The Walking Dead: Welcome to The Tombs, 3/31/13

We open with Guv mercilessly beating the crap out of … Andrea???? Oh. No. Milton, for burning the walkers in the pit. A very bloodied Milton asks what would Guv’s daughter think? Guv replies that if he’d been tough all along, his daughter would still be alive. He takes Milton into the room where Andrea’s tied up, tells him to get the torture instruments on the table. Milton accidentally knocks some to the floor, and intentionally leaves one near Andrea. Guv hands him a knife, orders him to kill Andrea. Milton takes the knife … and attacks Guv. Nice try, but it’s not much of a physical contest; Guv guts Milton, then leaves him to die, come back as a walker, and eat Andrea. <<sad sigh>> Darn it Milton. You shoulda let Andrea blow Guv’s brains out.

At the prison, everyone’s packing up to leave. Carl looks a long time at his family photo, then at Rick’s sheriff’s star. Then he storms outside, ignores Rick, throws his stuff in a car, ignores Beth, and storms off. He’s in quite a mood. Glenn tells Rick Carl’s never been like this, not even after Lori died. I guess he doesn’t want to leave the prison? Rick looks up, sees Ghost Lori, shakes it off, goes inside. Daryl and Carol chat about Merle; Carol says his actions gave them all a fighting chance. Inside, Michonne tells Rick she understands that he had to consider Guv’s offer to trade her, then thanks him for taking her in when she first showed up. They’re all up in each other’s personal space, smiling. Hmmmm. Flirting?

At Woodbury, Guv is getting the troops all riled up to go kill the outsiders at the prison. Tyrese, Sasha at his side, tells Guv that they’re not going. This isn’t their fight; they’ll stay at Woodbury and watch over the children. Guv hands Tyrese a big ass gun and thanks him; then Guv et al. head out. They get to the prison, shoot the walkers outside the gates, crash through the gates, enter … and find the cell block deserted. They begin search the tombs. In the torture chamber, a dying Milton tells Andrea he left a pair of pliers behind her chair. As she tries to reach them, he asks her why she stayed in Woodbury after finding out her friends were at the prison. She says cuz she was trying to solve everything without anyone having to die. His voice getting weaker, he tells her she needs to hurry.

Guv and peeps quietly creep along. Until somebody drops a flash bomb/smoke grenade thingy, freaking everybody out. Shots are fired, people are screaming, smoke fills the air, walkers attack. Guv et al. run outside—and Glenn, Rick, Carol, Daryl, and Maggie open fire from hiding. Oh snap! They didn’t leave! Several people are killed. Disoriented and terrified, the Woodburyians run away or hop onto/into their trucks and drive off. Out in the woods, Carl, Hershel, and Beth, holding Judith, are hiding. A fleeing teenage boy crosses their path. Hershel and Carl point guns at him. Hershel orders him to give up his weapon. He slowly starts to hand it to Carl—and Carl shoots him. In the prison, everyone regroups; Glenn, Rick, Carol, Daryl, and Maggie celebrate their victory and decide to go to Woodbury to once and for all finish this shit. Carl tells Rick he (Carl) wants to go. Rick says no. Carl says he can handle it; he killed one of Guv’s soldiers. Hershel says that wasn’t a soldier; that was a frightened boy who was handing over his gun. Carl’s all, whatever, and storms off. Hershel tells Rick that Carl gunned that boy down for no reason.

Out on the road, Guv pulls his truck in front of the other vehicles, makes them stop. He orders everyone to go back to the prison. Martinez, Random Black Guy, and Ben are on Guv’s side; everyone else is with Karen, who says they don’t want to do this anymore, that was a slaughter, they’ll kill biters but not people, blah blah bla—Guv opens fire on them. Whoa! Yep. He simply guns them all down. A shocked Martinez and RBG, wisely, do nothing. Ben, stupidly, aims his rifle at Guv, but he’s too chickenshit to actually follow through, and Guv shoots him, too. Then Guv walks around, shooting everyone in the head. (I wonder if he’s at least got conscience enough to make sure they don’t turn … or if he just doesn’t feel like being bothered with any more undead right now … or if he’s just so pissed off that he wants the murderous joy of killing them twice.) As Guv goes around second-killing, he doesn’t realize that Karen is alive and unharmed, lying motionless underneath a dead body. Guv, Martinez, and RBG get in the truck, drive off. Well played, Karen.

At the prison, Rick asks Carl if the boy was handing his gun over. Carl admits that he killed the boy just to be safe. He did it, Carl explains, because that walker he didn’t kill then killed Dale, and Rick didn’t kill Guv who killed Merle, and, worst of all, Rick didn’t kill Andrew, that prisoner who let the walkers into the prison, resulting in Lori’s death. (And T Dog’s, Carl. Don’t forget T Dog.) Ok, I gotta defend Rick on that last one: he chased Andrew outside into a yard full of walkers. He tried to kill him; the squirrelly bastard just got lucky. Anyhoo, Carl’s explanation relieves me. I was afraid he was turning into a cold blooded killer, but his justification makes sense. In his experience, bad things happen when you don’t preemptively kill. So he’s Team When In Doubt, Take Them Out. Plus, he totally apologized to Morgan for shooting him, so I don’t think Carl is entirely heartless. Carl tells Rick to go kill Guv so Guv doesn’t kill any more of them, and storms off, deliberately dropping Rick’s star as he goes … but he’s still wearing Rick’s hat. Maggie and Glenn say they’ll stay and protect the prison in case Guv returns; Michonne, Rick, and Daryl head out. Out on the highway, they come across the deserted vehicles and walkers chowing down on the fresh kills. They kill the walkers, find Karen hiding.

In the torture room, Andrea gets free just as Zombie Milton rises up and approaches.

Night has fallen. Michonne, Rick, Daryl, and Karen sneak toward the Woodbury wall. Tyrese and Sasha see them, open fire. Karen yells at them to stop shooting, Guv went apeshit crazy and killed the others, Rick et al. saved her. Tyrese lets them in. Rick says Andrea never made it to the prison; they go looking for her. They find her with Zombie Milton. He’s dead, yay! But she’s been bitten. MOTHER %$&@!!!!! Andrea asks if the others are ok, then asks for a gun to kill herself. “I just didn’t want anyone to die,” she says. “I tried.” “You did,” Rick says. Michonne, crying, stays with Andrea. Rick, Tyrese, and Daryl wait outside. After a few moments, they hear a gunshot.

Morning. Daryl’s on his motorcycle, Michonne and Rick are in the truck, Tyrese and Sasha are in a bus. They arrive at the prison and start unloading stuff they got from Woodbury: a bunch of supplies and all the remaining residents. (Hence, the episode title.) Rick looks up … and does not see Ghost Lori. Here’s hoping she’s finally stopped haunting him (because he and Michonne are a future couple!!!!!). A-now-even-more-furious Carl demands to know wtf is up with all the new people; Rick says they will be staying with them from now on. Carl—of course—storms off.

Y'all. Guv is still out there. <<afraid>>

RIP.

The Walking Dead: Prey, 3/17/13

Flashback! To Michonne and Andrea’s post-farm/pre-Woodbury time together. (Yes! I’ve been curious about what all they went through.):

Michonne and Andrea sit eating, warming themselves before a fire. Chained to a nearby tree are Michonne’s jacz (jawless, armless, chained zombies). Andrea asks Michonne where she found them. Michonne will say only, “They deserved what they got. They weren’t human to begin with.” Wow. Guess they were rapists. Or child-touchers. Or Ke$ha fans.

Cut to:

Guv is in a holding cell, this one clearly designed for far more than interrogation. He gives some arm-restraining chains a mighty tug, then, satisfied with their sturdiness, lets out an almost orgasmic sigh. Rick, Guv is planning to do VERY BAD THINGS to Michonne. :( Please don’t let him have her.

Elsewhere in Woodbury, Martinez and troops are loading up weapons. Like, all of them. Milton approaches, looking troubled by this. Andrea approaches, also looking displeased. “I thought there was a deal on the table,” she says. Martinez gives her an are-you-really-that-stupid? look. In the cell, Guv is laying out some of the cruelest-looking instruments of torture EVER. Milton enters, asks how torturing Michonne and killing the people at the prison is going to help Woodbury. Yes, Michonne killed Guv’s zombied daughter, but it’s over and doesn’t matter now. Guv says it’s all that matters, and leaves. Outside, Milton finds Andrea, tells her that Guv asked Rick for Michonne, but is going to kill them whether he gets Michonne or not. Then Milton takes her to Guv’s torture chamber so she can get a good look at the various instruments of terribleness. He tells her to go tell the prison peeps to GTFO while they still can. (Time Out: If you think about it, this whole thing is Maggie and Glenn’s fault. If they hadn’t been so busy flirting with each other. Merle never could’ve sneaked up on them and hauled them back to Woodbury, which was the genesis of this whole mess. But I forgive them because I’m so happy they’re back together. Yay! Time In.) Andrea doesn't want to go; she wants to kill Guv. YOU SHOULD’VE DONE THAT WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE, we all scream. Milton says she’ll never get close enough—and then Guv enters. Ok, he keeps upping the crazy. He lays out a suturing needle and thread: he’s planning to tend to Michonne’s torture-inflicted wounds to keep her alive a good, long while and draw out the misery. Then he whistles to test a recorder and listens to the playback: he’s planning to tape her screaming and begging for mercy and listen to it ad infinitum. Andrea has seen enough. She takes out her gun, aims it—and Milton grabs it. As they silently struggle, Guv leaves. Milton, you @$#!ing $#&%!!!! Back at her place, Andrea asks Milton how he can still protect Guv. Milton says that the good Phillip, the pre-Guv Phillip that Milton once knew, is still in there somewhere. Anyway, if she’d killed Guv, Martinez would’ve killed her and then taken over, and her friends would’ve still died. She agrees to go to the prison, tries to convince Milton to come with her. He refuses. She says if he stays, he can’t keep looking the other way when it comes to Guv’s crazy, and gives him a cheek-smooch goodbye.

OOOOOOOOOH, PREDICTION: Milton is the one who’s going to kill Guv. You heard it here first!!!

Out on the street, Martinez confiscates Andrea’s gun/bullets; all arms are being collected for the forthcoming Woodburians-Prisonites Showdown. He asks her if she has a knife? She makes a big show of being annoyed, invites him to frisk her. Guv approaches, apologizes for not making her aware of the gun-taking. Which, after all the things she and he both know he’s neglected to tell her, has to be the most asinine apology in history. He asks her to go with them when they meet Rick, to talk him down in case he tries anything. She smiles sweetly and agrees. Elsewhere, Tyrese and Sasha are atop a section of the wall, target practicing. It takes Tyrese several tries, but his fourth shot fells a walker. Andrea approaches and tells them a fibby fib about a large pack of walkers being spotted at the front gate and Martinez needing them there. They refuse to go w/o Martinez’s say-so, so Andrea drops the pretense. She climbs up, tells them she’s leaving. “Nobody leaves!” Tyrese says, and tries to stop her. Andrea pulls out a switchblade. (Should’ve frisked her, Martinez!) As he did when Rick went batshit and started waving a gun around, Tyrese immediately backs off. I love Tyrese’s firmly developed sense of self preservation. This is one black guy, let us hope, who is not going to die. (RIP again to Oscar and T Dog. ::pours out a little Mountain Dew [into my mouth]::) Andrea apologizes but says she can’t stay. Tyrese asks why; she explains that Guv is not what he appears to be. She’s leaving and they should, too. She jumps down and takes off running. Tyrese and Sasha are unwilling to shoot her, but they do go immediately report this to Guv and Martinez. Martinez is mad they didn’t shoot her, but Guv says they did the right thing, then tells them a fibby fib about Andrea being crazy, having mentally gone off the deep end after spending a whole winter out there lost and wandering by herself. Then he asks if she said why she left. Tyrese and Sasha make the smart decision to tell a fibby fib of their own; they say nope. Guv sends them off with Martinez and heads outside, where Milton catches up with him and innocently asks if Andrea’s run off, then if Martinez and crew are going after her. Guv says nope, he himself is. Milton says let her go; she just wants to be with her people. Guv grabs Milton and asks if he’d talked to Andrea, if he knew she was leaving, if Milton told her about Michonne. Milton’s silence is a “yes.” A furious Guv stalks off. Miltooooooooooon. Dammit, why didn’t you lie?!?!???

Martinez tells Random Black Guy and the other two from Tyrese's group, Ben and Ben's son Allen, to get ready to roll out in five. Tyrese asks, “We’re not going after the girl, are we?” Martinez says nope, they're doing something else. He goes to prep the truck. Ben tells Tyrese that Martinez doesn’t trust him (Tyrese), and he needs to stop making waves cuz they got a good thing going here. Then Ben and Tyrese have it out about an old feud; apparently Ben’s jealous cuz Tyrese once saved Donna’s (Ben’s now-dead wife) life, and she always saw him as a hero after that. Tyrese assures him she knew Ben was just as brave. Martinez calls for them; it's time to go. “We ain’t done,” Ben says. Stupid male ego. Out on the highway, Andrea runs along, hears a vehicle approaching. Knowing Guv’s likely to come after her, she ducks into the woods to hide. Martinez’s truck passes. And then, walker attack!!! She fights them off and runs on. Martinez, Random Black Guy, Ben, Allen, Tyrese, and Sasha arrive at a hole in the ground full of walkers. When Tyrese finally gloms on to the fact that the walkers will be released upon the Prisonites, he refuses to participate. Martinez says fine, when they get back tell Guv, and they’ll be sent packing. “No need for that,” says a happily helping Ben. Tyrese tells Martinez they’ll just leave. Ben tells Tyrese he doesn’t speak for them, that Tyrese is not about to send him and Allen back out there, that he, not Tyrese, will look out for Allen. “Like you looked out for Donna?” Tyrese asks. (Ok, low blow, but Ben has just agreed to loose a gaggle of walkers upon a group of people that he knows includes women, children, AND A BABY. So screw Ben.) Enraged, Ben starts fighting Tyrese—and I heartily LLLLLLOL. Tyrese is built like a frigging tank; Ben, like a beanpole. Sure enough, Tyrese epic bodyslams Ben, brushes away Allen like a mosquito when he tries to help his dad, then holds Ben over the walker-filled pit. Ben goes all Billy Bad Ass, screaming "Do it!" Only because, mind you, he knows that Tyrese won't. Martinez and Random Black Guy simply stand back and watch the proceedings … and hey, since there’s no tv anymore, and they really don’t care about any of these people, you can totes understand their pass-the-popcorn reaction. Sasha gets in Tyrese’s face and begs him not to do it; after a moment, he releases Ben. Martinez claps satirically, tells Random Black Guy to take them back to town.

Making her way across a field, Andrea hears a vehicle. She ducks, but she’s too late. The truck heads off the highway, straight for her. At first I’m chill because I think it’s Tyrese et al., but then I see it’s Guv and I’m like HOLY SHIT GIRL RUN!!! She totally hears me and hauls ass, making it back into the forest, where Guv in his truck can’t follow. In case you’re wondering why he wasn’t shooting at her: because, you see, he now wants to torture her right alongside Michonne. As night begins to fall, Andrea makes it to an abandoned building … and so does Guv. She sees the headlights of his truck in the gathering gloom, slips inside. He enters, starts whistling. The noise brings a walker, which Andrea kills. He follows the noise, sees her fresh kill. He calls out for her, tells her to come back to Woodbury; it’s her home now. No answer. He grabs a shovel and breaks out a bunch of windows, then starts creepily whistling again as he wanders around looking for her. He gets really close to where she’s hiding … then gets distracted by some walker-killing. Andrea sneaks away, kills a walker, opens a door, darts into a stairwell. Arrrrrrgh, it’s filled with walkers. She turns back—and comes face to face with Guv. My. Heart. Is. Pounding. “Time to go home,” he says all sweetly and evilly. Andrea opens the door and hides behind it; the walkers come rushing in. Guv has to fight for his life. Andrea watches for a bit with a very satisfied smirk, then heads off. Back at the pit, an unidentified someone rolls up in a big black pickup, douses all the walkers with gasoline, burns them all up, ZOMBIE ROAST!, then drives off. But, who did? It wasn’t Tyrese, y’all. He doesn’t have security clearance to get a vehicle then go off alone. Oh, but you know who does? Milton.

Day. An exhausted Andrea tromps through the woods, sees the prison, smiles, and starts toward it—and Guv jumps out, claps a hand over her mouth, and drags her into the bushes. Keeping watch from the tower, Rick thinks he sees something. He looks through his rifle scope, but sees only bushes, and dismisses it. (Thank you so much, Ghost Lori, for making Rick assume he's hallucinating again.) At the pit, Random Black Guy arrives to find the walkers all burnt to heck. When Guv returns to Woodbury later, Martinez asks if he found Andrea, Guv says no. Then Martinez tells Guv somebody burned the pit biters, and it was totally Tyrese and his sister. Guv goes to talk to the group, assures them that using walkers is just a scare tactic, and he doesn’t actually intend for anyone to get eaten. Tyrese accepts this and says that he and the others would like to stay. Guv says ok and starts to leave, stops to ask Tyrese where he got the gasoline. Tyrese is all wtf? And Guv realizes it must’ve been Milton. Outside, Milton approaches, asks if Andrea’s dead. Guv non-answer: “I hope not.” Milton says he heard about the pits, what a shame, he hopes Guv finds out who did it. “Already have,” Guv says. Milton walks off looking decidedly unafraid. Guv glares at him. I’m wondering, why’s Milton still walking around free and unpunished? I’d’ve thought that after finding out Milton told Andrea about Michonne, Guv would’ve had him gagged and chained in the torture cell.

Cut to:

Andrea sits gagged and chained in the torture cell. And I feel sorry for her! I do! But she wouldn’t be there if she’d left Woodbury with Michonne. Or if she’d killed Guv when she had the chance. Or if she’d gone back to the prison with Daryl and Hershel. Anyway, Milton will save her.

The Walking Dead: I Ain’t A Judas, 2/24/13

It’s the day after Guv’s attack. In the prison, everyone is arguing. Hershel, who’s mad cuz nobody listened to him and now Axle’s dead, still wants to leave. Rick, temporarily cured of his crazy, wants to stay. Merle, who’s being kept locked up away from the others (probably in case Michonne or Glenn snaps and tries to kill him), says they should have sneaked away last night cuz by now Guv’s likely got all the roads blocked off. Rick tries to just walk off, but Hershel yells at him to “Get back here!” and then crutches over to remind Rick that he once said, “This isn’t a democracy,” and now he has to own up to that, because he (Hershel) put his family’s life in Rick’s hands. Do something!!! Rick goes outside for a look-see. He thinks he sees something outside the gates? Dammit, Ghost Lori, NOT NOW!!!! Carl joins him … and timidly suggests that maybe Rick should stop being the leader and let Hershel and Daryl handle things; Rick deserves a rest.

At Woodbury, Milton and Guv are tallying their available number of soldiers. Thirty-five, if they count people over the age of thirteen. Guv wants them armed and trained asap. Total 180 from let’s-throw-an-ice-cream-social Guv, haha. Andrea enters, demands to know what happened at the prison. Guv innocently claims that Rick’s group shot at them for no reason. She asks him for a car. He says the roads are blocked, then tells her if she goes to the prison to stay there. She leaves. Outside, she comes across an angry Karen, mad cuz Martinez is after her asthmatic 14-yr-old son Noah. Andrea asks why he’s training people to fight instead of to defend themselves. “Wake up,” Martinez sneers. Yeah, Andrea, seriously. Later, as Guv looks over the new recruits, she tells him about Noah’s asthma. Guv doesn’t care. (Duh.)

At the prison … they’re still arguing and trying to figure out what to. They need to try to repair the outer fence, but doing so would use up pretty much all their ammo. And they’re low on food, too. Glenn wants to hand Merle over to Guv, use him as a peace offering. Daryl, of course, says no. Rick says no; Glenn says nobody asked Rick to live with Shane after Shane tried to kill Rick. Hershel, who’s now wearing a gun in a waist holster—nice  touch—says Merle’s military training may be useful, then goes  to visit him. He quotes some Bible, and Merle shocks and astounds by not only finishing the scripture for Hershel, but knowing the chapter and verse. Then he tells Hershel that when Guv returns, he’ll kill him (Merle), Daryl, and Michonne first, then everybody else, then Rick last so he’ll have to watch his fam and friends die. That’s the kind of man they’re dealing with. Elsewhere, Carol goes to visit Daryl to tell him she’s glad he’s back and warn him not to let Merle bring him down. MAKE OUT ALREADY, DAMMIT. Elsewhere, Merle approaches Michonne as she exercises. He tells her he tried to kill her only because he was following orders, and he hopes they can get past it. He leaves. The look on her face pretty clearly says she’d love to take her sword and relieve him of his penis.

At Woodbury, Andrea asks Milton to cover for her while she slips out for a quick prison trip. He says it’s a betrayal. She says take a look around! Woodbury is now an armed camp with child soldiers, and she just wants to go try to talk the others down before more people get killed. In his office, Guv removes his bandages and examines his destroyed eye, gritting his teeth and shaking with fury as he does so. Then he puts on an eyepatch. Darn. I still hate him, of course, but I’ve always found eyepatches sexy. Milton enters and reports that Andrea asked for his help sneaking out of Woodbury to go to the prison. Effing snitch. Guv tells him to help her. Out in the woods, Andrea and Milton sneak up on a walker. Milton holds it down while Andrea chops its arms off, then goes all Edward-Norton-in-American-History-X on it and curbs it. Well, she uses a rock instead of a curb, and she removes its jaw instead of kills it, but still. It totally reminded me of that scene. She secures the mutilated walker, but before they can leave, another approaches. Andrea kills it. Another approaches—and Tyrese run up and kills it. Allen, Ben, and Sasha join him … then the four of them just stand there staring at Milton and Andrea, wondering why in the hell they have a mutilated walker captive. Milton explains “it’s a diversionary tactic” to keep walkers away. Tyrese asks if they have a camp; Milton tells them about Woodbury. They’re chomping at the bit to get there; he offers to take them and tells Andrea to go; he’ll cover for her with Guv. She leaves with her armless, jawless walker prisoner—Wonder where she got that idea? Tyrese et al. go off to swell Guv’s ranks. Thanks a lot, Ghost Lori.

Hiding behind her captive, Andrea approaches the prison. Keeping watch, Carl and Maggie see her and alert the others. Michonne observes Andrea’s walker-prisoner technique and looks … aw hell, I can’t read her face. Rick lets Andrea in, but it’s not the warm welcome she’s expecting. He throws her against the gate, gives her a pat down, disarms her, makes her get on her knees, takes her bag, then yanks her up and hauls her inside. You can thank Guv for that, Andrea. Inside, she and Carol embrace, but Carol’s the only one happy to see her. Everyone else is very standoffish. They tell her Shane, T Dog, and Lori are dead, and Andrea's asshole new boyfriend tore down the outer fence, shot up the prison, and killed Axle. She says she didn’t know any of that; why’re they being so hostile toward her? Especially if they can make nice with Merle, who kidnapped and beat Glenn. Anyway, she came to try to convince them to talk to Guv. He’s gearing up for war, and he’s got soldiers and weapons. Daryl, Glenn, and Rick make it clear that the only way this is going to end is with Guv’s death. Rick storms off. Michonne and Andrea have a talk in the yard. Andrea accuses Michonne of poisoning Rick and the others against Woodbury; Michonne says all she did was tell them the truth about the place. Andrea says Michonne was hostile from day one; Michonne says cuz she could see that Andrea was under Guv’s spell. And still is. Andrea says she’s still at Woodbury cuz the people there need her; Michonna says she didn’t realize the Messiah complex was contagious. Haha! Andrea tells her to go to hell and starts to storm off; Michonne tells her Guv sent Merle to kill her (Michonne), and he would have sent Merle to kill Andrea, too, if Andrea had gone with her. But she didn’t; she chose a warm bed over a friend. Ooooooh, that hits Andrea hard.

At Woodbury, Guv offers Tyrese and friends food and clothes, says when they’re ready to leave to head west and avoid north. They say they know; they just came from there, ran into some crazy guy in a prison. Milton asks if they know the layout of the prison? Tyrese says he could try to remember. Guv says no rush, sleep on it, they’ll talk tomorrow. He and Milton leave.

At the prison, Andrea holds Judith while Carol gives deets on how Shane and Lori died. Then Carol makes me LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER by advising Andrea to have sex with Guv, give him the night of his life, and then when he falls asleep, kill him. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa ha ha! Why, Carol! You vixen! You minx! Then it’s time for Andrea to say farewell. The give her a car; Rick returns her gun, tells her to be careful. In her rearview, she takes a long look at everyone as Merle opens the gate, then heads off. Night has fallen when she returns to Woodbury. She doesn’t bother sneaking in, just drives up to the gate in full view of the guards. She goes to Guv. He asks if Rick sent her back; she says nope, returning was her call. Cuz you belong here, Guv says, and they start making out. Is she doing what Carol suggested? Let us cross our fingers. At the prison, Beth sings. Yay! I dig her voice. And Glenn and Maggie are sitting next to each other and not fighting. Yay! Yesterday’s near-death scare made them realize life is too short, I’m guessing. During the song, Rick holds Judith as he confers with Hershel and Daryl. (Taking Carl’s advice, to some degree?) He tells them that tomorrow he’s going on a supply run. Daryl volunteers to go; Rick says no, hold things down here; he’ll take Carl and Michonne, whom I guess he now officially is no longer planning to run off. Good. Cut to: Guv’s moonlit bedroom, where he lies fast asleep. Naked Andrea stealthily gets out of bed. Gets her knife. Creeps over to Guv’s side of the bed. Raises the knife … and then lowers it and just goes to stare out of the window. Darn. Guess that explains the episode title.

The Walking Dead: The Suicide King, 2/10/13

Merle and Daryl just stand there as the bloodthirsty Woodburyians scream at them to get started committing fratricide already. (My heart is aching for Daryl, but oh how I’m loving seeing Merle brought so low.) Andrea runs up to Guv, his henchman holds her back, she insists that he stop this. He says it’s not up to him because the people have spoken. *eye roll* Guv tells everybody what to do, where to go, and when to be there, but suddenly, decisions aren’t up to him? Daryl’s hands are freed; Guv tells Merle to prove where his loyalties lie and kill Daryl. Zombies are brought out. It’s looking dire. Suddenly, bullets start flying. Rick and Maggie throw smoke grenades, shoot out the lights, and fire into the crowd, taking out Guv’s henchmen (RIP, Haley.) in addition to zombies. Guv looks not the least bit concerned. As terrified Woodburyians run around screaming, Daryl and Merle find Maggie and Rick and slip away—after Daryl beats up a henchman and gets his bow and arrows back. WIN. Merle shows them a way out. Rick says Merle’s not going with them. Merle says now’s not the time for this little spat; he breaks out a section of fence, and the group flees into the night ... probably-not-accidentally leaving the fence open.

Out on the road, wounded Michonne and badly bruised Glenn wait at the car. Daryl, Rick, Maggie, and Merle approach  Merle tried to kill Michonne a few days ago, and beat the almighty shit out of Glenn like an hour ago, so Michonne draws her sword and Glenn pulls his gun, and they both try to send Merle to hell. He hides behind Daryl. Pussy. Rick et al. talk Michonne and Glenn down, inform them that Merle helped them get away. Merle is being super obnoxious and not helping much. He calls Michonne “my Nubian queen here,” tells the others she had two walkers she kept chained up, which is ironic (Get it? Because Michonne is black. Get it? SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL HIM.), and tells her that Guv’s been boning Andrea. “Andrea’s in Woodbury?” asks a shocked Glenn. Michonne tries again to sword Merle's racist ass to death; Rick intervenes. Merle yells a bunch of insults; Ricks knocks him out. YAY RICK.

Back at the prison, the newcomers, Tyrese, Allen, Ben, and Sasha, are making all friendly-like. Hershel patches up a wound on Allen’s leg, Sasha tells Beth little baby Judith is beautiful, Axle (who has FINALLY changed out of his prison jumpsuit!) brings some food, Tyrese relays the group’s difficulties trying to survive out there, and garners a few chuckles when he surmises he’s “the first brother in history to break into prison.” Heh. I like Tyrese. But Hershel warns Tyrese not to get too comfortable, that the decision to let them stay isn’t up to him.

Out on the road, the group is heatedly discussing wtf to do with Merle. Nobody wants him around … so Daryl decides to leave with him. :( Daryl gets his bow and arrows, and the Dixons head off into the woods. Nooooooooo. Come back, Daryl. Dammit. Whatever it is Merle will finally do that will make Daryl leave him, may it happen soon. Ricks tells Michonne they’ll patch up her wounds; then she has to leave. Wait … why? I think Rick’s taking out his anger at Daryl leaving on her. The group drives off, has to stop a short time later to move a truck blocking the road. Glenn opens the truck door; a zombie pops out. (I jump three feet.) Glenn throws it to the ground and stomps its head in. Ha! Gangsta. He’s venting some pent-up rage at Rick not killing Merle after what Merle did/let happen to Maggie. He and Rick argue; Maggie says come on, let’s just get back and talk about it then; Glenn says he’s done talking about it.

At the prison, Tyrese and Allen are carrying Donna’s body outside to bury it; Ben and Sasha follow. They pause for a moment in the yard, and Allen, who's apparently a huge asshole, proposes they try to take the prison. Ben’s all like, hell yeah; Tyrese and Sasha are like, no. Allen’s like, come on; it’s survival of the fittest. Tyrese asks, is he going to bash the baby’s head in with a rock? Allen says let’s do this now before their people get back and make us leave; Tyrese is firmly like, no. I like Tyrese. Elsewhere, Carl confides to Carol that he feels guilty for being mean to Lori; Carol tells him not to think about that. Rick, Glenn, Maggie, and Michonne arrive just then. Carol asks about Daryl; Rick explains he went off with Merle. :( Carl asks about Oscar; Rick says he didn’t make it. Yay, somebody remembered Oscar!

At Woodbury, Milton informs Andrea, who will NEVER realize that Guv is an asshole, that Guv’s holed up in his apartment and won’t come out. Milton and Andrea head to the front gate, where a gaggle of residents are demanding that the henchman let them out. I don’t understand #1 why the henchman don’t just let them leave—Fewer mouths to feed!—or #2 why after finding out that there are not just zombies but also people outside the walls who want to kill them, the residents are suddenly eager to go outside said walls. Everybody in this whole damn town is stupid. Screams interrupt the ruckus; a couple zombies are chewing on a dude. Andrea and a henchman take them out. Bitten dude lies there, suffering. “Do something!” some chick in the crowd says mournfully. Omg, you people are so lame. Kill this dude before he turns, and then go figure out where the zombies came from! Or … just stand around. Guv solves it, walks up and blows bitten dude’s brains out; then stalks off. Andrea follows, tells him he needs to talk to the people; they’re scared and ready to leave. He says let them; she says they won’t last a day. He says they’ve had it too easy with their barbecues and picnics, but that ends now. Andrea reads my mind and tells him not to blame them for the mess he created. Yeah! After all, he was the one putting on the damn bbqs and zombie fight clubs and other such nonsense. He says yeah, but he’s done holding their hands; there’s a war going on and he should have been readying for it. Look, it’s great he finally had this (obvious) realization, but he should deal with the townspeople, dammit. Andrea then asks what Daryl was doing there; Guv says he came for her friends, whom he had locked up and interrogated to find out where they were staying. She asks why he never told her that; he says cuz she’s just a visitor passing through, nothing more. I’m expecting Andrea to get really offended, but she just tells him to stop trying to drive her away. SIGH. Milton enters to say that the townspeople are getting really unruly. Guv refuses to go out there. Pussy. So Andrea calms them down.

 

At the prison, Rick walks right past Tyrese n’ friends,

 says nothing. Beth hands him Judith, mentions that she has Lori’s eyes. Rick holds her and just looks sad. Guess he’s still feeling guilty, like Carl. Later, Beth says to Carol that she doesn’t understand why Daryl left, cuz Merle sounds a jerk. YOU SAID IT, BETH. Carol explains that Daryl has a code he lives by; the word needs men like that. They put Judith into her “crib” (a mail bin lined with clean sheets, “Lil Asskicker” written on the side). Hershel tends to Glenn’s bruises. Maggie stops by for a sec, leaves without speaking. Hershel asks what’s wrong; Glenn doesn’t say. Hershel goes to check on Maggie, after telling Glenn he’s like his (Hershel’s) own son. Awwww. Hershel asks Maggie what’s wrong; she doesn’t say. (If I may put on my therapist hat: I theorize that Glenn’s having trouble dealing with Maggie being [sort of] violated. Mad that he couldn’t protect her, he’s now lashing out. And she’s trying to give him some space and let it blow over. Come on, you crazy-in-love kids! Work it out. For me?) Night falls. Hershel checks Michonne, who’s out like a light. Rick wants to know how soon before she can leave; Hershel says a couple days. Beth asks if Guv will come for them, Maggie says yep, Carol says they’re outnumbered and outgunned, Hershel says they could use some reinforcements. Group meeting! Tyrese offers his hand; Rick doesn’t shake it. Tyrese says his group will get their own food and help defend the prison; Rick says no, they have to leave. The others dissent, Rick says look what happened with Danny Trejo, I mean with Tomas. Hershel pulls Rick aside, tells him he’s wrong on this, and he needs to start trusting people. It looks as if Rick is about to agree to letting the newcomers stay—but then he looks up and sees ... Ghost Lori. He freaks completely the eff out. “No, no, no. Why are you here? I can't help you! Get out!” he screams, brandishing his gun. Tyrese et al. clear out. Hershel et al. just stand there, afraid. Your timing sucks, Ghost Lori.