Up in the VIP box, Virinius, Albinius, Seppius, Seppia, Ilithya, and Glaber are all having two-in-one conversations. I’ll translate. Albinius congratulates Virinius on pleasing the people, then smiles at Ilithya. What he means is that he can’t wait for her to be married to Virinius instead of Glaber. Glaber reluctantly adds that Virinius will never be forgotten. What he means is that he’d gladly see Virinius dead. Ilithya responds that the same can’t be said for everyone. What she means is that she can’t wait to be married to Virinius instead of Glaber. Seppia says she wishes more men were like Virinius. What she means is that she’s not over her schoolgirl crush and wants to bang him. Seppuis says yep, but too bad there’s only one Virinius, and he has to go back to Rome soon. What he means is that he can’t wait for Virinius to gtfo so Seppia will forget about him and they can go back to incesting. (GROSS.) Q: How can you tell if an ancient Roman is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Virinius rises and announces that three of Spartacus’s men are about to get dead—The crowd re-roars its approval. 
Oenomaus, Crixus, and Other Guy are brought out.—and that Gannicus has been brought out of retirement to kill them. 
Ooooooooh, DRAMA! Crixus always looked up to Gannicus, who was head gladiator when Crixus was first brought to the house of Batiatus. And Oenomaus and Gannicus were friends, but Oenomaus has been told that Gannicus was banging his wife Melita, and that she died drinking poison intended for Gannicus. Gannicus and several well armed fellow gladiators enter the arena. (I temporarily lose my train of thought because Dustin Clare is so hot.) “Why would he do this?” Crixus asks. “Because he is a man without honor,” Oenomaus replies. I’m sad too. I liked Gannicus. And he only fell in love with Melita after they developed feelings for each other after Lucretia made them have sex to please a visiting guest (I HATE LUCRETIA.), so that wasn’t his fault. Oenomaus asks Gannicus if the rumor about him and Melita is true; Gannicus tries to explain; Oenomaus, who wanted to hear nothing but “No,” screams in fury and attaaaaaaacks.Hold that thought. We flashback to one day earlier.
Sparty and crew are trekking through the forest. Agron apologizes for not going with him to the mines; Sparty says forget it; if he had, more would have died. They come upon an abandoned temple. They’re about to settle in and get some rest when a lone dude wielding a bow and arrow emerges. Upon realizing the intruders are Sparty and company, he drops his weapon and is instantly friendly. Lucius is his name. He is a Roman, but he hates Romans cuz some Roman jerk killed his entire family, so he’s only too happy to aid Sparty in his quest to build an army to kill Romans. Lucius shares the latest buzz from the neighboring town: three of Sparty’s captured friends are going to be killed in the arena tomorrow; one is an undefeated Gaul. “Crixus?” asks a horrified Naevia, entering just then.Down in the dungeons, Crixus clenches the cell bars in fury when he sees Ashur pass by, but is pleased to see a dead Roman soldier (whom Ashur killed, mind you) in tow. Glaber, on the other hand, is decidedly unpleased to see the dead soldier, demands to know what happened; Ashur blames Sparty. An unmoved Glaber sentences Ashur to die in the arena along with Oenomaus, Crixus, and Other Guy. UH OH. Glaber, you are sooooo going to regret that. Nobody wrongs Ashur. NOBODY.
Albinius gets word that Sparty remains uncaptured. He tells Ilithya, Virinius, and Lucretia that they all must remain quiet about the divorce-Glaber-marry-Virinius scheme for now. (I wonder if Ilithya doesn’t mind or doesn’t realize that the only reason Virinius wants her is that she’s Albinius’s daughter, not because he actually loves her.) Lucretia listens in as Albinius instructs Ilithya to “remove encumbrance as discussed” so the scheme can be carried out. The men leave. Lucretia asks Ilithya if she’s willing to kill her unborn child; Ilithya says hell yes because it means a more worthy heir. Lucretia is not at all happy to hear this. You remember the hell she went through trying to get preggo. Later, Ilithya’s about to drink some Baby-B-Gone Juice; Lucretia stops her, suggesting that she should wait until after the games because the juice will make her “sicken and bleed” for many days, and if she’s not at the games her absence will be noted. Ilithya agrees to this course of action. (Is Lucretia going to try to convince her to have the baby then let Lucretia keep it?) In the dungeons, Ashur sits chained to the wall, fuming. Lucretia visits, gives him a key to free himself, tells him she’ll talk to Glaber on his behalf. Oh, and could he please sneak into Lucretia’s chambers and replace the juice with water and bitter herbs?
Back at the temple, Sparty and a few peeps are about to head out to try to rescue Oenomaus, Crixus, and Other Guy. YAY! Oh, and then double YAY!: Nasir is up and on his feet. Well, barely, but the kid’s so gung ho, he asks for a sword and says he’s ready to fight. Agron caresses Nasir’s face, tells him to stay and rest, kisses him. (Wait—what? Didn’t see that one coming. But true man-love has been sorely lacking from this show since Barca-Pietros [RIP], so kiss away, boys!) Sparty gives a stirring speech; then the rescue party heads out.
In a whorehouse, Gannicus has some hot sex, then chats and shares some wine with his pretty whore. (See? I like Gannicus. No rude “Now be gone, bitch!” from him.) Eventually, she recognizes him. “You’re Gannicus!” she exclaims, delighted. A tattooed dude nearby overhears and looks angry. Pretty Whore wants to see his sword (That’s what she said.), asks about the markings on it. He says they remind him that he is no longer a slave, has a flashback holding a dying Melita in his arms :(, then leaves to get some rest.
The next morning, Oenomaus, Crixus, and Other Guy are prepped for the arena. Crixus whispers it’ll be a blessing to never have to return to the house of Batiatus; Oenomaus agrees. Wait—he’s over feeling guilty about its fall? Yay! I guess finding out the truth about Melita cured him. Across the yard, Ashur shares a knowing glance with Lucretia; then he is unchained. He sidles up to Glaber and tells him that from his cell he saw Ilithya’s slave sneaking around with something in her hand. WHOA! Lucretia told him to switch the juice with water, not tell Glaber about it! Glaber confronts Ilithya and asks her why she’s trying to off their kid. Ilithya tells him because he’s not worthy of an heir or of her, that her dad is dissolving their marriage, and that she’s returning to Rome with Virinius. Then she coldly tells him that they will present themselves as husband and wife one last time at the games, and leaves. Poor Glaber. And by “Poor Glaber,” I mean THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR ENSLAVING SPARTY, YOU EFFING JERK.
Ilithya and Glaber arrive in the VIP box, and the games begin. As everyone else cheers and laughs, Lucretia notices how preoccupied Glaber looks and asks Ilithya about it. Ilithya explains he found the juice. Lucretia is not happy to hear this. Ashur is so gonna get it!
As the first fights of the games are fought, dead bodies are dragged away to a room where slaves chop them up and throw them into a pool of water … from which Sparty et al. emerge and kill the slaves and the soldiers. Agron and Sparty don the soldier’s garb and take their place at the gate; Mira and the others head off to fulfill some other task. Elsewhere, Oenomaus, Crixus, and Other Guy are given dull swords to fight with. Gannicus and crew stand at the gate awaiting entry into the arena; Sparty (who did not know Gannicus) sees the B on his arm, asks him how he could kill his brothers. Gannicus responds, “If they must fall, I would see them to honorable death, given by one who yet holds them to heart.” I agree. If they gotta die, better at Gannicus’s hands than some random tool of Rome. The gates open; the battle begins. Agron and Sparty join the soldiers positioned around the arena watching the fight. Meanwhile, Mira and peeps are busily splashing black stuff on a support beam when they’re interrupted by passing soldiers.
Mira grabs a torch and lights the stuff; the soldiers are incinerated. Oh, it’s tar. In the arena, Gannicus and Oenomaus aren’t fighting, they’re FIGHTING. Gannicus tries to explain he never meant to fall in love with Melita; Oenomaus doesn’t want to hear it. Oh no! Other Guy goes down. Oh no! Crixus gets speared in the leg, then in the side, then goes down; Lucretia looks like she’s about to orgasm. Oh no #3! Gannicus finally brings down Oenomaus. Agron and Sparty are impatiently waiting. The beam is on fire but not collapsing; Mira and peeps wrap chains around it and pull. A section of the crowded bleachers gives way; the unfortunate spectators fall to a fiery death. Ha ha, well, they came to the arena to see people get killed, right? Just as Gannicus raises his sword and tells Oenomaus he’s about to send him to join his beloved Melita, a burning wall falls on them. Agron, Crixus and Sparty battle it out with the soldiers/other gladiators. People begin to flee as sections of the whole arena start to collapse; I cheer when the VIP box gets rocked and Virinius, Albinius, Seppius, Seppia, Ilithya, and Glaber are trapped. Sparty takes advantage of a lull in fighting to throw a spear at Glaber; he misses but gets that perv who’s raped more than his fair share of slaves. *applauding* Finally, a way out of the VIP box is found; an enraged Albinius grabs Glaber and growls at him that Spartacus has once again made a fool of Glaber and his days in the Senate are numbered and storms off.
Agron, Crixus and Sparty find Gannicus and an unconscious Oenomaus; they, Mira, and the others escape through the underground pool. YAY! Stumbling around in the rubble, Glaber finds Albinius trapped beneath a beam, lifts it off him—then uses it to bash Albinius’s head in. Damn! Glaber catches up with the other VIPs and tells them Sparty killed Albinius. (Bringing the total # of murders Sparty has falsely been accused of committing this episode to two.) Ilithya cries, probably more upset that she has to stay married to Glaber than she is sad about her father. Virinius, realizing that Ilithya is of no use to him now, leaves.
No comments:
Post a Comment