chefs have one hour to remove foods frozen solid in ice and cook something with them. 
“I’ve never used an ice pick!” Bev laughs. Really? I have, and I’m from Florida. (Just to punch holes in cardboard, but that’s neither here nor there.) Padma yells go. Paul gets his crab legs out of their block of ice in minutes, but Sarah and Bev are really struggling. He helps them, throwing ice around to try to break the blocks apart. That was nice of him.
- Sarah: pea and spinach soup with turmeric, almonds, and king crab
- Paul: king crab poached in brown butter spiced with garlic, cayenne and turmeric; mango chutney; orange marmalade
- Bev: seared scallop with red wine-orange reduction; buttered peas, corn and couscous
Paul wins! He gets $10k and will be in the finale.
OOOOOHHH, A BEVERLY VS. SARAH SHOWDOWN!!!! Omg omg omg pleeeeeeeeeeease win, Bev!
Gold medalist Cammi Granato joins the judges for the 3rd event. Bev and Sarah arrive and are a bit alarmed to see that Padma has a gun. “Do we have to shoot our own game?” Bev wonders. LOL. Girlfriend, please. PETA would descend upon Top Chef, Bravo, and all sponsors with a fierce fury. 
It’s a biathlon! Bev and Sarah will have to cross country ski, then will have ten bullets to shoot targets with ingredients on them. Sarah says she used to target practice with her grandparents with shotguns; Bev is worried because she’s never skied or shot a gun. I’m thinking Sarah’s heft will slow her down in the skiing, so maybe if Bev can get to the shooting range first, even with crappy shooting she can get good ingredients before Sarah gets there. Holy crap, it is painful—and hilarious—watching Bev and Sarah try to ski. LOL. But I was right, and Bev reaches the shooting range first. YES! And she shoots way better than Sarah, too. - Beverly: roasted arctic char, onion-red wine-beet compote, celery root-truffle puree, shaved fennel salad
- Sarah: rabbit braised in red wine with cherries and hazelnuts, sauerkraut puree, slice of rabbit heart
I’ve been refraining from weighing in so far this episode, but let me indulge myself: (if I ate meat,)
I would eat the hell out of Bev’s dish and toss Sarah’s straight into the trash. And that’s not my anti-Sarah bias; that’s my anti-savory+sweet bias. Cherries+rabbit meat? YUCK. Anyway, Tom praises the flavors and colors of Bev’s dish, 
but says she might have overcooked the fish slightly; Gail and Cammi say her dish was yum. Tom praises Sarah’s braising rabbit and making kraut in such a limited time. Cammi liked Sarah’s flavors; Gail says the rabbit was a little tough. Tom says both dishes are great and the decision will be a tough one. Paul and Lindsay join Bev and Sarah in the kitchen as they wait. Paul is Team Bev; Lindsay is Team Sarah. DAMMIT, Sarah wins. DAMMIT. She wins $10k and will be in the finale. Booooooooooooooooooooooooo! Omg, booooooooo.Team Paul. TEAM PAUL. TEAM PAUL. TEAM PAUL.
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