At last, the finale. Finally, we will see Bitchy Elise get what’s coming to her. You gotta hand it to Gordon. Pretending he wanted to keep such a talentless, abrasive, deluded, sorry excuse for a chef around all this time was probably very difficult. But it was good for ratings, so he stuck it out. Now he can give us all what we so desperately want: Bitchy Elise sent home with her tail between her legs. DO THIS, GORDON.
Hour one begins with Will, clearly attempting to assuage his guilt about not having had the decency to say that Jennifer is a better chef than Elise, repeating over and over that his actions had nothing to do with doing anybody a favor; it’s just that Elise actually is a better cook. Who you trying to convince, Will?
Awwww. Seeing the chefs’ families was cute … though in Bitchy Elise’s case, it just made me wonder how she could be such a colossally huge bitch when she’s got such a lovely family. After only minutes (during which Tommy cannot stop kissing his girlfriend), Gordon sends the families away, gives the chefs a seafood dish of his to recreate, and tells them the winner will get to continue the reunion. And the winner is … Paul! Bitchy Elise starts crying, and I want to punch her in the face so badly that my fists itch.
Paul and his brother get to go to a Dodgers game, where Gordon throws out the first pitch, then serves them hot dogs and beer.
Back at Hell's Kitchen, Gordon tells the final four that not one but two are going home after tonight's dinner service. (Fifty-fifty chance, Bitchy Elise!) Gordon will be conducting quality control tests during dinner, unbeknownst to the chefs, to see how they handle it. On the soundtrack of tonight’s episode: “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys.
Paul’s service:
Test: Chef Scott put shrimp instead of lobster in the capellini. Paul fails; he doesn’t notice and starts to serve it. Tommy serves raw shrimp, then is slow on the fish, causing Paul to have a screaming fit. Bitchy Elise: “If they’re already flustered, it’s not gonna do no point in screaming and yelling at somebody. That’s not leadership.” Her almost incomprehensible sentence construction aside, she’s right … in pointing out something that she herself did pretty much every episode.
Tommy’s service:
Test: James gives him an order that is not on the menu. Tommy fails; he doesn’t notice as he reads it out, but he recovers quickly and gets the correct order. He’s a bit scattered, but his appetizers and entrees get out on time.
Elise’s service:
Test: The cauliflower puree was replaced with potato puree. Bitchy Elise fails; she doesn’t notice — even though she tasted it. Gordon yells at her; she starts crying, and I want to punch her in the face so badly that my fists itch. Sabotage II: Chef Scott replaced the mashed potatoes with parsnip puree; this, Bitchy Elise notices. She yells at Tommy because his fish isn’t pretty. I guess that’s leadership?
Will’s Service:
Test: Chef Scott brings up lamb instead of beef and hanger instead of strip. Will passes; he notices both mistakes. Bitchy Elise delivers spinach with raw pasta in it, then she takes the spinach Will asked her to do over and simply puts it on another plate. When he points this out to her, she asks him why he’s being an asshole, and tells him that just because it’s his service doesn’t mean he has to be an asshole. (I guess she forgot what an asshole she was minutes ago to Tommy.) She then ruins the potatoes (“It was an accident!”) and has to start them over, bringing service to a grinding halt. She’s smirking through all this, mind you. But this is exactly what Will deserves for getting Jennifer sent home.
Elimination:
Tommy goes home first. :( Then Gordon announces that Will is in the final two. It’s between Paul and Bitchy Elise. IT’S PAUL!!! Ding dong, the bitch is dead, stomp your feet, get out of bed, ding dong, the wicked bitch is deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeead! THANK YOU, GORDON. Bitchy Elise starts crying, and I want to punch her in the face so badly that my fists itch.
Hour Two begins with Paul and Will planning their menus for the final dinner service. Gordon offers to give them a break and take them out to dinner. At the restaurant, he asks if they’d like to go in the kitchen and meet the chef. The kitchen, it turns out, is a small arena filled with a cheering crowd. Unexpected! Gordon leads Will and Paul to the stage and informs them that they have one hour to make five BLT Steak-worthy dishes.
I don’t have a horse in this race anymore; they both sold Jennifer out to Bitchy Elise, so I don’t care who wins. I shall be rating based on food alone.
Round One, Appetizer: Paul’s littleneck clams and mussels with a lemongrass spicy broth with butter and potatoes (yuck) vs Will’s seared scallops on a charred corn salad with a corn puree and micro cilantro (yum). Will wins! Round Two, Salad: Will’s beet salad with champagne vinaigrette (yuck) vs Paul’s mixed greens over roasted potatoes (yum). Paul wins! (I’m two for two!) Round Three, Fish: Will’s dover sole (eh) vs Paul’s bronzini (eh). Paul wins! Round Four, Meat: Paul’s pan roasted ribeye with buttermilk puree (looks deelish) vs Will’s grilled gruyere-topped ribeye (looks good, but Paul’s looked better). Will wins! (Eff, I lost that one.) It’s now two to two. (OF COURSE it’s two to two. Rule #1 of reality tv: the drama must be carried out as long as possible. See: Bitchy Elise lasting nearly the entire season.) Round Five, which I was hoping would be Dessert but instead is apparently More Meat: Will’s grilled filet mignon with buttered Brussels sprouts, black truffle-and-potato puree, and a red grape jus (looks deelish) vs Paul’s pan roasted filet mignon with braised endive and truffle potato fries (looks good, but Will’s looked better). Will wins!
Will and Paul head back to Hell’s Kitchen for the final dinner service, where past contestants have returned to help them out. I convulsively jerk with revulsion when I see Bitchy Elise.
Dinner:
Gordon tastes Will’s (red team) and Paul’s (blue team) dishes, doesn’t like a couple of Paul’s. Paul storms out of the kitchen, cries about how he promised his recently deceased mother that he was going to win (Wow. No pressure!), gathers himself, comes back, calls the team together, and gives them a stern pep talk. Which meant nothing to Bitchy Elise, who starts service by bringing up brothy shrimp, then lighting a pan on fire. (Oh yeah, she’s a WAY better cook than Jennifer. *eye roll*) When Elizabeth messes up the scallops; Bitchy Elise — who just lit a pan on fire — wonders if it was “a blonde moment.” Red Team is slowed by Krupa’s fish problems, Blue Team by Jonathan’s steak problems. Will replaces Krupa with Natalie; Paul, Jonathan with Bitchy Elise. Both moves pay off. With some ups and downs, each team eventually finishes strong. The eliminated chefs leave, AND I HOPE I NEVER SEE BITCHY ELISE EVER AGAIN.
Winner:
After a lengthy bit of speechifying (*sigh* I just love his accent. I wonder if I'd have such major hots for Gordon if he were American? Probably not.), Gordon invites Will and Paul to step up to the doors. And … Paul’s door opens. “I AM A BIG F*CKING DEAL!” he jubilantly screams. Lol. I admit it: I’m glad. That stuff about his mom was touching.
I’m already looking forward to next season. And I swear to god, the black girl better not be another raging stereotype-fulfilling bitch. Your African American female fan base implores you, Gordon.
